Disclaimer: DC Comics and Time/Warner own All the characters; this is an original story that does not intend to infringe on their copyright.
Affects
By
Peggie
It often easier to go through life selfishly thinking that your life is only your concern, that it does not have any affect on others. You are your own person, an individual, a grown man. Therefore you have the right to do as you want with your life, especially if no one is dependent on you. No wife, no small children, no family to call your own, why should what you do with your life be anyone's concern but yours?
I've been alone most of my life, since I was eight in fact, with no family to call my own. A family servant who took on the role of guardian raised me, but he's not my father so he's got no rights over my life.
For a short while I had a son, of sorts. A young orphaned boy who I took into my home and my heart. Yet, he rebelled against me, didn't want my help, my money or me. He became like a stranger, so my delusion of having a family was shattered. I realised I was and always had been alone. Yet I couldn't face the loneliness again, so I took on another boy to try and build a proper family. This boy I adopted, to try any make the bond more permanent, yet he was stolen from me by death.
Death always steals those most precious to you. The pain of loss is unbearable, I never want to go through that again, so I protect myself by keeping my distance from others. But no matter how I try others think they have a right to interfere in how I live my life.
Alfred, the faithful servant, the man who raised me, I owe him nothing, he was paid to do it. Yet he believes his role in bringing me up gives him a right to interfere in how I live my life.
Dick the boy I considered a son. He threw it all back in my face he didn't want me or my money so why does he think he has the right to have a say in what I should do.
Leslie a friend, the woman who unbidden tried to be a mother to me. I never asked for her love. Yet she thinks because she gave it I should accept her advice.
These three people think they have the right to tell me how to live. They think they have the right to tell me what is right. Because they love me, they expect me to love them back in the same way.
I can't love. I won't love. You can be hurt too easily if you do!
Yet I cannot stop loving them. Alfred is my father in all but name, he raised me, he loves me and I love him. I love him so much, it scares me to see him grow old. To know everyday is one day closer to losing him forever. I know this is irrational. I know I should take joy in him while he lives. I should let him know he is loved and value. He does know, he must know or he wouldn't put up with me. I just wish I had the courage to tell him.
As for Dick, nothing can erase the love I have in my heart for that boy. He is my son and I feel a father's love for him, a father's pride in him and everything he does. Every time I see him I want to hug him tight and tell him I love him. I've never told him that. Never said those words yet I feel it so keenly. It's my fear of losing him that is at the root of our problems. I only want to protect him, to keep him safe.
Leslie is my mother in many ways, she has given me the gift of a mother's love. That special kind of love that includes, patience and understanding. She doesn't like what I do but she still supports me, still loves me and I love her.
Yes, I love them but I fear that emotion because one day it will lead to unbearable pain. So I pretend it does not affect me. I pretend I don't love them, that I am cold. Yet they are not quite fooled. I cannot escape the fact that what I do with my life will affect them. No man is an island; everyone's life affects someone.