CHAPTER 4 - All Your Forest Are Belong To Us
"Damnit! She took my Lens of Truth!" Link says as he enters his sleeping bag once again.
"Do you really need it that much", Zelda asks.
"More than you think", Link responds.
"Oh, relax! She doesn't even know what it's good for! She's been in the woods for about 300 years now, she
doesn't know anything about the latest technology!"
"That's what scares me", says Link. "What if she'd break it, trying to use it as a spoon?"
"Where would she get her food? She's already dead, so she haven't eaten anything in ages", says Zelda.
"I think I know how she feels", says Mario. "I'm starving."
"Yeah, you haven't eaten pizza now for how long? Let me see... 8 hours. Damn. That must be hard."
"Shut up."
"No, you shut up, fatso!"
"Weirdo!"
"Hey, stop it! Mario is right, if we don't get anything to eat, we ARE going to starve. But still, Mario, if your belly
is starting to make sounds even NOW, you're probably not going to last long."
Right in the middle of the fight, they feel a cold breeze and hear the sad voice of an older woman.
"Hey... it's the Scared Witch again!" says Mario.
"I think she's saying something. Listen..."
"Once upon a time, there was a big castle. In the castle lived the King, the Queen and their three daughters.
One day, the housemaid told them that a prince from another country came to pay them a visit. The King and the
Queen thought it would be an excellent opportunity to get one of their daughters married. The daughters were
very happy, too, and they could barely wait for the fair prince to arrive.
One day, they heard a knock on the door and the housemaid opened. It was a very handsome man who looked
very happy.
'Hello, dear housemaid. I am the Prince of Kaskhania. May I speak to the King of the house, please?'
'He's been expecting you', the housemaid replied. 'Come this way'.
The housemaid led the prince to the Royal Chamber where the King and the Queen waited.
'Greetings, your honor', the prince started.
'Welcome to our castle, dear Prince of Kaskhania', replied the King.
'It is an honor to be here in your great castle. As your honor may have guessed, I am single and looking for a
beautiful woman to marry.'
'Then you came to the right place', said the Queen. 'Our daughters are the most beautiful women in the world.
Anne! Belle! Claire! Come here!'
'Yes, mom', they replied.
'This is the Prince of Kaskhania. He wishes to marry..."
The voice disappears, but none of our three friends notice that. They are asleep. The first one to wake up is
Mario, his belly is too empty for him to get any sleep.
"Hey, wake up! We can't sleep now!"
None of them wakes up.
"HEY!! Mamma Mia, what has happened to you?"
They still don't wake up.
"Well, since I'm out of options..." Mario says to himself and picks up the Ocarina of Time from Link's backpack.
"I don't know how to play it, but it doesn't matter..."
Mario puts the Ocarina of Time to his lips and blows it. A terrifying noise comes out and it awakens Link and
Zelda.
"Man, I felt like I was never going to wake up!"
"Hey..." Zelda starts. "I think I know how the kids died!"
"What? How?"
"Isn't it obvious? They were bored to death by one of her stories!"
"Ooh... and we were about to fall victim for her vicious curses too!"
"Yes, indeed", Zelda says. "So we better get to her and catch her. Anybody with me?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Alright, then let's go", Zelda says and they walk away to search for the Scared Witch.
Soon enough they see an old woman sitting on a broom. She is playing with something.
"Hey, Koume..."
The witch looks up and seems to be a bit surprised. She gets ready to fly away.
"No! Don't fly away!" Zelda says.
"No, because then I might never see my Lens of Truth again!"
"Shut up, Link! Anyway, we don't want to hurt you. So please stay. How do you feel?"
"I..."
"Yes?"
"I'm scared..."
"What exactly are you scared of?"
"The people..."
"Yes?"
"They wanted to..."
"Oh for God's sake, hurry up! We don't have all day!" Mario shouts.
"Eeeeeek!" Koume yells. "You said the G word!"
"What G word? Oh, you mean... God?"
"Eeeeeek!"
"GOD?"
"Eeeeeek!"
"G--"
"Shut up, Mario! It isn't funny! Now, Koume, what is it you're afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of... many things. You know, they just kept screaming at me... All this people... I was afraid, Zelda.
The people were mad and they scared me. I felt so lonely and so stupid at the time. The... the kids were dead!
They just fell down and died! I couldn't save them, no matter how hard I tried! I just sat there for an hour...
crying... I never felt so low as I did back then! They wanted me to burn... That's what they did."
"My God... that is so sad. Why do you think they died?"
"I don't know, I didn't do anything."
"Well, we have a theory", Link says. "Maybe it's because your fairy tales are too boring!"
"Link! That wasn't very nice", Zelda shouts.
"It's the truth."
"She can't handle the truth!"
"Oh I'm sooorry... I really am."
"No, but you're right", Koume says. "Perhaps my stories ARE a bit on the boring side, but I'm afraid they're the
only ones I know. Violence has always scared me. Even when someone falls on their back, I find that too
violent for me. So that's why I only tell stories about romance and friendship. I didn't mean to bore them to
death, I just... I just wanted to do the one thing I'm good at."
"You know, we should bring you back to the Kokiri Forest so that you can live a normal life again. What do you
say", Zelda asks.
"Um... are you sure they won't burn me?"
"No! This is the 21:st Century, you are free to be a witch if you want to! So come with us, I'm sure no one will
mind..."
"Okay. I'll come."
"Thank you! You don't know how much this means to me! I would like to thank my mom and dad for always
supporting me... And of course, this one goes out to all of my fans: You rule! You made it possible! I love you!
Thank you! Alright, where were we? Right. Let's go to the Kokiri Forest."
"The only problem is we're lost."
"So am I, but you know how to get back to your tents, right?"
"Sure do", says Mario. "We've been spending most of our time there."
"Great! Then getting out of the forest will not be a problem. You see, the place where you camped tonight, is
kind of, uh... I don't know how to put it..."
"Holy ground?" Link guesses.
"Not exactly. My toilet."
The three of them go: "Eww!"
They leave the forest with the help of Koume. As they get out, they can feel the fresh air.
"Damnit! She took my Lens of Truth!" Link says as he enters his sleeping bag once again.
"Do you really need it that much", Zelda asks.
"More than you think", Link responds.
"Oh, relax! She doesn't even know what it's good for! She's been in the woods for about 300 years now, she
doesn't know anything about the latest technology!"
"That's what scares me", says Link. "What if she'd break it, trying to use it as a spoon?"
"Where would she get her food? She's already dead, so she haven't eaten anything in ages", says Zelda.
"I think I know how she feels", says Mario. "I'm starving."
"Yeah, you haven't eaten pizza now for how long? Let me see... 8 hours. Damn. That must be hard."
"Shut up."
"No, you shut up, fatso!"
"Weirdo!"
"Hey, stop it! Mario is right, if we don't get anything to eat, we ARE going to starve. But still, Mario, if your belly
is starting to make sounds even NOW, you're probably not going to last long."
Right in the middle of the fight, they feel a cold breeze and hear the sad voice of an older woman.
"Hey... it's the Scared Witch again!" says Mario.
"I think she's saying something. Listen..."
"Once upon a time, there was a big castle. In the castle lived the King, the Queen and their three daughters.
One day, the housemaid told them that a prince from another country came to pay them a visit. The King and the
Queen thought it would be an excellent opportunity to get one of their daughters married. The daughters were
very happy, too, and they could barely wait for the fair prince to arrive.
One day, they heard a knock on the door and the housemaid opened. It was a very handsome man who looked
very happy.
'Hello, dear housemaid. I am the Prince of Kaskhania. May I speak to the King of the house, please?'
'He's been expecting you', the housemaid replied. 'Come this way'.
The housemaid led the prince to the Royal Chamber where the King and the Queen waited.
'Greetings, your honor', the prince started.
'Welcome to our castle, dear Prince of Kaskhania', replied the King.
'It is an honor to be here in your great castle. As your honor may have guessed, I am single and looking for a
beautiful woman to marry.'
'Then you came to the right place', said the Queen. 'Our daughters are the most beautiful women in the world.
Anne! Belle! Claire! Come here!'
'Yes, mom', they replied.
'This is the Prince of Kaskhania. He wishes to marry..."
The voice disappears, but none of our three friends notice that. They are asleep. The first one to wake up is
Mario, his belly is too empty for him to get any sleep.
"Hey, wake up! We can't sleep now!"
None of them wakes up.
"HEY!! Mamma Mia, what has happened to you?"
They still don't wake up.
"Well, since I'm out of options..." Mario says to himself and picks up the Ocarina of Time from Link's backpack.
"I don't know how to play it, but it doesn't matter..."
Mario puts the Ocarina of Time to his lips and blows it. A terrifying noise comes out and it awakens Link and
Zelda.
"Man, I felt like I was never going to wake up!"
"Hey..." Zelda starts. "I think I know how the kids died!"
"What? How?"
"Isn't it obvious? They were bored to death by one of her stories!"
"Ooh... and we were about to fall victim for her vicious curses too!"
"Yes, indeed", Zelda says. "So we better get to her and catch her. Anybody with me?"
"Yeah!"
"Yeah!"
"Alright, then let's go", Zelda says and they walk away to search for the Scared Witch.
Soon enough they see an old woman sitting on a broom. She is playing with something.
"Hey, Koume..."
The witch looks up and seems to be a bit surprised. She gets ready to fly away.
"No! Don't fly away!" Zelda says.
"No, because then I might never see my Lens of Truth again!"
"Shut up, Link! Anyway, we don't want to hurt you. So please stay. How do you feel?"
"I..."
"Yes?"
"I'm scared..."
"What exactly are you scared of?"
"The people..."
"Yes?"
"They wanted to..."
"Oh for God's sake, hurry up! We don't have all day!" Mario shouts.
"Eeeeeek!" Koume yells. "You said the G word!"
"What G word? Oh, you mean... God?"
"Eeeeeek!"
"GOD?"
"Eeeeeek!"
"G--"
"Shut up, Mario! It isn't funny! Now, Koume, what is it you're afraid of?"
"I'm afraid of... many things. You know, they just kept screaming at me... All this people... I was afraid, Zelda.
The people were mad and they scared me. I felt so lonely and so stupid at the time. The... the kids were dead!
They just fell down and died! I couldn't save them, no matter how hard I tried! I just sat there for an hour...
crying... I never felt so low as I did back then! They wanted me to burn... That's what they did."
"My God... that is so sad. Why do you think they died?"
"I don't know, I didn't do anything."
"Well, we have a theory", Link says. "Maybe it's because your fairy tales are too boring!"
"Link! That wasn't very nice", Zelda shouts.
"It's the truth."
"She can't handle the truth!"
"Oh I'm sooorry... I really am."
"No, but you're right", Koume says. "Perhaps my stories ARE a bit on the boring side, but I'm afraid they're the
only ones I know. Violence has always scared me. Even when someone falls on their back, I find that too
violent for me. So that's why I only tell stories about romance and friendship. I didn't mean to bore them to
death, I just... I just wanted to do the one thing I'm good at."
"You know, we should bring you back to the Kokiri Forest so that you can live a normal life again. What do you
say", Zelda asks.
"Um... are you sure they won't burn me?"
"No! This is the 21:st Century, you are free to be a witch if you want to! So come with us, I'm sure no one will
mind..."
"Okay. I'll come."
"Thank you! You don't know how much this means to me! I would like to thank my mom and dad for always
supporting me... And of course, this one goes out to all of my fans: You rule! You made it possible! I love you!
Thank you! Alright, where were we? Right. Let's go to the Kokiri Forest."
"The only problem is we're lost."
"So am I, but you know how to get back to your tents, right?"
"Sure do", says Mario. "We've been spending most of our time there."
"Great! Then getting out of the forest will not be a problem. You see, the place where you camped tonight, is
kind of, uh... I don't know how to put it..."
"Holy ground?" Link guesses.
"Not exactly. My toilet."
The three of them go: "Eww!"
They leave the forest with the help of Koume. As they get out, they can feel the fresh air.