The Bloom of the Mountain Cherry

by Queen

When feeling depressed, Ami begins to have some strange dreams. Who is this person appearing in them, and is she helping Ami, or haunting her? (complete) 1st in the KamiDreamweaver series

4. Illusion, Who Lets No One See Her Face

The Bloom of the Mountain Cherry

Chapter 2- Illusion, Who Lets No One See Her Face

As life flows on, who ever will read it? This keepsake to her whose memory will never die?

-Murasaki Shikibu

Her eyes flickering easily over the page, Ami read from her assignment book. There was a great feeling of satisfaction, getting work done, and done well. She felt content, having completed Friday's test, and even Usagi was giggling that she thought she did well on the exam in social studies.

For her, a miracle, but if I were to fail, imagine the shock of it. The illusion I cast over myself would be shattered.

And it was true. Some viscous people would smile when a good person at last seems to fail; but to Ami it could destroy her. It wasn't that Ami thought she had failed. It was simply that her grades had become such a part of her personality that the rest of her was lost within it, and it was forgotten that there was more to her mind than her schoolwork. Shaking her head with a slight bit of sadness and laughter, she watched Usagi and Minako giggling in the corner of Rei's room, having broken into Rei's stash of manga, and were reading and commenting as they progressed through the story.

"Minako-chan, what are you reading?"

Minako's red bow bobbed up as she glanced up from the manga, and grinned. "Magic Knight Rayearth! I am so Hikaru!"

Rei snorted from her computer, where she was idly surfing along the Internet. "And that would make me who? Umi?"

"Uh-huh. And Ami is Fuu!"

Rei rolled her eyes and returned to the monitor.

Actually, I'd rather be Presea.

"Chibi-Usa-chan," Ami asked, "would you pass the cookies?"

Ami had her books out before her as one would expect, and since it was Friday and they weren't studying, everyone was sprawled out, and food was scattered around the room, brought by both Chibi-Usa and Makoto, as well as a frozen pizza provided by Rei's refrigerator. Luna and Artemis were curled up asleep in another room. With no enemies, and tests completed, even Luna didn't have a reason to lecture Usagi on studying. Diana sitting quietly on the table, watching the girls as they read and talked.

"Sure!" The pink haired girl pushed the tray over the table, and peered at Ami's work. "I'm still working on getting them to look prettier, but they still taste good."

Ami bit into the cookie and smiled down at her friend's daughter. "Hai, Chibi-Usa-chan. They taste great. Is Mako-chan helping you?"

"No," Makoto intoned from the other side of the room, where she was reading a music magazine, hanging upside down off Rei's bed. "Hey, there's an article in here about Michiru's last concert. Good reviews."

"Big surprise," Rei commented, not taking her eyes from the screen. "Michiru always gets good reviews."

Usagi sighed, looking up from the manga with stars in her eyes. "I wish I could play violin like that!"

There were a few groans.

"Nani?" Bewildered, Usagi looked around. "Nani? Minako-chan?" Minako just shook her head despairingly. "Ami-chan! Nani?"

"Usagi-chan, you do remember your last attempt to try to play the violin?"

Usagi blinked. "Oh yeah." She moped a little bit, but got distracted by the manga after a moment, managing to hold the book open awkwardly with her wrist.

Ami began to glance at the clock. Seven. Eight. More chatter and discussion. Minako's new dress, the peace that had settled on them, Usagi and Mamoru, Makoto's new recipe, Chibi-Usa's latest school project, Usagi and Mamoru again, and Michiru's next concert.

I want to speak to Rei alone, not with them all here. I'm still not even sure what to say about it. Patience, Ami, be patient. At least they aren't asking you if you're all right constantly anymore. And Usagi is looking better. That's good.

Her thoughts were restless, and she tried to hide it behind the facade of studies. As it always seemed to, what was considered to be usual hid her nerves. There was the sound a clock striking nine in the hallway outside, and Diana spoke up. "Small Lady, Ikuko-mama told you and the Queen to be home at nine o'clock. You'll be late."

Chibi-Usa was having her turn with the new manga, and leapt up in perfect unison with her mother, except Chibi-Usa didn't let out a painstaking screech upon realizing she was late.

"Mom's gonna kill me!" Usagi began to grab at her things, rushing frantically around the room.

"Speaking of moms killing daughters, I'd better get going too," Minako added, slipping on her shoes. "Ja ne, minna!" Minako darted out the door as Usagi finished flinging on her pink jacket, and they heard Minako calling for Artemis as she headed out of the house.

"Chibi-Usa! Let's run!"

"Hai! Come on, Diana!" The grey kitten jumped into her Lady's arms, and Luna appeared in the doorway, frowning.

"Usagi, your mother wanted Chibi-Usa home before it got late."

"Hey! You were the one asleep this time! You should have told me!" Usagi bolted for the door.

"Freeze, odango!" Rei screeched, pointing, as Usagi was two strides from the door. "Give it back!"

"But, Rei-chan..." Usagi tried to edge closer to the door.

"Now!"

Biting her lip, Usagi handed over the manga she had been trying to sneak out, and then escaped out the door, running full tilt, Chibi-Usa on her heels.

"She does know how to make an exit," Makoto commented as she stood up and set aside the magazine. "I'd better get going too." Makoto shrugged into her jacket. "See you two later."

"Ja ne, Mako-chan," Ami waved.

"Bye, Mako-chan," Rei sighed as she began to clean up the remaining mess.

"Here, I'll help." The two elements of opposing powers silently moved about the room, picking up plates and cups, straightening pillows and replacing manga and magazines.

"Thanks, Ami-chan," Rei told her as they balanced dirty dishes between the two of them, heading to the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher. Rei looked at Ami, and could see that there were thoughts playing across her face. Better to let her speak on her own terms, Rei decided, knowing Ami was unlikely to blurt out a true problem. There was an aura ghosting around her, and it made Rei's skin prickle. At first she had thought it merely Ami's mood; but it was not, she was certain of that now.

Dishes clattering, Ami handed Rei dish after dish as they loaded the dishwasher. "Rei-chan?"

Rei tried not to jerk her head up too quickly. "Hai, Ami-chan?"

"I..." She shook her head.

Rei tilted her head to one side, and watched Ami patiently. "Everything okay?"

"How do you know when there is evil? How do you sense it?"

Rei blinked uncertainly for a moment, and leaned against the counter, thinking. "I don't think there's a way to explain how you sense something. You just do."

"I know you use a banishment to dispel evil spirits...."

"Is there something haunting you?" This wasn't exactly what Rei had been expecting to hear from Ami. "A youma? Is there an enemy?" Rei was instantly on the alert, fearing the current peace would be broken.

"Oh, no, nothing like that..."

Shutting the dishwasher and turning it on, Rei asked, "Then what is it?" She settled herself on a chair behind the counter.

"I just..."

Rei was frowning at her.

How to explain this? Should I just tell her? About Kami? No. No, this is a thing for me to fight.

Continuing carefully, Ami stood across the kitchen floor, the sound of the dishwasher whirring behind her, the faint scent of soap drifting in the air. "I have this dream. And each time, something bad happens at the end of it. There was lightning the first time, then..." It seems so silly, saying it out loud.... "fireflies. I thought maybe there was some way to banish the darkness in the dream."

Rei was thinking, idly drawing circles with a finger on the countertop. "Dreams are often reflections of our own thoughts. You're suggesting something supernatural, as though someone else was bringing the dream to you. Are you sure this is real?"

She doesn't believe me....

"I just wanted to know...it's really nothing...gomen ne, it's just a reoccurring dream with some variations.... Gomen ne, for bringing it up." Ami shook her head. "I really must get going."

"Ami-chan," Rei began, then changed her mind of what she was going to say. "There are many ways to banish evil. 'Aku Ryo Tai San' is only one way. Try to find the way within the dream. Dreams often become their own reality."

Ami smiled faintly, sadly. "Arigatou, Rei-chan." The two went back to Rei's room, and Ami gathered her things.

"You know that I'll help you if you need it."

"I can handle it myself, Rei." Ami snapped, then blinked, looking at Rei's startled face. It was a rare thing for Ami to say anything so sharply. Ami opened her mouth to apologize, shut it again, then blurted, "Gomen ne, Rei-chan...." Ami met her friend's eyes evenly. "But this is a thing I must do myself."

Rei nodded once in acceptance, and then Ami left to return home.

Even though, for these last two nights, I have dreamed, I still wonder if I will return. Dreams pass by so easily. The way within the dream. Something is hanging on Kami. She was right to tell me it doesn't matter how or why I come to that strange place. It doesn't. There is something else at stake here. I only hope that I am not chasing my own shadow.

Since Ami wished to sleep, she didn't. The sleep of dreams eluded her, and only the wakefulness of her wondering mind kept her occupied. She didn't want to read. That would require concentration on a subject or story that was not questioning her part in Kami's trouble. Snug in the warmth of her covers, she did not want to move. She would look at the clock, green digits glowing faintly, and see that only another minute had passed from the previous one. She lay on her back. Side. Stomach. Back again, restless. For one accustomed to doing work immediately, it was hard to be patient, trying to estimate the whim of a dream.

There was a light fixture on her ceiling, with clouded glass. Out of the misted panes, tiny flowers had been cleared, long petaled. And when these petals began to brighten and fall around her, lighting her room, Ami breathed deeply, and there was the fragrance of wildflowers.

"Kanashimi-chan! You'll get your dress dirty!" Kami laughed, and Ami felt her hand grasped, and was pulled to her feet. "What are you doing, lying on the ground like that? You'll get your Whitewater all full of grass stains! And you know how difficult those are to wash out."

Kami wore a simpler version of Chrysanthemum Rain, the same lavender coloring, but dark on the uppermost layer, most likely more practical, since the dark color was less prone to stains from the ground.

Ami looked at Kami, and realized they were exactly the same height.

I don't know what I was doing on the ground...but the day here is lovely...it even looks natural, without the brightness or darkness of the previous days. Only sunny.

"I was only looking at the sun, Kami-chan."

Kami's plucked eyebrows lifted, and she looked disbelievingly at Ami. "You look Amaterasu-sama in the face? Eeee, then you either have much better eyes, or are much braver than me, ne?"

Ami shook her head with a smile, and watched Kami carefully.

If there is a youma, ghost or demon haunting her, then I will find out in this journey into her world. I wonder...she is surely the one summoning me here. I wonder how....

"Kami-chan?"

"Hai?" Kami had begun to wander further along the narrow path they walked on. Glancing furtively behind her, Ami saw the curving slope of the mansion's roof on a low rise, and there was high, pale green grass around where she stood, some wildflowers breaking the greenery with tiny pools of color. Turning, Ami saw the willow they had settled under when writing their poetry. There were more of the noisy sounds of the cicadas, summertime insects clattering their racket.

Wind sending her hair into eddies, Ami replied, "Kami-chan, do you do magic?"

Kami gave her a blank stare.

Apparently not. Then what....?

"Do you need a spell, Kanashimi-chan?"

Or then again maybe....

"Yes, I think so. I've felt a great darkness about me lately. I wish to banish it."

Kami looked slightly agitated, and was beginning to wring her hands, but the expression on her face was one of deep contemplation. Her ankle length hair swung in a black river down her back, as she paced a bit, hesitating, then deciding. "Ah. I have it. We will work a magic for you, get rid of the old bad energy. I will perform the ceremony as well." Kami looked a little uncertain. "Lately, I have had the most strange dreams. Of places far away, I believe. There were dark things there, Kanashimi-chan." Her face filled with some light, as she took Ami's arm. "I saw the most peculiar thing though! People fought with the darkness, as though it were tangible and solid, not a thing at all for priests to banish. Ah, I wish I could do such things!" The expression faded, like the sun being covered by a dancing cloud, shadowing then lightening the sea of grass.

Did she see the senshi, battling? Does this confirm that there is a youma? I shouldn't jump to conclusions....

But Kami was leading Ami further down the meandering path, and stopping them in a cluster of flowers. "Some of these. Yes, grass orchids. These will work. It would have been better if we had fasted to cleanse ourselves, but...we can do this anyway. Help me pick some?"

They set themselves to gathering the grass orchids, careful not to break off too many of the leaves. Each had a full armload of the plant, and Kami led the way down to the riverbank, where the waters swiftly flowed downstream.

Closing her eyes, Kami took her bouquet, and swept it over her body, the leaves brushing against her damask robes. As Ami watched her perform this ritual, she watched the leaves take on shimmering shades, red and blue and green, which deepened into midnight shades of black.

Into the leaves of grass orchids, she places all her doubts and worries. There are many ways to banish evil. 'Try to find the way within the dream. Dreams often become their own reality.' If that is so, then could this do it? Banish whatever is causing the darkness around Kami? Maybe. Then...is this it?

Ami swept the leaves over herself, and into them placed all her fear and worry, letting it soak into the plant. She watched the leaves grow heavy with her doubts and worries, saturated with the things she fought with in her mind. Opening her eyes, Ami saw that Kami was waiting for her.

Stepping closer to the ledge of the high bank, her sandals made a soft tapping noise against the rock. "Are you coming?" Kami asked without turning.

Ami took her place beside Kami, and together, they threw the grasses into the blue river, seeing them break apart and swirl in the rippling currents, their worries tumbling apart and dissolving in the strength of the water, even as they swirled together.

I don't know why, but I feel as though the world has been removed from my shoulders.

Ami let out a deep breath, and she heard a similar sound from Kami. "I feel better," Ami told her.

Smiling, Kami agreed. "So do I. Let all the sad energies return to the earth, and be washed away. I prayed that I would be a great lady in Miyako. What did you pray for?"

What did I pray for?

"I prayed that the only illusions I cast will be real ones."

And the world did seem brighter. Golden shades reflected off the grass and the trees, and the river became silver and molten in the growing light. Ami smiled, looking around at the beauty of the day. But as she looked at Kami, her face fell. Kami was looking at the sun, bewildered, and shaking her head. "Ah," she said, "that is a good thing to pray for. But it is too bad that it's nearly nighttime, ne? The sun is already setting. We'd better go back home, or else get caught out in the dark."

"But Kami-chan, it's so bright out." Ami knew the sound of her voice was plaintive. If Kami still had the darkness hanging around her, then whatever she had needed to banish was still lingering.

Maybe I should have had Rei help me. Maybe I can't do this alone. I don't even know what to look for, and Kami will only come to harm in the end.

"Bright? No, it's nighttime. See how the sun sets?" She pointed at the empty horizon. "It is lovely, with the purples and reds. Ah, Kanashimi, I am so glad you come visit me." Kami turned and began to walk back up the path. "I like our quiet talks. Sometimes, too many people," she made a dismissive motion with her hand. "get noisy. Don't you agree?"

She doesn't want me to bring Rei. How does she know that is what I was considering? Does she know? Or is it coincidence?

"Hai, Kami-chan."

She nodded. "Oh, I wish we had a lantern! It is so dark!" Kami began to turn around, to search for Ami, who stood only a pace or so behind her. "Kanashimi-chan? Kanshimi-chan? Where are you?" Her voice grew panicked. "I can't see you! Kanashimi-chan!"

As Kami's world darkened into night, Ami's lit into the brilliance of day, more specifically the ocean of light that fell onto her face through her window.

She's still trapped. I've still failed. But I'm not giving up yet.

Thinking out a plan in the early hours of the morning, Ami decided to visit Setsuna again. First, to ask if she knew of any person who would fit Kami's description. It was a long shot, but Ami felt certain that with Kami's persistence in her dream of going to court, she may have been seen by the Soldier of Time. Ami doubted that Kami could fail in going, even though having to wait. And Setsuna had a very good memory. Second, Ami had looked at the waka that Kami had copied out.

It is so sad. Odd, though, that she tell me it was a day not to write sad things.

But despite this, Ami loved the poem, and found herself repeating it in her head. She decided to ask if she may borrow Setsuna's copy of 'The Tale of Genji.' Perhaps refreshing her memory of Kami's era would help, or give her ideas. The book she had read had been from the library, and not her own.

Together, with her determination to figure this mystery out, Ami set out once again to the home of the Outer Senshi.

There was a great deal of quiet at the house. The bus ride had been bumpy, jostling her along in an uneven drive, on an equally lumpy seat. Ami rapped her knuckles against the door, hoping she would be heard. Even from the porch, she could hear the sound of 'The Marine Cathedral' pouring out music like the tide. A few moments, and Ami knocked again, this time the tune pausing. She rang the bell, and the silence continued as she heard footsteps in the hallway, and a blur of motion through the stained glass window to the side of the door.

Michiru appeared, smiling but puzzled to see Ami there. "Ami-chan. Please, come in." She held open the door and Ami stepped inside. Ami tried not to stare at Michiru, as Michiru tried not to stare at her. "Ami-chan, I think we've been shopping in the same store."

Ami couldn't help but laugh once, as did Michiru. They turned to look in the hall tree's mirror, and saw that they each wore loose, baggy jeans and nearly identical high collared sweaters. Only Ami's was lavender, and Michiru's green.

Michiru laughed, taking a hairband off her wrist and ponytailing her hair. "Well, great minds, ne, Ami-chan?"

"I suppose."

"Come in. Can I help you?"

"Actually, I was looking for Setsuna-san. Is she home?"

Michiru was already shaking her head. "Gomen, no. Setsuna is at the Observatory today. Haruka took Hotaru-chan over to Chibi-Usa's. Just me home, practicing."

"Oh. Well." Ami fidgeted.

I may not be able to ask Setsuna about Kami, but I can still ask about Genji.

"Michiru-san, I was going to ask Setsuna if I could borrow a book from her...."

"Ah. What? I'm sure she won't mind." Michiru began to lead her down the hallway to the library, pulling open the door. Her violin and its case lay neatly on the desk, a sheaf of sheet music lay scattered on the sofa, except for one, which was pinned open on the music stand.

"'The Tale of Genji.'" Ami told her, craning her neck to look around the room. She stepped into the checkerboard of light the high window splashed onto the floor. "I'm trying to do research into the Heian period."

Thinking, Michiru looked at the spines of the lining books. "Setsuna has this all arranged somehow. Of course," she waved a hand at the walls, "Haruka and I can never figure it out. Hotaru all but lives in here. But I think she keeps the classics over here...." Michiru began to dig through the titles, peering sideways as she edged along the wall. After a moment, Ami chose another area of the wall, tapping a finger against each book as she passed it.

"Michiru! I found it. Look." Ami plucked it off the shelf. "They're in historical order. See? There's the Illiad, Odyssey, Aeneid...Consolation of Philosophy, Tale of Genji."

Michiru had a hand to her temple, and shook her head. "She would put them in the order that they were written."

"Haven't you read any of these, though, Michiru-san? They're classics."

"Of course. But I keep my own in my room. Setsuna just is far too hidebound." Michiru began to pluck at 'The Marine Cathedral' and the soft notes filled the library.

Ami flipped through the first few pages of the edition she held, looking at the woodcuts that had been placed into the text, illustrating scenes from the story.

"Was there anything else, Ami?" Michiru asked, settling her violin under her chin.

"Oh...no, that's all. Arigatou."

Michiru took the violin off her shoulder. "I think there is. Come, you can't keep secrets from another water senshi. It sets the tides wrong."

I always forget, that the Outers seem to sense things more easily than we Inners. Perhaps that will come with age. Or experience.

"I...well," Ami stuttered, and Michiru shut her violin case, turning with her hands on her hips.

"The tides turn darkly," Michiru decided. "Setsuna told us what you said to her and Hotaru, about the Princess. It's not that, is it?"

"No...no, not really." She sounded a little doubtful.

"Then what is it?"

I don't want to explain about Kami to her. We are of one element, and in that way we are alike. Yet something still restrains me from saying any more.

Ami shook her head. "It's just gotten to me, that I wasn't able to move swiftly enough."

Michiru was looking at Ami very hard, her expression unreadable, save for the storm of shifting current running through her eyes. Abruptly, Michiru stood, having come to a decision, and went to the library's desk, taking out a pad of paper and a pencil.

"Draw it," she commanded the younger girl.

"Nani?"

Slapping the pad and pencil down on the end table before Ami, Michiru sat down on the far end of the sofa. "Sit, and draw it."

"Oh, I can't-"

Michiru made a dismissive sound, almost as though insulted. "You cannot face a fear until you have invoked it. Draw what it is that is upsetting you. Look at it."

"But I can't-"

Cutting her off, Michiru grabbed the remaining sheet music and cleared a space for Ami to sit. She stacked it, and set it aside. "Just because you are the one who is known for science, and I for art, doesn't mean I can't use a computer, and you can't paint. Draw what worries you, and maybe you will find some peace."

And if I leave now, then what? I have little choice. What difference does it make, anyway?

Ami perched on the edge of the sofa, taking the pencil and leaning over the pad awkwardly. She began to sketch, erased, sketch again.

Michiru watched for a moment, then got up, and paced the room, finally picking up 'The Marine Cathedral' again, reluctant to leave Ami to complete the job herself. She needs to be pushed, Michiru decided. Too timid, without someone to force her to use the strength she already has. Always afraid of someone watching, criticizing. Ami shifted on the couch, and tucked her legs up under her, the paper tablet against her thighs, and she sketched, pencil flying.

Nodding in satisfaction, Michiru began to send her bow gliding over the strings, and let the room fill with the tide of her waltz.

From her point, Ami felt her work halting, unsure of what to do. Michiru played almost constantly, but the pauses when she changed songs broke Ami's concentration.

Father painted beautiful watercolors. Maybe I inherited some small amount of his skill.

She filled the page with the loose, floating costume of Chrysanthemum Rain.

Not tight and stiff, like an obi on a kimono. Loose and fluid.

Kami's face looked distant, her eyes empty and somewhat sad. Holding a brush in her right hand, her left clasped around a sheet of paper, tiny calligraphy characters being shadowed onto it. Her hair was still bound back in the great loops, the rest spilling down and swirling around her ankles and curling into puddles at her feet, where she knelt on the tatami.

Ami smiled at the picture of the girl. Living above the clouds, as she put it, at the court of the emperor. Writing her waka. But why can't I make her look happy?

"I think I'm done."

Michiru paused in her playing, and set down the violin, coming to see what Ami had produced. Her eyes widened slightly, and she shook her head. "This is the image that upsets you?"

"Hai?" Ami answered weakly. It was not the image that Michiru was expecting, she knew. Something like a black cloud, perhaps, or an ogre to haunt doorways or curl up under a bed and grab at the unwary when they sleep, sending bad dreams.

"Then face it," Michiru said finally. "I don't know why you drew her, but if whatever she represents is what upsets you, then that is what you must face." Michiru shrugged.

She doesn't know what to make of it....but I think her advice is valid. Face the fear. That is the only way to overcome it. I just have to get Kami to see the same thing, to get her to fight whatever is haunting her, since it seems I can't be the one to do it.

"Arigatou, Michiru-san," Ami said, standing. Michiru smiled, trying to look helpful. "Tell Setsuna-san that I'll bring her book back in a week, and that I thank her for lending it to me."

"Of course. You're welcome any time, Ami."

The sun set lowly in the sky, and Ami stared at the food on her plate. All the delicious meals in the world would have seemed tasteless, since she was so preoccupied with Kami and what she should or should not say. Come right out? Ask if there was something haunting her? She had asked if Kami had magic before, and the answer had been no, but then immediately thrown into doubt, since the purification ritual had been performed, and seemed so real.

"Ami-chan, are you okay? You've been so distracted these last few days."

"Fine, Mom." Ami looked up, smiling at her mother. Dr. Mizuno had spent the day in the kitchen, making a roast. Ami was glad to have her mother home for awhile. Time at the hospital always seemed to keep her away. "Just thinking."

"What about?"

Mom does try so hard, even though she knows she's not around much. Especially since Dad left so long ago....

"What life must have been like in the eleventh century."

Dr. Mizuno paused, glass of wine to lips, then burst into laughter. "Ami-chan, you always do have the oddest things going on in your head!"

Ami looked confused for a moment, then realized how out of context that must seem to her mother. Ami joined in the joke, shaking her head. "No, no, see, I'm re-reading 'The Tale of Genji,' and it just has me thinking."

Dr. Mizuno sipped thoughtfully from the glass. Setting it on the table, she took up a fork, and speared a bit of meat, but hesitated before putting it in her mouth. "I remember reading that for school ages ago. I don't remember it all that well. There was something about the color purple in it...no, lavender."

Frowning in concentration, she tried to remember.

"Well, Murasaki wrote it. Her name means lavender."

"No, that's not it...the sensei said something about...affinity! That's right. That lavender color was a symbol of affinity." Nodding firmly, Dr. Mizuno looked satisfied that she remembered something from so long ago.

Sooo…how's it coming? Good? Bad? Please let me know. I really appreciate getting reviews…they keep me writing!

Arigatou!

-Queen