Butterfly's Sleep copyright 1999 to L'Arc~en~Ciel.
Fushigi Yuugi and all characters are property of Watase Yuu.
IX. Rebirth
San thearínoc chaíromui
Kai pseútika giláo
Mésa sta stíthi kaígomai
Ma den ta marturáo
Mésa sto gélio to pikró
Ta stenagmó mou krúbo |
Like an actor on stage
I put on a play
Inside myself I am burning
No one should know
Behind my bitter smile
My sorrow I conceal |
--Stélios Kazantzídis, Ki an Yelaó
After Italy, Greece was the same, yet different. Yui had seen the ocean before, but in Greece it looked somehow…wilder, more beautiful, and ethereal, as if the waves were the prelude to a dream from which she might too easily wake.
The night she arrived she wrote a letter to Miaka, telling her everything that had happened in Europe so far, again omitting her seishi. Miaka might like to hear about her travels, but reincarnated Seiryuu seishi might be too much for her. From her hotel room she could see the ocean and the slightly salty sea breeze rushed through the open window, heady with the smell of magic and dolphins.
That's what Greece is, I think, Yui wrote, leaning on elbow on the desk and writing with the aid of the small desk lamp. A country of magic and dolphins. It feels like something is going to happen, with every wave. Have you ever had that feeling?
She sealed the letter and pasted a stamp on it, intending to send it next morning from the mailbox in the hotel lobby. There was only a small tour group this time, mostly young couples here for honeymoons or single career people enjoying a few days off for the summer. There were several people from France, a woman from Portugal, a couple from Belgium, and an American man with his Chinese wife.
This trip, Yui thought, definitely redefined the term "multiethnic."
The hotel room was light and airy and delicate, and shadows seemed to float on the air rather than laying flat on the ground. She had brought along her discman, lying on the chair next to the bed, but decided she preferred listening to the waves on the seashore.
The picture the Grants had given her lay on the table along with Miaka's letter. Yui didn't know what had made her take it out of the envelope and place it on the desk, but for some reason she felt better with it there. Steven's grin seemed to fill the whole room with light, sparkling, shimmering.
She gently passed a finger over his face on the picture, then frowned. What was she doing, thinking that way about a boy she didn't even know? Ridiculous.
Hongou Yui, what's gotten into you? A few reincarnated seishi and you think you're on top of the world.
She thought of Stephan, Jeff, Phillip and Marco, smiling rather awkwardly. It had been a long time since she had smiled at memories-any memory. Far too long.
Five down, two to go.
She almost laughed at the unbidden thought flashing through her mind. Five seishi didn't mean that the other two were out there. Though this was turning into a rather interesting trip. Two more…Tomo, and…
Suboshi would have blond hair, she hoped, though he probably wouldn't look like what he used to. After all, he and Amiboshi were no longer brothers. He'd have the same burning spirit, the same passion for life. She imagined his hair blowing in the wind, maybe walking down the beach with her, enjoying the night tide…
What the hell.
Was she in love…with Suboshi?
She hadn't loved him in Kutou. That she was sure of. There was no time for love then; at least she hadn't thought so. She hadn't seen how Miaka and Tamahome could make room for it, nor Soi and Nakago. There were battles to be fought and won, strategies to be planned out. She had tried…with Tamahome, and he had been wrong for her. So wrong…he had seen it. She was glad he had seen it.
Suboshi had thought he loved her. She didn't know if he had truly, but she should have…she should have…
Suddenly feeling ill, Yui pushed herself out of the chair. The moon was bright tonight and the hotel beach was private. If she went for a walk, she might feel better.
The beach was peaceful in the moonlight and the cool wind cleared her thoughts. It was nice…too bad she couldn't do this in Tokyo. Her shoes sunk into the sand and on a whim, she stopped, took them off and dug her toes into the wave-wet shore. Yes…very nice.
vThere was a shadow moving at the other end of the beach, and at first she thought it was just the trees swaying in the breeze. But as she drew closer she saw that it was walking, at about the same pace as she. A man? It was probably a hotel resident…the beach was private, after all.
The figure drew closer. It was a man, walking along with hands in the pockets of wide white pants, dressed in a loose dark shirt. She debated turning and going back to the hotel. It was dark, she was alone, and an encounter with a strange man was the last thing she wanted.
"Good evening."
Well, so much for running away.
"Good evening," Yui said, hesitantly. The man's accent, Greek, she assumed, was strong, but his English was understandable.
"Are you a visitor here?"
She nodded. The man stopped when he was several steps in front of her. He had long dark hair, unbound and trailing down his back in waves. She couldn't see his eye color in the moonlight. His nose and chin looked very Greek.
She put out her hand, and the man looked at it for a moment, then very slowly reached his out. Then he laughed.
"Oh, an American custom? Shaking hands?"
Yui was glad it was dark, so he could not see her flush. "I'm sorry. I didn't think."
"It is no problem," he said, shaking her hand rather gingerly. "Nice to meet you."
She wondered why he didn't give his name, but did not ask. "Nice to meet you too."
"I wish I could stay and talk, but I must get back to my meeting." His voice was soft, a high tenor. It sounded…familiar.
"I'm sorry to inconvenience you," she said hastily, releasing his hand.
He gave her a small bow. "It is no inconvenience. If we are lucky, I shall see you tomorrow, shall I not? Good night."
Yui stared as he turned and trudged up the beach toward the hotel. What he meant by tomorrow? Was he part of her tour group? She couldn't remember a man like that in her group…and besides, he was probably here on some business trip.
Perhaps he had been talking about just seeing her around the hotel. That must be it, she decided, continuing her walk down the beach. The sand was soft and still warm between her toes, and the sparkling moonlight on the waves made her think of flutes and dolphins.
Nureta sono kata wo atatameru you ni daita
Furueteru yubisaki wa nani wo motomesama you no?
Togire-togirete mo tsutaete hoshii itami wo
Anata no manazashi mamoritai
Kanashimi tsuyosa ni kaeru ai wo shinjite |
I embrace your wet shoulders to warm you
What do your shaking fingertips ask for?
Stop and tell me why you yearn for pain
I want to protect your gaze
I believe that love changes loneliness into strength |
--Gundam Wing, Just Communication (TV opening theme)
"Today," the tour guide announced at breakfast, "We are going to watch some performances of Greek tragedies."
The Greek tragedies in particular were Medea and the Oedipus trilogy, which Yui had studied but never seen. The tragedies, said the tour guide, would be performed in Greek, but their program would have English synopsis and comments. Besides, the guide said, looking rather superior, Greek drama was heavily based on movement and body motion, and if anything important happened, they would be sure to know what it was.
The theater was an open-air theatre, but the nearness to the ocean made it refreshingly cool even in the midday. Yui squinted at her program, reading the English summaries and trying to remember what little she had been taught about Greek drama. Her teachers had always been more insistant on the class learning Japanese drama, though Yui had secretly preferred the Greek.
The play started shortly after noon, and Yui watched in fascination as the actors acted out the tragedy of Jason's doomed wife. As Jason entered, she squinted, trying to make out his features. He was heavily made up, as with all the actors, and had dark hair pulled back. His movements were fluid, effortless, graceful, and he moved like a dancer. His voice…
Yes, this is a clam. I call it my shin. To make illusions…that is my ability as a Seiryuu shichi seishi.
The ability of Seiryuu shichi seishi Tomo.
Tomo!
Yui half-rose in her seat, but even without a good view she could see the similarities, especially with the heavy makeup. The voice inflection, the gestures, the movements…she had seen them a hundred times before.
She felt her fingers tightening on the wood of her chair. Would it be improper to try to speak to him after the performance? She had done so with Amiboshi…but that had almost been a disaster.
Her shaking fingers reached for the program and she flipped the pages, trying to find the name of the actor who played Jason. There was a black and white picture above the name, in Greek. He had no makeup on, and he was smiling slightly. She had never seen Tomo without his makeup on. The man in the photograph was handsome, almost in a feminine way, and he had long dark hair and light eyes.
"Nikolas Seferlis," said the bold letters below the picture, and then went on to give information about the actor…in Greek.
Yui ground her teeth, only half watching as Jason eloquently listed Medea's faults to the audience. She had to speak with him…somehow.
The rest of the play crawled by too slowly, and as the actors bowed once again, Yui felt like screaming. As the applause subsided, Nikolas Seferlis took the microphone.
"We appreciate our audience today," he said in accented English. "If any of you wish to meet us after the performance, we would be happy to see you on stage." Then to Yui's surprise, he repeated the information in French, Greek, and Japanese.
He could speak Japanese?
She quickly spoke to her tour guide, telling him she was going down to speak with Nikolas Seferlis, and the guide nodded absently. Yui ran down the stone steps to the front of the theatre, trying to sort through the crowds of people both on stage and trying to exit.
Nikolas Seferlis was off to her left, answering some people's questions in Greek. There didn't seem to be many people around him, and when the couple was gone, she saw him take a look around and start to walk off stage.
"Sir! Wait, sir?"
He turned around. Amber eyes glittered in the sunlight and Yui blinked.
Amber eyes.
The noise from the crowd seemed to grow softer in Yui's ears as he stared at her and recognition showed in his features.
"You…Seiryuu no Miko?"
His Japanese was near perfect. She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She should have known…should have known she would find Tomo here. After all, he had always been a performer.
"Tomo?"
"Hai." He sounded stunned. "How did you find-"
She shook her head. "I came with a tour group…" Suddenly, she gasped. "It was you, wasn't it? The man I met last night on the beach?"
To her shock, he smiled. "I thought there was something familiar about…it was me. I'm sorry I left so soon. If I had known who you were-"
"I didn't recognize you," Yui breathed, "without your…" she trailed off.
"Makeup?" He smiled again, but this time it was grim. "I understand."
"I-"
"Miss Hongou?" A shout from above, sounding like one of the members of her tour group. "We're leaving!"
She started to say something, but Nikolas caught her hand.
"I told you I would see you today," he said. "Meet me tonight…on the beach. Do you mind?"
Yui shook her head. "Not at all."
"Nine o' clock then," he said. "I will be there."
Love, the unconquered in battle
Love, you who descend upon riches
And watch the night through on a girl's soft cheek
You roam over the sea
And among the homes of men in the wilds
Neither can any immortal escape you
Nor any man whose life lasts for a day |
--Sophocles, "Choral Four," Antigone
Nine o'clock was a mass of tropical shadows and setting sun, and Yui sat on the sand, waiting for the sun to set.
Footsteps sounded behind her, muffled in the sand, and she turned. She almost didn't recognize him again without the makeup. His hair was pulled back and he wore a light colored shirt with jeans. He was barefoot.
"Yui-sama."
She started to stand up, but instead he dropped down beside her on the sand, turning his face towards the sun.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" He spoke Japanese. "Sometimes if you're here long enough, you can see the dolphins out in the open ocean. It's said they bring good fortune."
"Greece is a beautiful place." She paused. "I should have known I would find you here."
"Oh? Why is that?" There was a slight hint of curiosity in his voice.
"Because Greece is a land of artists, and you were always an artist."
Nikolas' voice was strangely empty when he spoke. "I always was…that."
They sat together in silence for a while but it was not awkward. The golden wind blew and the waves crashed and somewhere, a bird called.
"I've had dreams of you," he said finally. "Since I was a teenager. Of you and Nakago and Soi and the rest of us. I knew they were real, somehow, but I never told anyone. Just in case."
"I know," she said. "Strange, how destiny drives us, isn't it?"
He looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"
Yui laughed. "I came on this trip to travel and study…and I ended up finding seishi. It must be destiny. I don't know how else to describe it."
"Destiny is a strange thing," he agreed, looking out at the ocean. "When I started to remember, my dreams were not that clear. I used to imagine you were some sort of goddess coming down to save the world. I remember…" He trailed off.
"I'm not a goddess."
"I know that now. But even when you were in Kutou, when I…I didn't care much for you. I didn't care much for any of the others either, except for Nakago-"
"I know."
"But I suppose I've grown up, just a little. I'm older than I was when I…died…in that life, and I'd like to think I know more."
"You speak a lot of languages. Have you been performing for long?"
He shrugged. "A while. I grew up in a performing family…I'm an artist. I've studied all over, and when you study all over, you learn languages. I was in Japan for five years studying Japanese drama. Amazing how much Japanese you can pick up there…of course, Japanese has always been familiar to me."
"I see." Yui scooped up some sand in her hand. The grains glittered. "I came to learn about languages and culture...but I think this trip was destiny. I don't know. Finding you…and the others."
"Did you find Nakago?"
She nodded.
"I've found all of you. Except for Suboshi."
She must have looked more melancholy than she felt, because Nikolas touched her on the shoulder. "Suboshi was in love with you, you know."
Yui was silent for a moment. "I don't know."
"I remember telling him not to touch you, but even I could tell that there was something there. You don't believe me."
"I don't know," she said again, inexplicably feeling tears well behind her eyes. "I don't know."
"You can't force someone to love you."
Nikolas was a shadow now. The light was fading, and the sea breeze picked up. It was low tide.
"You can't force anyone to love you," he said again. "People love of their own will, and if you have to force it to be, then it's not worth it."
She blinked the tears out of her eyes and tried to smile. "I don't even know why I'm so upset. He's just another seishi, isn't he? The last one, but just one more."
"Maybe not to you."
Yui shook her head. "I don' have time for this…I'm here for a summer. And then I go back to high school. I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I don't need complications."
Nikolas didn't say anything, just simply stared out into the ocean. After a while, she glanced at him through the thickening dark.
"What are you thinking?"
"About how much has changed…from then and now. You feel it, don't you? I suppose the others have changed too."
"Yes, they have. Nakago…Miboshi…"
"I was an artist then, too. I was in love with Nakago, but Soi had him. I thought maybe if I could do something to force him to love me, it would be all right. So long ago."
The waves pushed against the sand and Yui risked a glance at him. She could see the amber color of his eyes now that she was looking hard enough.
"But I've changed now. And I can tell you've changed."
"I suppose I have," she murmured, thinking about how terribly mistaken she had been, when she had been Seiryuu no Miko on her quest for destruction and petty revenge. "I think meeting everyone now…it was a good thing."
She felt his approval. "I'm glad I found you, Yui-sama."
"I'm glad…I'm glad. I never knew you, or anyone, before, and I suppose I always wished I could. But you were all dead."
"Destiny works in strange ways, as you said. And I'm glad I'm not dead anymore."
She laughed, then lapsed into a comfortable silence.
"Yui-sama?"
Yui turned her head to look at him again. He was staring out into the ocean. The moon had started to rise, and the whole beach was filled with a silvery light.
"I've learned you can't force anyone to love you, and that love is not so much an emotion as a search. You search until you find someone, and somehow you know…you know that that person is the one. That the journey is over."
You can't force anyone to love you.
Suboshi hadn't forced her; he had just loved. He loved with all his heart and soul, and that had frightened her. She hadn't believed that someone could truly love her so much, that it had meant a love like Miaka's and Tamahome's could truly belong. She hadn't thought she was that kind of person. It wasn't for her.
Are you still angry about last night? It wasn't a joke, Yui-sama.
"I didn't want to believe him," she said softly. "I couldn't believe him."
Nikolas didn't ask what she was talking about, simply sat in silence.
You can't force someone to love you.
I think…I think I've always loved him. I just never believed that I could.
"Look, Yui."
She lifted her head, looking towards where he was pointing, his finger silhouetted against the horizon and the rising stars.
Far away, something silver flickered, leaped. The ocean spray was like diamonds on the water.
"A dolphin," Nikolas said. "It's said they bring good fortune."
Ah subete ga owarebaii
Owari no nai kono yoru ni
Ah ushinau mono nande
Nani mo nai anata dake
Forever love Forever dream
Kono mama soba ni ite
Yoake ni furueru kokoro o dakishimete |
Ah everything can end
In this endless night
Ah I can lose everything
And have nothing but you
Forever love forever dream
Stay besides me like this
Embrace my shivering heart at dawn |
--X, Forever Love
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