A/N – Hi all, I'm back! It feels good to be sitting in front of my computer again! Jeez, you can tell you're hooked when you can't even leave for a few days. I've missed Minerva and Albus!
* * *
Severus Snape packed his belongings into a slightly battered valise. It did not look like it would hold much, but then, you should never judge a book by its cover. He put all his clothes and personal belongings into it, shut it, and placed it by the door.
He looked around his apartment, then at the door, swallowed hard, and sat down on the bed. He would need all the courage he could muster in the next few days. Snape was leaving Voldemort.
Lord Voldemort had declared that once Dumbledore was dead, they would take over Hogwarts. He was now rallying his supporters and preparing them for the invasion which, even with Dumbledore out of the way, would be a hard fight. Death Eaters were flocking to Voldemort's headquarters from all corners of England, and there were even a few from other countries. Voldemort spoke to each of them individually, to let them know what was expected, and instil into each of them the fear of his wrath.
Voldemort had already spoken to Snape. He had congratulated him and admitted him to his Inner Circle. The first meeting of the Inner Circle was enough to convince Snape that he was right to think about deserting Voldemort.
So here he was, preparing to leave Voldemort's Finland stronghold for the last time. It had to be done carefully, or he would lose his life. He planned to go to Hogwarts, arriving before Dumbledore drank the potion he had sent back with Minerva McGonagall, and rejoin the Light Side.
* * *
Poppy was at her side again when Minerva woke the next day around dinnertime. Minerva showered again and dressed, then asked Poppy to send the house-elves with food, as she was finally ravenously hungry, and then go and tell Albus to come up and eat with her. This Poppy did, leaving Minerva alone for the first time since her return.
Minerva walked over to the mirror after Poppy had gone. A pale, thin, red-eyed ghost of her former self looked back at her. Torture could be clearly seen in her wide, dark eyes. For several long minutes she stared at her reflection, until eight house-elves arrived with dinner.
Once they had left, Minerva went over to the small table as if in a dream and sat down, her eyes wide and unfocused, one hand twitching occasionally as if trying to resist some strong temptation. A voice was speaking in her head; the voice of the Imperius Curse.
Put the poison in Dumbledore's glass.
Minerva put her hand into her pocket, grasped the small vial that lay there, and pulled it out. She held it out over the table, breathing hard, struggling with herself, fighting for control.
Pour the poison into Dumbledore's glass.
Minerva moved her hand over the wineglass opposite her own, and stopped, trembling.
Put the poison in Dumbledore's glass.
Minerva trembled harder, and clenched her hand around the vial of poison.
Put it in now!
The vial began to tip, but Minerva snatched it back. There was a knock at the door.
NOW!
Minerva poured the contents of the vial into her own glass.
* * *
Snape swore as the shadowed shapes approached him, and he recognised them. It was the Lestranges, a married pair of Death Eaters who would do anything to further themselves in Lord Voldemort's favour. And they had recognised him.
They called softly to him as they drew near, and he stopped, seeing no other option.
"You're going the wrong way, Snape," Mr. Lestrange said softly. "Voldemort's headquarters are in the other direction."
Snape was thinking furiously. His heart was pounding; adrenaline rushed through him. He could see no other choice . . . The Lestranges had never liked him much . . .They had never trusted him . . .
"Stupefy!" he cried. A jet of red light shot out of his wand and paralysed Mr. Lestrange. Mrs. Lestrange let out a cry of fury and pulled out her own wand.
"Traitor!" she cried. "I have never trusted you. I knew you weren't on our side! And I was right!" She flew at him, wand out, and Snape threw himself wholly into defending his life.
* * *
Albus opened the door in response to Minerva's muffled "Come in!" and entered her apartment. He looked at her intently for a moment. The flesh seemed to have melted off her when she was being held captive by Voldemort, and the skin of her face was rather unhealthily white, stretched over her bones. It pained him to see her like this. The tortured look in her eyes was worse; Albus wondered how long it would be until she lost that look.
Minerva's behaviour seemed to fluctuate during the rather silent dinner. One minute she would be very quiet and seem to be struggling internally, and the next she attempted to cover it with a vacuous smile. She ate little and did not drink. Conversation was desultory. Albus watched her with growing concern, finally getting up and going around to her side when he had finished eating. She looked up at him and he felt a throb of heartache from the fear in her eyes.
"Minerva," he said gently, "If you would like to talk, I am more than willing to listen. If I can do anything for you, at any time, you have only to say the word."
Minerva looked into his eyes, trying to tell him without words of her inner struggle. She opened her mouth, trying to tell him something – anything – but no words came out. The curse took over, and she shut it. Her throat worked twice, three times; she fought the curse with all her might, but it was too strong . . . Albus watched her with concern. She tried again to speak, but could not. Albus picked up her wineglass and handed it to her. She tried not to take it; she made one last desperate attempt to tell Albus what was wrong, but the Imperius curse was too strong for her. She took the goblet and drank deeply from it, then set it back on the table. Almost instantly she felt the Imperius Curse's effect on her recede. She could think for herself again. She took Albus' hands.
"Albus," she began, but before she could finish, all her muscles seized up, and she went rigid, unable to move or speak, or even to blink. Albus caught her and looked into her face, his own features anxious. He lowered her to the floor and pulled out his wand.
It was a strange sensation. Minerva was perfectly aware, but she could not move a muscle. She watched Albus feeling frantically for a pulse in her wrist, but she could not feel his touch. Sound, though, was oddly magnified. She heard the footsteps outside in the hallway before Albus did, but could not turn her head, and so she could not see the person who came bursting through the door until he was standing over her. It was Severus Snape.
Snape said nothing; he merely knelt, tapped his wand on Minerva's forehead, and muttered a few odd words. She felt herself return to normal, and in a moment Albus helped her to a sitting position. She leant back against him, oddly out of breath, and both of them looked at Snape. He looked back at them. For a moment, no one spoke.
"What are you doing here?" Albus asked him finally. Snape took a deep breath.
"I have come to rejoin your side, if you'll have me," he said.
"I will have anyone who is willing to be loyal," Albus told him, getting up and helping Minerva to her feet also. "If you will be loyal to us and can prove you have renounced the Dark side, you will be welcomed back with open arms."
Minerva found her voice. "You exaggerate, Albus," she said hoarsely. "Our people will be hesitant to welcome back someone who could very possibly be spying for Voldemort." She was watching Snape's face very carefully, so she did not see the odd flicker in Albus' blue eyes before he said, "I would like to speak with you at length, Severus, but this is not the place for it. Would you be so kind as to come with me to my office?"
Snape hesitated.
"Is something wrong?" Albus inquired.
"No," Snape said quickly, "I was merely going to say that I met two Death Eaters on my way in here – the Lestranges. I managed to Stun them. I left them outside, hidden of course."
Albus did not respond, other then to reach for the door and stride out of the room into the dark corridor outside. Snape and Minerva followed him.
"I left them here, Dumbledore," Snape said quietly a moment later, pointing to a shadowy clump of bushes. A brief search discovered that the Lestranges were still there. Albus levitated them with his wand and the three of them took them into the castle and locked them securely in an empty classroom pending the time when they could be handed over to the Ministry.
"Now," said Albus, "Snape, I would like to speak with you. Minerva, I want you to see Poppy and then rest."
Minerva began to protest, but Albus shot her a look, and she gave in. They went their separate ways.
* * *
"Hate," Albus mused, "Is so detrimental. You – " he jabbed a long finger at Snape – "are filled with hate."
Snape said nothing.
"This is what made it so easy for Voldemort to convert you to his side," Albus continued. "All he had to do was twist your hate to fit his own ends." He sighed. "So simple really. But you are a good man, Severus. All you need to do is get rid of the hate inside you."
Still Snape said nothing.
"I know it is easy to hate," Albus said gently. "It is easy and, in its own way, satisfying. But as I said before, it is extremely detrimental to you and every one around you."
Snape cleared his throat. "I've always hated," he said hoarsely. Albus looked at him with blue eyes that seemed concerned and – there was no other word for it – loving. Snape swallowed hard, but the words burst from him as if a dam had burst.
"You say hate is detrimental," he said, "But it is the only emotion I know. I have always hated everything and everyone. It's like a disease with me. I know you say I can get rid of it, but I don't think I can."
"Severus – " Albus began, but Snape continued in a rush.
"Detrimental or not, I hate Voldemort and all his supporters! I hate them more than anything else! They have destroyed everything I have ever loved and killed everyone who has ever loved me! They have ruined my life – I will never be happy!" Here Snape stopped and took a shuddering breath. He buried his face in his hands, struggling for control of himself, for whatever he told Albus, hate was not the only emotion he could feel.
Albus came around to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder.
"So you can feel emotions other than hate," he said softly. "I thought you could. It's all right, you know. Remorse, sorrow, and even tears are a natural part of life." He knelt down and put an arm around Snape. The gesture reminded Snape of the father he had never known, and for once in his life he gave in to his emotions, and he cried for the first time since he was a little boy.
* * *
Albus went up to Minerva's room after Snape had gone. He sat down on a chair facing her bed, where she was seated, wrapped in a dressing gown. Her hair was wet, and it hung down to touch the bedspread. Several strands fell over the front of her shoulders and down into her lap. She was watching him with interest, waiting for him to tell her what Snape had told him.
"He said he joined the Death Eaters when he was seventeen – just after he left Hogwarts," Albus began. "He made potions for Voldemort, and eventually assisted several other Death Eaters in inventing curses and untraceable poisons. He was involved mostly with the intellectual side of Voldemort's reign. Things began to change for him in the last few months, beginning when he was dragged along on a Muggle-killing expedition, done for fun on a day off." Albus paused for a moment. "Then they brought you in," he said carefully. "Severus said the Death Eaters had been planning your abduction for weeks. They put some sort of sleeping gas in your bath salts." Minerva nodded; things were becoming clearer to her now. "When they couldn't get any information from you," Albus went on, watching her closely, "Voldemort ordered Severus to kill you, as a sort of initiation rite to his Inner Circle."
"But he didn't," Minerva said wonderingly.
Albus smiled. "No. He told me he didn't want to kill you; that there were 'better uses' for you. He suggested to the Dark Lord that you should be sent back to Hogwarts under the Imperius Curse, to poison me." Minerva looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't, so he went on. "Voldemort called upon Severus to make the poison. By this time he was starting to think of ways to escape Voldemort and return to our side. He made a sort of Stunning potion – his own invention – instead of a deadly poison. He intended to get here before I drank it, but was held up, as you heard earlier." Albus probed at Minerva with his eyes. "Incidentally," he said, "How did you come to drink that potion instead of me?"
Minerva hesitated, her eyes on her hands, which were twisting in her lap. "I was - I am – too weak to fight the Imperius Curse, but I still kept my own mind, in a way," she said. "I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't stop myself. It was the most horrible sensation. I thought that the vial of potion the Death Eaters had given me was poison, and I – I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop myself from putting it in your wineglass, like the curse was telling me to do. Even in that state I knew what would the result would be, and with the part of me that could still think properly, I knew I didn't want to be the cause of your death." Her head came up and she looked Albus straight in the eye. "I put the potion in my own glass."
There was silence. Albus sought to put his feelings into words, but the words would not come to him.
"I – " he said, "I – thank you is the only thing I can come up with."
Minerva smiled. It made her thin face beautiful again to Albus. He put out a hand and clasped hers tightly. She squeezed back, and then her hand fell back into her lap. There was silence again, and both of their thoughts turned back to Severus Snape.
"You trust him then, Albus?" Minerva said suddenly. "Snape, I mean."
"I do trust him," Albus said. "I see no evidence of subterfuge and I believe his story. It is, I fear, entirely plausible. Voldemort is a very difficult person to resist."
Minerva winced slightly at the mention of the Dark Lord's name. "As I well know," she murmured. Albus looked at her sympathetically.
"But you did resist him," he said. "I can only admire you for that."
Minerva sucked in an unsteady breath. "You have no idea," she said hoarsely, "of the kind of things they do to people. I don't know how much longer I could have survived it. I kept telling myself that it wouldn't be much longer, that you would find me soon – "
Albus slid out of the chair and onto the bed beside Minerva in one motion.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't want you to think I didn't try to find you – but I had no information to start with – " Minerva wrapped her arms around herself and bit her lip from the inside.
"You have no idea," she said again. Her voice shook. "The things they did were – horrific – enough to give anyone nightmares. I will – I will never forget it – the Cruciatus Curse – pain beyond anything I could have imagined." Albus made a sudden move as if to comfort her, but thought better of it, and stayed still, watching Minerva struggle to find the words. "They – they did things I couldn't – no words could describe – I didn't think I would ever get out of there alive, but I would rather have died than give them any information about you. I was so afraid. I was so sure you would find me, but you never came – and I began to give up hope. I knew they were going to kill me. I wished they would just get it over with."
Albus swallowed hard in a vain attempt to dispel the tightness in his throat. He reached up one long hand and gently cupped her cheek with it.
"Minerva," he said. "I'm so sorry." He wanted to say more, but he could not find the words to express his feelings. "I – It drove me crazy to know that Voldemort had you – and I could never be sure if you were even still alive – please believe me when I say that I tried my best to find you and rescue you."
A single tear slipped out from under Minerva's lashes and splashed down her face. Albus wiped it away with his thumb.
"I love you," he said. Minerva's eyes came up to meet his and fastened there like a drowning sailor clutching at a life raft. Her lips parted, but she did not speak. Albus leaned forward and softly placed his own mouth over hers.
Instantly a shiver raced through her, from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. Her every cell was filled with an intoxicating power. All her fear and pain disappeared. She gasped for breath, and then she wrapped her arms around Albus' neck and returned his kiss with a passion that the renewal of her powers had brought forth from her tingling flesh.