The Crossover of the Century! It's...
Matt, Adam, Sam, Michael, and Mike
Vs.
Dragonball Z
Cast:
First of all, this story stars my friends and I. We attend a school near Atlanta, Georgia. If you're reading this and don't know who some of these people are, here are some quick character bios:
Matt Ryan- The author of this and many other stories. He's the de facto leade rof the group.
Adam C.- Second in command. Wears goofy Transformers and Thundercats T-shirts.
Michael O.- Takes woodclass and is obsessed with the "wood". Heh-heh.
Mike P.- No distinguishing faults to exploit and make fun of. But he's cool, so I put him in.
Sam J.- Obsessed with Gundam Wing.
Clint F.- Thinks he's cool, but he isn't. He really can use the Instant Transmission attack, though. No! Really!
Jerome "Joe" T.- Mr. Japanese Encyclopedia. Plans to be professional tyrannical ruler when he grows up.
Qeeqlegh- Known the world over as the cooloest person ever from Turkey, he's also a fictional character.
And now, our feature presentation...
Act 1
(Adam is in a amll town on Earth called Sancho Town. Suddenly, he is attacked from all sides!)
Adam: What the...? (Dodges the blasts)
Krillin: (Hovering down) Prepare to die, vile scum! DESTRUCTO DISK! (Hurls 10 whirling blades at Adam)
Adam: Damn you, bald midget of injustice! (Jumps the disks and kicks Krillin in the balls)
Krillin: ... shit ...
Adam: Why are you attacking me?!
Krillin: Your eyes are not abnormally large and you cannot fire Ki blasts! You must be an evil demon!
Adam: ...
Krillin: I'll... be back... (Grabs his crotch) ... bitch ...
End Act 1
Act 2
(Matt walks by a small pond. Suddenly, the large rock wall beside him erupts, revealing a waterfall. A green man in a turban and cape attacks!)
Piccolo: It is my duty to protect all waterfalls, for they are the only place I shall ever be found! If there are no waterfalls, then there is no Piccolo!
Matt: But...
Piccolo: Die!
Matt: (Stares at Piccolo) You're green.
Piccolo: So?
Matt: Green's a gay color, not that there's anything wrong with that.
Piccolo: WHAT?! Since when?
Matt: Since... uh, March.
Piccolo: NO! IT CAN'T BE! (Blasts mountain into oblivion) I MUST NOT BE GAY! CHI-CHI WILL NEVER LET ME GO AROUND THAT SWEET, YOUNG MANBOY GOHAN AGAIN! Wait! I know! Where's that damned skin dye?
Matt: (Raises his eyebrows)
Piccolo: What the Hell are you staring at, bitch?
Matt: (Quickly walks away) Yo momma's a bitch.
Piccolo: I heard that!
Matt: (Covers his mouth and exits)
End Act 2
Act 3
(Sam slowly walks through a random government facility. Suddenly, his arm is broken from a fierce kick to his side!)
Tien: How does that feel, eh?
Sam: (Pops the bones back into place)
Tien: What?! What the fuck?! I broke it!
Sam: Mission... accepted. (Punches Tien)
Tien: Are you insane?
Sam: I am the true heart of space. (Punches Tien)
Tien: Hey! Stop! That tickles!
Sam: This battle is meaningless.
Tien: You're nuts, you know that?
Sam: (Suddenly stops. His eyes widen. He pulls out a detonator and presses the button causing ten high power explosives on his chest to explode on his chest. Sam's charred body falls to the ground.)
Tien: (Stares) ... (Flies away)
End Act 3
Act 4
(Michael slowly swings through the trees on a sunny morning in northern Oregon. Suddenly, he is hit by... a fist.)
Michael: Uhnnnn...
Chaozu: Prepare to die!
Michael: (Pulls out a wooden club and whacks Chaozu) You are too weak.
Chaozu: (Falls unconscious)
Michael: I have won yet again! (Suddenly hit from behind)
Yamcha: Gotcha! Now I'll finish you!
(Suddenly, Yajirobe appears and gives Michael a Senzu Bean. He is instantly healed of all injuries and scampers away.)
Yamcha: What'd you do that for?
Yajirobe: I always deliver Senzu Beans in a pinch!
Yamcha: He was the enemy, fatass.
Yajirobe: Shit. (Killed by Yamcha)
End Act 4
Act 5
(Mike walks nowhere in particular. Suddenly, he is hit by a stray blast!)
Mike: AUUGGHHH! (Dies)
Puar: This proves that I am the strongest in the universe! I am a true Super Saiyan! (Goes Super Saiyan)
Vegeta: Wait! Puar! You're out of character! Those are my lines! Plus, you can't go Super Saiyan!
Director: No, wait! Let's run with this. Keep going Puar.
Puar: (Sticks his tongue out at Vegeta)
Vegeta: Bitch
Director: From the top! Action!
Mike: AUUGGHHH! (Dies)
Puar: I am all powerful! I am like a GOD!
Kame: Nuh-uh! I am!
Director: (Frowns)
Mike: Okay, screw this whole death scene thing. It's stupid! I'm going home. (Goes home)
End Act 5
Act 6
(Matt. Adam, and Michael meet up in an abandoned warehouse.)
Adam: And so... yeah. I like pie.
Matt: Me too.
Michael: Yeah.
Mike: (Walks in) Mmmmmmm... pie...
Sam: (Also walks in) Yes. Pie is quite meaningless.
Matt: Meaningless?
Adam: Aren't you dead?
Sam: Yajirobe gave me a meaningless Senzu Bean which healed my space heart... meaninglessly.
Michael: Yeah, but Yajirobe's dead too.
Everybody: ...
Matt: Whatever.
Adam: So... pie is good.
Matt: Yes. Yes it is.
End Act 6
Act 7
(Meanwhile, at Sky Palace...)
Piccolo: (His skin is now red) Hi, guys.
Everybody: (Looks at Piccolo)
Piccolo: What?
Krillin: You're... red.
Piccolo: ...Yeah?
Yajirobe: (Walks up) So, what are we gonna do?
Chaozu: We?
Yamcha: We aren't going to do anything. (Kills Yajirobe) Damn that fatass makes me so mad! He... he just makes me wanna... KILL! (Kills Mr. Popo)
Mr. Popo: Shit. (Dies)
Puar: Now, Yamcha, don't go killing people.
Yamcha: NO! I'LL KILL YOU, PUAR!
Puar: (Goes Super Saiyan and incinerates Yamcha) Well, shit. I guess we'll have to find the Dragonballs.
Goku: Yeah!
Krillin: Goku1 We all thought you were dead!
Goku: I am.
Krillin: ...
Everybody: ...
Goku: What?
Piccolo: So, you're dead. But... you're here?
Yajirobe: Hi, guys!
Everybody: ...
Goku: GAHHH! KAMEHAMEHA! (Kills Yajirobe)
Yajirobe: You guys, I did sorta wish for immortality in the manga! Duh!
Krillin: What?
Yajirobe: And you're a Saiyan!
Krillin: (Goe Super Saiyan) Well, whaddaya know!
Piccolo: In what volume did you wish to become immortal?
Yajirobe: ... uh... volume 50?
Gohan: I have every issue! There is no volume 50!
Yajirobe: Damn.
Krillin: But I'm a Saiyan, right?
Gohan: I'm... pretty sure it exists... (Digs through pile of comics) Nope. Can't find it.
Krillin: (Returns to human) Shit. You lied to me, Yajirobe! (Kills Yajirobe)
Vegeta: Sweet Jesus!
Piccolo: Yes?
Vegeta: ...
Piccolo: Kame's my father... sorta... and he's also God. So, logicaly I must be Jesus.
Gohan: Impeccable logic, butJesus doesn't molest little boys.
Piccolo: ...
Vegeta: Y'know, I could've sworn I was the psychotic member of the Z-Warriors.
Krillin: (Laughs) Actually, as it turns out, you're the only sane one!
Vegeta: I'm going to go blow up a planet. You guys suck.
End Act 7
Act 8
INTERMISSION
End Act 8
Act 9
Matt: So, shall we battle the Z-Fighters?
Adam: 'K.
Mike: But we're too weak! How can we hope to win?
(Suddenly, a giant, robotic foot steps on Relena Peacecraft, killing her instantly.)
Sam: Mission... accepted. Meaninglessly.
Everybody: ?
Sam: (Eyes widen)
Matt: Shit1 Hit the deck!
Sam: (His Gundam self-destructs)
Everybody: ...
Matt: Y'know, I bet he survivied that somehow.
Yajirobe: (Walks in) Matt! i bestow upon you my kitana. It can cut through anything!
Matt: Sweet!
Lion-o: Adam! I bestow upon you the Sword of Omens. It... is lame.
Adam: Uh, thanks... I guess.
The Punisher: AAAARRGHH! (Kill crowd of mobsters) Mike, take my overly large and limitless arsenal!
Solid Snake: And mine!
Gabe Logan: And mine!
James Bond: And mine!
Saddam Hussein: And mine!
Everybody:...
Saddam Hussein: What?
The Punisher: See you in Hell, bitch! (Kills Saddam) Goodbye Mike. And good luck.
Michael: I have my club!
Sam: All those who lay eyes upon my Gundam shall not live to tell about it. (Kills Treize Khushrenada)
Matt: Alright. It's settled. Let us fight... FOR FREEDOM!
Everybody:...
Matt: Oh yeah, AND PIE!
Everybody: YEAH!
End Act 9
Act 10
Bulma: Oh, Chi-Chi!
Chi-Chi: Oh, Bulma!
Goku and Vegeta: (Burst into room) HONEY?!
Bulma and Chi-Chi: (Pull blankets over eachother) EEEEK!
Goku: You're... cheating on me?!
Vegeta: Wiht another woman?!
Bulam and CHi-Chi: ...
Oolong: (Crawls out from under the blankets) What is it, ladies? I... OH MY GOD!
(Later...)
Jerry Springer: So, your wives were cheating onyou with eachother?
Goku: And a pig with metamorphasis abilities.
Oolong: It'll be morphin' time, all right, Goku. WHEN I'M KICKIN' YOUR ASS!
Goku: Oh yeah?
Jerry Springer: But Goku. Haven't you been hiding something as well?
Goku: What?
Jerry Springer: Okay. Everybody, let's meet... King Kai!
King Kai: (Walks out in a black leather bra and panties holding Bubbles and Gregory on spiked choke chains.)
Oolong: That you bitch, GAYku?
Goku: I will stick your head SO far up your ass!
Oolong: Bring it on!
Vegeta: (Holds his face in his hands) My God...
Jerry Springer: But Vegeta! You have a secret as well!
Vegeta: You wouldn't dare!
Jerry Springer: Sure I would! Let's bring out Master Roshi, Nappa, Raditz, Frieza, Turtle, and Trunks!
Vegeta:...
Goku: You own son? That's sick.
Chi-Chi: Turtle? You might die!
Bulma: Master Roshi? You definitely have every venerial disease in the book. (Vomits)
Vegeta: (Runs offstage)
Oolnog: Now this is sick.
End Act 10
Act 11
(Matt waves his sword in the air. )
Matt: Damn I'm cool. ( Does an intricate set of maneuvers and sheathes his sword)
Adam: Sword of Omens! Give me sight beyond sight!
Sword of Omens: Fuck you.
Adam: What?!
Sword of Omens: You heard me bitch! I ain't givin' no pussy sight beyond sight!
Adam: ... (Sheathes the sword)
Sam: Everything between Act 10 and now has been meaninglessly endless. Like a waltz. An endless waltz.
Everybody: ...
Sam: Mission... accepted. (Walks into shadows)
Adam: Right...
Mike: Anyway, we must kill the Z-Warriors.
Michael: Why?
Everybody:...
Adam: He's right.
Mike: This has all been just a big misunderstanding.
Matt: To coin a phrase, this battle would be meaningless.
Everybody: (Laughs)
Sam: (Cries)
(Suddenly, the wall bursts open and a tiny clown, a three-eyed circus freak, and a formerly green skinned alien enter.)
Chaozu, Tien, and Piccolo: Prepare to die!
Adam: That's amazing!
Mike: Let's go, bitches.
(A battle ensues. Michael pokes out Tien's third eye. Sam uses his Gundam, but it is blown away by the sheer force of Puar entering the room.)
Matt: Hey, Picoolo! Is your skin... red?
Piccolo: Yeah?
Matt: Red's a gay color.
Piccolo:... WHAT?! I THOUGHT GREEN WAS!
Matt: It is... but so is red.
Piccolo: NOOOOO! (Flies off)
Chaozu: No! Without Piccolo, we're screwed! (Runs away)
Puar: I could kill them instantly.
Tien: Let us retreat for now. (Leaves)
Puar: ...whatever. (Leaves)
Matt:... we won!
Sam: That battle was meaningless.
Everybody:...
End Act 11
Act 12
(Vegeta sits alone on an empty hillside.)
Vegeta: I should be ruling the universe! But NOOOO! Little Earthlings that cold kill me in a fraction of a second, such as Kakarot, Puar, and that stud, Oolong, are keeping me here on Earth!
Nappa: It's okay, Vegeta.
Vegeta: I... love you Nappa.
Nappa: I'm... dead, Vegeta. (His body decomposes in a fraction of a second)
Vegeta: Shit. (Wakes up)
Frieza: Wake up, sleepy!
Vegeta: Frieza?!
Frieza: C'mon, silly! (Motions for him to come)
Vegeta: I... love you Frieza.
Frieza: I'm... dead, Vegeta. (His body decomposes in a fraction of a second)
Vegeta: Shit. (Wakes up)
Manager: Hi, Vegeta!
Vegeta: ...what?
Manager: You're Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, right? Well, I'll bet, since you're a prince, you sing just like Prince! C'mon, silly. (Motions for him to come)
Vegeta: ...whatever. (Follows)
Narrator: And so, Vegeta went on to a succesful singing career. He had countless amounts of drugs, women, money, women, and women. He became very stubborn and obnoxious (like he wasn't already?) and changed his name to the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of All Saiyans. Then he changed his name to a syambol: :)
Vegeta: Wait! THis is stupid! (Wakes up)
Bulma: Hello, dear.
Vegeta: Hello, skank! It was horrible! There was Nappa, and Frieza, and Prince, and... aren't you a lesbian?
Bulma: Yes, but it doesn't atter because I have an IQ of a Million Billion Zillion!
Vegeta: So... uh... was all this a dream? I mean, with Yajirobe, and Adam, and Red Piccolo?
Bulma: I... don't know!
Vegeta: OH GOD NO!
(Sudeenly, due to this realization, the entire universe implodes and reality twists inside out.)
End Act 12
To Be Continued in Act 13! Stay Tuned!
BOOYA!~Matt Ryan