Disclaimer: We do not own Digimon. Maybe in the not to distant future we could, but we don't now. So do not sue. The Backstreet Boys own "Back to Your Heart", along with enough songs to fill four entire CDs.
Lianda's Notes: Though I hate to admit it, Riko's hatred towards this coupling was one of the main reasons I wrote this. But it turned out really well and I'm really proud of this fic. Happy reading!
Riko's Notes: Don't expect much from me here. I like this story, but it's a...Mishiro, so I better keep my mouth shut.
Back to Your Heart
By Lianda and Riko
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It's not that I can live without you
It's just that I don't even want to try
Every night I dream about you
Ever since the day you said good-bye
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"Koushiro! I didn't mean it. I was..I was drunk. He...means nothing to me. It's you I want. Don't leave me, Koushiro!" I ran out of my apartment after my love. Going down the stairs, I thought, how could I have been so stupid? How could I have betrayed my Koushiro for some git I found on the street? I saw him on the pavement, hair wild, breathing deeply. "Please-wait." I panted.
He stiffened. "Why should I?" His voice was so cold..so emotionless.
I stammered. "Because..I love you."
He turned around. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and there were dirty tear stains on his cheeks. His mouth was turned down in excruciating pain. "You know, I'd like to believe that. And I did, once. Silly me. I thought it would work. I thought-you saw past..everything. No. Why would you? Why would a girl like Mimi Tachikawa want a geek like me?" He turned and ran down the street.
I was desperate. "No..Koushiro. I can..explain-oof!" My flimsy night-dress ripped as I fell to the ground. Tears flowed freely from my eyes as I struggled to get up, only to trip again. Koushiro..where are you?
I gasped as I woke up. It was a dream..just a dream. No, I thought as my shoulders slumped. That happened last week. I was such an idiot.
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If I wasn't such a fool
Right now I'd be holding you
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I was angry at him. We were supposed to have gone out on the lake that night. He promised that we'd spend that one romantic evening together. Then he called and said he that he had to do some extra programming that night and our plans were cancelled. 'Oh, all right Koushiro' I had said 'I'll just stay at home, then.'I tried to hide the bitter disappointment from my voice. Then I went out for a drink...or two. After that, it was a blur. I remember a man..remember inviting him up...then it just..happened. And the next thing I knew Koushiro was there. How was I supposed to know that he would get done early, and that he had prepared for a wonderful night out? No. He had to find me in bed with..I don't even know his name!
Fresh tears flowed from my eyes and stung my parched cheeks with the awful memory. Oh, God, please say I haven't lost him yet. I'll get him back. I have to. My life depends on it. I laid my head back on my pillow and wiped my damp hair out of my eyes and began to dream again.
"And look," he said pointing to the sky, "there's Draco the dragon, so that means that that's Cepheus over there and Cassiopeia his queen."
I smiled at Koushiro and, taking his hand in mine, whispered, "And how much did Cepheus love his queen?"
Koushiro stopped gazing at the sky and our eyes meant. I basked in the warmth and naked longing I could see there. Then he smiled faintly and breathed, "His love for her was bigger and brighter than the greatest ocean or the most incandescent star." Then he took my in his arms and kissed my hair. "About how much I love you."
I looked up at him, "Oh, Koushiro...this is the happiest moment of my life."
"Mine too."
I got dressed. I knew where he'd be. On the bridge where he first told me how much he loved me. Though he hid it well, my Koushiro was a sentimentalist..that was where he'd be. I put on his favourite outfit on me. A pink shirt, a white skirt and matching flip-flops. My stomach was full of butterflies and it spasmed every few minutes with anxiety. I grabbed my purse and ran out. It was close to two and the sun was shining over head. I got on the bus to the bridge. I thought about all the good times Koushiro and I had had on that bridge and it's surroundings. How we went to every restaurant near here, how we walked in the park and swam in the lake...
I saw him as I got off the bus. In the middle of the bridge, looking down into the river. He was holding a little white flower and looking very downcast. I walked up to him but he didn't see me. "Kou-Koushiro. Please wait. We need to talk."
He stiffened, then forced himself to relax. He slowly turned around. I winced at his expression. There was so much pain there, and I knew it was all because of me. "I really don't think we have anything to say to each other."
How to get him back!
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The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do to get to you
And find a way back to your heart
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"You have to listen to me. I was drunk and angry. I was looking forward to that night so much and when you cancelled..you must understand. I love you."
Koushiro looked at me. "Do you even know what love is? If you had really loved me..you wouldn't have done what you did, Mim-" His voice faltered with my name and he looked away. "I don't know if I can ever trust you again."
"I don't know what made me do that. But..just take me back..give me another chance. I'll never do anything like that again. I'll do anything to make it up to you."
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I don't know how it got so crazy
But I'll do anything to set things right
'Cause your love is so amazing
Darling you're the best thing in my life
Let me prove my love is real
Make you feel the way I feel
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He smiled faintly. "I-I know you would."
I looked up hopefully. "Then you'll give me another chance?"
He was silent for a while. I thought my heart would burst. Then he said, "I don't think I can. I'm sorry. You'll probably find that one day...you wouldn't want me anyway. You'd want someone who's always going to be there, not someone who's in his computer all day long. You'll want someone strong."
Tears started. "No! I want you!" I started to cry.
Koushiro had pain in his eyes when he said, "I suppose you never learned this; you can't always get what you want. This is good-bye." He turned and started walking back down the bridge.
I looked up in consternation. I couldn't let him get away. With a cry I caught up to him, flung my arms around his neck and kissed him with my whole heart. For a miraculous instant, he seemed to melt into my kiss, all was right the world. Then he pulled my arms from around him and pushed me away. "No, Mimi. This is good-bye. I can't bear..to have anything like that happen to me again." I just stood there, the colour draining from my face, as he turned and walked away. Then I looked down to see the white flower he had had in his precious hands. He had dropped it when I came, I thought. I bent slowly and picked it up like it was made of glass. Then like a rock I turned myself took a taxi home. Only when I was in the privacy of my own apartment, did I release all my emotion. With a strangled moan I flung myself onto my bed as my body started to convulse. Wretched sobs came out me and I realized that I had lost him.
"This is good-bye, Mimi." I had said. Those words were the most painful words I had ever spoken. As I walked away, I blinked back my tears in fury. I realized I had dropped the flower I was holding in my hand.
Dinner that night was quite morose. I sat sulking, barely eating, not speaking a word. I didn't notice the worried look mother gave to my father. I didn't live there anymore, I was visiting them. I had my own little apartment closer to the University. With a grimace, I pushed my plate away. "Mom, I'm not very hungry, although your cooking is delicious as always." I tried my best to smile. Ever since my parents and I finally came clear and told each other our secrets, we were closer than peas in a pod. I couldn't bear to see them worried about me again. "Goodnight, then."
Mother smiled. "Goodnight Koushiro."
Father looked up. "Sleep well, son."
I left them. Once in my room, I opened my laptop and tried to concentrate on my programs. It's didn't work. My mind kept drifting back to my pink haired dove. How she laughed at my jokes, how she was sincere in everything she did. I grimaced. Everything except...but that didn't deserve thought. With a sigh I closed my computer. I'd get no work done this night. Lying on my bed, I thought about her. Something inside me kept crying 'She still loves you, go to her and be well!' But that was too good to be true. The fact that she was unfaithful just proved that she needed someone that could cater to her every whim. That someone was obviously not me. My eyes started to droop, so I changed and climbed into the covers. I need to get on with my life anyway, I thought, I..I don't need her..and I closed my eyes. But my last thought was of her desperate eyes pleading for me to stay. They were with me the whole night.
A week passed and I haven't been on my computer once. I had paled and looked a wreck. I was forced to throw Mimi from my mind every few minutes, only to have her back again. To the horror of my parents, I had taken to wandering. Anywhere, but mostly places where Mimi and I had been together. I would stay away from home for hours at a time, only going back to eat and sleep. On one such day, I found myself at her doorstep.
Why was I here? I scolded myself. You're not going back to her. She'll be unfaithful again. She'd get sick of you-what are you to her? A geek who has no chance of ever being her dream guy. And I was angry with her, I told myself again. I..I guess I still love her..but love without trust? But, Koushiro, if you really believe that, why is your hand going to the door? I stopped my fist, which was about to knock just inches from the door. I quickly drew it back. No, it won't happen. I won't let it.
I was just turning to go when the door suddenly flew open. There stood a bewildered Mimi, looking beautiful as always, but slightly haggard. There were lines under her eyes and she looked like a ghost. But it was still..Mimi. "Koushiro!" I saw hope fly into her eyes. "What..are you doing here?"
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The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
What can I do to get to you
And find a way back to your heart
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This was it. I love her, I thought. I should tell her..tell her how I couldn't live without her. How she was my every waking moment, and every nonwaking moment too. She was my angel, shining brightly..and nothing could change that. I took a breath. "Mimi," I looked into her eyes, and could see them light up. "I..I lo-.. I l..eft my sweater with you. Could I have it back?"
Mimi looked down in profound disappointment. "Oh, sure. I'll..I'll get it for you." She went back inside.
I sighed. I couldn't do it. There was still something inside me that couldn't trust her. There was still something..that kept me from saying I love you. My mouth turned down distastefully. I guess it was just never meant to be.
Mimi came back with the sweater. "H-here you are, Koushiro." She handed my sweater back with shaking hands.
"Thanks. Bye..Mimi." I turned and walked away before she could say anything. I winced as I heard a quivering sigh and a door click from behind. Then I broke into a run, and ran all the way home. I knew I couldn't stop myself if I ever went back there again.
As soon as I got home, though, I broke into tears. Mother of course, came immediately. "Koushiro, darling, what's wrong?"
"Oh..nothing m-mother. I'll be..fine."
Mother looked into my eyes. "You may be fine or you might not be. Honey, I just want you to know that your father and I are here..if you need anything. Anything at all."
I smiled weakly. She smiled back, and led me to my room and tucked me into bed, like I was little again.
Half about half an hour of non-stop crying, I sat up on my bed. I knew it was too good to be true, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I thought..he came to make up. I thought everything would be all right again. Shivering, I thought, I have to talk to someone. I shuffled over to my phone and dialled the first number that came to my head. She and I didn't hang out to much anymore, but we were like sisters...I knew she'd by the person I could turn to. "Hello, is Sora there?"
"Speaking."
I took a breath. "Sora, it's Mimi. Koushiro and I..we broke up."
The other end was quiet for awhile. "Oh, Mimi. I'm so sorry. What happened?"
So I told her. It was embarrassing, considering the stupid things I did, but it was Sora. She'd understand.
"Oh, Mimi! You know it's still all your fault."
I sighed. "Yes, I know. But I can't help still getting my hopes up." Then I exploded. "Sora! Everything reminds me of him! I can't..stand it anymore."
"You should get away for a while."
"WHAT?!"
"I said, you have to move on! Get on with your life because Koushiro won't take you back." My stomach sank from under me.
"I called for comfort, not a punch in the face."
"I know. I'm sorry, Mimi, but you have to face facts. You're parents are rich. Get them to send you on a holiday, to the states. Who knows? You might meet someone else."
My eyes widened. "I..could never love anyone else."
"I suppose. Oh well. Think about it, all right?"
"All..all right."
"Bye then."
"Bye." I put down the phone. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I knew I couldn't love anyone else, but maybe this holiday would clear my head. I could get away..so that I could live again. Decision made, I started packing. My parents gave me enough birthday money to give me a week anywhere I wanted. I picked up the phone.
"Odaiba Travelling Agency, how may I help you?"
"Hello, my name is Tachikawa, Mimi. I'd like to book a flight to... Orlando, Florida."
"The plane will be leaving tomorrow at 2."
"Oh, thank you then...bye."
"Your ticket will be waiting for you at the airport. Have a nice day."
But the day was almost gone. Truly was the sun starting to settle under the tall buildings of Odaiba. I stared out my window and thought, this will be my last evening here for..a while. Sora's right. I do need sometime away from Koushiro..not to get over him..no, that would never happen. But maybe just to calm down. My feelings were in too much of a turmoil, and I knew I could never act rationally unless I tone them down.
The phone rang. I jumped up. Might that be Koushiro? Oh, it could..It just could. I ran to the receiver. "Hello?"
It was the Air agency. "Mimi Tachikawa?"
"Speaking."
"We're awfully sorry for the short notice, but you also have another option for a flight to Orlando. You could we have extra first class seats for the evening flight tonight at 8:00 PM. Only $40 more. Would you like a transfer? It's a very good deal."
Would I? I suppose I should, it was a good deal after all and I would leave quicker. But I knew deep down that I still harboured hopes that maybe my Koushiro would call or come over. Then we'd run into each other's arms and everything would be all right. I wouldn't have to leave then, because my heaven would be right here. Or maybe we'd go together. I sighed. I suppose that's too much wishful thinking. But should I take the flight? It would be better to get a good nights sleep, but maybe I was just fooling myself, maybe I was just staying because of my hopes.
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The words to say
The road to take
To find a way back to your heart
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There was nothing I could say to bring him back. He needed to do that on his own. He's never going to forgive me, I was unfaithful. That's the bottom line. "Yes. Please transfer me to the evening plane."
"Alright..hold on..there. It's all set. Thank you and have a wonderful holiday."
"Bye." I answered, but the phone had already clicked. I slowly placed the receiver back in it's place. There beside it was the little white flower Koushiro has been holding that day on the week. It was dried now, I had pressed it in a dictionary. It seemed such a long time ago, not just a few weeks..years. It was all so blurry. I could only thank God that the man I was unfaithful to Koushiro with decided not to keep in touch. I shivered and looked at the clock on the wall. 6 PM. Not a problem, as I was already packed. I grabbed my suitcase and my backpack and opened the door. I stopped. Then I turned around a picked up the little dried flower and pressed it into my wallet. I smiled faintly. Koushiro will be with me now. Now and forever. Then I went out and closed the door behind me.
"Taxi!!!!" I don't know why, but people always stop when I yell at them. They said it had something to do with my voice. I taxi driver was big and burly, and had an overall friendly appearance. After he pushed my baggage into the trunk he asked, "So where are you going then, Miss?"
I smiled. "Odaiba Airport. The plane leaves at 8PM."
He nodded. "All right then, hop in."
I sat in the back seat and put on my seat belt, and the car headed off. I looked out the window at the sunset. It was so gorgeous, absolutely sublime. It looked watery against the tall skyscrapers of downtown. We passed the lake and the park. Taichi's apartment's over there. I haven't talk to him in the longest while. I wonder how he and Yamato are getting along, I thought. We passed Sora's place, and Jyou's...and Koushiro's. The light turned red. I counted up the floors until I got to his. 1..2..3..4..There. His apartment. I gasped and my eyes widened. There was a silhouette in the window! I blinked and looked again. Nothing. I shook my head and sighed. Oh Mimi, I told myself, it's just the imagination of a love sick girl.
The taxi had left the downtown area, and was heading towards the airport. We passed a few fields, and I thought, why couldn't I have been born a cow? They have no worries, no love lost, no lament. I suppose the driver noticed how down I was.
"Not a good day, Miss?"
I looked up. "No, not..really."
"Don't worry. Bet you're going somewhere nice, eh?"
"Orlando, Florida, in fact." He smiled warmly at me through the head mirror. "There now, Miss, that ought to cheer you up then! It nice and warm down there. Great place. You're gonna have tons of fun."
That made me feel better for some reason. "Thank you."
We had arrived. I looked at the dialler; it said $27.74. Good, I would have enough cash on me to pay the nice man, I wouldn't have to give him my credit card and give him a hassle. I got out of the car and helped him unload the trunk. Then I smiled and paid him his money. He tipped his hat at me and said, "Have a nice journey, Miss."
I smiled and walked into the airport. Well, here goes. I got to the door. A breeze caught my hair and I had to turn my head to pat it back down. As I turned, the red glare of the sunset went right into my eyes. I had to blink back sudden tears. My breaths started to come in gasps and the wet tears started tricking down my cheeks. I felt a light touch on my arm. There was a man there. "Are you all right? Why are you crying?"
I quickly wiped the water from my eyes. "It's just the sun. I'm fine." I attempted a smile. It really wasn't a great smile, but I was the best I could manage. The man accepted it though and walked off.
I picked up my baggage again and started to walk in. "Goodbye Koushiro..."
I woke up, and the sun was setting. Groaning from a headache which I had mysteriously acquired, I sat up on my bed. It would never work anyway, I told myself. She would never be faithful, would she? If a little thing like cancelling a date could turn so ugly, how could we move on? I shook my head. This was the best thing. I'd have more time for my computer, and she'd...she'd..I sighed. She could have someone better.
I lifted myself off the bed. My day clothes were still one, I hadn't bothered to change. I'm so thirsty, I thought. I went out of my room, into the kitchen to get myself some water. Gulping it down, a sudden thought came to me. Could Mimi and I still be friends?
Maybe if we couldn't share love, we could still share friendship. We'd had so many good times together, and I couldn't bare the thought of never seeing her again. I loved her company. And who knows? Maybe in time we would become closer. This could happen. I got excited with the idea. I wouldn't have to block her out. We would be friends. I reached over for the phone, and dialled her number. The number I had memorized so long ago. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Click.
"Hi, this is Mimi. I'm not here right now, but leave a short message after the beep!" Beep.
I cleared my throat. "Hi, Mi-Mimi. This is Koushiro. We need to talk soon, call me, okay?" Click. I held the phone in my hand and looked down at it. Where could she be? I frowned and looked at my watch. 7PM. It was late. She should be home. Maybe she was at Sora's...Ring. Ring.
"Hello? Takenouchi residence."
"Sora! This is Koushiro."
"Hi! What's up?"
"Do you know where Mimi is? She's not at home, and its really late."
"Hmm..I don't know where she'd be..unless-"
My heart started to beat faster. "Unless what, Sora?"
"Unless..."
I grew impatient. "Sora! Just tell me!"
"She's gone."
My breath caught. "Gone? Where?"
"To..to the airport. I told her to go. She..she told me about how you and her had a falling out. I said, so get away, you need a holiday, and.." Click. "Koushiro? Koushiro...?"
But I had already dropped the phone and was pulling on a jacket. I knew I wasn't thinking straight, but I had to get to the airport. I bolted out the door and ran down the stairs outside. The I turned and ran to the road. "Taxi! Hey, TAXI!" The taxi stopped and I scrambled on.
"Where to?"
"Odaiba airport, and hurry!"
"Haven't you forgotten your luggage, sir?"
"No, ok. Please, just hurry!" The car started and we were off. I was restless in the back seat. What if she had already left? As I stared out the window of the car, I asked myself why I was doing this. The answer came immediately. I didn't realized just how much Mimi meant me to me, until there was a chance I would lose her. Oh, Mimi, my angel, I thought, I'm so, so sorry. I should have said something.
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Give me one more chance
To give my love to you
'Cause no one in this world loves you like I do
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We arrived at Odaiba airport. I got out of the car and quickly paid the driver. I think I paid more than I should have, but at that moment, I couldn't think of anything but Mimi. Had she left? I suddenly realized that I had no idea where she'd be. Which gate would she be at, I didn't ask Sora where Mimi was going. My mouth turned down in a determined look. One thing I did know, if she was here, I'd find her. And never let her go. I rushed into the airport.
"Ex-excuse me? Did a girl with pinkish hair walk by here?"
"No, sorry."
"Excuse me ma'am? Did a girl with curly pink hair come by?"
"No, I'm sorry."
"Excuse me sir? Did a girl..." And so it went. I was about to give up. No one had seen her. Either that or no one cared. By this time, my forehead was covered in sweat and my breath was coming in gasps. I needed to rest, but I had to find her. Cold logic told me that she had probably already left.
I looked up where a sign said Gate 51: Orlando, Florida. A voice came over the PA. "Last call for flights to Orlando, Florida, Gate 51." I looked back down and caught my breath. There she was! Mimi was giving her ticket to a lady behind the counter and was about to walk through the door to the plane. No, I couldn't let her get away from me again. I should have told her when I was at her apartment, I told myself. I should of said that I loved her then. I'm so foolish. I only hoped that it wasn't too late. I lifted my chin and shouted with all my heart. "Mimi!"
+++
I turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
And find a way back to your heart.
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I heard a voice calling my name behind me. I gasped, could it be? I was scared to look. Slowly, I turned around and my world toppled over. "Koushiro!"
He was panting and running towards me, but he did manage a weak smile. "Mimi! You haven't left. You haven't left-"
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The words to say..
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My body started to shake. "Koushiro, before you say anything, just let me say I'm so sorry." I bow my head. "You have to believe that, though I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. I never ever meant to hurt you, and I never will again." I drew a deep breath. I was babbling, but I didn't care. All my emotions were coming out all at once. "These past weeks have been so horrible, everything around me seemed to remind me of you. They reminded me of all the times we had to together."
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I gotta find my way...
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"Sora's idea seemed so wonderful, but as I got here, I did realize that I could never live without you. But I didn't think you wanted me around anymore so I was still going to leave. Oh, Koushiro. Please, understand that I love you with my whole heart. I don't care what I have to do, just let me back into your life!" I started to cry, tears were freely trickling as I look hopefully up at him.
Koushiro smiled slightly, stepped towards me and said quietly. "That's all I really needed to hear, Mimi. And I'm sorry too."
I looked up at him questionally. He answered by look. "I should have told you this earlier today. I didn't come for my sweater you see, but I couldn't..I was afraid."
His eyes lightened up as he looked at me. "I love you Mimi. Please don't leave. I didn't realize how dear you are to my heart, until I almost lost you."
I couldn't believe it. I nearly melted right there. My Koushiro has such a way with words. But, something was still unclear. "But..I was unfaithful. You said that you could never trust me again."
He sighed. "I know. But I was angry, and I couldn't think properly then. But I think we have both matured enough these past weeks so that we know what we want. And, frankly, I can't think of anything I want more than what's standing right in front of me."
My eyes widened and, with a squeal of delight, I drew myself into his arms. "Oh, Koushiro..Koushiro." I was so overcome with love, all I could say was his name.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up in to the air. Then he spun me around and kissed me. "I know.."
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Back to your heart.
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