Agony Aunts
Title:- same as it was for the last few chapters, but change the number.
Rating:- whatever it was at the start - I've forgotten.
Distribution:- do I really need to go through it again?
Ownership:- ditto.
Feedback:- or prepare for nuclear warfare.
Spike literally fell down the stairs. He needed to get into the safety of the basement before Buffy saw him really lose his temper. He thought of slamming the door behind him, but that would only result in the Slayer coming down after him and he didn't want her to see this. The heart-broken vampire gazed up the stairs for a while, using all his vampiric senses to make sure she was no-where near him. Then he let fly. Releasing all the stress, frustration and anger inside him, he ransacked the small room trying very hard not to scream. Then he sat on the only intact piece of furniture - the futon - and looked around him. The room was a mess, as was his life at the moment. At that point Spike began to think of Angel. How did he cope with it? Frustrated at not being able to see things from his Sire's point of view, Spike covered his face with his hands and wept. Wept for his love of the Slayer and his excess in humanities. Wept for his screwed up life and her bravery, for his inability to convey his true feelings. The tears became sobs, and the vampire once reknown for his method of torture and his complete lack of mercy and compassion, was unveiled, and his reputed love of carnage made way for his love of the one he should have hated more than any other creature. The Slayer. The one girl in every generation who has the power to rid the world of its demonic plagues and torments if given the chance. The one girl who -
"Spike?"
The vampire didn't dare move, he'd stopped crying but he didn't want Buffy to see him in this state. He answered her, his voice coming out soft and shakey, startling himself,
"Yes, Pet?"
The Slayer sat beside him, and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder, a gesture Spike had long tried to master, but even as a human, had never quite grasped.
"Are you okay?"
Still he kept his hands glued firmly to his face,
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
She looked around her, and a playful half-smile danced about her lips,
"I see you've been doing some much needed Spring cleaning."
The smile was lost on Spike since all he could see was his hands,
"Oh, yes. I decided to rearrange the furniture....slightly."
"Make that alot."
Returning her eyes to the vampire's covered face, Buffy saw his shoulder's were trembling. Keeping his teeth clenched, Spike promised himself he wouldn't cry, and wouldn't ever tell her he'd been crying. He felt himself get hotter, as all his emotions began to fill every inch of his body. Spike began to curse himself and his damned humanities, if Angelus was here, Buffy would be dead, and his Sire would be in the process of beating the humanities out of him. The silence intensified and the vampire finally decided to show his face. Making a half hearted attempt to wipe away the tears, Spike removed his hands and watched as Buffy's playful smile turned into total concern. He scowled,
"Okay so I've been crying. No wise cracks."
"I wasn't going t - "
"The hell you were. You forget, body language reveals all. That and the glint in your eye as I moved my hands."
Buffy opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by a look from Spike,
"You forget, I've walked around humans for 203yrs. I know more about mankind than you ever will."
They turned to face eachother simultaneously, she cupped his face in her hands while he attempted to fend her off. She was having none of it,
"The typical guy! Hates to be fussed over and won't stand for sympathy!"
"No, it's called the typical vampire."
"Ha! That's just male pride!"
"If that's just male pride, why did I let you stitch me up?"
" 'Cos you don't have a reflection to do it yourself. You told me so."
.At this point the vampire's usual quick tongue failed him, and he couldn't think of a retaliation. Buffy laughed,
"What's the matter Spike? Run out of smart-ass comments?"
"No...just can't think of....an...appropriate one."
She smiled warmly and Spike couldn't help but smile back,
"I've got a question for you."
"Shoot."
"What about the infamous ex-boyfriend?"
Buffy's expression went from friendly, to deep in thought,
"Uh, don't know.""Want to ask Giles? He *always* knows what to do."
"Very funny. Remind me to laugh later."
"Hey, what about Anya?"
"She's an ex-vengeance demon. She'll send him to hell and back."
"That was the general idea. Besides, I've been to hell and that's to merciful a punishment."
"Who says it has to be a punishment?"
"I do."
She laughed in disbelief,
"Oh? Really? Well I'm the Slayer so my word over-rules yours."
"I'm older than you by centuries, love, so I win!"
"You wanna justify that?"
"Are you challenging me? You know I'll kick your arse, right?"
"And this is coming from a guy who thought foreplay was only in hand-to-hand combat."
Spike raised an eyebrow. So did Buffy,
"What d'ya say to *that* big boy?"
Spike grabbed her wrist as she tried to poke his chest, and held it away from him,
"Was that an invitation to prove me wrong?"
She shrugged, smiling seductively,
"You ask me."
With one quick movement, Spike had twisted her arm behind her back and had her pinned to the futon on her stomach. She squirmed, giggling uncontrollably,
"Okay! Okay! Now let go! Ow! That's hurt!"
"I'm not letting go till you admit defeat."
She screamed it again at the top of her lungs, loud enough for her Mum to hear and come running. She reached the bottom of the staircase, to see her daughter lying on her front on the futon with Spike sitting on top of her, twisting her arm behind her back. Spike looked at his watch mockingly,
"Come on, I don't have all night."
Panicking, Joyce grabbed the nearest chair and snapped the leg, creating a makeshift stake. She lunged at the vampire, and fell as he leapt backwards off the futon and landed behind it, ready to defend himself if she did something stupid. Buffy sat up rubbing her shoulder,
"Mom, put it down. We were kidding around."
Spike laughed,
"Like hell we were! I'm not stepping down till you admit I won."
Confused, Mrs. Summers glanced from her daughter to their resident demon, and back again,
"Have I missed something here?"
Buffy pouted,
"You *so* did *not* win!"
"I did too!"
"Not"
"Did"
"Not"
"D - "
Joyce stepped in just before things returned to their usual vamp/slayer routine,
"Hello? Am I even here? What's going on?"
"Buffy was just about to admit that *I* was right about Riley."
"I was *not*! Okay, so I was waiting till you got really wound up. You win."
Delighted, Spike jumped back on top of her and began to tickle her relentlessly.
Riley wandered the graveyard, hoping to catch Spike off-guard. It wasn't that he was a bad loser (Author :- although he *is*. But that's just my opinion...) he just didn't like the fact that *his* Slayer was messing about with a vampire, and a soulless one at that. He froze as he heard the familiar sound of Buffy's bright, bubbly laugh. He slid into the nearest bush, and watched them. He clutched the crossbow in his hand and clenched his teeth in concentration. Besides, he was doing the right thing. Spike was a demon, a coldhearted killer and was recently de-chipped. As a member of the Initiative, it was Riley's duty to kill this monster. He tensed up as Buffy and Spike parted. Buffy heading round the back of his bush, and Spike ascended the nearest tree. Riley loaded the weapon and aimed, whispering to himself,
"Goodbye William the Bloody, hello flying fatality."
"I'll flying fatality you, you bastard!"
In his lust for vengeance, Riley had failed to notice that Spike wasn't Spike. It was Damon, Harmony's latest. Spike was actually sitting next to him, and had been there the whole time. Game face on, the vampire leapt on him, kicking the crossbow out of Riley's reach,
"Next time you try to kill me, do it like a man!"
Slamming his elbow into the side of Riley's head, Spike grabbed him by the neck, and threw him across the clearing and into another clump of bushes. The infuriated vampire allowed him to stand, then turned to Buffy who had been watching all from a distance, she now approached them with a pair of fencing sabres. Spike smiled fondly at her and took one of the sabres,
"We'll do this the gentleman's way." He took the other sabre, and dropped it at Riley's feet, taking the appropriate stance. Riley picked up the weapon, it had been sharpened, polished too,
"This means what to me?"
Raising the tip of his weapon to point directly at the human's heart, Spike smiled with cold civility,
"I challenge you."
"Huh?"
"18th century Britain. A gentleman should fight for his lady's honour"
[Author's Note:- don't try to correct me on this one. I have no idea what I'm doing so bare with me.]
Riley looked at Spike, then at Spike's sabre. It was sharp, and it was pointed right at him,
"Okay. Fine."
Spike looked his opponent right in the eye,
"En guarde."