It ends here.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
It ends now.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
It ends with a perfect weapon.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
One that could instantly generate its projectiles.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
And could kill its opponent in one shot.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
Now if only that violent, kitchen destroyer would stand still.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
Peter Suzuki presents;
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
STOP THAT ALREADY!
Peter Suzuki presents;
Akane's Bizarre Adventure.
(My deepest apologies to Hirohiko Araki, and Rumiko Takahashi. If you don't know why, don't bother reading this...)
The day had started out like any other, and ended much the same. Akane Tendo walked home from school, alone. Her fianc‚, Ranma Saotome, left school around lunch after being cornered once again about a simple thing he admitted to only weeks before.
Akane knew he had said it. She also knew he was lying when he denied it. He would say and do anything to avoid talking about it, and that was why he left early; Because Akane wanted to talk about it.
"Just my imagination." Thought Akane. "Yeah right. You don't come BACK from the dead, and then imagine something. Why can't you just admit you said you loved me, Ranma? You don't have to mention it to anyone else, just to me!"
But Akane also knew that was exactly why he did not want to admit it. Deep down inside, he could not stand to admit that he loved the same girl he called violent, uncute, sexless, and a thousand other bad things. Akane knew that if she really had to, she could admit to at least liking Ranma, but she wanted Ranma to honestly say that he loved her, in front of her face, when he knew she could hear him.
But that seemed like nothing more than a hopeful dream. Ranma's courage ended with anything having to do with a relationship, and that was nothing compared with what the fiancee's were up to. Akane was getting more than a little worried that one of these days, one of the other girls would try to kill her.
As if on cue, a *P-twang!* was heard, just before a glowing arrow hit the ground near Akane's feet, sending some concrete flying apart. Akane jumped back into fighting stance, and faced her attacker.
Akane was not really surprised to see Shampoo standing on top of a wooden box, with a bow in her hands. Another glowing arrow was seen, pulled ready to strike. Akane also idly noted that Shampoo was not carrying any more arrows, probably meaning the bow was making them on its own.
Akane knew she was outmatched. Shampoo, with a most likely magical weapon, was not something easy to beat. But then again, Akane was not about to just stand around and do nothing.
Another arrow was launched, and Akane dashed away. Shampoo of course followed, launching arrows as fast as possible. The projectiles flew into walls, fences, bushes, everywhere. Akane was glad that most people were at home by then, because innocent bystanders would not be one of Shampoo's concerns. Akane also noticed that the arrows seemed to disappear after hitting something, which most likely meant that they were made out of ki, or something like that. Regardless, she had to escape the pursuing Amazon, before something bad happened.
Akane dashed into an alleyway, and found that the city just installed a new brick wall in the back of it. She whirled around, and of course found Shampoo standing at the opening, smiling and ready to shoot. In a risky move of dexterity and reflexes, Akane jumped to the wall to her right, as she heard the *P-twang!*. The arrow of course missed, and Akane proceeded to jump from one wall to the other, like something from a ninja movie, eventually reaching the roof of one of the buildings.
Shampoo blinked, and said "Aiyah." Following Akane in much the same manner as the Tendo girl escaped, Shampoo found herself up on the same roof, just in time to see Akane jumping to another. Firing a couple of arrows, and taking off once again, Shampoo resumed her hunt for Akane.
Roof to roof the chase continued, never slowing down. For a moment, Shampoo lost sight of Akane, and as she jumped off of the last building she saw her on, Shampoo was hit by a trash can lid.
Akane smirked as her attack hit. She readied a second lid, ready to use it in the same manner as the first.
As Shampoo flipped over, she lost her grip on the bow string, sending the arrow flying. Through pure chance, the arrow struck its target.
Akane dropped her would be weapon, and let out a slight scream as the arrow pierced her chest. It felt as if someone had shoved a porcupine into her heart. The world seemed to dim as she felt something course throughout her body. She struggled to remain conscious, as she clutched the glowing arrow sticking out of her.
Shampoo landed badly. Blood trickled out of her mouth from where one of her teeth was knocked out on the pavement, and her leg was at the very least sprained. To top it all off, the cut on her forehead was causing blood to run down her eye, meaning if Akane could still fight, she would be in big trouble.
The Amazon was pleased to find Akane struggling on the ground, however. The arrow in her chest proved that it would be fatal, even if it did not instantly kill Akane. Satisfied that her mission was accomplished, and that no one would ever know of her actions, Shampoo limped back to the Cat Caf‚ as fast as she could, for medical attention.
"I . . . I can't . . . die now . . ." Akane struggled to get to her knees. The fact that she had an arrow through her heart, did not seem to be holding her back as much as it should have. "I . . . must . . . LIVE! . . .R-Ranma . . ." In what felt like an hour, and was probably longer, Akane finally pulled herself back up to her feet. "Ugh." She muttered. "I almost forgot how much dying takes a lot out of you."
Suddenly, the arrow was no longer there. She felt for it, thinking that she just lost her grip, but it was gone. Fearing the worst, she looked down, and saw . . . the ground. Well, she at least was not having an out-of-body experience, but was she dead? . . . No, death itself did not feel this draining. She also checked to see if she just imagined being hit. There was no blood, but a small hole in her jumper, just above her heart, let her know it was also not a dream.
Stumbling out of the alley, Akane noticed small splatters of blood on the street, along with a single bloody tooth. She picked it up, and had the distinct feeling it was Shampoo's. Deciding that being hit by a disappearing arrow was reason enough to go to the doctor, Akane slowly waddled over to Dr. Tofu's office.
After finding the office already closed, with a note saying that the good doctor would be back the next day, Akane decided that she should just call it a day, and go home. If she was not dead from an arrow to the heart already, she would probably survive, she figured.
Akane walked back into her home, and mumbled "I'm home." Of course, Kasumi was the first one to greet her.
"Why hello Akane." Said Kasumi. "You're certainly home late. Did anything happen?"
"Shampoo shot me with an arrow." Said Akane, absentmindedly, walking by.
"Oh that's nice." Said Kasumi, pleasantly. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." The eldest Tendo daughter then went back into the kitchen.
Akane momentarily looked rather nervously in Kasumi's general direction. She had always been a little worried that Kasumi was a little too oblivious to the world, but . . .
Deciding it was not worth pursuing at the moment, Akane walked upstairs to take a bath. "That girl needs to get out more." Said someone, from behind Akane.
Akane whipped around, to see who was behind her, but found nothing. She was the only one in the hallway.
And she could have sworn that voice sounded like . . . .
"Great." Muttered Akane, resuming her trip to the bath. "Now I'm hearing things."
As Akane trudged into the changing room, she noticed the door closed. "If you're in there Ranma, you better say something now, or I'll pound you when I get in there!" said Akane, to whoever was on the other side of it. For a brief second she thought she heard someone giggle, but dismissed it as her own imagination running away with her once more. As she opened the door, she was greeted with nothing once more. Nothing in sight, anyway.
Upon entering the washing area, she felt as if there was someone else in the room. Looking around, she could not see anything. Then, in the mirror, she saw a dark grayish-black hand pointing to the edge of the tub! Spinning around, she turned to see . . . nothing again.
"There's a whole lot of nothing going on." Akane said to herself, as she continued to stare bewildered at the tub. Then she looked at where the hand was supposedly pointing.
She could just barely make out the silhouette of something. Something small. Something sleeping. Something perverted.
"GET OUT AND STAY OUT!!!!" shouted Akane, as she tossed the now revealed Happosai out of the bathroom window.
Happosai, who had fallen asleep using his `Extra-Dimensional-Warp' technique, could only think of one thing to say. "How'd she know I was there?!?"
Akane closed the window, locked it, and went back to washing herself. After washing, rinsing, and checking the mirror to make sure there was not another person behind her, or in the mirror, Akane lowered herself into the warm waters of the bath. Absentmindedly, she placed her fingers over the spot where the arrow hit her. No mark, no soft spot, not even a scar. It was like it never existed.
But it did. She felt the point go right into her. She felt the pain, the fire, the torment. But then again, she felt nothing now. Just a memory. Sighing, she placed a damp towel over her eyes, and leaned back in the tub. She quickly lifted it off, hoping to catch anyone who was also in the bath, but once again found herself alone. Placing the towel over her eyes once again, Akane decided that she should at least tell her family about what happened.
And maybe, just maybe, she would tell Ranma, as well.
Dinner started just as Akane walked down the stairs. She walked in, dressed once again in her school outfit. "Kasumi, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to miss dinner, tonight."
"Why is that, Akane?" asked Kasumi, as she passed out bowls.
"Because I got to go beat the stuffing out of Shampoo, for shooting me with an arrow." Replied Akane.
Everyone at the table turned toward Akane, staring as if she had just said the most amazing thing in the world.
"And when did this happen?" asked Nabiki.
"WHAAAAH!!! MY DAUGHTER HAD HER LIFE THREATENED TODAY!!!!" cried Soun, before going full Demon Head mode, at Ranma. "WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE TO PROTECT HER, RANMA!?!?!?!?"
"I didn't know!! I didn't know!!" said Ranma, backing away from Soun.
"Akane, are you okay?" asked Nodoka.
"It happened awhile after school, Ranma left early so he couldn't have known, and aside from the fact that I got shot in the chest, yeah I'm fine." Said Akane, answering most of the questions presented.
"Shot in the chest you say?" said Nabiki, with her usual indifferent tone. "What a bunch of malarkey."
"Does THIS look like malarkey to you!?!" shouted Akane, showing the hole in her jumper.
"So you got a hole in your clothes. Big deal." Said Nabiki, taking a sip of her miso soup. "You're not bleeding, and you seem perfectly fine to me. Just a sewing job, and nobody would know."
"Akane, it's not like you're hurt or nothin'." Said Ranma, patting Akane's back. "Besides, even Shampoo would know it'd take more than one measly arrow to kill someone built like a tank."
"Don't hit him . . . Don't hit him . . . Don't hit him . . ." a voice inside of Akane's head chanted. Akane was trying very hard to listen to that voice.
"It was probably a mistake, anyway." Said Ranma, trying to cheer Akane up. "She probably thought you were an escaped cow or something, and shot at you before she realized you were human."
" . . . . . . . Okay, NOW hit him."
Genma and Nodoka both stepped away from behind their son, as they were sure he would be flying by, any second.
"Ranma . . ."
"W-what?"
" . . . you . . ."
"What did I say?!"
"IDIOT!!!!!" *WHAM!!!!* *whump!* *ka-splash!*
No one was staring in surprise that Ranma bounced off of the compound wall, and into the carp pond. No one was surprised that Akane hit Ranma a little harder than usual. They were surprised that Akane had apparently done this, with an imaginary hammer. There was nothing in her hand.
Akane looked at her hand in surprise, as she DID see something there. It was a somewhat larger mallet than the wooden one she normally used. It looked as if it were made of translucent iron, or something. It also did not seem to weigh anything at all. Akane pulled out her normal wooden one, from behind her back, and stared at both of them. She blinked once, and the new hammer disappeared.
Ranma bobbed up to the surface of the pond, evidently trying to wash out the taste of his/her own foot with pond water. As Ranma regained her senses, she wondered, "What the heck did she just hit me with?"
Akane, bewildered beyond belief, placed the wooden mallet into Kasumi's hands, and slowly walked up stairs, saying "I think I'll just go to bed. I'm not feeling too well."
Ranma crawled back into the house, and looked up the stairs. "A-Akane?"
"Son, I would like to have a few words with you." Said Nodoka, glaring at Ranma. The pigtailed boy turned girl was certain this was not going to be good.
###
Akane spent her sleep very restless. Her nightmares threatened to stop her heart completely, no matter how fast it was going.
A demon with Shampoo's body, Ukyo's hair, Kodachi's voice, and Ranma's eyes chased after Akane, shooting spears of light and metal from an ivory bow. Akane ran as fast a she could, but she was not fast enough, was not quick enough, was not good enough.
"You're going to die, girl!" taunted the female demon. "You're nothing compared to me! You have nothing that can best me! You can do nothing to harm me! Give up, and I'll kill you quickly!"
Akane ran faster, praying for someone, anyone, to help her.
"No one's going to help you! You're nothing but a burden to them! They'll be glad when you're dead, you violent cow! Where's you big bad mallet now little girl?! What's the matter, can't fight back in all fairness?! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"
Akane hit a dead end. The exact same alley where she was shot. She turned to face her attacker, knowing that even if she fought back, she would go down without a fight.
"Now it ends, bitch!" said the demon, as it prepared to send an arrow right into her. "And this time, you WON'T live to tell about it!" *SHA-WHAM!!* went the arrow, as it broke the sound barrier to get to Akane . . .
*WA-TACK!* Only to be cut in two, as a dark iron sword fell upon it, just before it would have hit Akane. The sword then transformed into a girl, dressed in abbreviated samurai armor, who looked more than a little like Akane herself.
"I think that's enough." Said the being, using the same voice Akane had heard in the hallway. Her own. "Playtime is over."
"Out of my way, metal freak!" shouted the demon. "Unless you want to be a preview for your other half!"
"Oh, like I'm SO scared of a empty headed, whiny, psychopathic, idiot like you." taunted the armored Akane. "If you're so tough, then why don't you pick on someone who's armed?"
"DIE!!" shouted the demon, readying another arrow.
The arrow never got launched. The armored girl launched a jumping roundhouse kick, that shattered the bow, the arrow, and the demon herself. The echoing scream of the evil entity was heard all over the empty alley, as the pieces of the demon rained down and disappeared, like the embers of a fireworks display.
As the fire and brimstone died down, the armor clad figure turned around, and walked toward Akane. At first Akane was afraid she was going to be attacked, but the warm, friendly smile on her metal double made her defenses melt a bit. The armored girl came face to face with Akane, their noses only inches apart. For some reason she could not quite place, Akane started blushing.
"I think it's about time we get better aquatinted with each other." Said the armored girl, as she gently leaned foreword, her lips getting closer to Akane's . . .
###
Ranma Saotome was not a happy young man. It was rather understandable given his current situation in life; A fiancee he's constantly lied to, three other girls who want him, countless guys who want him dead, a near insane fear of cats, oh, and let us not forget a curse that turns him into a girl. All this, and much more, gave him good reason to not be happy.
But his current reason for being unhappy had nothing really to do with that. He had been hit by Akane many times before, for much the same reason. Only this time, he did not get away with just a hit.
"Your father has more sense than you!" Nodoka's harsh words seemed to echo in Ranma's mind. "Your other fiancee's I would have expected to say such things about Akane, but you of all people should know better! Have you even considered how much it hurts Akane, to hear you say such things about her?! I have stood by and said nothing up until now, but THIS is getting out of hand! Go up there, and apologize to your fiancee, right this minute, or do NOT bother coming back down for dinner!"
That little bit of motherly love occurred over two hours ago, which was about fifteen minutes before Ranma had walked up to Akane's door, hoping to apologize. He had not moved since.
"It's not like it's my fault. Can't she take a joke?" muttered Ranma.
Now Ranma's own words echoed in his empty head. "She probably thought you were an escaped cow or something, and shot at you before she realized you were human."
Ranma suddenly felt like malleting himself into the carp pond. It really was his fault this time, and he should have known better.
"I guess . . . . Maybe I should apologize." Said Ranma, about to knock on the door.
A sudden gasp from inside of Akane's room, caught Ranma's attention. He leaned up against the door, and pressed his ear on its surface, in order to listen in on what was happening. He nearly fell in, when the door opened. Nearly, because Akane inadvertently body-checked him into the hallway closet, while scrambling out of her bedroom, and into the bathroom. The bathroom door slammed, and locked as Ranma slid down off of the closet doors.
###
Akane splashed cold water against her face, trying to fully wake herself up. "Just a dream." She quietly said to herself. "Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream."
Why was it that whenever you have a dream you do not really want to remember, you can not seem to forget it? She was almost kissed! By a girl! By a girl that looked like her! Akane had some odd dreams in the past, but with those she could only remember bits and pieces, and were usually really strange (like nude female Ranma in a giant ice cream bowl, covered in chocolate syrup and chopped nuts), but THIS was rating near "Serial Experiments Lain" in terms of weirdness.
Deciding that she was not waking up enough with just the sink, Akane went into the bath area, and began drenching her head with bath pans of cold water. It was around this time that Akane looked up in the mirror, and saw that it was not exactly her reflection staring back at her.
"Hello." Said Akane's iron colored look alike, in a cheerful tone of voice. "Good to see you're fully awake, now."
"Hammina-hammina-hammina . . ." Akane finally rediscovered the power of speech. "Who are you? Where did you come from? Why the heck did you kiss me?! That was YOU back in the dream, wasn't it? Are you another fiancee of Ranma's?"
The copy-Akane seemed to consider all of this. "I'm really not sure what I am, except I'm another part of you I guess. I suppose I'm from your subconscious, or the back of your head anyway. It was the only way I could think of waking you up. Yes that was me. And I probably am, except that it's not in the way you're thinking. Hold on, I'll come over there. It's kind of weird talking to you as just your reflection." Suddenly Akane was only staring at her normal reflection. She blinked, and then saw the iron-Akane step out from her own body. "There! That's better." It said. "Now then . . . ."
The copy-Akane stared nervously at the original Akane, as the young girl began pouring even larger buckets of cold water over her head. "Just a dream! Just a dream! Just a dream!" Akane mumbled to herself. She stopped for a moment, looked back at her semi-translucent double, and resumed pouring water over herself. "That's it, from now on I'm not going to bed on an empty stomach."
Akane found herself whirled around by her double, and ending up face-to-face with it/her. "You're not dreaming, I AM real, and I'm a friend." Said the armored Akane. "Now-"
"You're weirdness!" whined Akane, practically in tears. "That arrow! Shampoo shot me with that arrow, and now I've gone insane! Oooh!! Somehow I'll get even for this!!"
"Shh!" said the armored Akane with a look of panic in her eyes, as she covered Akane's mouth. "Do you want your family to barge in here, and find you screaming at yourself?" Akane shook her head, no. "Then please keep it down! Nabiki probably has this whole house bugged, knowing her."
And on that cue. "Akane? Are you okay in there?" asked Nabiki, from the other side of the changing room door. "Ranma said you ran in here like a bat out of Hell."
Still covering Akane's mouth, the doppleganger spoke in Akane's voice. "Yeah, I'm fine sis! I just had a bad dream, that's all!"
"Okay, if you say so." Replied Nabiki. The sounds of shuffling, like somebody leaving, was heard.
The iron copy let go of Akane's mouth, but before Akane could say anything, the double said, "Wait. Hold that thought."
With that, the armored Akane turned into a flat rectangle, roughly the size and shape of a doormat, and quickly slid under the door.
*WHUMP* "OOF! Get off of me, you pervert!" yelled Nabiki. *SMACK!*
"OW! You we're the one who tripped me, you idiot!" yelled Ranma.
"Idiot!? Why you!!" The sounds of a slap fight were heard, as Ranma was heard running down the hall, with Nabiki not too far behind. A second later the bathroom door was heard unlocking, and the changing room door opened, revealing Akane's armored duplicate once again.
"There, door locked, eavesdroppers gone, and these" the double held up the remains of two mini-microphones, and locked the bathroom door behind her once more. "are off line. Now then, we can talk without being interrup . . . ted . . ." The double's words trailed off, as she noticed that Akane had fainted, and was currently unconscious upon the floor of the bath. "Ah shoot. Now I'll have to start all over again."
After a few minutes of thought, the armored Akane walked back into the changing room, and unlocked the door. She walked back into the bath area, stood over Akane's still unconscious form, and in Akane's voice, screamed as loud as she could.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
After the scream, the double jumped back into Akane. Moments later; Ranma, followed by Soun, followed by Genma, followed by Nodoka, followed by the rest of the family rushed into the bath area, and found Akane unconscious on the floor.
###
Hours later . . .
"I checked the mirror." Said Nabiki. "It's still the same old mirror Ranma's dad bought at that garage sale; a bathroom mirror with the attaching hinges missing. No ghosts, no magic, and the Shinto wards are just sticking on it."
"But I saw her!" yelled Akane, sitting in her bed, with the covers pulled up to her waist. "She was in there! And then she jumped out of me!"
"Are you absolutely sure you didn't just imagine her?" asked Kasumi, laying down a tray of food for Akane.
"Of course I'm sure!" said Akane. "I already told you what happened! She even tripped Ranma and Nabiki!"
"That big oaf fell on me, THAT'S what happened." Said Nabiki, pointing at Ranma.
"Hey!" objected Ranma, as he sat next to Akane. He actually believed that Akane DID see something. After all, he had stuff like that happen to him before. Of course, it might have been better if he had told Akane about his concern, in the first place. As it was, Ranma denied any concern for Akane's current well being. "You were the one who tripped me, remember?!"
"Enough!" said Akane. "I know what happened! Why don't you believe me?!"
"Akane, you're obviously tired, and hungry." Said Kasumi. "I'm sure that after you've had something to eat, and have had a nice long nap, you'll feel better."
Akane wanted to voice her opinion, but the growling of her stomach spoke first. Blushing slightly, Akane began eating the food that Kasumi had brought up. Ranma's stomach also growled, much louder than Akane's.
Ranma looked up to see his mother standing in the doorway, a frown upon her face. For one brief second, Ranma swallowed his pride. "I'msorryforsayingthatShampoothoughtyouwereacow!" Ranma blurted out, before dashing out of the room, and deftly past Nodoka.
The Saotome matriarch closed her eyes, and deepened her frown. Akane could almost see the headache forming in Nodoka's head. For a woman who had been separated from her son for over ten years, she was rapidly loosing patients with him. "I hope you feel better in the morning, Akane. And on behalf of my entire family, I pray you don't take my son's words too harshly." Nodoka had been using that phrase very often, in recent days. Nodoka exited the room, muttering something about manners, and common sense.
Akane clutched the bridge of her nose, trying to stop the headache she now felt. "Can't he grow up, even just a little?"
Akane was not sure why, but she felt as if there was a voice inside of her head choosing NOT to voice an opinion. Actually, she had a few guesses as to what that voice was, but decided it was not worth mentioning.
"Akane, I'm going to bed now." Said Kasumi. "Make sure you get some rest, and don't get worked up over some bad dream, okay?"
"I better be going to bed, too." Said Nabiki, noticing the time. "We've got school tomorrow, and I've still got to collect the winnings on yesterday's bet on the football game. Good night, sis. Pleasant dreams." With that Nabiki left. Kasumi followed close behind.
"Good night, Akane." Said Kasumi, before closing the door.
Akane stared at the closed door for a few moments, and then at the tray of food. She was certain that Ranma would be on the roof, guarding her, if he was not doing so right now. With that thought, Akane finished her meal, set the tray and dishes on her night stand, and decided to go to bed.
An hour passed after Akane had turned off the light. Despite being tired, she could not sleep. She knew what would happen, and as another body stepped out of her, she knew this would be a long night.
"Not again." Muttered Akane, placing her hand over her face.
"Sorry, but I really need to talk to you." Said the copy. "I'd like us to be friends, but I can't do that if you're screaming every time I appear."
"Why are you here?" asked Akane, still not looking. "And how do you know so much about me?"
"I really don't know how I got here." Said the armored copy. "But up until this afternoon, I could only see your dreams, when you were asleep."
"You've only seen my dreams?" asked Akane, finally looking at the figure siting on the side of the bed.
"Yes." Replied the copy. "And occasionally echoes from your thoughts. But as to how I know so much about you, I just do."
"Do . . . you have a name?" asked Akane, no longer afraid of what she was seeing.
"No. No I don't." replied the copy, looking a little sad. It seemed so out of character for someone who normally seemed so happy, and cheerful.
Akane thought for a moment. "Iron Mallet."
"Iron what?" asked the copy, a bit confused.
"The first time I actually saw you, you were that mallet I pulled out to hit Ranma, right?" Said Akane. "And you look kind of like you're made of iron, so I figured Iron Mallet would be the best name for you, right now."
"How about Mallet-Chan, for short." Replied the newly dubbed Iron Mallet AKA Mallet-Chan. "I'm not sure I could stand having the first name `Iron', if I could help it."
"Fair enough." Said Akane. "Now here's the big problem; How do I explain you to everyone else?"
"Hmmm . . ." thought Mallet-Chan, as she considered what could happen. "At best, Nabiki would sell the information to the highest bidder, and Ranma would probably try to prove I can't beat him. I don't think anyone else can see me but you, so that makes it a little easier to hide, I guess."
"In other words," sighed Akane. "I should just keep you a secret, until something better can be worked out, right?"
"Works for me." Said Mallet-Chan. Suddenly, she heard something. "What's that noise?"
Akane listened, and picked up the light sound of snoring, coming from just above her bedroom window. "That dummy fell asleep." Said Akane. "He usually spends the night guarding my room, if something happens to me." She thought about it for a moment. "He's probably cold. I better get a blanket for him, before he freezes up there." Akane then got out of bed, to get a spare blanket out of her closet.
A few minutes later Akane, with Iron Mallet inside of her once more, carried the folded blanket outside. "Where's that damn ladder? I can never find that thing when I need it."
"Why don't you just jump?" asked Mallet-Chan, from inside of Akane's head.
"It's too high here. I guess I'll just have to jump onto the smaller roof, and get up from there." Replied Akane.
"Wait. Let me try something." Said Mallet-Chan, as she leapt out of Akane's body. She stretched her arms a bit, and then transformed into a ladder that reached up to the top of the roof. "Pretty cool, huh?"
"H-how did you do that?!" asked Akane.
"I'm not sure how." Replied Mallet-Chan, now a ladder. "I just know that I can change into stuff, but only one of something, I think. Use me to climb up."
"Well . . . I guess it's all right." Said Akane. Tucking the blanket under her arm, she climbed up the ladder. Despite looking like a regular ladder, Akane realized that Iron Mallet's transformed state was much sturdier than the regular one. There was almost no chance at all that Akane would fall off, and there was no shaking at all, as Akane climbed up.
Soon Akane reached the top of the house, and of course found Ranma asleep on the roof. The pigtailed boy was shivering from the cold night air, and Akane could not help but notice that Ranma seemed to be turning blue.
After quickly wrapping up her fianc‚ in the nice, warm blanket, Akane waited until Ranma seemed to warm up again, and was no longer in danger of freezing to death. Turning around, Akane found Iron Mallet standing at the edge of the roof, staring at her, with a small smile on her face.
"Um, I was just . . . just . . ." Akane could not get the excuse out.
"Don't worry." Said Mallet-Chan. "I already know how you feel about him. How about we get him into the house? I've got an idea on how to get him down safely."
Nabiki Tendo woke up, and quietly opened her window. She had been awakened by the sounds of feet on the roof, and decided that it was either Ranma watching over Akane, or Akane trying to make sure Ranma did not get too cold on the roof. When she looked however, she saw something very odd.
Had Nabiki been able to see Akane's new friend, Nabiki would have seen Akane, holding onto a blanketed Ranma, being lowered by an iron-colored wheel and pulley system, down to the ground. As it was though, All Nabiki saw was her sister, holding on to Ranma, gently floating onto the grass below. Nabiki was so surprised, that she did not even think of taking a picture.
Nabiki quietly shut her window, and climbed back into bed. She figured she was just having some strange dream, brought about by Akane talking about nightmares, and other strange things. Just a dream.
Akane trudged back into the house, Iron Mallet once again one with her, with Ranma semi-slung over her shoulder. "I can't believe he's still asleep!" commented Mallet-Chan, from inside of Akane's mind.
"Yeah, well he's always been a heavy sleeper." Said Akane, gently setting Ranma down in the living room, next to the floor heater. Sure enough, the young Saotome was still asleep. *sigh* "If only he could be like this all the time."
"Like what?" asked Mallet-Chan.
"Quiet, and easy to get from one place to another." Replied Akane, her voice ringing of both sarcasm and truth. "He tries to be nice. Sometimes. But he's always using every situation as just another reason to insult me. I like that he's honest with me about my cooking, but he's always telling me in the worst way possible. If he would just tell me that the food wasn't good, and not insult me about it, I MIGHT not hit him so much."
"How about I help you cook?" said Mallet-Chan. "Maybe between the two of us working together, we can come up with something he won't insult." The clock chimed in the kitchen. "We better get to bed, soon. You've got school tomorrow."
"Just a minute." Said Akane, propping up Ranma's head, with one of the sitting cushions. "There."
"What, not going to kiss him goodnight?" asked Mallet-Chan, in a somewhat amused tone.
"Oh be quiet." Grumbled Akane, walking up to her room.
"Lighten up." Replied Mallet-Chan, as Akane closed the bedroom door, and sat upon her bed. "A sense of humor might make your life go more smoothly."
"Whatever." Said Akane. "Listen; this is all new to me, having someone else talking in my head. It's . . . it may be awhile before I can actually get used to you. Understand?"
"Yeah, I understand." Replied Mallet-Chan. "This is kind of new to me, too. I'll try not to screw up your life, but remember; I'm still here for you, whenever you need someone to talk to. Goodnight, Akane."
"Goodnight, Mallet-Chan." Replied Akane, pulling her bed sheet up to her chin.
As Akane lay in her bed, she pondered the enormity of what had just happened to her, today. Was it just a dream? Was she going insane? Was there really another being living inside of her? What was she to do, now?
"No, not quite, yes, and go to sleep." Replied Mallet-Chan, in a very sleepy voice.
It took awhile, but Akane somehow managed to put a mental cork on her thoughts, and drift off to the land of nod . . .
About two hours before her alarm went off.
*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!*
"ARRRGH!!!"
###
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
It ends now.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
It ends with a perfect weapon.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
One that could instantly generate its projectiles.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
And could kill its opponent in one shot.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
Now if only that violent, kitchen destroyer would stand still.
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
Peter Suzuki presents;
*P-twang!* *P-twang!*
STOP THAT ALREADY!
Peter Suzuki presents;
Akane's Bizarre Adventure.
(My deepest apologies to Hirohiko Araki, and Rumiko Takahashi. If you don't know why, don't bother reading this...)
The day had started out like any other, and ended much the same. Akane Tendo walked home from school, alone. Her fianc‚, Ranma Saotome, left school around lunch after being cornered once again about a simple thing he admitted to only weeks before.
Akane knew he had said it. She also knew he was lying when he denied it. He would say and do anything to avoid talking about it, and that was why he left early; Because Akane wanted to talk about it.
"Just my imagination." Thought Akane. "Yeah right. You don't come BACK from the dead, and then imagine something. Why can't you just admit you said you loved me, Ranma? You don't have to mention it to anyone else, just to me!"
But Akane also knew that was exactly why he did not want to admit it. Deep down inside, he could not stand to admit that he loved the same girl he called violent, uncute, sexless, and a thousand other bad things. Akane knew that if she really had to, she could admit to at least liking Ranma, but she wanted Ranma to honestly say that he loved her, in front of her face, when he knew she could hear him.
But that seemed like nothing more than a hopeful dream. Ranma's courage ended with anything having to do with a relationship, and that was nothing compared with what the fiancee's were up to. Akane was getting more than a little worried that one of these days, one of the other girls would try to kill her.
As if on cue, a *P-twang!* was heard, just before a glowing arrow hit the ground near Akane's feet, sending some concrete flying apart. Akane jumped back into fighting stance, and faced her attacker.
Akane was not really surprised to see Shampoo standing on top of a wooden box, with a bow in her hands. Another glowing arrow was seen, pulled ready to strike. Akane also idly noted that Shampoo was not carrying any more arrows, probably meaning the bow was making them on its own.
Akane knew she was outmatched. Shampoo, with a most likely magical weapon, was not something easy to beat. But then again, Akane was not about to just stand around and do nothing.
Another arrow was launched, and Akane dashed away. Shampoo of course followed, launching arrows as fast as possible. The projectiles flew into walls, fences, bushes, everywhere. Akane was glad that most people were at home by then, because innocent bystanders would not be one of Shampoo's concerns. Akane also noticed that the arrows seemed to disappear after hitting something, which most likely meant that they were made out of ki, or something like that. Regardless, she had to escape the pursuing Amazon, before something bad happened.
Akane dashed into an alleyway, and found that the city just installed a new brick wall in the back of it. She whirled around, and of course found Shampoo standing at the opening, smiling and ready to shoot. In a risky move of dexterity and reflexes, Akane jumped to the wall to her right, as she heard the *P-twang!*. The arrow of course missed, and Akane proceeded to jump from one wall to the other, like something from a ninja movie, eventually reaching the roof of one of the buildings.
Shampoo blinked, and said "Aiyah." Following Akane in much the same manner as the Tendo girl escaped, Shampoo found herself up on the same roof, just in time to see Akane jumping to another. Firing a couple of arrows, and taking off once again, Shampoo resumed her hunt for Akane.
Roof to roof the chase continued, never slowing down. For a moment, Shampoo lost sight of Akane, and as she jumped off of the last building she saw her on, Shampoo was hit by a trash can lid.
Akane smirked as her attack hit. She readied a second lid, ready to use it in the same manner as the first.
As Shampoo flipped over, she lost her grip on the bow string, sending the arrow flying. Through pure chance, the arrow struck its target.
Akane dropped her would be weapon, and let out a slight scream as the arrow pierced her chest. It felt as if someone had shoved a porcupine into her heart. The world seemed to dim as she felt something course throughout her body. She struggled to remain conscious, as she clutched the glowing arrow sticking out of her.
Shampoo landed badly. Blood trickled out of her mouth from where one of her teeth was knocked out on the pavement, and her leg was at the very least sprained. To top it all off, the cut on her forehead was causing blood to run down her eye, meaning if Akane could still fight, she would be in big trouble.
The Amazon was pleased to find Akane struggling on the ground, however. The arrow in her chest proved that it would be fatal, even if it did not instantly kill Akane. Satisfied that her mission was accomplished, and that no one would ever know of her actions, Shampoo limped back to the Cat Caf‚ as fast as she could, for medical attention.
"I . . . I can't . . . die now . . ." Akane struggled to get to her knees. The fact that she had an arrow through her heart, did not seem to be holding her back as much as it should have. "I . . . must . . . LIVE! . . .R-Ranma . . ." In what felt like an hour, and was probably longer, Akane finally pulled herself back up to her feet. "Ugh." She muttered. "I almost forgot how much dying takes a lot out of you."
Suddenly, the arrow was no longer there. She felt for it, thinking that she just lost her grip, but it was gone. Fearing the worst, she looked down, and saw . . . the ground. Well, she at least was not having an out-of-body experience, but was she dead? . . . No, death itself did not feel this draining. She also checked to see if she just imagined being hit. There was no blood, but a small hole in her jumper, just above her heart, let her know it was also not a dream.
Stumbling out of the alley, Akane noticed small splatters of blood on the street, along with a single bloody tooth. She picked it up, and had the distinct feeling it was Shampoo's. Deciding that being hit by a disappearing arrow was reason enough to go to the doctor, Akane slowly waddled over to Dr. Tofu's office.
After finding the office already closed, with a note saying that the good doctor would be back the next day, Akane decided that she should just call it a day, and go home. If she was not dead from an arrow to the heart already, she would probably survive, she figured.
Akane walked back into her home, and mumbled "I'm home." Of course, Kasumi was the first one to greet her.
"Why hello Akane." Said Kasumi. "You're certainly home late. Did anything happen?"
"Shampoo shot me with an arrow." Said Akane, absentmindedly, walking by.
"Oh that's nice." Said Kasumi, pleasantly. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." The eldest Tendo daughter then went back into the kitchen.
Akane momentarily looked rather nervously in Kasumi's general direction. She had always been a little worried that Kasumi was a little too oblivious to the world, but . . .
Deciding it was not worth pursuing at the moment, Akane walked upstairs to take a bath. "That girl needs to get out more." Said someone, from behind Akane.
Akane whipped around, to see who was behind her, but found nothing. She was the only one in the hallway.
And she could have sworn that voice sounded like . . . .
"Great." Muttered Akane, resuming her trip to the bath. "Now I'm hearing things."
As Akane trudged into the changing room, she noticed the door closed. "If you're in there Ranma, you better say something now, or I'll pound you when I get in there!" said Akane, to whoever was on the other side of it. For a brief second she thought she heard someone giggle, but dismissed it as her own imagination running away with her once more. As she opened the door, she was greeted with nothing once more. Nothing in sight, anyway.
Upon entering the washing area, she felt as if there was someone else in the room. Looking around, she could not see anything. Then, in the mirror, she saw a dark grayish-black hand pointing to the edge of the tub! Spinning around, she turned to see . . . nothing again.
"There's a whole lot of nothing going on." Akane said to herself, as she continued to stare bewildered at the tub. Then she looked at where the hand was supposedly pointing.
She could just barely make out the silhouette of something. Something small. Something sleeping. Something perverted.
"GET OUT AND STAY OUT!!!!" shouted Akane, as she tossed the now revealed Happosai out of the bathroom window.
Happosai, who had fallen asleep using his `Extra-Dimensional-Warp' technique, could only think of one thing to say. "How'd she know I was there?!?"
Akane closed the window, locked it, and went back to washing herself. After washing, rinsing, and checking the mirror to make sure there was not another person behind her, or in the mirror, Akane lowered herself into the warm waters of the bath. Absentmindedly, she placed her fingers over the spot where the arrow hit her. No mark, no soft spot, not even a scar. It was like it never existed.
But it did. She felt the point go right into her. She felt the pain, the fire, the torment. But then again, she felt nothing now. Just a memory. Sighing, she placed a damp towel over her eyes, and leaned back in the tub. She quickly lifted it off, hoping to catch anyone who was also in the bath, but once again found herself alone. Placing the towel over her eyes once again, Akane decided that she should at least tell her family about what happened.
And maybe, just maybe, she would tell Ranma, as well.
Dinner started just as Akane walked down the stairs. She walked in, dressed once again in her school outfit. "Kasumi, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to miss dinner, tonight."
"Why is that, Akane?" asked Kasumi, as she passed out bowls.
"Because I got to go beat the stuffing out of Shampoo, for shooting me with an arrow." Replied Akane.
Everyone at the table turned toward Akane, staring as if she had just said the most amazing thing in the world.
"And when did this happen?" asked Nabiki.
"WHAAAAH!!! MY DAUGHTER HAD HER LIFE THREATENED TODAY!!!!" cried Soun, before going full Demon Head mode, at Ranma. "WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE TO PROTECT HER, RANMA!?!?!?!?"
"I didn't know!! I didn't know!!" said Ranma, backing away from Soun.
"Akane, are you okay?" asked Nodoka.
"It happened awhile after school, Ranma left early so he couldn't have known, and aside from the fact that I got shot in the chest, yeah I'm fine." Said Akane, answering most of the questions presented.
"Shot in the chest you say?" said Nabiki, with her usual indifferent tone. "What a bunch of malarkey."
"Does THIS look like malarkey to you!?!" shouted Akane, showing the hole in her jumper.
"So you got a hole in your clothes. Big deal." Said Nabiki, taking a sip of her miso soup. "You're not bleeding, and you seem perfectly fine to me. Just a sewing job, and nobody would know."
"Akane, it's not like you're hurt or nothin'." Said Ranma, patting Akane's back. "Besides, even Shampoo would know it'd take more than one measly arrow to kill someone built like a tank."
"Don't hit him . . . Don't hit him . . . Don't hit him . . ." a voice inside of Akane's head chanted. Akane was trying very hard to listen to that voice.
"It was probably a mistake, anyway." Said Ranma, trying to cheer Akane up. "She probably thought you were an escaped cow or something, and shot at you before she realized you were human."
" . . . . . . . Okay, NOW hit him."
Genma and Nodoka both stepped away from behind their son, as they were sure he would be flying by, any second.
"Ranma . . ."
"W-what?"
" . . . you . . ."
"What did I say?!"
"IDIOT!!!!!" *WHAM!!!!* *whump!* *ka-splash!*
No one was staring in surprise that Ranma bounced off of the compound wall, and into the carp pond. No one was surprised that Akane hit Ranma a little harder than usual. They were surprised that Akane had apparently done this, with an imaginary hammer. There was nothing in her hand.
Akane looked at her hand in surprise, as she DID see something there. It was a somewhat larger mallet than the wooden one she normally used. It looked as if it were made of translucent iron, or something. It also did not seem to weigh anything at all. Akane pulled out her normal wooden one, from behind her back, and stared at both of them. She blinked once, and the new hammer disappeared.
Ranma bobbed up to the surface of the pond, evidently trying to wash out the taste of his/her own foot with pond water. As Ranma regained her senses, she wondered, "What the heck did she just hit me with?"
Akane, bewildered beyond belief, placed the wooden mallet into Kasumi's hands, and slowly walked up stairs, saying "I think I'll just go to bed. I'm not feeling too well."
Ranma crawled back into the house, and looked up the stairs. "A-Akane?"
"Son, I would like to have a few words with you." Said Nodoka, glaring at Ranma. The pigtailed boy turned girl was certain this was not going to be good.
###
Akane spent her sleep very restless. Her nightmares threatened to stop her heart completely, no matter how fast it was going.
A demon with Shampoo's body, Ukyo's hair, Kodachi's voice, and Ranma's eyes chased after Akane, shooting spears of light and metal from an ivory bow. Akane ran as fast a she could, but she was not fast enough, was not quick enough, was not good enough.
"You're going to die, girl!" taunted the female demon. "You're nothing compared to me! You have nothing that can best me! You can do nothing to harm me! Give up, and I'll kill you quickly!"
Akane ran faster, praying for someone, anyone, to help her.
"No one's going to help you! You're nothing but a burden to them! They'll be glad when you're dead, you violent cow! Where's you big bad mallet now little girl?! What's the matter, can't fight back in all fairness?! HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"
Akane hit a dead end. The exact same alley where she was shot. She turned to face her attacker, knowing that even if she fought back, she would go down without a fight.
"Now it ends, bitch!" said the demon, as it prepared to send an arrow right into her. "And this time, you WON'T live to tell about it!" *SHA-WHAM!!* went the arrow, as it broke the sound barrier to get to Akane . . .
*WA-TACK!* Only to be cut in two, as a dark iron sword fell upon it, just before it would have hit Akane. The sword then transformed into a girl, dressed in abbreviated samurai armor, who looked more than a little like Akane herself.
"I think that's enough." Said the being, using the same voice Akane had heard in the hallway. Her own. "Playtime is over."
"Out of my way, metal freak!" shouted the demon. "Unless you want to be a preview for your other half!"
"Oh, like I'm SO scared of a empty headed, whiny, psychopathic, idiot like you." taunted the armored Akane. "If you're so tough, then why don't you pick on someone who's armed?"
"DIE!!" shouted the demon, readying another arrow.
The arrow never got launched. The armored girl launched a jumping roundhouse kick, that shattered the bow, the arrow, and the demon herself. The echoing scream of the evil entity was heard all over the empty alley, as the pieces of the demon rained down and disappeared, like the embers of a fireworks display.
As the fire and brimstone died down, the armor clad figure turned around, and walked toward Akane. At first Akane was afraid she was going to be attacked, but the warm, friendly smile on her metal double made her defenses melt a bit. The armored girl came face to face with Akane, their noses only inches apart. For some reason she could not quite place, Akane started blushing.
"I think it's about time we get better aquatinted with each other." Said the armored girl, as she gently leaned foreword, her lips getting closer to Akane's . . .
###
Ranma Saotome was not a happy young man. It was rather understandable given his current situation in life; A fiancee he's constantly lied to, three other girls who want him, countless guys who want him dead, a near insane fear of cats, oh, and let us not forget a curse that turns him into a girl. All this, and much more, gave him good reason to not be happy.
But his current reason for being unhappy had nothing really to do with that. He had been hit by Akane many times before, for much the same reason. Only this time, he did not get away with just a hit.
"Your father has more sense than you!" Nodoka's harsh words seemed to echo in Ranma's mind. "Your other fiancee's I would have expected to say such things about Akane, but you of all people should know better! Have you even considered how much it hurts Akane, to hear you say such things about her?! I have stood by and said nothing up until now, but THIS is getting out of hand! Go up there, and apologize to your fiancee, right this minute, or do NOT bother coming back down for dinner!"
That little bit of motherly love occurred over two hours ago, which was about fifteen minutes before Ranma had walked up to Akane's door, hoping to apologize. He had not moved since.
"It's not like it's my fault. Can't she take a joke?" muttered Ranma.
Now Ranma's own words echoed in his empty head. "She probably thought you were an escaped cow or something, and shot at you before she realized you were human."
Ranma suddenly felt like malleting himself into the carp pond. It really was his fault this time, and he should have known better.
"I guess . . . . Maybe I should apologize." Said Ranma, about to knock on the door.
A sudden gasp from inside of Akane's room, caught Ranma's attention. He leaned up against the door, and pressed his ear on its surface, in order to listen in on what was happening. He nearly fell in, when the door opened. Nearly, because Akane inadvertently body-checked him into the hallway closet, while scrambling out of her bedroom, and into the bathroom. The bathroom door slammed, and locked as Ranma slid down off of the closet doors.
###
Akane splashed cold water against her face, trying to fully wake herself up. "Just a dream." She quietly said to herself. "Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream."
Why was it that whenever you have a dream you do not really want to remember, you can not seem to forget it? She was almost kissed! By a girl! By a girl that looked like her! Akane had some odd dreams in the past, but with those she could only remember bits and pieces, and were usually really strange (like nude female Ranma in a giant ice cream bowl, covered in chocolate syrup and chopped nuts), but THIS was rating near "Serial Experiments Lain" in terms of weirdness.
Deciding that she was not waking up enough with just the sink, Akane went into the bath area, and began drenching her head with bath pans of cold water. It was around this time that Akane looked up in the mirror, and saw that it was not exactly her reflection staring back at her.
"Hello." Said Akane's iron colored look alike, in a cheerful tone of voice. "Good to see you're fully awake, now."
"Hammina-hammina-hammina . . ." Akane finally rediscovered the power of speech. "Who are you? Where did you come from? Why the heck did you kiss me?! That was YOU back in the dream, wasn't it? Are you another fiancee of Ranma's?"
The copy-Akane seemed to consider all of this. "I'm really not sure what I am, except I'm another part of you I guess. I suppose I'm from your subconscious, or the back of your head anyway. It was the only way I could think of waking you up. Yes that was me. And I probably am, except that it's not in the way you're thinking. Hold on, I'll come over there. It's kind of weird talking to you as just your reflection." Suddenly Akane was only staring at her normal reflection. She blinked, and then saw the iron-Akane step out from her own body. "There! That's better." It said. "Now then . . . ."
The copy-Akane stared nervously at the original Akane, as the young girl began pouring even larger buckets of cold water over her head. "Just a dream! Just a dream! Just a dream!" Akane mumbled to herself. She stopped for a moment, looked back at her semi-translucent double, and resumed pouring water over herself. "That's it, from now on I'm not going to bed on an empty stomach."
Akane found herself whirled around by her double, and ending up face-to-face with it/her. "You're not dreaming, I AM real, and I'm a friend." Said the armored Akane. "Now-"
"You're weirdness!" whined Akane, practically in tears. "That arrow! Shampoo shot me with that arrow, and now I've gone insane! Oooh!! Somehow I'll get even for this!!"
"Shh!" said the armored Akane with a look of panic in her eyes, as she covered Akane's mouth. "Do you want your family to barge in here, and find you screaming at yourself?" Akane shook her head, no. "Then please keep it down! Nabiki probably has this whole house bugged, knowing her."
And on that cue. "Akane? Are you okay in there?" asked Nabiki, from the other side of the changing room door. "Ranma said you ran in here like a bat out of Hell."
Still covering Akane's mouth, the doppleganger spoke in Akane's voice. "Yeah, I'm fine sis! I just had a bad dream, that's all!"
"Okay, if you say so." Replied Nabiki. The sounds of shuffling, like somebody leaving, was heard.
The iron copy let go of Akane's mouth, but before Akane could say anything, the double said, "Wait. Hold that thought."
With that, the armored Akane turned into a flat rectangle, roughly the size and shape of a doormat, and quickly slid under the door.
*WHUMP* "OOF! Get off of me, you pervert!" yelled Nabiki. *SMACK!*
"OW! You we're the one who tripped me, you idiot!" yelled Ranma.
"Idiot!? Why you!!" The sounds of a slap fight were heard, as Ranma was heard running down the hall, with Nabiki not too far behind. A second later the bathroom door was heard unlocking, and the changing room door opened, revealing Akane's armored duplicate once again.
"There, door locked, eavesdroppers gone, and these" the double held up the remains of two mini-microphones, and locked the bathroom door behind her once more. "are off line. Now then, we can talk without being interrup . . . ted . . ." The double's words trailed off, as she noticed that Akane had fainted, and was currently unconscious upon the floor of the bath. "Ah shoot. Now I'll have to start all over again."
After a few minutes of thought, the armored Akane walked back into the changing room, and unlocked the door. She walked back into the bath area, stood over Akane's still unconscious form, and in Akane's voice, screamed as loud as she could.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
After the scream, the double jumped back into Akane. Moments later; Ranma, followed by Soun, followed by Genma, followed by Nodoka, followed by the rest of the family rushed into the bath area, and found Akane unconscious on the floor.
###
Hours later . . .
"I checked the mirror." Said Nabiki. "It's still the same old mirror Ranma's dad bought at that garage sale; a bathroom mirror with the attaching hinges missing. No ghosts, no magic, and the Shinto wards are just sticking on it."
"But I saw her!" yelled Akane, sitting in her bed, with the covers pulled up to her waist. "She was in there! And then she jumped out of me!"
"Are you absolutely sure you didn't just imagine her?" asked Kasumi, laying down a tray of food for Akane.
"Of course I'm sure!" said Akane. "I already told you what happened! She even tripped Ranma and Nabiki!"
"That big oaf fell on me, THAT'S what happened." Said Nabiki, pointing at Ranma.
"Hey!" objected Ranma, as he sat next to Akane. He actually believed that Akane DID see something. After all, he had stuff like that happen to him before. Of course, it might have been better if he had told Akane about his concern, in the first place. As it was, Ranma denied any concern for Akane's current well being. "You were the one who tripped me, remember?!"
"Enough!" said Akane. "I know what happened! Why don't you believe me?!"
"Akane, you're obviously tired, and hungry." Said Kasumi. "I'm sure that after you've had something to eat, and have had a nice long nap, you'll feel better."
Akane wanted to voice her opinion, but the growling of her stomach spoke first. Blushing slightly, Akane began eating the food that Kasumi had brought up. Ranma's stomach also growled, much louder than Akane's.
Ranma looked up to see his mother standing in the doorway, a frown upon her face. For one brief second, Ranma swallowed his pride. "I'msorryforsayingthatShampoothoughtyouwereacow!" Ranma blurted out, before dashing out of the room, and deftly past Nodoka.
The Saotome matriarch closed her eyes, and deepened her frown. Akane could almost see the headache forming in Nodoka's head. For a woman who had been separated from her son for over ten years, she was rapidly loosing patients with him. "I hope you feel better in the morning, Akane. And on behalf of my entire family, I pray you don't take my son's words too harshly." Nodoka had been using that phrase very often, in recent days. Nodoka exited the room, muttering something about manners, and common sense.
Akane clutched the bridge of her nose, trying to stop the headache she now felt. "Can't he grow up, even just a little?"
Akane was not sure why, but she felt as if there was a voice inside of her head choosing NOT to voice an opinion. Actually, she had a few guesses as to what that voice was, but decided it was not worth mentioning.
"Akane, I'm going to bed now." Said Kasumi. "Make sure you get some rest, and don't get worked up over some bad dream, okay?"
"I better be going to bed, too." Said Nabiki, noticing the time. "We've got school tomorrow, and I've still got to collect the winnings on yesterday's bet on the football game. Good night, sis. Pleasant dreams." With that Nabiki left. Kasumi followed close behind.
"Good night, Akane." Said Kasumi, before closing the door.
Akane stared at the closed door for a few moments, and then at the tray of food. She was certain that Ranma would be on the roof, guarding her, if he was not doing so right now. With that thought, Akane finished her meal, set the tray and dishes on her night stand, and decided to go to bed.
An hour passed after Akane had turned off the light. Despite being tired, she could not sleep. She knew what would happen, and as another body stepped out of her, she knew this would be a long night.
"Not again." Muttered Akane, placing her hand over her face.
"Sorry, but I really need to talk to you." Said the copy. "I'd like us to be friends, but I can't do that if you're screaming every time I appear."
"Why are you here?" asked Akane, still not looking. "And how do you know so much about me?"
"I really don't know how I got here." Said the armored copy. "But up until this afternoon, I could only see your dreams, when you were asleep."
"You've only seen my dreams?" asked Akane, finally looking at the figure siting on the side of the bed.
"Yes." Replied the copy. "And occasionally echoes from your thoughts. But as to how I know so much about you, I just do."
"Do . . . you have a name?" asked Akane, no longer afraid of what she was seeing.
"No. No I don't." replied the copy, looking a little sad. It seemed so out of character for someone who normally seemed so happy, and cheerful.
Akane thought for a moment. "Iron Mallet."
"Iron what?" asked the copy, a bit confused.
"The first time I actually saw you, you were that mallet I pulled out to hit Ranma, right?" Said Akane. "And you look kind of like you're made of iron, so I figured Iron Mallet would be the best name for you, right now."
"How about Mallet-Chan, for short." Replied the newly dubbed Iron Mallet AKA Mallet-Chan. "I'm not sure I could stand having the first name `Iron', if I could help it."
"Fair enough." Said Akane. "Now here's the big problem; How do I explain you to everyone else?"
"Hmmm . . ." thought Mallet-Chan, as she considered what could happen. "At best, Nabiki would sell the information to the highest bidder, and Ranma would probably try to prove I can't beat him. I don't think anyone else can see me but you, so that makes it a little easier to hide, I guess."
"In other words," sighed Akane. "I should just keep you a secret, until something better can be worked out, right?"
"Works for me." Said Mallet-Chan. Suddenly, she heard something. "What's that noise?"
Akane listened, and picked up the light sound of snoring, coming from just above her bedroom window. "That dummy fell asleep." Said Akane. "He usually spends the night guarding my room, if something happens to me." She thought about it for a moment. "He's probably cold. I better get a blanket for him, before he freezes up there." Akane then got out of bed, to get a spare blanket out of her closet.
A few minutes later Akane, with Iron Mallet inside of her once more, carried the folded blanket outside. "Where's that damn ladder? I can never find that thing when I need it."
"Why don't you just jump?" asked Mallet-Chan, from inside of Akane's head.
"It's too high here. I guess I'll just have to jump onto the smaller roof, and get up from there." Replied Akane.
"Wait. Let me try something." Said Mallet-Chan, as she leapt out of Akane's body. She stretched her arms a bit, and then transformed into a ladder that reached up to the top of the roof. "Pretty cool, huh?"
"H-how did you do that?!" asked Akane.
"I'm not sure how." Replied Mallet-Chan, now a ladder. "I just know that I can change into stuff, but only one of something, I think. Use me to climb up."
"Well . . . I guess it's all right." Said Akane. Tucking the blanket under her arm, she climbed up the ladder. Despite looking like a regular ladder, Akane realized that Iron Mallet's transformed state was much sturdier than the regular one. There was almost no chance at all that Akane would fall off, and there was no shaking at all, as Akane climbed up.
Soon Akane reached the top of the house, and of course found Ranma asleep on the roof. The pigtailed boy was shivering from the cold night air, and Akane could not help but notice that Ranma seemed to be turning blue.
After quickly wrapping up her fianc‚ in the nice, warm blanket, Akane waited until Ranma seemed to warm up again, and was no longer in danger of freezing to death. Turning around, Akane found Iron Mallet standing at the edge of the roof, staring at her, with a small smile on her face.
"Um, I was just . . . just . . ." Akane could not get the excuse out.
"Don't worry." Said Mallet-Chan. "I already know how you feel about him. How about we get him into the house? I've got an idea on how to get him down safely."
Nabiki Tendo woke up, and quietly opened her window. She had been awakened by the sounds of feet on the roof, and decided that it was either Ranma watching over Akane, or Akane trying to make sure Ranma did not get too cold on the roof. When she looked however, she saw something very odd.
Had Nabiki been able to see Akane's new friend, Nabiki would have seen Akane, holding onto a blanketed Ranma, being lowered by an iron-colored wheel and pulley system, down to the ground. As it was though, All Nabiki saw was her sister, holding on to Ranma, gently floating onto the grass below. Nabiki was so surprised, that she did not even think of taking a picture.
Nabiki quietly shut her window, and climbed back into bed. She figured she was just having some strange dream, brought about by Akane talking about nightmares, and other strange things. Just a dream.
Akane trudged back into the house, Iron Mallet once again one with her, with Ranma semi-slung over her shoulder. "I can't believe he's still asleep!" commented Mallet-Chan, from inside of Akane's mind.
"Yeah, well he's always been a heavy sleeper." Said Akane, gently setting Ranma down in the living room, next to the floor heater. Sure enough, the young Saotome was still asleep. *sigh* "If only he could be like this all the time."
"Like what?" asked Mallet-Chan.
"Quiet, and easy to get from one place to another." Replied Akane, her voice ringing of both sarcasm and truth. "He tries to be nice. Sometimes. But he's always using every situation as just another reason to insult me. I like that he's honest with me about my cooking, but he's always telling me in the worst way possible. If he would just tell me that the food wasn't good, and not insult me about it, I MIGHT not hit him so much."
"How about I help you cook?" said Mallet-Chan. "Maybe between the two of us working together, we can come up with something he won't insult." The clock chimed in the kitchen. "We better get to bed, soon. You've got school tomorrow."
"Just a minute." Said Akane, propping up Ranma's head, with one of the sitting cushions. "There."
"What, not going to kiss him goodnight?" asked Mallet-Chan, in a somewhat amused tone.
"Oh be quiet." Grumbled Akane, walking up to her room.
"Lighten up." Replied Mallet-Chan, as Akane closed the bedroom door, and sat upon her bed. "A sense of humor might make your life go more smoothly."
"Whatever." Said Akane. "Listen; this is all new to me, having someone else talking in my head. It's . . . it may be awhile before I can actually get used to you. Understand?"
"Yeah, I understand." Replied Mallet-Chan. "This is kind of new to me, too. I'll try not to screw up your life, but remember; I'm still here for you, whenever you need someone to talk to. Goodnight, Akane."
"Goodnight, Mallet-Chan." Replied Akane, pulling her bed sheet up to her chin.
As Akane lay in her bed, she pondered the enormity of what had just happened to her, today. Was it just a dream? Was she going insane? Was there really another being living inside of her? What was she to do, now?
"No, not quite, yes, and go to sleep." Replied Mallet-Chan, in a very sleepy voice.
It took awhile, but Akane somehow managed to put a mental cork on her thoughts, and drift off to the land of nod . . .
About two hours before her alarm went off.
*RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!*
"ARRRGH!!!"
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