The Bloom of the Mountain Cherry
Chapter
1- Dreams, Made Beautiful by the
Dreamer
Why do we suffer so in the world? Just regard life as the
short bloom of the mountain cherry.
-Murasaki
Shikibu
There
was the soft sound of books being set upon the desktop. "Ohayo,
Usagi-chan," Ami whispered softly, looking at her forlorn friend.
"Oh,
hi, Ami-chan." Usagi looked at her arm, and Ami felt herself wince.
"How's
your wrist?"
"Better."
Bandaged,
Usagi still had a wide bruise along the side of her face, the usually flawless
skin mottled purple. Ami slid back her chair and set herself upon it, tucking
her feet under. "Gomen nasai, Usagi-chan."
Usagi
glanced at her. "It's not your fault, Ami-chan." Usagi
mustered a smile, and after a moment, it became genuine. "It's
Tokyo. There are earthquakes all the time! Don't feel bad."
"Oh,
of course not." Ami fiddled with a pencil she took from her case. The
classroom was slowly filling up. Ami kept her eyes on her desk, the feeling of
sadness opening a hole in her heart. It seemed somewhat strange to her, coming
in to school so much later than usual. But she couldn't face the morning
gossip at Minako's locker.... Not with Usagi there, having everyone look
at the broken wrist. Not with Minako fluttering about how awful it was, or Mako
shaking her head in pity. So she had come late- to her at least. There were
still a few minutes before first bell, and Ami knew that the only way Usagi had
made it to class so early was Mamoru bringing her there in his car.
I
should have been faster.
"Mizuno-san,
will you stay a moment?"
Ami
nodded her head as the class was dismissed. She noticed that Usagi paused a
moment at the door, waiting to walk with her partly down to the next class.
When Ami didn't meet her eyes, Usagi clutched her books to her chest,
eyebrows pursed in worry as she turned her back. "I'll see you at
lunch, Ami-chan!" Usagi tried to call, and got only a gentle nod in
acknowledgment.
From
the podium, sensei asked, "Mizuno-san, is everything all right?" As
she finished writing something, she looked up over her thick glasses in worry.
"You seemed distracted today."
"Fine,
sensei."
"Are
you sure?" She set the pencil down. "I noticed you came in a bit later
than usual this morning. Is everything well?"
"Yes,
fine, really. I just...have a bit of a headache. It'll go away, I'm
sure," Ami lied. The teacher wasn't fooled, but knew better than to
press.
"You're
welcome to talk, if you need to."
"I'm
fine, really."
She
nodded, "All right. Go, Tsukino-san is probably waiting for you."
Ami
flinched.
Sensei
frowned, "Did you and Tsukino-san have an argument?"
"No,
sensei. Everything is fine. Really."
With
a sigh, she took off her glasses, and looked levelly with Ami. "All
right. But my door is open, you know that."
Ami
nodded, and returned to her desk, gathering her things as new students began to
wander in, talking and laughing.
When
Ami got out into the hallway, Usagi was standing there, pacing.
"Usagi-chan,
you should get to class."
"I
had to wait. You look so worried! You shouldn't be moping around like this-"
"Usagi,
go to class."
The
blonde bit her lip as Ami trudged down the hallway, head down. Usagi hurried to
catch up. "Ami-chan! Ami-chan! I-" Ami didn't look at her.
Silenced by her friend's unresponsiveness, she accompanied her silently
down the crowded hall, glancing at the narrow cameo of her friend's face.
A
boy with a large bookbag turned the corner, ramming into Usagi as he ran,
sending her into a heap with a startled screech. "Move!" He
snapped. "Take up the whole hallway!"
Usagi,
sniffling, was trying not to cry as she scooped up her spilled papers.
Rushing
past, the boy felt a tug and a jerk on his backpack. Turning around to yell at
whoever was grabbing him, he met with a frosty stare. "Perhaps it would
be better," Ami said to him carefully, "if you taught us the proper
way to walk. Obviously running around and insulting your classmates is far more
proper."
The
tide of students had begun to slow around them, some slowing to watch the small
spectacle, others disappearing into their classes. "I don't know
who you think you are, but-"
Ami
stepped closer to him, glaring up into his face. Despite her lesser height, she
stared him down, the ice freezing in her eyes. "Go to class, senpai.
You're going to be late."
He
backed away, straightening out his bag. After a moment, he fled. From the
ground, Usagi watched Ami with a kind of fascination and fear. Something was
wrong; her words sounded much like a threat. And for such bitter words to come
out of the quiet, shy Mizuno Ami that Usagi knew, meant that something was
wrong, and it was perhaps deeper than simply Usagi's broken wrist and
black eye.
Near
to the cafeteria at lunchtime, Minako and Usagi were protesting,
"Ami-chan, are you sure-"
"For
the last time, I have homework, and I don't want to eat with you!
I'm going to the computer lab." On her heel, Ami turned, heading
towards the library.
Why
can't they just leave me alone?
Hunger had left her, and she
stared at the ham and swiss sandwich she had packed that morning. Just the
right amount of mayonnaise too, just a touch too much. But it looked anything
but appetizing. I just want to go home. I just want to sleep. But even
there, I am plagued with bad dreams....
Just slightly less than one
sunset ago, she had felt much better. Laughing at Usagi's protests, she
had dragged her down the street, heading to the public library. History was
considered dull by Usagi, but with a weekend full of Ami's pushing, and
Luna's nagging, Usagi had actually studied, and had gotten an unheard of
eighty-six percent on her social studies quiz. How happy she had been! And with
the test the following Friday, Ami decided she would help Usagi get just as
good a grade on the test.
The
pencil flew over the paper before her, calculating trigonometry problems.
Normally, the logic and the structured thought processes helped her to calm
herself, but now she felt much as a wind-whipped lake, unable to move, but
restless and churning nonetheless.
I
should have been faster.
The pencil snapped.
Just
outside the library, a pair of men were hanging a new sign on the overhang.
Banging away at the old roof, Ami laughed off Usagi's protests, and
continued to coax her along. Then the world had become ripped apart, the
foundations of the stable earth reminding them that even the most steady things
can become dangerous and volatile. The sound that concrete makes when breaking
filled Ami's ears, and then a loud crack. Turning her head, she saw a
piece of the roof's eaving fall, the lump of stone dropping like a falcon
to the ground, plummeting. Ami had only a moment to gasp, and then the moment
was gone, and Usagi, a bare step behind her, was on the ground, staring as the
quake ended.
"It...hurts,"
were her disbelieving words, rather than the wailing that one would expect.
Usagi was staring at her wrist, which was swelling rapidly, as was her face,
coloring purple from her hard landing. It had been that calm, outside-herself
speech that had struck Ami in fear.
I
failed her.
Wailing
would have been expected, sobbing tears, those would have been expected. And to
some degree, it would have let her know that everything was all right. But the
quiet shock in her friend's eyes worried her in a way that no other
could. How many times had she seen Usagi break down in tears? How many times
had she seen her stand up to invincible fear, and somehow keep their lives going?
I
couldn't even push her out of the way of a chunk of brick. If I
can't even do that, then what right to I have to be a senshi? I'm
supposed to fight, and I can't even move my feet when I need to. Who
would ever trust me to protect them?
For the first time since she
had become a soldier of water, Mizuno Ami felt like she was worthless.
The day ended at last, the
school emptying. The spring was warming the air, and outside the school, those
who had some athletic ability were practicing their sports, to the
accompaniment of shouting and laughter. There were clouds in the sky, but only
those far to the west heralded rain, this the most beautiful kind of weather,
when the beauty is held at its peak, the end of it just within sight, but still
far distant.
Ami
did not wait after school the way she always did, pausing by the doors, waiting
for Usagi to come bounding out with her endless energy, Minako and Makoto in
tow, laughing and talking casually as they finished the day. With the peace
that had descended these last few weeks, it was easy to forget the battles.
Normal, if only for awhile. Holding out hope that maybe that was the last time
they would have to fight.
It
was an old tactic for those labeled 'smart.' Whip out the book,
bury your nose in it, create the illusion that you are fascinated by the words
on the page.
But
how much of what I know is an illusion?
No one bothered her, of
course. Reading was a private matter, and it would be rude to interrupt. She
had put behind her those that would snatch the book from her hands, in the name
of fun and friendship.
How
much of who I am is an illusion?
Safely away, she rode the bus
home, slumping in her seat, staring wearily out the window, watching the people
rush by, busy on their errands and lives.
It
was satisfying, to slip the key into the lock of their apartment, turn it, and
slip inside, shutting the door with a click. From the living room, she heard
the newspaper rustle, and entering, found her mother, sitting on the sofa,
reading, her glasses pushed to the bridge of her nose. "Hi, Mom."
Her
mother looked up, smiling. "Hi, Ami-chan. Did you have a good day at
school?"
"Fine.
How was work?"
Dr.
Mizuno shook her head with a weak smile. "Same old, same old. An
accident, babies having babies, a broken leg. Any tests back?"
"No,
test is Friday."
"Mm.
What would you like for dinner?"
"It
doesn't matter. I'm not that hungry. I packed a big lunch."
Ami's
mother blinked, then glanced at the clock. "You're home earlier
than usual. Didn't you go out with your friends?"
"No,
I've got some studying."
Worry
began to fill her mother's face. "Don't study too hard,
Ami-chan. You need to get out once in awhile too."
"Don't
worry," Ami kissed her mother on the cheek. "I'm fine.
Really." Braving it out, Ami smiled. "Just some catching up to do.
I wanted to finish my chapter in trig."
"All
right. I'll fix something in a bit. I love working days for once,"
she sighed, then went back to her paper.
Slipping
without regret into her room, Ami felt better. Safe at last, within walls of
my own decoration. Nice, calm, dark blue water, like walking into an aquarium.
Safe, and home, with my army of books lining the walls.
Placing
her books away neatly, Ami sat on her bed, and looked around.
Safe.
And much like me. But how much of this did I put on display to enforce the idea
that I was smart? I remember...when I was little....always on the outside,
always looking in. They thought there was something wrong with me...no one
could understand.
And so she pulled out her
texts, setting them into familiar places on her desk, placing them in their
proper order, and sat at her chair, drawing out a fresh pencil.
Ignore
the doubt. Just do your homework.
Numbers
fell neatly into place as she worked steadily, with single-minded precision and
intent. The pencil scratched the paper, and she was glad for the rhythmic
sound. It was simple, to work and work, and ignore the feelings that were
beginning to swell up inside.
How
much of who I am is the illusionary girl genius, and how much is me?
Dinner passed in silence,
eating in her room as she worked. The senshi didn't call, and she was
glad for it, somewhat worried that they would. She didn't want to be
interrupted. Didn't want to face reality. But her methodical mind kept
bringing it up.
Usagi
is the leader.
Insert pi.
Minako
is the second in command.
Tap on the calculator.
Makoto
is the tough one.
Carry the nine....
Rei
is the strong one.
Push the glasses up her nose.
I'm
the weak one.
Slam the textbook shut and
remove the glasses.
Rubbing
her fingers over her eyes, Ami buried her face in her palms, which were
slightly damp with sweat. She wiped them on her skirt.
It's
the same with the others. Chibi-Usa-chan is Usagi's heiress, and carries
her own Imperium Crystal. Mamoru is to be King, always there, always reliable.
Hotaru has a terrible power, and none would dare call her weak, physical
strength aside. Setsuna is the Guardian of Time and Space. What she does is
important to everyone. Haruka....Well, Haruka is Haruka. And Michiru....
Ami took in the time. The
digital alarm on her nightstand read 10:30.
And
Michiru....
Preparing for bed, Ami
slipped on an oversized jersey, turning down the covers and switching on a
lamp. The darkness of night had fallen, and no traces of light lingered on the
western horizon. She washed her face, brushed her hair, whipping the brush
through the thick, short blueness. It was practical, to keep it short. Facing
herself in the mirror, she appraised her features. Round eyes, usually wide and
smiling, looked worn. Brushed out, her hair fell flatly around her head,
clinging to her face.
I
don't even look like myself anymore. Older. Tired.
She set the brush down.
11:00.
And
with a Sailor Neptune to be the senshi of water, of what use am I?
"Good
night, Mom," Ami called out. Her mother poked her head out of the
bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth.
"G'nigh,
Am-han!" she called around the toothpaste. Ami smiled faintly and shut
her door, leaning against it, breathing.
None....
She opened the curtain that
held back the night from her room. Stars glittered outside in the heaven,
peeping through the cloud cover. And she wondered how many of those so far away
harbored life, and how many other girls looked out their windows with sadness,
wondering what other girls on other worlds thought.
Usagi-chan
was right in saying that earthquakes happen all the time. I'm not foolish
enough to think that the accident itself was my fault. No...this is many small
things. Overall, a feeling of uselessness. What good am I as a senshi? I
contribute some intelligence. That's all. Is it my dream to live at court
with Usagi and the others in the future? I...I believe so. All the time, it
seems more and more possible that it will truly happen. At first, I was so
wrapped up in it...at last, I was someone important. Sailor Mercury. I was a
senshi, and I was Sailor Mercury. I was something much more than just the girl
genius everyone saw me as. Finally, I was worth something. Something real.
Something important. Something special. I want to be a part of it. I want to
watch the world grow peaceful, and expand again to the planets beyond Earth. I
want to be there. I want to see it. I want to be a part of it.
But
am I worthy of it?
And
the answer that her mind began to whisper to her was a definite, "No."
Shards
of mirrored glass broke around her in a display of blooms, and they cut into
the skin of her body, and yet they gave no pain to her, for this was a dream,
and it was not real, and she knew it was not real. And so she did not try to
fight it, but allowed it to happen, and the glass became sakura, twirling around her in a
lazy whirlwind of brightness, which intensified as she watched. The light was
surreal, and it filled her sight, blinding her to vision, and she closed her
eyes as she tried to let the dream drift her away into oblivion. But the
darkness of a sleep without dreams did not come. Instead, she felt the ground
beneath her feet, and heard laughter in her ears.
"Come,
come, you drift away on me too much! Is the sakura that lovely, that you forget
where you are?"
Where
is the darkness of sleep without dreams?
"We're almost to
the river! Can't you hear the rushing waters?"
What
is this voice that laughs in my ears, as though I know it?
"Open your eyes, or I
will begin to call you Sleepy!"
So
she did as the voice bid her, and opened her eyes to see the world she stood
in. It was bright, very bright, and the sunlight seemed to radiate out of every
pore and fiber of the land, and the sounds of the trees brushing their leaves
against each other was uncommonly loud and elegant. There was a loud sound.
Cicadas?
"You look at the world
as though a stranger here! Come, let us finish our walk." The girl took
Ami's arm, and led her further along the path they walked upon. It was
well worn, and the imprint of feet marked it as often used, though by few
people, for the path was narrow and unpaved.
This
is both dream and not....what is this place?
"How did I get
here?"
The
girl looked at her oddly, and smiled faintly, the movement tugging at her lips.
"Does it matter what this place is, so long as it is here? Come on,
there's shade down further."
Ami
watched the girl, whose movements were so filled with grace that she seemed
unnatural. Ami glanced at herself, then the girl. Ami herself was wearing her
school uniform, feeling very odd in comparison to her companion, who was
dressed far differently. She wore damask robes of murasaki, lavender, and several
layers of it, deepening to a richly dark shade of purple by the bottom layer,
or furthest cuff of sleeve. Her hair was ebony, but in the surreal sunlight,
seemed to hint at shades of purple. It had been bound back in narrow loops at
the top, leaving a great wealth to stream down her back.
She
turned and gestured for Ami to hurry up, and she settled herself and her
package beneath the cool shade of a willow along the riverbank.
"Are
you a kami?"
The
girl looked up at her, startled. "A kami? Me?" She laughed
lightly, and Ami recognized it as the same sound she had heard in her dream
just moments earlier. "You never did give me a nickname. You may call me
that if you wish. And..." She paused thoughtfully, looking at Ami.
"And if I am to be Kami, then you will be... Kanashimi, for I believe
that as of late, you have been drinking far too much sorrow. Come, sit,
Kanashimi-chan."
Ami
saw her eyes, which were a most extraordinary color, lavender and grey, like a
clouded pearl, and still clear. Light passed oddly over them, and Ami looked to
the sky, where the sun glowed silver rather than gold. Yet the clouds still
obscured the brightness, and shadows passed over them, and Ami saw hers fanning
around her at several angles.
Unsure
what else to do but follow what she knew to be a dream, Ami sat beside Kami,
and was offered a brush and inkstone. "Here. It is such a lovely day. Perfect
for waka,
ne?"
"Yes,
perfect."
Waka? Yes, I've read
those before, in school, for classes. A five line poem, and was a predecessor
to haiku.
Kami
drew out some fine white paper, though some older marking scarred the back of
it, signs of reuse. She placed it against a wickerboard, and began to paint
letters onto the page. Ami took up her own bit of wickerboard, and pressed her
brush deep in the ink.
Kami
gasped in horror. Instantly, Ami began to look frantically around, searching
out for some enemy. "Kanashimi-chan! You'll put far too much ink on
that!" Was the exclamation, and Ami felt embarrassed, both for her
assumption that there was an attack, and for obviously breaking some odd
etiquette. "Unless, oh, gomen nasai, unless you planned on writing a sad
poem? It's just that it's so lovely today, I find it difficult to
write out something sad. So sorry."
"No,
I...I don't know what I'm writing."
I
don't even know what I'm doing here....
But Kami did not seem to
notice her hesitation, or even the fact that she wore clothing so very
different to her own. In the eyes of Kami, Ami was perfectly normal, and Ami
even wondered if Kami thought she was someone else. This
'Kanashimi' person, maybe.
"Ah,
there are days I am uninspired as well. I try to keep imaginative, yet
sometimes my thoughts run dry. If only thought was as strong as the river, always
continuing and changing." Kami looked at the expanse before them, which
was rolling with a steady splashing. "Sometimes, when it rains, the river
overflows, and this is all submerged," Kami stated, placing a hand on the
ground. "Sometimes, when my thoughts dry up, I copy out the Lotus Sutra.
It steadies me. Perhaps you should try."
But
don't know the Lotus Sutra....I don't know anything at all....
She
took up the bamboo brush regardless of this, and to her surprise, found the
characters came to her hand without a thought.
They
spent much time this way, and Ami cast a glance to the shadows to tell the
time. During all this they never moved. Her shadows remained gathered around
her, even though the shadow about the tree moved with the silver sunlight.
Kami's, though, stretched in a single long line forward, as through
reaching for the river before them.
It was hours, Ami believed,
but wasn't sure, that they sat there, copying out waka and sutra. And she did feel
better, without the rush of school, or the questioning of others looking over
her shoulder. The steady sweep of the brush, up, down, and back and forth.
"Don't
overload the brush," Kami had warned. "Too much, and you waste ink
and make your paper messy. Not enough, and it is faded, and it suggests that
your mind was elsewhere, or that you do not care enough to be careful."
Ami
appraised her work, strangely knowing that it was complete. She glanced at
Kami's work over the sweep of her hair.
Yo no naka wo nani
nagekamashi yamazakura hana miru hodo no kokoro narisheba
I don't...the
words...the dialect...something is off....
Kami
noticed her interest. "Is everything all right, Kanashimi-chan?"
"Your
poem. I-"
Kami
smiled and looked at her work. "I do love this poem. Is it not
beautiful?"
Unsure
of what to say, Ami agreed.
There
was the sound of a windchime ringing in the wind, and she heard Kami gasp. This
time, Ami did not worry about any youma that may attack...this place was safe,
surely. But it was this time that Kami seemed alarmed. "You must go! It
is late! The storm is coming! We shouldn't get caught out in it."
"Storm?"
Looking to the crystalline sky, Ami was confused.
"Can't
you hear the wind?" And Kami did seem to be caught in a whirlwind, her
robes being caught up as she scurried to gather her things. "Can't
you smell the rain?"
No...not
at all....
And then there was lightning
in the sky, and it split down between them, and Ami found herself looking out
the opened window from her bed, the covers clasped in her hands. There was rain
sleeting down the pane of glass, and her heart pounded heavily in her chest.
She scrambled for the phone, and typed in the first three numbers to call Rei.
Of
any of us, she knows the most about dreams and kami....
But by the fourth digit, she
stopped, and replaced the phone in its cradle. It was three in the morning; Rei
wouldn't appreciate being woken up for a bad dream...and in fact, it
wasn't even that bad. Other than the startlement at the end, Ami felt
calm. She sat back on her bed, and breathed a few times. Thinking of something,
she hurried to her desk, and scribbled down several words. Folding the paper,
she tucked it in her bookbag, and then settled in for a sleep void of dreams.
All
right. Good so far? I hope so….don't forget to review! How else
will I know if you like this??? REVIEW! In the name of Mercury, I command it!
Ja
ne…
-Queen