Butterfly's Sleep copyright 1999 to L'Arc~en~Ciel.
Fushigi Yuugi and all characters are property of Watase Yuu.
IV. Growth
Hold on to my hands, I feel like sinking
Sinking without you
And in the night I could be helpless
I could be lonely, sleeping without you
And in the day, everything's complex
There's nothing simple
When I'm not around you |
--The Cranberries, When You're Gone
After Soi's death, the dreams began.
At first it was just a voice, a voice Yui couldn't place and couldn't identify, calling out to her as she lay in that space between waking and sleep. And then the nightmares, running from something she couldn't see, seeing the glowing blue eyes ahead of her and feeling the heavy weight of the earring in her ear, running.
But then sometimes there were the arms to catch her and hold her close and the voice to whisper: It's all right, Yui-sama. I'm here. Don't be afraid.
And she would wake up feeling…almost happy.
But the next night the nightmares would return.
She talked to the Grants about the best time to go to New York and Europe, and they all agreed that Europe could wait. New York, however, said Barbara, was a must.
"There's no city in the world quite like New York. You'll see."
Yui planned the trip for the end of June, but ended up moving it to the next week, to the insistence of Barbara. She called Tetsuya. Was he interested in going to New York and staying for a day or two? He was. It was too late to reserve Broadway tickets, but there was still the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island and the Empire State Building. Will and Barbara took to reading travel catalogues to keep an eye on shows and performances in New York, just in case Yui would be interested.
"The circus?" Will wondered one night. Yui shook her head. He laughed. "It's an American thing, I guess. I used to go just for the cotton candy."
Barbara looked at him in mock-dismay. "Will! You can get cotton candy at amusement parks!"
"I know."
Yui frowned at them, confused.
"How about this?" Barbara held up a large advertisement in the page of one magazine, showing what looked like the silhouette of a young man playing the violin and another playing a flute. " 'Solo concert of some of the New York Philharmonic's finest.' Do you like music?"
Yui nodded. "Is it next week?"
Barbara beamed. "Sure is! Here," she handed the magazine to Yui. "Take a look. I think you'll find it interesting. The New York Philharmonic has some great players."
Yui took the magazine, hands slipping on the glossy pages. " 'Music greats Robert Yuuki and Jeff Cotorro joint concert,' " the ad read, following with glowing reviews of both musicians' accomplishments and performances. " 'Tickets still available,' " she read. " 'Call today.' "
"What do you think?" said Barbara.
"Well-"
"It's a good way to experience American culture. In New York you have these solo performances all the time. They're wonderful!"
"I suppose," said Yui. "I'll give them a call."
She was surprised to learn that there were quite a number of seats still available, despite the fact that the concert was next week. Clearly, these two musicians were not as well known as the page had described. She sighed and ordered two tickets anyway, for a price that was much higher than the tickets were really worth, paying with the credit card Andy had gotten her especially for this trip. He'd said he'd pay the bill for her, and of course, she didn't mind. It wasn't everyone who could have a famous movie star paying their credit card bill.
Having ordered the tickets, Yui proceeded to call Tetsuya to tell him that she had just booked them for a concert. As she had expected, he complained. What, he argued, was the point of going to a concert on vacation? There were plenty of concerts in Japan, and besides, he didn't like classical music. Why couldn't they go see some American bands?
Yui patiently listened to him ramble on about American music as opposed to jrock, and then proceeded to inform him that they were still going. Then she hung up.
It was more trouble than the relationship was worth. She wondered why she kept trying.
That night, the nightmares came again but the whispering, soft, comforting voice chased them away, warm arms holding her, rocking her in her sleep, murmuring words in her ear.
Yui-sama. It's all right, Yui-sama. I'm here.
Aunque soy pobre
Todo esto que te doy
Vale más que el dinero
Porque sí es amor
Y cuando al fin
Estemos juntos los dos |
Although I am poor
All I have I give to you
It is worth more than money
Because it truly is love
And when the end comes
The two of us will be together |
--Selena, Amor Prohibido
The train tickets to New York from Philadelphia weren't terribly expensive for two, round trip. Yui had planned to stay two days in New York, but somehow Tetsuya persuaded her to make it three. She wasn't sure why she agreed with him, but she made it three.
The ride there was uneventful. The awkward silence between her and Tetsuya was interesting. He closed his eyes and pretended to go to sleep; she stared out the window, the glossy musician's magazine rolled up in her sweaty hands. Tetsuya had tried to hold her hand when they first boarded the train, but she had slipped her fingers out of his. She had never let him hold her hand in public, even when they were living together in Japan. It was too…private, and she had never felt comfortable doing something like that with Tetsuya. With someone else, maybe, but Tetsuya was just wrong for that kind of thing.
She didn't know why.
Countryside flashed past the windows: cows grazing, farmsteads and quaint New England farmhouses. Miles and miles of farmland. Beside her, Tetsuya's breathing evened out, indicating he was really and truly asleep.
She looked over at him, his eyes hidden by the ridiculous sunglasses, his hair mussed from the train seat. His feet propped up on the bright yellow backpack he had insisted on bringing. There had been a time when she thought she had loved him, that he was the one with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life. Tetsuya and Yui, Miaka had teased. Nuriko called them "cute." Andy had watched them with a wry grin. Keisuke affected not to notice.
Had she grown tired of him? Had it all been a game after all? She had thought it was love, had thought for two years, and then suddenly her world had become even more confusing than before. Maybe it was true that she could never love, that love wasn't destined for her.
Tetsuya snored softly, and Yui reached out, stroking back the bangs of his hair lightly from his forehead. She felt nothing.
The train chugged on and the sky turned cloudy and gray and the first drops of rain began to fall. As she closed the window, Yui couldn't help hoping it wasn't raining in Philadelphia. Will had wanted to plant some flowers today. He had promised to save some for her when she returned from New York, and they could plant them together.
The clicking of the wheels across the tracks was hypnotic, forever turning wheels. She could feel it through the armrest of her chair, through the soles of her feet, a steady rhythm like a heartbeat.
She imagined a burning symbol in front of her, "kokoro," bright and clear and blue like his eyes. He stared at her with calm indifference, as he always did.
What would you do now, Nakago? If I told you Soi was dead?
Yui-sama.
Yui blinked and the vision of him faded and there was only the clicking of the train wheels and the dull roar of the engines.
She closed her eyes and waited for sleep to come.
Oh hast thou forgotten how long we must sever?
Oh hast thou forgotten how long we must part?
It may be for years, it may be forever
Then why art thou silent,
Thou voice of my heart? |
--Kathleen Mavourneen, Irish folk tune
Someone was shaking her, talking in her ear. She turned her head, muttering, but the hands were still there.
"Yui, wake up. We're at the train station."
Yui mumbled and opened her eyes, squinting. "Wha-what?"
Tetsuya's face was in her vision. He had discarded the sunglasses and his eyes peered quizzically at her. "Yui? Are you awake?"
"Yes…" She uncurled and stood, stretching. There was a crick in her neck. "Gods. What a horrible way to sleep."
Tetsuya stared at her.
"What?"
"You said 'gods.' Are you all right?"
She blinked. "Well, there are four gods. Is that bad to say?"
He shook his head and sighed, hoisting his backpack up on one shoulder. "Never mind."
Yui grabbed her small duffel bag from the floor, glancing around the train. There were masses of passengers in the aisles looking as she imagined she looked: bleary eyed, mussed hair, sleep-deprived. Tetsuya didn't look much better.
Stumbling off the train, they hailed a passing cab and stuffed their baggage in the back. "Where's this hotel again?" queried Tetsuya.
Yui dug through her purse for the notebook in which she had written their itenerary. "I think it's by Broadway. The Howard Johnson something?"
The Howard Johnson hotel turned out to be a slightly rundown, multi-story building right on Broadway. The taxi driver wove and leaped through the static New York traffic, and Yui made up her mind that New York taxi drivers were the only people in the world who were worse drivers than Tetsuya.
She'd only reserved one room for them, but it had two beds, so it was all right. The room smelled like someone had gotten high on a bottle of cleaner and then forgot to stop spraying. She wrinkled her nose.
"Tetsuya, can you open the window? Is there a latch?"
He dropped his bags on the floor and walked over to fiddle with the large window. "I think there's a balcony or something. Want me to open the door to let some air in?"
"Would you please?"
Yui dragged her bags over to the second bed and placed them on the floor by the wall, stretching out on the comforter and watching the brown and off-white spots on the ceiling. There was a creak as Tetsuya managed to open the door a crack. A cool breeze wafted into the room, accompanied by car horns and shouts and squealing tires.
"Yui."
Tetsuya was standing very still by the window, his form silhouetted against the glaring daylight.
"Yes?" She sat up. She already knew the question.
"You don't love me anymore…do you?"
She let a breath of air escape her, feeling it deflate her as it left her body like a cloud of spirit that had been sustaining her until this very moment when Tetsuya asked his question and she had to answer him.
"I…I don't know."
"You don't know," Tetsuya said flatly. He still didn't move from the window. "Yui, this has been going on for months now, and I want an answer. You don't return my calls, hardly speak a word to me on the plane, ignore me when we get to America. I-"
"It's not that I hate you."
He gave a bitter laugh. "That's good to hear."
"I-" This wasn't going anywhere. "Tetsuya."
"What?" He sounded resigned.
"I thought…I thought I loved you. Maybe I was wrong. I don't know. I don't think I even know what love is anymore…maybe I never did."
"Yui, that's not an answer."
She threw herself back down on the bed, away from him, staring at the digital numbers on the clock on the bedstand. Her eyes were dry.
"I don't love you. If that's what you want. I don't know if I ever did."
Tetsuya didn't move from the window but she could hear his foot kicking the glass. Kick. Kick. Kick. The silence was deafening.
"Tetsuya..say something?"
"What do you want me to say? 'I'm giving up, this won't work anyway?' Is that what you want me to say?"
She didn't answer.
The thunk of a fist hitting glass. The door shook.
"Damn it."
"Tetsuya, I'm sorry."
A hollow laugh. "Well, so am I. For letting this all happen in the first place. It was two years, you know, Yui? Two years!"
"I thought I loved you. Really, I did. Except…" she trailed off.
Except it didn't work out that way, did it, Suboshi?
She blinked. Suboshi?
"What do you want, Yui?"
A long pause. "What…what do you mean?"
"I want to know what you want. From me. From a relationship. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Was it-"
Yui pushed herself up from the bed, sitting, not looking at him. "It wasn't you. I think…I think it was me. I think I found out that I'd been doing it all wrong."
"Yui-"
"I was trying to look for someone that wasn't there. I thought maybe if I looked and tried hard enough it would work out…but it doesn't work like that. Tamahome and Miaka both tried to tell me and I wouldn't listen. I've been so stupid, you know?"
"It doesn't matter," Tetsuya said.
"It does. Tetsuya!" He was starting to turn away from her, to cross to the other side of the room. "Hear me out! I thought I loved you and I tried to love you. But it just didn't work out that way. Some things don't. You know?"
"Well I wish you hadn't tried then! Just because you were Seiryuu no Miko, do you think you can do anything you-"
"Tetsuya, it's not like-"
"-can do any damn thing you like and expect to-"
"-that! You're not listening to-"
"-get away with it!"
Yui gritted her teeth. "Tetsuya! SHUT UP!"
He stared at her with empty eyes.
"You're not listening to me!"
"You just broke up with me! What the hell am I supposed to-"
"Tetsuya, don't tell me you don't feel the same way."
Silence. Yui took a deep breath, plunging on. "I've noticed you drawing back too. It's not the same as it used to be. You were giving up, weren't you?"
Tetsuya stared at her for a moment, then hung his head. "I thought," he said quietly, "that maybe you wouldn't notice."
"I see," she said quietly.
"I didn't know what was wrong…I thought it was something I did. So I thought if I could just hold it together and patch it up it would be all right. But I suppose I was wrong."
"You were. It doesn't work like that."
"I guess not."
There was a brief silence then. Outside, tires squealed and something crashed. Tetsuya winced.
"That sounded bad."
"Yes."
"Yui…" She looked up at him. "What do you want, then? If it isn't me? I think I can accept that, but I don't want you to go on like this."
"What do I want?"
"Tell me."
"I just want this nightmare to end. That's all."
Isn't that right, Suboshi?
"I just want it all to end."
I want to run I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name |
--U2, Where the Streets Have no Name
They arrived at the concert early that afternoon, sitting in awkward silence inside the taxi. Tetsuya offered his arm to her and she took it, but she could feel the unnatural tension in his muscles as he escorted her up to their theatre seats. The air inside the theatre was dank and a little musty. The darkness reminded her of Seiryuu's shrine in Kutou.
She shuddered.
"Yui?"
"It's nothing. Just remembering."
She flipped through the program idly. There were not many people there, and she didn't expect many, seeing as there still had been tickets available for this last week. New performers, maybe? She scanned the pages, hoping to find something about Robert Yuuki and Jeff Cotorro. They were the focus of the concert, after all.
Pages of advertisements…information on orchestra members…
"Jeff Cotorro performs Debussy's Syrinx and other classical favorites," the text read at the top in large bold letters. Below that was a picture in black and white of a young man dressed in a tuxedo and cradling a silver flute in his hands, smiling slightly with shy eyes.
Yui grasped the pages, trying to stifle the terrible beating of her heart in her chest. No, it couldn't be. It couldn't…he couldn't be here.
Suboshi!
Gods, oh gods.
No, it wasn't him. There were little things wrong with the face and the posture and the smile, just slight things, but as she stared she knew it wasn't him. She didn't quite know why her heart plummeted in her chest, didn't know why that feeling of disappointment rising in her threatened to bring her to tears.
She seemed to be crying a lot lately.
"Tetsuya?"
"Nani?" He sounded half-dead, but she reached over and tugged at his sleeve slightly, pointing to the photo. If it wasn't Suboshi, then…
"Look at this."
"Jeff Cotorro," he read. "Some boring classical flutist. Why am I here again?"
"No no no! LOOK!" She brought the picture up to his nose and he yelped.
"Yui, what-"
He blinked.
"Wait a moment…He looks familiar."
"He is." She craned her neck towards the stage, trying to maybe catch a glimpse of the two soloists, but they were nowhere in sight. Turning back to an ashen-faced Tetsuya.
"I think he's Amiboshi."
Siento que estuve un viaje y que vengo de lejos
Tanto espere este momento
Y no se si fue obra de Dios o fue mi voluntad
A la deriva entre olas que
Vienen y van como sueños mil
Puedo traer de regreso a mi las memorias
Que tengo guardadas muy dentro |
I feel like I've been on a long journey
Like I have been hoping for this moment
And I don't know if it was the will of God or my own volition
Between the waves
That come and go like a thousand dreams
I can try to recall my memories
Which I have so closely guarded |
--Parasite Eve, Somnia Memorias
When Jeff Cotorro finally came out on stage after Robert Yuuki's too long concerto, Yui was standing up in her seat, trying to see his face and cursing herself for not buying better seats. The stage lights glinted on his blond hair as he moved about and bowed courteously to the audience. There were more people than Yui had expected there and she had to strain to see over the heads in the seats front of her.
She expected the orchestra to go into the introduction of some concerto or sonata, but instead, the stage lights dimmed until only a soft blue spotlight was shining on the flutist, as he raised his flute to his lips and began to play.
The wild melody swept out into the theatre and pounded in Yui's ears…she had heard it. She had heard that melody before, somewhere. The haunting notes drifted in the darkness of the room and the beauty and the sadness and the loneliness of the notes brought tears to her eyes.
Aniki. They killed my aniki! You can't possibly know how I feel!
You can cry…you can cry as much as you want.
Suboshi.
The rest of the concert was a blur. Tetsuya's hand tapping her impatiently on the shoulder alerted her to the fact that they concert was over, that the performers were giving bows on stage, and that the audience was leaving.
"Come on, Yui, let's go."
"No…no…hold on."
"What?"
She brushed past him, heading down towards the stage area.
"Hey! Yui! Where are you going? You can't go there! That's restricted!"
The stage had steps leading up to it and she put on foot in front of the other, walking as if in a dream. Up the steps, to the backstage curtains. She had one hand on the flap when suddenly a burly security guard appeared in front of her.
"Excuse me, miss? You're not allowed here. This is a restricted area."
"I need to see Jeff Cotorro, sir."
The security guard frowned at her, his face growing stern. "Now look here, miss, I'm not against fans of his, but-"
"Sir, could you please take me to him?"
The guard backed up and looked her up and down. "You an acquaintance of his?"
"He knows me."
Yui could tell the guard didn't believe her, but it was as if her body was not her own and she was walking through thick water or glass, watching events unfold behind a screen. Not her. Not Hongou Yui. Someone else in her body, someone she didn't know…
"All right, you don't look like the type to make a fuss over something like this. I'll take you to him, but-" a warning look, "if you don't know you, I'm reporting you."
"Yes, sir. Thank you."
The guard snorted as he raised the curtain and let her pass through the door. "Don't thank me, young lady. I'm just doing my job."
Backstage was disorderly and dirty, not all like the elegant theatre on the other side of the walls. Yui picked her way through discarded hangers and cardboard boxes, being careful not to trip on the bits of wire and rolls of tape that seemed to be lying around. Shoes, dresses, slacks, and other clothing items lay scattered about.
There was noise coming from behind one of the partitions, and the guard motioned for Yui to stop.
"Mr. Cotorro?"
A pause. "Yes?" Yui flinched at the voice. Smooth, cultured, so like and unlike. Her heart clenched.
"There's a guest here to see you."
"A guest?" The puzzled tone came clearly through. There was a sound of something crashing, and a muffled curse. "What guest?"
The guard turned a glare on Yui, but she simply stood there and with a sigh he turned back. "Could we come in, sir?"
"Of course."
The guard motioned her to stop as he went on ahead a few steps to peer in through the curtain that separated the two rooms, then motioned her forward. She took several cautious steps until she was at the partition, stopped, lifted the curtain.
Clear gray-blue eyes met hers. He was dressed in a pair of athletic pants and an old t-shirt, lacing up his tennis shoes on the bench. He straightened. She waited, frozen.
Jeff Cotorro blinked once, twice. Then an astonished look passed over his face and he stood slowly, holding out his hand.
"Yui-sama…?"
And when you come and all the roses falling
If I am dead, as dead I well may be
You'll come and find the place where I am lying
And kneel and say an ave there for me
And I shall hear, though soft you tread above me
And on my grave will warmer sweeter be
For you will kneel and tell me that you love me
And I will sleep in peace until you come to me |
--Danny Boy, Irish folk tune
"I wasn't sure you would remember me. We hardly met."
Jeff's beat up convertible sped on down the road, freed from New York inner city traffic. Lighted houses raced by and Yui's hair blew into her mouth. She spit it out, trying to hold it back with her hand. Jeff handled the car with ease and it lept into his touch like a well-trained mare. Yui relaxed in the seat. It had been a long time since she had been in a car with a responsible driver.
"How could I not remember you, Seiryuu no Miko?"
"Don't call me that."
She had left Tetsuya standing outside with the taxi, telling him she'd be back at the hotel later and not to worry, she had a key. He looked as if he had wanted to say something but she had turned away, not wanting to hear it.
"You never knew me as a seishi, but we met."
"Yes…" she thought back to the times she had talked to the flute-playing boy in the garden, never thinking that he had such an important part to play in the unfolding drama. But then again she hadn't thought that anyone had an important part to play but herself.
She had been stupid.
"I never thought I would see you here, Yui."
"I'm in America on a summer travel scholarship." She smiled wryly. "I never thought I'd see you here, either."
"How did you know it was me?"
"I saw your picture in the program. I recognized you right away…"
Jeff's eyes widened. "As a reincarnated seishi? Are you psychic or something?"
She laughed, then sobered. "Hardly. I wouldn't have believed it before, but I saw Soi…"
"Really?" He looked astonished. "Where?"
"In Philadelphia…she's dead now…" She turned away from him, looking out at the passing scenery. "I couldn't save her…"
"Dead?" There was a shocked silence. "Sweet Seiryuu…What will Nakago say?"
"I haven't found Nakago yet. You're the second. But if you are here, and Soi is here…"
"We must all be here," Jeff said, catching her train of thought. "I don't know what to think of that. I hardly knew some of them. I was gone too quickly. I never even knew you."
"No one knew me," Yui said. "Except maybe Suboshi and Nakago."
Jeff's lip twisted. "Nakago. The bastard." His hand trembled on the wheel and Yui watched him, concerned.
"Are you all right?"
"I can't forgive him. For what he did to my brother."
Yui's heart lept. "Suboshi? Do you know where he is?"
"I wish," Jeff said, a tinge of bitterness in his voice. "But no, I'm an only child."
"Oh." She sat back in her seat, disappointment tugging at her. "Where are you from?"
"My mother was Irish and my father was Spanish…thus my strange first and last name combination. I moved to the States when I was three, from England. That was when I got my first flute." He laughed softly. "It was the flute that made me able to remember. It's kind of funny…I've been playing the flute my whole life, but it was only recently that I gained my seishi memories back." He looked uncertainly at her. "Is that how it's supposed to work?"
Yui shook her head. "I don't know."
They turned down a narrow side street. Above the moon was a slim crescent in the sky, barely visible between banks of clouds. Streetlights zigzagged across the seats. Jeff's hands gripped the steering wheel. Jeff. Amiboshi. The seishi she never knew. Strange that she could talk to him so easily and he to her.
She wondered if that was the key. Strangers were easier to talk to. There was none of the guilt, the pain, the flash of something gone wrong in times long past for which there was no atonement.
"Yui?" Jeff sounded hesitant. "My brother…he was in love with you. Wasn't he?"
Yui winced. "I don't know."
Jeff frowned at her. "What do you mean?"
The wind blew her hair into her eyes again and she brushed it away. "I don't know if he was in love with me. It might have been just teenage infatuation. I think it was. Suboshi…was very impulsive."
"He was," Jeff agreed, hitting the gas even more. "I sometimes wonder where he is now. If he remembers me. We're not brothers now...I'm an only child. I wish I could see him again."
"He cared for you."
The wind whistled past and then faded as Jeff stopped for a red light. "I know it…damn, I didn't mean to leave him like that. I tried to tell him, when I saw him again, but it was too late, and Miaka was there and there wasn't any time…"
"I think he understood," Yui said quietly. "He told me he brought you back to your village."
"To this day I don't understand why." Jeff's face was silhouetted by the crimson light, black and shadowed red. "I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted me to stay with him, and then he shoved me away. For you." He laughed softly. "You don't know how jealous I felt in that moment, when he told me he loved you."
"He told you?" Yui blinked at him.
"You didn't know?"
"No…"
"Well, he did. When I asked him to go back with me he told me he loved you. In that moment it was like my world shattered…I couldn't understand. I thought he wanted only me…that he didn't need anyone else. I guess it never occurred to me that he was growing up. In my mind…well, in my mind he was always a five year old kid who needed his niichan to look after him."
"He grew up," Yui said. "I think he grew up very quickly after you left him."
"I didn't mean to leave him." Jeff turned onto another side street and the houses were left behind. The moon shone brightly and they coasted to the top of a small hill where he slowed and stopped the car. Yui looked at him.
"Was this where we were going?"
"Yeah…I like to come here and think sometimes. Just to get away from it all. There was a lake in the Kutou palace gardens that I liked to go to…this kind of reminds me of it. So close to the moon."
"Yes," murmured Yui. She stared up at the sky, chin in one hand. "I remember that lake."
"Yui?"
"What?"
"Do you miss it?"
She turned to look at him then, frowning. "Miss it?"
"I don't mean the fighting. Just the sitting and thinking. Between the times…I know none of us had the best relationship but we got along. Mostly."
She didn't reply, turning back to stare at the sky. Miss it? She couldn't think of a time when she had not been frustrated and worried and angry in one. Miaka…she had thought it was all Miaka's fault, when in actuality it was her own. When she could not forgive.
"No…I don't miss it."
Jeff looked strangely at her but did not comment. Amiboshi had been like that. He would never pry. She had liked Amiboshi, even when she didn't know who he was. Or was it because she had never known who he was?
"Amiboshi?"
"Nani?"
There was a long silent moment in which they stared at each other, and then Jeff began to laugh.
"I suppose I remember more than I thought."
"Amiboshi, I'm sorry."
He looked puzzled. "Sorry? For what?"
"For…making trouble for you. If I hadn't been…like I had, you wouldn't have gone to Konan. And-"
Jeff shook his head. "No. It wasn't you. I didn't do it for you, really, as bad as that sounds. Or Nakago. Or anyone else. I did it for my brother. Everything I did was for Shun, you know. I realize that now. I'd do anything to make him happy."
Suboshi.
"I guess we should be heading back now, huh?" Jeff started up the car again. "Your boyfriend must be worried."
"He's not my boyfriend," said Yui.
"Oh, really?"
"We broke up…a while ago." No need for him to know the whole truth. "It was a mistake. It wasn't him I wanted."
But if not him, then who?
"I see," Jeff said politely, though it was clear his mind was elsewhere. They turned onto a main street again. The streetlights sparkled on the dashboard.
"Yui-sama."
"What is it, Amiboshi?"
"Can you-" He broke off. He seemed to struggle with the words for a moment. "Yui-sama, can you promise me something?"
"I-"
"Promise me you'll find my brother."
One of the hands that was so quick on the wheel clasped hers. It was warm and the palm was a little calloused. A trusting hand. An artist's hand.
"I can't promise that, Amiboshi…"
"Promise me…you'll take care of him. Please." The gaze was pleading. "I need to know he's all right. I left him once, and I won't leave him again."
Aniki…they killed my aniki!
"Please, Yui-sama."
"Amiboshi."
Yui-sama, I love you.
Koko e oide yo kanashii koto mo
Namida mo boku ga daite ageru yo
Subete no itami o wasurerareru made
Oyasumi oyasumi boku no kono mune de |
Come here, I'll hold your sadness
I'll embrace even your tears
Until you can forget all your pain
Goodnight goodnight against my heart
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--Fushigi Yuugi, Nocturne (Amiboshi)
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