Author's
Notes: Hi everyone! This is my
(poor) attempt at trying to get in the head of Al Snow and work out what he
would say if he had a chance to campaign amongst the superstars for the job of
Commissioner. I know it's a bit late and Regal's already got the job but hey!,
I live in England and we get Raw and Smackdown later then you do in the
States!!! Al says all of the stuff in red while everything in orange is the
superstars reactions to what he is saying.
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My fellow wrestlers, commentators
and not forgetting the lowly backstage crew, I thank you all for coming here
today to hear me tell you why I, Al Snow, should be chosen as the WWF
Commissioner. ("Do you think we should
tell him that we're only here cause it's lunchtime and this is the cafeteria?"
whispers Jeff Hardy to his brother Matt)
It takes a man of many
talents to be Commissioner, and I feel that I am that man. I am of course a
former European Champion as well as 3-time Hardcore Champion, not to mention
being our former Commish's best friend. Now you all know much I love Mick, but
lets face it he wasn't the best Commissioner this company's had, far from it in
fact ("Right on, dude!!" cheer Edge and
Christian). What did he do to improve the WWF? Did he
protect the hos?? Did he give everyone cake and candy every week??? Did he
help the midgets???? NO!!!!!! All he did is bring back the gorgeous Debra,
something I and all the backstage crew who love her puppies were delighted with
(Jericho and Test struggle to hold back
Stone Cold Steve Austin from Al, who doesn't notice anything's wrong), and use this gavel thingy which is by the way very cool and
fun to play with (he repeatedly whacks it
on the table until Kane snatches it out of his hands and breaks it in half) Hey, that was mine get your own!!! Anyway, I will correct all
the mistakes Foley has done!! (Edge,
Christian and Trish cheer) I will right the
many wrongs that have occurred!!! (Another
round of cheering from these 3) I will bring
back the midgets!!!! (No-one cheers as
everyone turns to each other and goes "huh??")
Yes, you see I had a
dream and in that dream there were midgets!! Hundred and hundreds of
midgets!!!! Do you know what that means?? ("That you
ate cheese before going to bed?" someone calls out)
NO, it means midgets are going to take over the world!!! And that world
includes the World Wrestling Federation!!!! (Stephanie
and Triple H discreetly signal for security to be called)
But they're not our enemies; they are our friends and equals, except
height-wise of course. And how better then to show the world this then by
having them on our shows!! Just think, there could be a Little Show and a
tag-team called Too Small, not to mention the famous superstar "The Tiny One".
But my appointment as
Commissioner will not just be about midgets (everyone
breathes a sigh of relief) – no, there will be more to it then just
that! For a long time now, a lot of superstars have been screwed out of their
title shots and championships by the McMahon family and their associates. (People
are either nodding in agreement or turning to their neighbours and saying
"And???") If I am elected Commissioner both I and my
Deputy-Commisioner will stomp this out!!! We will fight the good fight!!! ("That's
our catchphrase!" mutters Steven Richards) We will make far
matches!! With Head as my Deputy-Commissioner, we will end this miscarriage of
justice and make the WWF a fair place once again!!!! (Under
the cover of cheering, Lita asks Matt, "He does knows it's not real – right??"
- Matt just shrugs)
And so my fellow
Head-Cheese fans, I urge you go to Mr McMahon and tell him you want Al Snow!!!!
Let me be your representative and I promise there will be cake and candy for
all!! Now all together now:
HI HO, HI HO, WE WANT
COMMISSIONER SNOW!!
HI HO, HI HO, WE WANT
COMMISSIONER SNOW!!
HI HO, HI HO, WE WANT
COMMISSIONER SNOW!!!
(At this point
security finally arrives and "escorts" Al from the building)