Author's Rant: I shouldn't include this here. I rant during the story, so…. :P
What the heck. I got such a good turn out for the original, I thought, "what the hey! Why not make them think I get high, and post another humor that's full of crap that will make you laugh your ass off!" And then I thought "Hmmm…. I better have glue ready so they can put their asses back on…."
But I forgot the glue. ^_^; Oops. I do have bobby pins, though. Just ask if you need one.
Disclaimer: I OWN DUHGIMON!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I made it! It's all mine! Well, yes, it's a spoof of Digimon, but… *hordes and hordes of lawyers dressed up in Big Bird costumes and carrying wooden shoes come in* Um….. Okay, now I don't own Duhgimon. I had to sell it to Bandai. Freaks…. ::shudder::
E-mail: cosmoswd@trxinc.com
E-Site: http://fananime.cjb.net
This is a Neo Networks Production.
-----====(] Duhgimon 0B: WWWWAAAZZZZUUUPPPP!!!!!! [)====----
Our abnormally underpaid heroes…
Yes, they are heroes!
::grumble:: have returned once again. The original Duhgi-destin, Sly, Splatt, Kori, Lora, T.J., Moe, Dizzy, and Bebe found they liked cheese much better than the duhgital world, so they left their Duhgimon to fight the evil can of Hormel pepperoni on their own…. Wait. We didn't talk about any evil presence last time…
::slaps narrator:: YES WE DID! WE DID! THEY KNOW THAT! If they didn't see it, then they are delusional. I suggest seeing a psychiatrist right away.
…Anywho, the Duhgimon won, because they found that pepperoni goes great with all those bland vegetables they had been eating. So they stuffed themselves and got a tan.
Now I want a sandwich…
Ahem….
Oh, right. Anyway, a new evil has arisen in the Duhgital world, and a new team of Duhgi-destin (plus some old ones) has been chosen to save the Duhgital world!
I'm going to go raid the fridge……
"I still like cheese better. Why'd I come back here?" T.J. said.
"Because of all these cute thorns!" Doley said. T.J. and Kori had come back, as well as their new 'friends', Mavis, Doley, and… um… Theodore. Doley was a huge Botonalogist… but she didn't know that. And we won't tell her, right?
"Too late!" she said. She touched a thorn with her palm. "OW! What did you say?"
"I think we were tricked. Hey Mavis, do you like cheese?" Kori asked.
"Hooooooo, yeah!" Mavis said. He was head over heels for Kori- literally. He had rolled head over heels down a hill and met her when he landed face up under her dress. He also had a perverted and loose mind. Kori shoved him into a vat of shaving cream.
"Where'd that come from?" Theodore asked. Everyone pointed to the author. The author pulled down his eyelid and stuck out his tongue, then started to eat the shaving cream, spraying a can of cheese in ever so often. T.J. saw the cheese, and dived in, trying to catch it in his mouth.
"Hey! I'm still down here!" Mavis yelled. T.J. took a mallet and smacked him on the ass.
"Then get out!" T.J. said, and a brawl ensued. It wasn't much. T.J. slapped Mavis, and he just took shaving cream and put it over T.J.'s eyes, blinding him.
"Ah!" he yelled. A third eye appeared on his forehead.
Well, if he runs off a cliff or something, who's going to beat on Mavis?
"Yeah!" Mavis said. He got a confused look, and scratched his shoulder.
Kori ran over and pushed Mavis into the shaving cream, which some how turned into cement. The author ran off to look for a river to wash his mouth out.
Wait a minute, I'm the author!
A glass of Mountain Dew appeared and hovered in front of the author.
Thank you!
Your welcome.
"Mavis, how can you be so mean to T.J.? He just wanted some cheese!" Kori started crying. "Is that too much to ask?" She ran over and buried her head in T.J.'s chest. T.J. started to comfort her, but found a coconut and made some action figures out of it. Kori walked back over Mavis, and flicked his ear. She stuck out her tongue, and Mavis caught it between his fingers.
"HA! Brat got your tongue?" Doley laughed. Her glasses fell off, and Theodore crushed them with his grandfather's cane, and poured orange juice over them.
"What was that for?!" Doley asked, not realizing yet that she could see without them.
"I can?" No. "Oh."
"um… There was a bug on them… or maybe it was some sort of gas, I don't know…" Theodore said.
Suddenly a portal opened in front of them.
OH! Déjà vu!!!!
"What's that?" Theodore asked. T.J. and Kori knew, but they decided to keep it to themselves. 5 girls in mailmen uniforms hopped out, followed by one in a short skirt.
"We are the Mailer Sprouts!" the girls said.
"And I am SailorWho!" The last one said.
"Wait, I'm not supposed to be in this story. Oh well. SUPREME ENCHILADA ATTACK!" she yelled. Keyboards popped all over and flung themselves at Mavis. SailorWho jumped back into portal and it closed.
"What are Mailer Sprouts?" Mavis asked, munching on a keyboard.
"We are! We are the protectors of mail! I am Mailer Swoon! I protect the mail of Venezuela!"
"I am Mailer Stars! I protect the mail of China!"
"She must have a hard job," T.J. whispered to Kori.
"I am Mailer Jerky! I protect the mail of Mexico!"
"I am Mailer…"
Eh, no. You are not that. Keep the 'P' out of it…. Gotta think of a new one… Skip you for now.
"And I am Sailor Stupider! I protect the mail of Antartica!"
"I can see where the 'Stupider' comes from," Mavis said.
Mailer Swoon stared at him. "Why you! Don't hurt my friend! RETURN TO SENDER ATTACK!" she shouted.
"I can see where the 'Stupider' comes from," she said, mimicking Mavis.
Suddenly, Lora fell out of the sky and landed on Mailer….
We'll just call her 00G for now, k?
Whatever. And landed on 00G.
"Where's Bebe?" Lora asked.
um…. Bebe isn't here. And you're not supposed to be, either.
Then Lora disappeared.
Ahem… And then Lora disappeared.
I said….
Hey! I typed it, but she isn't gone! What the hell?!
Lora just cocked her head and looked over at Mailer Jerky. She got a weird look in her eyes and walked over.
I'm not writing this! Why the hell is it happening?!
"Hi…. Are you seeing anybody?" Lora asked Mailer Jerky. Jerky looked at her weird.
"OVERBAKED HAM SUPREME!" she yelled, pointing at Lora. A bunch of chicken eggs fell on Lora's head. She grabbed a frying pan out of thin air and started to cook. Mailer Swoon looked at the rest of the Duhgi-destin, which had now grabbed T.J.'s action figures and were beating them with rubber chickens.
"AHEM." She said, getting their attention. "Good. We have gotten reports that you were tampering with mail! Were you?"
What the? This isn't even in the script! Where's the white out?
"Um…" Theodore said, putting down his rubber chicken down. Suddenly, 5 digimon popped into existence. Catomon, Tapamon, Geemon, Imahillemon, and Gawkmon. Imahilliemon walked over to Theodore, grabbed a piece of hay, and put it in his mouth, humming country westerns. Catomon and Tapamon went over to T.J. and Kori, respectively, happy to see their lost friends. They hugged, then switched partners and hugged again. Then T.J. released Kori from his embrace, and collected his coconut action figures.
"I said, did you?!" Mailer Swoon said, annoyed by the new creepy things.
Who's typing this?
"Aren't thorns pretty?" Doley said, sitting on a cactus. Gawkmon came over and looked a pin. It then took out some of it's hair and made an X on the cactus.
"Um… I guess," Mailer Stupider said. She went over, and started eating a piece of Catcus.
"Hey! That's mine!"
Catomon on Tapamon finally realized what was going on, and walked over to the Mailer Sprouts.
"So what if they did? This isn't even your fiction, so go away!" Catomon said, shaking the tags on her ankles.
"Bah. We'll take you out, then those kids!" 00G said. Lora flipped her eggs over, sprinkling some of the cement from the vat on them.
Mavis looked at his Duhgimon. "What the hell are you?" he asked. Geemon punched him in the groin, and explained.
"I'm your Duhgimon! Now get it straight! I'm the master, you're the lowly lawyer who worked for Al Gore!"
"Did somebody say my name?" a weird and slurry voice said. Al Gore stepped out behind a tree, loaded to the teeth with potato guns, but no potatoes. Instead, he had TP.
"Thanks, friend," Imahilliemon said. He grabbed some TP and walked behind a tree.
No. NO!!!! Not him!!! DAMN! Damndamndamndamndamn!
Sailor Stars looked at Al Gore, and was disgusted by his face, which kept changing to the faces that cartoonists drew him as. "LAUNDRY BURRITO!" she yelled. A sink came out of the sky and squashed Al Gore.
I may not want you in this fic, but thank you.
The Mailer Scouts all turned to the Author.
"Did you steal the Mail?" They asked. Mustard appeared and squirted on a tree.
Why did that happen?
You should know, this is your fic.
Yes, but I'm not writing it!
The author looked over to where the Narrator was sitting. Instead of cue cards, he saw a teleprompter. He walked over and saw a cord leading behind one of those moveable walls. He walked behind the walls, and sitting there, typing, was….
Not again!
"What? Wait… No No! You not be here! You go back! Gizzard of Zed be all powerful! BOO! BOO!!" Tom Brochaw said.
Gizzard of Zed be all powerful! Yes! Yes!
Shut up!
Sorry.
"You no listen to him! He evil man! I do good for world! Pay those nude models so they go to college! YES!"
Shut up, bitch! The author said. He kicked Tom in the knee, and he evaporated.
"I melt! I melt! Free fries with every fwill uh……" he said as the air rushed out him. The author looked back to see the Duhgimon and Mailer Sprouts engaged in battle.
"Black Panther Attack!" Catomon yelled. A rocket fizzled in front of the Sprouts, and they burst up in laughter. Catomon got mad.
"Follow-up!" Tapamon said. Another rocket appeared, this time blowing up.
"Did someone say Rocket?" a female voice asked.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all people within our- oof!" The author kneed James in the stomach.
and now that I have control again…
James and Jesse did the Macarena, and ate hot dogs.
"*munch* Hey! *gulp* I don't want to get fat! *burp*" she said.
Too bad. You choose to invade my fic. Jesse and James vanished, their bodies warping.
Now for the Mailer Sprouts.
"KLEENEX KONTANEL!" 00G yelled. A metallic coconut knocked T.J. unconscious. A portal suddenly opened, sucking the Sprouts in. Mailer Stupider got one last attack in before she was sucked up.
"ENCYCLOPEDIA 7UP!" she yelled. Cheese sprayed from her hands, and kept going as she went into the portal.
"Hey! She can make cheese!" Kori yelled. She hoisted T.J.'s body on her shoulder, and ran into the portal, leaving everyone behind.
"Hey… didn't you say something about an evil or something in the beginning?" Theodore asked.
Yes. But apparently, Tom Brochaw had written himself in, so I think you guys are done.
"Um… Okay," said Mavis. A circle opened, and he tried to jump in it. He almost got through, but he just slammed into it. "Ow…"
I have to finish, first. The portal opened fully, and everything but the author and narrator was sucked in.
Time to end this fic.
-H- -ND
Hey! What happened to T E, and E?
A snicker was heard from the end.
"Team Rocket was destroyed in this world, so we're rebuilding it!" James said, hanging up the letters. TE-- ----E-
"Yeah!" Jesse said. The author grabbed the letters and hung them back up.
THE END