=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Title: As hearts Tremble
Part: 1/1
Author: Maiyako
Disclaimer: Don't own em so don't sue or I'll set the Muses out on ya
Tetikora: growl
Sanura: growl…cough cough…err…meow…
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Shonen ai, Angst. DEATH FIC
Archive: if anyone would actually want to sure, just tell me first
kay?
C&C: yes please
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
0500 HOURS
I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. Nothing I do is an act of
personal
spite; only an act of submission to a higher
authority than my own and a
follow through of their wishes. They wish to keep
everything stable,
therefore all unstable factors from the formula must
be removed. That is
Their wish. I must submissively follow through and fall into the role
of the
pawn they know I know I am. I must destroy the
unstable factor; the one
thing that may make me one of god's humans1. I live
only to obey, and to
complete. How ever this 'unstable factor' seems now
to only live to love me.
That is where the dilemma occurs, because I think that maybe. I might
love him
too. Or share some sort of rapport with him other
than the obvious
connection of both of us being a pilot. Though I
don't think myself unable
to follow through with this mission I do, however,
for the first time find
myself worried by the repercussions of this mission,
not so much on the
world, but on myself.
0645 HOURS
I have spent the last hour pacing the perimeter of my
quarter. Arguing with
myself. Part of me is disgusted that I even have the
audacity to 'consider'
anything other than a direct follow through of
orders. It is not my job to
think on whether or not it should be done but to
think on how to do it, It
scolds me. However a smaller part of me I never
noticed before has gained a
certain 'backbone' and reared it's head to speak to
me of love, trust, and
the horrors of betrayal. It seems no longer a
question that will end in
either the death of an individual or the
repercussions of disobeying an order
but now it seems the a question whose answer will
decide whether I am Heero
Yuy the perfect soldier or Heero Yuy the human. I
see now that both can not
co-exist in any sort of balance. I have to be one or
the other and I have 1
hour and 15 minutes to decide.
Heero tapped on the door almost taken aback how
even the sound of the
knocks against the door could not overpower the
beating of his heart in his
chest. After a second attempt at knocking the
cheerful faced Duo popped his
head between the door and squealed, "He-chan! Hey
come in, come in!" Duo
stepped aside and opened the door making a beckoning
motions with his hands as
he asked, "Whatcha up here so early in the morning
for?...not that I'm not
glad to see you." He added with a smile. Heero
stepped in without a word and
then turned to Duo anticipating that he would shut
the door.
Duo did shut the door then gave Heero a gentle
hug. "I haven't heard from
you in awhile I was beginning to worry." Heero stood
stiffly in the warmth of
the hug knowing any action in the wrong direction
might compromise his
previously made decision. He instead looked beyond
Duo at a clock on the
wall. It read 7:15. //45 minutes left.// he reminded
himself, though it was
completely unnecessary he wouldn't be there that long.
Duo looked up at Heero when he noticed that his
affection was not even
slightly returned and spoke, "Heero is something
wrong?" The only reply he
received was an impassionate "hmn." But that didn't
bother him much as he had
become accustom to some of Heero's moods and just
smiled and offered his
love, "well you know if you want to talk about it I'm here as always."
"There actually is something I want to discuss with
you." Heero finally
spoke. Duo raised an eyebrow at him and he continued,
"Duo who do you 'think'
I am?"
Duo was taken aback by the question, "what do you
mean by that?"
"Exactly that, 'who do you 'think' I am?" Heero
repeated trying to conceal
any of his own surprise at that question. He had not
come with the intention
of making conversation but for some reason right now
the question just seemed
right. Seemed that it's answer might put some easy
into his heart. He would
not though justify that his heart needed to be easy
nor would he deny the
possibility.
"You are" Duo began, his violet eyes exploding with passion, " Heero
Yuy,
the man I love, the heart of space, the perfect soldier and more
importantly..." he ran his fingers gently down the
side of Heero's face,
"whoever you 'want' to be."
Heero was silent again but in his mind the thoughts
streamed at him
continuously, each though composed of a part of Duo's
answer. // The man he
loves. The perfect soldier whoever I want to be who do I want to
be who
can I be?// Unfortunately these answers like many in
the world only led to
more questions and for Heero that only led to more
frustration. Duo laid his
head against Heero's chest, then his head shot up and
he instead placed is
hand over Heero's heart. "Heero?"
Heero looked down at Duo, "yes?"
"Heero, why are you scared?" Duo asked and got the
expected response, or lack
there of when Heero said nothing, "silly Heero" he continued taking
Heero's
hand and placing it against Heero's Heart, "can't you
feel that?"
"It's my heart beat." Heero retorted dismissively,
trying to pull his hand
away but Duo held on and pushed it harder against
Heero's chest.
"No." Duo said shaking his head, "It's not. Your
heart is trembling Heero you
are scared or don't you know that no matter how well you can hide your
true
feelings from others or even from yourself you can't hide them from
your
heart."
Heero leaned forward and forcefully kissed Duo.
Pressing his dry lips hard
against Duo's soft and tender mouth. His right hand
reached by his side and
unsheathed a knife. Placing it against Duo's neck he
sliced from ear to ear.
Never, for one second, in all of his pain did Duo
pull away from Heero's
kiss. He stayed attached to his lover longer than
seemed possible as if the
love he had kept him alive just long enough to seal
their souls in an eternal
bound. All this in one kiss. Then the kiss ended Duo
smiled as he fell back,
lifeless on to the floor and as the blood from his
injury seeped out onto the
dingy carpet it took with it the passion from the
boys eyes.
Heero watched this and thought of how before it had
always seem as if this
passion was one for all of life, but now Heero knew
the passion that had been
in Duo's eyes belonged only to him. He finally tore
his eyes away from what
had once been Duo and drew them upon his hands. They
were so warm as if they
were wrapped in some warm mitten while the rest of
him stood naked in the
cold. He saw now the cause of this warmth. His hands
were covered in blood.
They clock now read 7:35.
0735 HOURS
I do hate I hate myself I hate the world that created me I hate the
ones
above me who do the things that make me hate me I hate now that I am
alone
because even though I was alone before now I have
known companionship and
lost it. I hate that knife, but I could not use a
gun. A gun is a stranger's
weapon it means distance. A knife is a passionate
weapon it means closeness
and warmth the warmth of the blood as it cascades over your hands. I
hate
that knife but I could of never done it like a stranger he need to see
my
face he needed to see who had done this to him, he need to touch who
had done
this to him he needed why why am I still confused. I have never know a
feeling of being incomplete in my entire life my mission is not over.
Doctor J looked up and raised an eyebrow, "Heero?
You're early it's only
7:45â?¦. I take it everything went well then?"
Heero looked at the man reached behind him with
the same right hand and
pulled out a gun. Doctor J did not flinch or show the
slightest sign of fear.
He sat there looking at Heero expectantly as if
awaiting his next action.
Heero glared at him and spoke, "My mission was to
destroy all unstable
factors, namely one Duo Maxwell." He raised the gun
to his temple and
repeated, "my mission was to destroy all unstable
factors."
He pulled the trigger.
0747 HOURS
Mission complete.
1. I used this term because I feel that in this
particular situation it gives
the appearance that Heero doesn't have any free will,
the gift from god that
many religious figures state make us 'human' hence
the reference to 'one of
God's humans.'
Okay, not the most cheerful thing I have done but I
had to get it out of
me. all C&C is appreciated and in fact looked forward to. So to me you
loved
it, tell me you hated it; tell me it was okay. ¦I don't care...just
give me
something to work with.
Mai-chan
============
'Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you
have isn't permanent'
----Jean Kerr
Title: As hearts Tremble
Part: 1/1
Author: Maiyako
Disclaimer: Don't own em so don't sue or I'll set the Muses out on ya
Tetikora: growl
Sanura: growl…cough cough…err…meow…
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Shonen ai, Angst. DEATH FIC
Archive: if anyone would actually want to sure, just tell me first
kay?
C&C: yes please
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
0500 HOURS
I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. Nothing I do is an act of
personal
spite; only an act of submission to a higher
authority than my own and a
follow through of their wishes. They wish to keep
everything stable,
therefore all unstable factors from the formula must
be removed. That is
Their wish. I must submissively follow through and fall into the role
of the
pawn they know I know I am. I must destroy the
unstable factor; the one
thing that may make me one of god's humans1. I live
only to obey, and to
complete. How ever this 'unstable factor' seems now
to only live to love me.
That is where the dilemma occurs, because I think that maybe. I might
love him
too. Or share some sort of rapport with him other
than the obvious
connection of both of us being a pilot. Though I
don't think myself unable
to follow through with this mission I do, however,
for the first time find
myself worried by the repercussions of this mission,
not so much on the
world, but on myself.
0645 HOURS
I have spent the last hour pacing the perimeter of my
quarter. Arguing with
myself. Part of me is disgusted that I even have the
audacity to 'consider'
anything other than a direct follow through of
orders. It is not my job to
think on whether or not it should be done but to
think on how to do it, It
scolds me. However a smaller part of me I never
noticed before has gained a
certain 'backbone' and reared it's head to speak to
me of love, trust, and
the horrors of betrayal. It seems no longer a
question that will end in
either the death of an individual or the
repercussions of disobeying an order
but now it seems the a question whose answer will
decide whether I am Heero
Yuy the perfect soldier or Heero Yuy the human. I
see now that both can not
co-exist in any sort of balance. I have to be one or
the other and I have 1
hour and 15 minutes to decide.
Heero tapped on the door almost taken aback how
even the sound of the
knocks against the door could not overpower the
beating of his heart in his
chest. After a second attempt at knocking the
cheerful faced Duo popped his
head between the door and squealed, "He-chan! Hey
come in, come in!" Duo
stepped aside and opened the door making a beckoning
motions with his hands as
he asked, "Whatcha up here so early in the morning
for?...not that I'm not
glad to see you." He added with a smile. Heero
stepped in without a word and
then turned to Duo anticipating that he would shut
the door.
Duo did shut the door then gave Heero a gentle
hug. "I haven't heard from
you in awhile I was beginning to worry." Heero stood
stiffly in the warmth of
the hug knowing any action in the wrong direction
might compromise his
previously made decision. He instead looked beyond
Duo at a clock on the
wall. It read 7:15. //45 minutes left.// he reminded
himself, though it was
completely unnecessary he wouldn't be there that long.
Duo looked up at Heero when he noticed that his
affection was not even
slightly returned and spoke, "Heero is something
wrong?" The only reply he
received was an impassionate "hmn." But that didn't
bother him much as he had
become accustom to some of Heero's moods and just
smiled and offered his
love, "well you know if you want to talk about it I'm here as always."
"There actually is something I want to discuss with
you." Heero finally
spoke. Duo raised an eyebrow at him and he continued,
"Duo who do you 'think'
I am?"
Duo was taken aback by the question, "what do you
mean by that?"
"Exactly that, 'who do you 'think' I am?" Heero
repeated trying to conceal
any of his own surprise at that question. He had not
come with the intention
of making conversation but for some reason right now
the question just seemed
right. Seemed that it's answer might put some easy
into his heart. He would
not though justify that his heart needed to be easy
nor would he deny the
possibility.
"You are" Duo began, his violet eyes exploding with passion, " Heero
Yuy,
the man I love, the heart of space, the perfect soldier and more
importantly..." he ran his fingers gently down the
side of Heero's face,
"whoever you 'want' to be."
Heero was silent again but in his mind the thoughts
streamed at him
continuously, each though composed of a part of Duo's
answer. // The man he
loves. The perfect soldier whoever I want to be who do I want to
be who
can I be?// Unfortunately these answers like many in
the world only led to
more questions and for Heero that only led to more
frustration. Duo laid his
head against Heero's chest, then his head shot up and
he instead placed is
hand over Heero's heart. "Heero?"
Heero looked down at Duo, "yes?"
"Heero, why are you scared?" Duo asked and got the
expected response, or lack
there of when Heero said nothing, "silly Heero" he continued taking
Heero's
hand and placing it against Heero's Heart, "can't you
feel that?"
"It's my heart beat." Heero retorted dismissively,
trying to pull his hand
away but Duo held on and pushed it harder against
Heero's chest.
"No." Duo said shaking his head, "It's not. Your
heart is trembling Heero you
are scared or don't you know that no matter how well you can hide your
true
feelings from others or even from yourself you can't hide them from
your
heart."
Heero leaned forward and forcefully kissed Duo.
Pressing his dry lips hard
against Duo's soft and tender mouth. His right hand
reached by his side and
unsheathed a knife. Placing it against Duo's neck he
sliced from ear to ear.
Never, for one second, in all of his pain did Duo
pull away from Heero's
kiss. He stayed attached to his lover longer than
seemed possible as if the
love he had kept him alive just long enough to seal
their souls in an eternal
bound. All this in one kiss. Then the kiss ended Duo
smiled as he fell back,
lifeless on to the floor and as the blood from his
injury seeped out onto the
dingy carpet it took with it the passion from the
boys eyes.
Heero watched this and thought of how before it had
always seem as if this
passion was one for all of life, but now Heero knew
the passion that had been
in Duo's eyes belonged only to him. He finally tore
his eyes away from what
had once been Duo and drew them upon his hands. They
were so warm as if they
were wrapped in some warm mitten while the rest of
him stood naked in the
cold. He saw now the cause of this warmth. His hands
were covered in blood.
They clock now read 7:35.
0735 HOURS
I do hate I hate myself I hate the world that created me I hate the
ones
above me who do the things that make me hate me I hate now that I am
alone
because even though I was alone before now I have
known companionship and
lost it. I hate that knife, but I could not use a
gun. A gun is a stranger's
weapon it means distance. A knife is a passionate
weapon it means closeness
and warmth the warmth of the blood as it cascades over your hands. I
hate
that knife but I could of never done it like a stranger he need to see
my
face he needed to see who had done this to him, he need to touch who
had done
this to him he needed why why am I still confused. I have never know a
feeling of being incomplete in my entire life my mission is not over.
Doctor J looked up and raised an eyebrow, "Heero?
You're early it's only
7:45â?¦. I take it everything went well then?"
Heero looked at the man reached behind him with
the same right hand and
pulled out a gun. Doctor J did not flinch or show the
slightest sign of fear.
He sat there looking at Heero expectantly as if
awaiting his next action.
Heero glared at him and spoke, "My mission was to
destroy all unstable
factors, namely one Duo Maxwell." He raised the gun
to his temple and
repeated, "my mission was to destroy all unstable
factors."
He pulled the trigger.
0747 HOURS
Mission complete.
1. I used this term because I feel that in this
particular situation it gives
the appearance that Heero doesn't have any free will,
the gift from god that
many religious figures state make us 'human' hence
the reference to 'one of
God's humans.'
Okay, not the most cheerful thing I have done but I
had to get it out of
me. all C&C is appreciated and in fact looked forward to. So to me you
loved
it, tell me you hated it; tell me it was okay. ¦I don't care...just
give me
something to work with.
Mai-chan
============
'Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you
have isn't permanent'
----Jean Kerr