*Queen Garnet, having gotten much too large for her throne, lies on her back in the middle of the throne room

*Queen Garnet, having gotten much too large for her throne, lies on her back in the middle of the throne room. She is surrounded by a red velvet rope, much like one in a museum. Garnet is covered with a huge tarp so that her subjects cannot see her unmentionables, and she is decorated with bows and ribbons and other such things. Beatrix stands and collects money from people who wish audience with the queen. There is a sign at the entrance to the room*

Sign: Look at the Queen - 50 gil
Speak with the Queen - 50 gil plus additional fee of 100 gil per sentence.
Take pictures of the Queen - 1000 gil (No reporters. Anyone suspected of being a member of the paparazzi will be shot.)
Feeding time is every other 15 minutes.

*A small, feeble, little peasant girl steps forward*

girl: Majesty, my father and I are very poor, I used up all the money we had to speak with you today. May we please ha-

Beatrix: That was TWO sentences, my dear! You only paid for ONE!

girl: But... I have no more money! That is why I came here...

Beatrix: No excuses! GUARDS!

*The guards carry the little girl away. Much screaming is heard in the background*

Beatrix: NEXT!

*A thin farmer steps forward*

farmer: My queen, the country is being overrun by locusts! Isn't there anything you can do?

Garnet: Urgle Gurgle.

farmer: Your Majesty! This is very important!

Garnet: *tries to roll over on her stomach but fails* AAAAAAAAHHHHH NEED FOOD!!!

Beatrix: Alright Hillbilly Joe, the queen needs her space. Your time is up!

farmer: But! Nothing has been done! Can't you do something? Everyone is starving!

Beatrix: What did I just say!? GUARDS!

*The gaurds drag the farmer away and much bone-cracking and screaming is heard.*

Beatrix: FEEDING TIME!

*Ten people in line are let into the room and are allowed to stand around and watch the queen as Quina pours a large bucket of lard down her throat*

Crowd: Oooh! Aaah!

*Many people take pictures, and one man overcome with awe, gets down on his knees and prays. After the queen is washed down, more people are allowed through. Soon, Steiner comes clanking through the line and stands breathless in front of Beatrix and the queen.*

Steiner: *gasp* Your Highness! The people are revolting! We have a full-scale rebellion going on down there. They've brought the guillotine in! Heads are rolling!

Beatrix: *Absolutely fuming* CAPTAIN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! YOU WILL STAND IN LINE AND PAY FOR AN AUDIENCE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

Steiner: What?? Didn't you hear what I just said?!

Beatrix: Didn't you hear what I just SAID??? Go and stand in line!!

Garnet: Rrrrrrrr! Fooooood!!!

Beatrix: Oh look! Now it's feeding time... I don't need this! GUARDS!

Steiner: Beatrix! You've changed! Maybe the masses really do have a right to revolt...

Beatrix: THAT'S ENOUGH! GOODBYE!

*The guards drag Steiner away and much screaming and burning noises are heard. The crowd appears unfazed.*

Beatrix: NEXT!