Butterfly's Sleep copyright 1999 to L'Arc~en~Ciel.
Fushigi Yuugi and all characters are property of Watase Yuu.
II. Awakening
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic…yeah I really do think |
--Alanis Morissette, Ironic
The couple that met Yui at the airport was older, plump, sedate, comfortable a like a couple of couch pillows. Yui found herself liking them almost immediately.
When she came out of the gate with Tetsuya closely behind her, the first thing she spotted was a large sign spelling "Yui Hongou" in large romanji letters. The man bearing the sign wore horn-rimmed glasses, slightly balding, with a small paunch. The woman beside him looked like the Hongous' neighber next door, Mrs. Fujimiya, whose primary hobby was watering her plants and writing letters. Yui liked Mrs. Fujimiya.
"You are Yui Hongou?" The American accent was a little strange to her ears. The woman was examining her up and down with the sort of look one would give to little children in a pet store.
"Yes ma'am." She had to speak louder above the roar of voices around her, but the woman broke into a smile and then immediately pumped her hand in greeting.
"I'm Barbara Grant, and this is my husband Will. We're so glad you're here!"
Yui smiled and nodded, seeing Tetsuya being accosted out of the corner of her eye by his host family. She could see a little boy tugging at his pant leg. Meanwhile, Will Grant had put down his sign and was adjusting his glasses. He smiled at her when he saw her looking at him.
"Ah…Yui?" She nodded. "You probably have baggage at the baggage claim, isn't that right?" She nodded again and grasped her carry-on.
"Which way is the claim, sir?"
"Right this way. And you can call us Will and Barbara."
Yui blinked. She would never have dreamed of calling Mrs. Fujimiya by her first name. It must be different in America.
Philadelphia International Airport was a maze of floors and escalators and walkways in which Yui would have gotten lost in the first five minutes if the Grants had not been there. They took their time getting to the baggage area, chatting all the while.
"We've wanted to host someone from this exchange program for the longest time…We have three children, you see, but the youngest one is already in his second year at college and he's away for the summer, and the two others are graduated and working. So it's rather lonely at home."
"I'm sorry," Yui offered, unsure of what to say, if Will and Barbara Grant wanted sympathy or were simply talking. American customs were strange.
"Oh, don't be sorry, dear. We're so glad you're here! What will you be doing while you're here in the States?"
"I'll be finding a job and taking several classes," Yui said, hoping her verb tenses were correct. "And just traveling. I have money for train tickets to New York and New Jersey and the surrounding area as well as Europe."
Barbara smiled, the expression lighting up her face. "Why, that's wonderful, dear! Simply wonderful! New York is simply the most gorgeous place, with so many things to do…"
"You seemed to know that boy who got off the plane with you," Will commented as they stepped on yet another escalator. "A friend?"
"He is my boyfriend," Yui said, wondering if they would be comfortable with her having a boyfriend. "He is staying with the Jacobsen family two doors down from you, I believe."
"How convenient," said Will. "You two can go to New York together."
"Yes, sir, we were planning on it."
"No more sirs!" Will said impatiently. "It's just Will. I want you to feel like we're your friends, not teachers. Kids these days don't feel comfortable around adults anymore."
Yui did not comment as they stepped off the escalator and into the huge baggage claim area. The clanging of the machines and the noise of people was near fever pitch. Suitcases tumbled onto the moving belts like food being regurgitated from some monster's pit of a stomach.
Just thinking about that made Yui's stomach start to hurt again, and the cloudy Philadelphia sky outside the tinted windows didn't help.
Tetsuya was nowhere in sight, but they'd already hypothesized on the plane that they would probably be separated when they arrived in Philadelphia. She had his phone number, so she could call him tonight. Strangely, she didn't really feel like calling him, but she probably should, anyway.
She didn't feel like doing much of anything these days.
While you were sleeping
I was listening to the radio
And wondering what you were dreaming when
It came to mind that I didn't care
So I thought hell if it's over
I had better end it quick
Or I could lose my nerve
Are you listening-can you hear me |
--Matchbox 20, Rest Stop
The Grants lived in a two-story brick house in a quiet cul-de-sac in a quiet neighborhood. Will Grant tugged Yui's many suitcases inside with a strength that she didn't know he had in him. The house was rather dark but homey, with a comfortable smell that was musty and pleasant at the same time. It was decorated with old photographs, bits of lace and embroidery on the backs of the couches, paintings and antiques and knick-knacks.
Yui's room was a small second-story bedroom decorated plainly. It had been their youngest son's room, Barbara Grant explained, and since he wasn't home for the summer, they wanted her to have it. It was painfully clear that this son was very important to both of them, by the look in Barbara's eyes and the pride in Will's voice when he spoke of him.
"Steven's majoring in electrical engineering and biochemistry. He's going to be a surgeon someday," Will said, huffing and puffing as he toted the last suitcase up the stairs. "He's my boy."
"What of your other two children?" Yui wondered.
"Mary lives in California. She's a screenwriter. You probably haven't read any of her works, though," Barbara said. "She's quite good. Our oldest, Tom, is in the army."
"I see," Yui murmured, not sure what to say. She sat down on the soft down comforter of the bed. It was a dark blue and looked fairly new. "Thank you for the help, s-Will."
"No problem." Will stood, hands on his hips, looking around. "Well, Barbara's making dinner. Anything special you want?"
Yui blinked. She didn't know much about American food, just that consisted of hamburgers and french fries and junk food. "No, s-Will. Anything is fine."
He smiled a fatherly smile and ducked out the door, leaving her with her suitcases and her new empty room and her thoughts.
She stayed on the bed for a few moments, just staring at the walls, thinking about nothing, noting the fading evening light outside and the feeling that she was very, very tired. It had been a long flight from Japan to San Fransisco to Philadelphia, and the time lag was wearing on her. She hadn't been able to sleep on the plane but just watched Tetsuya sleep in the seat next to her, mouth slightly open, sprawled back in his tiny airplane seat, watched him as he slept and wondered why she suddenly didn't want to watch him anymore.
Suddenly, the bed seemed too soft.
Yui got up, walking slowly around the room, glancing at the momentos of a boy who no longer lived here. On the bedstand, a lamp, some cards, a picture of a girl who she guessed was an old girlfriend. She wondered if he were still dating her. Relationships seemed to come and go so quickly in this world. Together one day, single the next.
Two years, she'd been with Tetsuya.
Was it worth it?
Next the dresser, a dark wooden squat-looking piece of furniture in the corner. She opened the drawers, but they were empty, little cedar squares scenting them with a fresh, stinging smell. The bottoms of the wooden drawers were covered with colored wallpaper. She closed the drawer and ran a finger along the dusty top of the dresser. There was another lamp there that Will had lit earlier, a white comb lying there like a wilted larva, in the light bright white against the darkness. On the wall above the dresser there was a lighter rectangle where a poster or picture had probably once hung.
And then the desk, by the slightly open window where cool evening drifted in and the moon was beginning to rise. She hadn't realized how late it was. The desk looked forbiddingly empty. Yui had always considered desks to be very private, and she felt a little shiver go up her spine before she gently touched the dark wood of the desktop. It felt hard and cold under her fingers.
She didn't pull open the drawers of the desk, just leaned on the tabletop, feeling the cool wind coming through the window on her skin. The houses on the street were close together and the window of Steven's room faced the house next door. She could see the shadow of someone moving about on the blinds. She wondered what Tetsuya was doing. He had her number; he could call her. She didn't need to call him.
Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know, it's been coming for some time
When it's over, so they say
It'll rain on a sunny day
I know, shining down like water |
--Creedence Clearwater Revival, Have You Ever Seen the Rain
Yui didn't bother to unpack…she had a month for that, anyway. Dinner was actually a rather elaborate affair, with a large slab of meat that Barbara called "steak" and had to be eaten with a knife and fork. She was no stranger to knife and fork, but it was a little clumsy trying to cut with the knife while holding the fork. The meat was good and filling, and after dinner she excused herself politely, asking if she could take a walk around the neighborhood.
"Go ahead, Yui," Barbara said. "Just be careful. It's safe, but it's getting dark."
She thanked them for the dinner and put on her shoes, departing quietly out the backdoor. The air was crisp and cool, not at all like Tokyo. The small, close houses, the large trees and lawns and mailboxes and New England smell gave her a bit of a shock all at once when she stepped off the front porch and onto the sidewalk.
It was pleasant, the walk down the path in the growing dark and the breezy evening. She wasn't sure exactly which way Tetsuya's host family was, but she didn't feel like talking to him anyway at the moment. She needed a little time. To sort things out.
Yui stopped a moment, idly reaching out to twirl a tree leaf between her fingers. The sun had set but the last tinges of dusk had not left the sky. Clouds were beginning to form at the horizon. It would probably rain tonight. The lights were on in the house windows, and lamplights in the yards were beginning to turn on.
A scraping sound nearby made her turn to find its source. In the dimming light she could make out a figure holding a broom, sweeping the dirt and dead leaves from her driveway . She began walking and as she drew closer, she could see it was a woman dressed in baggy work clothes. The woman raised a hand in greeting, then stopped sweeping.
"Hello."
Yui blinked. "Hello, ma'am."
"I don't believe I know you…are you new here?"
"I'm from Japan over in America on a travel scholarship," Yui said, aware that this was only the first of many times she'd have explain her presence here. "I'm staying with the Grants."
The woman beamed. "The Grants. Nice people. Their children are wonderful."
Yui smiled. "They seem very friendly."
"Oh, definitely. My daughter was friends with their Mary since they've been in grade school. Well," she looked reflective. "They haven't talked in years. But they were very close when they were children."
"Where is your daughter now?"
The woman's expression was closed. "She's living with me now. She came home because she was sick."
"Oh!" Yui flinched. She'd said the wrong thing. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have-"
"It's all right." The woman waved her apology away. "I haven't introduced myself to you. I'm Helen Rushette."
"Yui Hongou. Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Rushette."
She was half afraid that the other would insist she call her Helen, but Mrs. Rushette just smiled. "I'm pleased to meet you also. It's been kind of lonely around this neighborhood, with so few children. Most of ours are grown up and moved away."
Except for yours, Yui thought. She wondered what kind of illness it was that had driven Mrs. Rushette's daughter back home to her. Did her daughter not have a husband?
"Well, I'd better head in. My daughter will need her medicine soon. And you should head home. It's dark."
"Yes ma'am. Could you tell me which house the Jacobsens live in, please?"
"Of course." She pointed. "You're with the Grants. That's the house with the blue window shutters. The Jacobsens are two more houses down, in the brown brick house. It's hard to see in the dark, but you can't miss it in the daylight."
"Yes. Thank you very much."
"You're welcome. Good night!" The woman waved her free hand, then hoisted her broom and began walking up the driveway without waiting for Yui's answer.
Two houses down, in the brown brick house. She wondered how Tetsuya was doing with that little boy she had seen the Jacobsens with. Tetsuya hated children. She smiled, but it was an ephemeral smile.
She began walking slowly back to the Grants' house, thinking about nothing. A shiver of wings, and a butterfly fluttered into her path, turning circles in the air. She watched it as it flipped and then flitted away into the cool night air.
So beautiful. So free.
For the life of me
I cannot remember what made us think
That we were wise and we'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen |
--Verve Pipe, The Freshmen
She took a quick shower and wished Mr. and Mrs Grant goodnight, then returned to her empty room and sat gingerly at the desk, blank paper and pencil in front of her. She should write Miaka and the rest a letter. She would call, but she didn't know how to long distance, and she didn't want to bother her host parents.
Besides, if she picked up the phone, she might feel a flash of guilt and have to call Tetsuya after all.
Picking up the pencil, Yui tapped it to her cheek, thinking of the words. The neat kanji and hirigana flowed onto the paper like water.
Dear Miaka,
I arrived in Philadelphia today and thought I would write you a letter just to let you know I was here safely. I told you I would write! Sorry about not calling but I don't know the American system yet. My host family is very friendly and really made me feel welcome here in the United States.
It is different here in ways I can't really explain yet, since I've only been here two days. But even the air feels different. I don't know how to describe it…I'll tell you later in a letter. Maybe I am just not used to the language and customs quite yet.
I am sorry about being snappish in the airport. Lately I haven't been feeling so well. I don't know what it is, but I feel rather lonely, even in Tokyo surrounded by all of you. You have your seishi around you and your friends, and I feel like an intruder on a happy family, sometimes. It-
Yui stopped, reading over the last paragraph, then shook her head and erased it. That wouldn't do, not in a letter to Miaka. She bit her lip and began a new paragraph.
I know I was not very kind in the airport when we were waiting for my plane, and I hope you won't hold it against me. Tetsuya and I seem to be having some problems lately, and-
Groaning, she erased that too. She thought for a moment, sighing softly, then crumpled up the letter and threw it in the wastebasket under the desk. It was no use. She couldn't think clearly tonight and it was pointless trying to write a letter in which she couldn't get her thoughts across. Her throat felt dry and her back hurt. Jet lag, maybe.
She got up, stretching. Her hair was dry now. The bulging suitcases in the corner stared at her, and she blinked at them for a moment. She could unpack now, or wait until the morning and just go to bed. The blue comforter beckoned to her and she found her eyelids growing heavy. It had been a long day. Most definitely jet lag.
Turning back the cover, she found crisp light blue sheets and a fluffy pillow. She clicked off the desk lamp, leaving the moon bathing the room in clear light coming from behind the curtains. The window was open, but she didn't feel like closing it.
In Kutou sometimes she had slept with her window open and the moon coming through the windows.
Her last thought before drifting into darkness was that she had never called Tetsuya, after all.
You know the lies that they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallowed the light from the sun
Inside your room
Coming down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer |
--Goo Goo Dolls, Black Balloon
|
