A NEW JOURNEY 3: THE DECISION
Sandshrew stirred feebly, started to rise, and slumped to the ground, defeated. A.J. stared, trying to make sense of what had just happened, running it through his brain. He had lost! After a hundred and one wins, he had lost a battle. He was a failure. A.J. felt like a vise was crushing his chest. How could I lose?
His hand automatically raised Sandshrew's Pokeball and called back his defeated Pokemon, but A.J. barely knew what he was doing. I lost. I am a failure. I lost. Numbly, he turned and faced Smith, the man who had bested him, the man who had ground him into the dirt.
"Good battle." Smith said, not gloating, not preening, but the words still cut into A.J. like a knife. That was a despicable battle!
"I'm impressed," Smith went on, "Your Pokemon are amazingly well trained and obedient." Not trained enough, they failed me! They let me down.
A.J. realized that Smith was waiting to be paid, but was too polite to ask for the money outright. Feeling as though he was miles away and watching this parody of his life, A.J. dug out the payment and gave it to Smith, who nodded and went into the house. Still A.J. stood, almost in shock, as the rain started to fall, complementing his depressed mood.
Tera moved towards him, and A.J. suddenly remembered that he was not alone in the clearing. Afraid of the pity that he would surely see in her eyes, he avoided looking at her as she suggested softly, "Let's go in."
"You go in," A.J. said, just wanting to be alone, "I'm gonna stay out here."
"And do what? Get soaking wet just cause you want to mope? In case you haven't noticed, it's raining." Her voice was sensible and devoid of emotion; a welcome anchor in the midst of the tumult. As if in answer to her statement, the rain increased, pounding out a sudden staccato on the beaten earth.
What does it matter? A.J. gave a small shrug and moved towards the house, feeling as if he were walking through a dense, cold fog that clung to him, impending movement. Once inside, Tera asked, "Are your Pokemon going to be okay?"
Her voice pierced the haze and A.J.'s mind focused with a painful accuracy. His Pokemon! "I've gotta get them to a center!" he blurted, grabbing his pack and heading back out the door. He was half way across the room by the time Tera reached him.
"A.J.! Snap out of it!" she grabbed his shoulders and gave him a shake. "We're a day's journey from the nearest center! Don't tell me a trainer like you doesn't carry Pokemon first aid stuff?"
A.J.'s mind reeled. Medicines and remedies flew through his mind, none of them remaining long enough to make an impression. Tera answered herself with more of her selective Pokemon knowledge. "Antidotes, Awakening, and the different Heals won't help, your Pokemon don't have any status problems. But Potions will help, do you have any?"
"Uh, yeah," A.J. managed, "A few." He dug through his pack, pulled out the Potions, and handed them to Tera while he released his battered Pokemon. They slumped on the floor, and the sight of them caused A.J.'s throat to constrict. Sandshrew had several deep slashes and was breathing raggedly, Beedril's wings were crushed and shredded, Ratatta was totally unconcious, and Butterfree was crisscrossed with nasty looking scratches.
A.J. called Rattata back into its Pokeball; there was nothing he could do for it until they reached a center, and turned his attention to his other Pokemon. Tera, her strange eyes full of mingled pain and sympathy, handed him one of the Potions without taking her eyes off of the pitiful creatures in front of her. "Will they be okay?"
"Yeah." A.J. answered in a deadpan voice as he administered the first Potion to Sandshrew. Tera was apparently a fast learner, or else she knew how to care for Pokemon, because she began to attend the others with gentle, steady hands. Soon Sandshrew, Butterfree and Beedrill were healed enough to go back into their Pokeballs and, silently, Tera handed him the Pokeballs of the two Rattata that hadn't been used in the battle. Taking her cue, he realeased them while Tera prepared their food and set it out.
After the Rattata had eaten and been returned to their Pokeballs, Tera slipped into her sleeping bag without a word, respecting his sorrow. The only sounds were the beating of the incessant rain on the roof and the gentle rumbling of thunder.
Still A.J. sat, staring at his Pokeballs, knowing he would be unable to sleep. Ever since he started out on his own, he had focused on being the best, never letting down his guard, determined not to be the faliure his father had been. He had succeded, a hundred and one battles without a defeat, but now: loss, failure, defeat. A.J. felt detached, cut adrift, and he had no idea what he would do next. He could go on, but now he would be no better than any other trainer. He would not be any different from any of the other hundreds of thousands of kids that started out to be "the greatest Pokemon master in the world". Before his defeat, he had belived that his perfect record gave him the key he needed to achive that status, but now . . . .
He glanced at Tera. She seemed capable enough, would make a good trainer, and he had promised to see her to Pallet. That gave him an objective for the immediate future, and maybe he could find work in Pallet if he decided not to train anymore.
Not train anymore! That thought hit him hard. He had been around Pokemon his entire life, he loved Pokemon, how could he give them up?! But if there's no other option . . .
A.J. flopped down on his sleeping bag, just hoping for the oblivion of sleep, but he knew it would be a long time in coming.
The next morning dawned clear; the storm had passed and the entire world was washed clean. A.J. looked out at the sunrise and felt as though the world was mocking him with its cheerfulness. Smith was obviously in a generous mood from the battle the night before, because he fixed them breakfast and offered advice on the quickest route to Pallet. Tera seemed to have put aside her unease and was being perfectly polite to their host, which was fortunate because A.J., still in his fog, didn't grasp more than a few words of what was said, not that he was trying very hard.
As they prepared to leave, Smith fixed him with a penetrating stare and asked, "That your first loss, boy?" When A.J. nodded wordlessly, he went on. "Impressive. You've obviously been training a long while, you'll make a great trainer someday."
When A.J. failed to respond, Smith shrugged and turned to Tera, who gave him a friendly handshake and thanked him for his help.
They headed out at a fast pace, not talking, focused on getting to Pallet and its Pokemon center as soon as possible. Tera kept up with him, A.J. noticed, her tough talk of the day before had clearly been more than just talk. They didn't stop for lunch, but ate a snack on the road without halting. It wasn't till the sun was beginning to set and Pallet town could be seen on the horizon that Tera broke the silence.
"So, we'll stay at the Pokemon center tonight and get our licences as soon as your Pokemon are healed?" She asked.
"You can get your licence whenever you want." A.J. said flatly. "I probably won't be gettin' one."
Tera gave him an incredulous look, as if she couldn't believe what her ears were telling her. "What about earning badges?"
"What about it?" A.J. retorted, "I've decided not to collect badges, that's all."
"How do you expect to become a respected trainer if you don't earn badges?" Tera sounded suspicious at his sudden change of goals, and was probably wondering if he was as mentally unbalanced as he had accused her of being.
"I'm not so sure I want to train anymore." This declaration caused Tera to make an abrupt about-face as her eyes flared in surprise and outrage.
"Don't want to train anymore!! What the hell are you talking about!! How could you possibly even think of giving up training, you've got to be the best trainer in . . ." A lack of local geographic knowledge caused her to trail off with out finding the name of a suitable area, and she glared at him in speechless fury.
A.J. replied with the stoic calm of a man who has decided to face the firing squad and get it over with. "Tera, do you have any idea how many kids start out to become 'the world's greatest Pokemon master'?" Without waiting for an answer, he went on, "Hundreds of thousands. How can I expect to make any impression in the world of Pokemon trainin' if I'm no better than anyone else?"
"No better than anyone else!" Tera repeated, sounding half-stunned. "Who exactly fits into your opinion of 'everyone else'? The leading trainers in the entire Pokemon world? Or just the top ten? A.J., don't be a bloody fool." Her face hard and her voice was sharp as she corrected herself. "To late for that I guess, A.J., stop being a bloody fool!!!"
A.J. was trying to hold on to his decision, but her next accusation hit below the belt. "What about your Pokemon? I guess you'll just abandon them? It's a good thing Sandshrew is incapacitated now, or else he would give you what for. You know, A.J., I never took you for a quitter." This last was spoken with not just sharpness, but a contempt that stung his pride into retaliation.
"I'm not quittin''', I'm just, just . . ." A.J. realized that he was proposing to do exactly what she had said, quitting.
"Just giving up." Tera said, obviously pleased to get the upper hand. "And besides A.J., what do you care about best? You're a trainer because you love Pokemon, not because you have to prove yourself to be the biggest, baddest fighter around. In fact, if you told me that you are in this simply for the fame and glory of being the greatest, I would take your Pokemon, find them a better master, and let you wallow in self pity for as long as you wanted."
"You could try to take my Pokemon," A.J. growled as he laid a protective hand on the line of Pokeballs at his belt, "But you wouldn' get very far."
To his surprise, Tera smiled. "See, you couldn't surrender your Pokemon if your life depended on it. And you're actually contemplating quitting? A.J., don't be hasty. Tonight we'll get your Pokemon treated and tomorrow we'll go see Professor Oak. If you won't listen to me, at least listen to him."
A.J. didn't see how he had much choice, so they started off for Pallet once more.
Very soon they reached the Pokemon Center. Nurse Joy assured A.J. that his Pokemon would be fine in the morning, and after taking them off for treatment, returned to show A.J. and Tera the simple accommodations that Pokemon Centers provided for wandering trainers. They ate a quick supper and turned in early, in preparation for the next day.
The next morning, A.J. was roused when a heavy weight descended on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw Sandshrew, fully recovered and extremely agitated about something. "Whoa, Sandshrew," he groaned, still groggy from sleep. "What's wrong?"
He shouldn't have asked. Sandshrew rattled off a shrill grievance, lasting about five minutes, that started with A.J.'s stupidity, his wishy-washy disposition, and his attitude of defeat; then moved on to his lack of concern for his Pokemon, Sandshrew's indignation that A.J. would put his own vanity before the well being and feelings of his Pokemon, and the fact that if A.J. abandoned him, it would take forever to train another master. The irate Pokemon finished with an all-around blistering commentary of A.J.'s appearance, composition, probable parentage, and personal habits.
In the silence after this tirade, a low laugh reached his ears. Turning, he saw Tera, standing by the door with a smug grin on her face. "Been educatin' my Pokemon?" he asked.
Tera shrugged. "I told you they'd be furious." Her smile grew larger. "And that was just Sandshrew's response. I'm sure the others would want to get their two cents in, as well."
A.J. groaned. "I'll bet they would. But-"
"But nothing." Tera broke in, "You've got to get over this guilt trip, A.J."
"I was goin' to say," A.J. retorted, "That if we let all of my Pokemon chew me out, it'll take all day to get to Professor Oak's."
Tera's stern expression was replaced by a brilliant smile. "So you're going to get a license?"
Her expression fell somewhat when he replied, "I don't know. Sandshrew's right, I can't just leave my Pokemon on their own, but I still don't think I have what it takes to keep going."
Tera rolled her eyes. "Sandshrew, you forgot to mention his mule-headed stubbornness and inability to look at his own achievements objectively." She headed out the door, saying, "Get ready. I'll meet you in the dining hall, and we can get going."
By the time he had collected his other Pokemon and joined her in the dining hall, Tera had breakfast ready for both of them and had started eating. She gestured to his plate with her fork, swallowed a mouthful, and said, "You said getting a license involved a few tests; how much do you need to know?"
"Just the basics: different heals, how to use a Pokeball, elemental types, evolution, battle etiquette." A.J. made sure his Pokemon had food before starting on his own meal. Travel rations were all well and good, but after too long the Pokemon got sick of them.
"Battle etiquette?"
"Rules and regulations, payment, mainly common sense stuff."
Tera chewed this information, and her breakfast, a while longer before remarking, "Well, I guess I'll just wing it and hope the stuff I know really well makes up for the stuff I'm not to sure about. What about you? Are you ready for the tests?"
"Confident, aren' you?" A.J. ignored her last question and went on. "If you pass the tests, Professor Oak should give you a choice for your first Pokemon; Bulbasaur, Charmander, or Squirtle. Do you know which one you want?"
Tera nodded. "Bulbasaur. I've always liked grass types."
A.J. gave her a disapproving look. "Made up your mind pretty quickly there, didn't you? Are you sure?"
Tera returned his look proudly. "I put a lot of thought into that decision. What makes you think I didn't know which Pokemon Professor Oak offers?"
"Ah." More selective information. It would be interesting to see how she did on the tests. A.J. knew that he would be ready for the tests, if he decided to take them. And would he? His reasoning in that area was losing ground, and quickly. If he didn't train, his Pokemon would have three choices: abandonment (never!); find a new trainer (Tera?); or stay with him and forgo the life of a fighting Pokemon, living as a simple pet, an option that his Pokemon would abhor. All of his Pokemon were full-blooded fighters, not bred but raised, and they loved the challenge of testing their wits, speed, and endurance against all rivals. A.J. also felt the thrill of fighting, a fierce pounding in his blood that sang at the prospect of a battle. He trained hard, and had tasted the sweet nectar of victory time and time again.
But now he had also tasted defeat, and it was bitter. He had watched his Pokemon fall, and felt his heart tear at their pain. His own fallibility had been rubbed in his face, made worse by the fact that he had gone so long without knowing it. If he quit, he would never have to face defeat again, his Pokemon would be safe; but he would also never again win another battle, never feel the joy of fighting or the thrill of victory. So what would he do?
"Tera, why do you want to be a Pokemon trainer?" A.J. asked, hoping to take his mind off his own problems.
Tera smiled, as if the answer should be obvious, and said simply, "I love Pokemon."
She obviously expected this to be self-explanatory, but A.J. persisted. "Why trainer, though? You could be a Pokemon researcher, scientist, breeder, or watcher and still live around Pokemon."
Tera's eyes took on a faraway look. "I want to travel; see new places and new Pokemon, so I don't really want to be a scientist or breeder. Not now anyway. Specifically, I want to be a trainer because I, well, I like to fight." She shook her head as if to stop him from interrupting and went on. "That makes me sound like some bloodthirsty maniac, I know, but it's not like that. I love the challenge of battle, the glory of winning something you've worked so hard for. I don't like killing, blood, or beating people; I just like to push myself to the limit." Her eyes turned to him with a questioning look, "Do you know what I mean?"
A.J. nodded. "The bloodlust tempered by compassion. You want to be a fighter, but you don't want to hurt people."
Tera frowned slightly. "And as a trainer, I'll just be hurting Pokemon, which isn't much better."
Oh great, now Tera's not sure she wants to be a trainer. Way to go! "That's not quite how it works," A.J. assured her, "Most Pokemon enjoy a fight as much as you do, and are ready and willin' to accept the consequences of failin'. As long as you don't force a Pokemon to fight, you're not really the one hurting them." Tera seemed to dwell on this point of view for a few moments, and A.J. thought about how Tera's reasons for being a trainer mirrored his own. He to loved Pokemon and enjoyed the thrill of battle. And of course, he was determined to be the greatest Pokemon master in the world--which, he realized was the only reason that he didn't have in common with Tera and the only reason that was challenged by his recent failure .
"Don't you want to be the greatest Pokemon master?" A.J. asked, wondering, since that was the common goal of almost every trainer, whether they were successful or not.
Tera gave him a look as if to say, I wondered when you were going to ask that, and replied, "Actually, I don't. There might be something I'm missing here, but to me its not about being the best in the business, its about working with Pokemon like I've always dreamed of doing, being the best trainer that I can be, whether or not the entire world recognizes that." She broke off suddenly with a sheepish grin, "Sorry, I sound like one of those sappy motivational posters: 'Be the best you can be!', and all that. But also, I know that I would never make it that far. There are simply too many other trainers that are better than I'll ever be." Her grin widened into a smile, "Like you, for example."
"Hmmmhp." A.J. replied. "So you start out expectin' to fail. That's being defeated before you begin. You aren't afraid of losin'?" Before giving her a chance to reply, he went on, "Don't answer that as a friend tryin' to get me to keep trainin'. Answer that truthfully, as a trainer who is a complete stranger."
"Okay, as a trainer who is a complete stranger, I'll say no, I'm not afraid to lose." Tera scratched Rattata behind the ears as she went on. "Anything that doesn't kill you will ultimately make you stronger, and I am not stupid or arrogant enough to think I can make it to the top--to make it anywhere--without falling several times first."
A.J. gave her a skeptical look, "How come this advice from a complete stranger tells me to keep trainin'?"
Tera gave an impish grin. "You can take that two ways. a) I am unable to step out of the roll of concerned friend, or b) Even a complete stranger can tell you that you need to keep training. The second choice is correct."
"Sure." A.J. answered. "So, are we goin' to sit around all day and discuss trainer philosophy, or are we every goin' to head out to Professor Oak's?"
Tera shrugged, "I'm ready when you are."
They left the Pokemon center and had not gone far when the air was split by the crack of a whip. Tera looked around, alarmed, "What's that?"
"Nothin'" A.J. answered, "Some trainer workin' with his Pokemon, probably." he reached down and fingered the lash that was attached to his own waist, "Its a pretty effective strategy. Your Pokemon learn to respond to the whip, so they aren't frightened, but your opponent is intimidated."
The crack was repeated, closer this time, and it was followed by a cry of pain. A.J.'s face tightened, "Some trainers haven't the good sense to use it correctly, though." The whip barked again, and again the creature being disciplined cried out.
By now they were close enough to hear words. a rough, angry voice was yelling, "Get on your feet, you mangy bag of bones!" Another crack of the whip, and as A.J. and Tera rounded a bend in the road, they could see what was going on.
A short, heavily built man was standing over a Ponyta, whip in hand and face flushed an unnatural red by anger. The Ponyta was attached to a large cart, and had obviously collapsed from exhaustion, its fiery mane and tail diminished to smouldering embers.
"Hey!" A.J. yelled, "Leave it alone!!" He ran forward, furious at the sight of a Pokemon being abused.
The man looked up and sneered in contempt. "Mind your own business, kid!" He brought the lash down on the Ponyta again, but A.J. jumped in front of the pitiful Pokemon and the whip struck him instead.
A.J. matched the man's enraged glare with a look of cool anger, and said nothing. After a minute's pause, the man pulled his whip back once more. "Well, if you want to interfere . . ."
A.J. waited for the blow, but it did not come. Looking past the man, he could see that Tera had grabbed the trailing end of the whip and proceeded to yank it out of it's owner's hand. "The gentleman asked you to stop," she said quietly, her eyes flashing in contained rage, "I suggest you do as he asked."
"Ooohhh, well aren't we the tough little chick?" The man's face was red with more than anger, A.J. guessed that the man was slightly drunk. "It's my Pokemon, I'll treat it how I like, and no one's gonna stop me, especially a little snot-nosed brat like you."
Tera's eyes narrowed, and she twisted the whip until she was holding the handle. Before she could do anything rash, A.J. stepped forward. "You'll kill it, idiot. What kind of trainer are you?"
The man's sneer deepened. "a better trainer than you'll ever be, little bug catcher!"
"Who are you calling a little bug catcher!?" A.J.'s pride flared, and he reached for the Pokeballs at his belt. "I'll show you bug catcher! a match, two on two." He jerked his head towards the cart. "Winner gets the Ponyta."
"Winner gets Ponyta, eh? That's my Pokemon, what makes you think it's up for grabs?" Despite his objection, the man had brought out two Pokeballs, and seemed ready for battle.
A.J. gave a tight smile and gestured to Tera, who had stepped back, but was still holding the whip and had a dangerous light in her eyes. "I seriously doubt that my friend here is willin' to let you walk away after what you did to your Pokemon. Isn' that right, Tera?" He hoped that she had cooled down enough to take his cue, so when she gave a slow, almost evil smile and nodded in anticipation, A.J. didn't know whether to be relived at her quick uptake and good acting skills, or worried that she wasn't acting.
The man was obviously thinking along the same lines. He looked at Tera, seemed to lose some of his bluster, and tossed out his first Pokeball without further complaint. "Come out, Nidoran!"
A Nidoran male materialized, and A.J. brought out his own Pokeball. "Go Butterfree!" He hesitated, and decided not to use his whip, his Pokemon could manage without it.
Still angry, A.J. didn't wait for his opponent to make the first move. "Confusion!" Butterfree flashed, and Nidoran swayed, but managed to stay on his feet.
He wasn't fully ready to attack, however, so when his trainer ordered, "Horn Attack!" Nidoran totally missed the hovering Butterfree. A.J.'s Pokemon instantly pressed the advantage, finishing off the smaller Pokemon with a swift Tackle.
The man gaped in momentary astonishment at the ease with which A.J. had dispatched his Pokemon, but gathered his wits quickly, calling out, "Go Spearow!" He gave A.J. a confident look, "You won't defeat this Pokemon so easily, kid. Get ready for an aerial battle!"
A.J. snorted derisively. "I don't think this will classify as a battle, wimp. More like a massacre!"
The man's eyes narrowed. "Fury Attack, Spearow!" The winged Pokemon complied, flying at Butterfree in what was almost a blind rush. Butterfree dodged with ease, and swooped in to Gust Spearow from behind. Spearow flew head over heels, barely managing to stay in the air, and eventually turning to face its opponent in time to respond to its trainer's command of "Leer!"
Spearow's eyes flashed, but Butterfree easily shook off the attack, and when A.J. shouted "Stun Spore!", it flew high and began to spray Spearow with a fine dust. The feathered Pokemon tried to counterattack with Gust, but its small wings were not able to produce a wind fast enough. It crashed to the ground, paralyzed.
A.J.'s opponent called back his disabled Pokemon with a deep scowl on his face. "You call your attacks too soon." A.J. criticized, "Your Pokemon have to be ready before they attack, not just recoverin' after the last hit. It probably doesn' help that you beat your Pokemon, either. Speaking of which, " he pulled out an empty Pokeball and pointed it at the Ponyta, who seemed oblivious to what was happening around it, its beautiful eyes closed. "This poor creature won't have to put up with your stupidity any longer; I'll be taking my prize."
"Like hell you will!" The man shouted, pulling out two more Pokeballs. "Ekans, Radicate! Attack!" he never got a chance to throw them, though. There was a sudden crack as a whip snapped a few millimeters from his fingers and he dropped his Pokeballs with a yell.
"Now, now, " Tera said, holding the whip ready and speaking as though to a disobedient child. "Two Pokemon only, and you lost the battle. Don't be a sore loser." Her voice suddenly hardened and her eyes speared the man on dagger points. "I suggest you leave. Now."
He tried to meet her glare, but after a moment he stooped to pick up his fallen Pokeballs and beat a hasty retreat.
A.J. knelt beside his new Pokemon and zapped it into the Pokeball. "We should take it to Professor Oak's." he said as he stood. "I'm sure he'll be able to help it." He turned to see Tera staring at the whip in her hand, as if stunned by her own behavior. "Would you have really hurt that guy?" he asked, remembering the wild look in her eyes.
Tera shook her head. "I hope not. I would've had as much a chance of hitting you if I had tried. I've never used a whip before, but I was so angry that I might have attempted it." She gave a short, bitter laugh. "Heck, I did attempt it. I'm surprised I made that shot without hurting myself."
A.J. whistled. "Never used a whip, eh? You must be a natural. Want to learn more?"
Tera tossed the whip into the bushes. "No. I would never be able to use one of those things anywhere near my Pokemon." She shook her head again, this time as if to clear it, and wiped the stunned look from her face. "Let's get that Ponyta to Professor Oak's, okay?"
A.J. fingered the Pokeball as they started off. He'd done it all right, getting a new Pokemon just as he was contemplating quitting. But--he wasn't contemplating quitting, he realized suddenly, he had made his decision when he defended Ponyta and fought its tyrannical trainer. He had been acting like a spoiled kid; Mommy the bad man beat me, I don't want to play anymore! That was no reason to stop training, he would just have to pick himself up and keep going. He smiled slightly to himself as he remembered Tera's words, Anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger. It hadn't killed him, and now he was a stronger trainer for his defeat.
They reached Professor Oak's lab quickly, and when the absentminded Pokemon expert answered the door, A.J. explained that they would like to apply for a license, but they also had a hurt Pokemon and could he please help them? Professor Oak hustled them inside and quickly took care of Ponyta, healing it and leaving it with one of his assistants. Then he turned back to them.
"What else was there? Licences for both of you, was that it?"
Out of the corner of his eye, A.J. could see Tera tense, ready to fly off with another argument if he suggested that she would be the only one getting a license. Well, she might have won the war, he would keep training, but he would take this small victory for himself. "Yeah," he said, watching Tera's stern expression change to joyful amazement. "For both of us."
That's it for now! I probably got off character with A.J. a little, but since he's in the show for one episode . . . Anyway, please tell me what you think! Bye!