Body
You and your face!
by Teg
Cloud woke up, and rubbed his eyes. The sunlight hurt his eyes, but it was a new day, and none of his housemates had killed him yet. He could smell bacon and eggs coming from the kitchen. He could also hear Cid yelling something about tea, and Red 13 was growling. Cloud groaned. He had to get up and break up yet another potentially violent situation. He pulled on his clothes and headed to the kitchen. Yup he was right, Cid and Red 13 were already brandishing weapons, while the rest of the house tried to stay out of the way. Once upon a time, Tifa might have intervened, but ever since that incident with Yuffie and her Pinwheel, she had stayed out of any conflict that happened to come along. Cloud was kinda disapointed in her, she didn't look that fainthearted, and it left more work for him, but what could he do?
"Alright, alright guys break it up." said Cloud firmly. They put away their weapons, but were still in defensive postures.
"He insulted my grandfather!" growled Red 13.
"Yeah well, he insulted my TEA!" said Cid.
"What haveI told you about insulting other's family members?" sighed Cloud.
"Uhhhhh..Not..to do it?"
"That's right Cid have a cookie." said Cloud. Cid quickly took a cookie and gobbled it up.
"Red 13, just don't insult his tea OK?"
"OK! Can I have a cookie too?" asked Red 13.
"Go ahead." And Red 13 took his cookie and went back to his room, well at least there went one of the problems of the morning. Then Cait Sith came up to him and said;
"Don't worry Cloud, I understand what you must be going through right now, and if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Here's my card."
Cloud looked at his card.
"Psychotherapy rehab! Cait Sith what the hell is this?!" Cloud cried.
"Look, I know how you must feel right now, and if you'll just step into my office for a moment-"
"CAIT SITH!"
"You know, you're showing signs of passive aggressive post mortem, I'm only here to help!" But Cloud just threw the bag of cookies at Cait, who had ducked into his room.
"Thanks for the cookies!" called Cait Sith, who was locked in his room. This just pissed Cloud off even more, but he shoved it down, deep inside to deal with later.
"He ate my muffin!" yelled Yuffie, who had taken her Pinwheel out, preparing to make Barret 'shove it' literally.
"OK Yuffie, no Pinwheels at the breakfast table."
"That's not gonna bring back my muffin!"
"Here, have another one." Yuffie took her new muffin and munched on it happily, but she still had her Pinwheel out, and was stroking it while glaring at Barret menacingly. Cloud sighed. It was going to be one of those days again.
Tifa took this moment to step forward.
"Uhhh, Coud? I think you should know that Vincent has run off with your pass to the Gold Saucer again."
"Uh-huh."
"Yeah, but see, he went yesterday and he hasn't come back yet."
"I heard he was going to go join the circus." piped up Yuffie.
"Well, I hope he is sucessful then." said Cloud, who was now also eating a muffin.
"You ain't gonna go after him this time Cloud?" asked Barret.
"And what would the point of that be?"
"You MONSTER!" excalimed Cid.
"Point taken." said Tifa and Yuffie, but Cid and Barret weren' t satisfied.
"Yeah well, you and your face!" they excalimed and they ran off to their room in a huff.
"You...and your face?"
"I dunno."
"Me neither, has a nice ring to it though." said Yuffie and she skipped away to her room, Pinwheel in hand.
"I really want to take that thing away from her again, but I love The Materia too much." said Tifa. She looked in the fridge, which was empty.
"When was the last time we went grocery shopping?" asked Cloud, puzzled.
"Yesterday. But I think Cid and Barret were up all night again watching Passions, and they ate all the food."
"Great."
"Look, I'll go shopping and you can stay here and hold up the fort.'
"Alright, buy a lock will ya?"
"OK." And Tifa headed out the door, to the grocery store. Cloud decided he should go check on everyone in their rooms. He was kinda afraid of everyone being by themselves in their rooms, alone with their thoughts. They might go crazy, just like Sephiroth. Cloud kinda regreted having to kill him, it gave everyone something to do, seeking him out and such. But, what's done is done, and now he didn't even have the Gold Saucer to entertain them with , but if Vincent was so determined to become a tightrope walker, then so be it. Cloud walked up to Yuffie's door and knocked.
"Yuffie, are you alright in there?"
"Yup fine."
Cloud opened the door to her room, and saw her sitting on her bed, polishing her Twin Viper. Her Pinwheel was in the garbage can.
"Yuffie! You've finally thrown out your Pinwheel?!"
"No, well yes, but I have discovered that with my Twin Viper, I can do two people at a time." she beamed.
"Ok... that's nice."
"Yeah and you guys can't burn it as easily!"
"Right..."
"Yeah, well you and your face Cloud!" And Yuffie slammed the door in his face, and the door hit him in the nose.
"Ouch." Cloud rubbed his nose. He had only heard that 'you and your face' phrase twice today, and it was already getting on his nerves. Cloud didn't think that Cid and Barret were done being mad at him, so he decided to talk to Red 13. He liked talking to Red 13, it was about all the intelligent conversation that he could find in his house and besides, Red was neither mad at him nor was Cloud mad at Red 13. As he walked down the hall, he saw Tifa's door was open, and he could see a burning candle, with several little insect corpses all around it. Ok..... Thought Cloud as he passed by. He just wasn't gonna ask. When he reached Red 13's room, he could hear music playing. It was the smooth sounds of... The backstreet boys? Cloud opened the door and could see Red 13 dancing around with a hairbrush, pretending to be singing. Cloud started to laugh, and then Red heard him and he shut the music off.
"Eeek! Cloud! What are you doing here?"
"The Backstreet Boys?" asked Cloud, trying really hard not to laugh.
"Hey! I find their music very peppy and upbeat!"
"Peppy and... upbeat?" Cloud started to laugh hysterically.
"Yeah well... You and your face Cloud!" Then the door was slammed on his nose again. Then the doorbell rang. Cloud hoped it wasn't someone annoying like Johnny. He opened the door.It was Johnny, holding a measuring cup and smiling.
"Hey Cloud! Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Cloud slammed the door in his face.
"Yeah well, you and your face!" he yelled from outside. Cloud leaned against the door. He had had enough of that stupid phrase! If he heard someone say that again, he was going to tear his hair out! Then Cid and Barret came out of their room, bitch slapping each other.
"Yeah well, you and your face Cid!"
"Well, hows about YOU and YOUR FACE!"
"Good-bye beautiful golden locks." said Cloud and began to tear out his hair. He then had a nervous breakdown, and he turned again into a puddle. No one noticed though, except Yuffie, but she decided to sit there and poke him with her Twin Viper instead. Someone did eventually find him, and used a Maiden's Kiss on him (it's not only good for curing toad!), only to have the whole thing happen all over again three days later. And that's how it was.
THE END
Author's note: Umm... That wasn't very good. Sorry. But please review it anyways . There might be something you people like about it.
- Teg
