CHAPTER 5 - Son Of A Witch
As they get back to society, Koume smiles. Link starts yelling:
"My fellow citizens of Kokiri Forest! This is your hero speaking! We have brought to you the one and only:
The Scared Witch of the Lost Woods! Please give it up for Koume, the Witch!"
No one applauds her. Instead, they all run back into their tree houses and lock the doors.
"What's the matter with you people? The Scared Witch is harmless and we can prove it!"
Suddenly Saria comes running up the hill.
"So, Link..." she starts. "You finally caught her. Looks like you proved me wrong about this one. But let's not
forget the fact that Koume is a murderer."
"Koume is not a murderer", Link says. "In fact, I don't think she did it at all."
"We got all the necessary proof, so I think you're wrong this time. Listen..."
"NO!" Koume suddenly yells. "You listen to me! I did not kill those kids on purpose! I'm sorry, but it was one of
my stories that killed them! As a matter of fact, they were bored to death! I tried as hard as I could to save their
lives, but I just couldn't! Could you have saved them if you were in the same situation?"
"Uh... I guess not", says Saria.
"But she's a witch so she must be burned anyway!"
"NOOO! I am NOT gonna let that happen", Koume yells and starts shooting fireballs at people, burning houses
to the ground and causing riots.
"But I thought you were afraid of violence!?" Mario shouted.
"Not anymore!" Koume responded. "Maybe it's true what they say about TV - it DOES turn you into a psycho!
A nutcase! A lunatic! A maniac! A--"
"You must stop it!" Zelda yelled. "Can't you see what you're doing? You're killing innocent people!"
"Yeah, well *I* was innocent too, but people kept chasing me, didn't they?" Koume says and continues to throw
fireballs at people. Soon enough she throws a fireball at Link's treehouse.
"I've had enough of you, you crazy woman!" Link yells and pulls his Master Sword.
"Tough guy, eh? Let's just see what this fireball can do to you!" Koume says, but before she manages to throw
one at Link, he jumps at Koume and starts slashing her until she looks badly wounded.
"No! Wait! Not the final blow! I have something to tell you!"
"What is it", Link asks. "What could it possibly be?"
"Link... *I* am your mother."
"NOOOOOOO!" Link yells. "You're lying!"
"I'm afraid not", Koume says. That's the last thing she ever says, before she gets the Master Sword in her belly.
"It's over", Zelda says. "It's fin--"
"NO! Don't say that!" Link shouts and puts his hand over Zelda's mouth. "Don't you remember what happened
the last time you said that? Ganon got back and nearly killed me! Do you want that to happen again? I didn't
think so! Now let's just bury this witch where no one can see her!"
And so they bury her in Kakariko Graveyard. They sell the movie rights to Steven Spielberg and get very rich
and all is well...
Or is it?
Back in the Lost Woods, we see the Lens of Truth still lying on the ground. Suddenly a shadow comes over it
and a green hand gets down to pick it up. The camera rotates so that we see - another witch! Who looks just
like Koume!
"Hmm..." it starts. "This looks interesting. I should probably keep it a secret from my sister Koume. After all, she
*IS* the good twin and I'm the evil one!"She laughs. "Ha! Ha! I am invincible!"
Suddenly she looks down towards her crotch with her newfound Lens of Truth.
"Holy smokes! I can see my underwear in this! Oh God, I need to change..."
Back in Kakariko Graveyard, Link suddenly gets the feeling he lost something.
"Hm. It sounds like I forgot something out there in the woods. What could it be?"
"Your brain? Oh I forgot, you didn't bring it!" says Mario.
"Damn it! Would you just shut up? Anyway... oh no! Dear Lord! I forgot my birthday gift! I wonder who has it
now... Well, I'm glad Koume didn't get it. Imagine what would happen if an evil witch would lay her hands on it,
my dearest... Yessssssss, the world would come to an end, my dearest...."
THE END
As they get back to society, Koume smiles. Link starts yelling:
"My fellow citizens of Kokiri Forest! This is your hero speaking! We have brought to you the one and only:
The Scared Witch of the Lost Woods! Please give it up for Koume, the Witch!"
No one applauds her. Instead, they all run back into their tree houses and lock the doors.
"What's the matter with you people? The Scared Witch is harmless and we can prove it!"
Suddenly Saria comes running up the hill.
"So, Link..." she starts. "You finally caught her. Looks like you proved me wrong about this one. But let's not
forget the fact that Koume is a murderer."
"Koume is not a murderer", Link says. "In fact, I don't think she did it at all."
"We got all the necessary proof, so I think you're wrong this time. Listen..."
"NO!" Koume suddenly yells. "You listen to me! I did not kill those kids on purpose! I'm sorry, but it was one of
my stories that killed them! As a matter of fact, they were bored to death! I tried as hard as I could to save their
lives, but I just couldn't! Could you have saved them if you were in the same situation?"
"Uh... I guess not", says Saria.
"But she's a witch so she must be burned anyway!"
"NOOO! I am NOT gonna let that happen", Koume yells and starts shooting fireballs at people, burning houses
to the ground and causing riots.
"But I thought you were afraid of violence!?" Mario shouted.
"Not anymore!" Koume responded. "Maybe it's true what they say about TV - it DOES turn you into a psycho!
A nutcase! A lunatic! A maniac! A--"
"You must stop it!" Zelda yelled. "Can't you see what you're doing? You're killing innocent people!"
"Yeah, well *I* was innocent too, but people kept chasing me, didn't they?" Koume says and continues to throw
fireballs at people. Soon enough she throws a fireball at Link's treehouse.
"I've had enough of you, you crazy woman!" Link yells and pulls his Master Sword.
"Tough guy, eh? Let's just see what this fireball can do to you!" Koume says, but before she manages to throw
one at Link, he jumps at Koume and starts slashing her until she looks badly wounded.
"No! Wait! Not the final blow! I have something to tell you!"
"What is it", Link asks. "What could it possibly be?"
"Link... *I* am your mother."
"NOOOOOOO!" Link yells. "You're lying!"
"I'm afraid not", Koume says. That's the last thing she ever says, before she gets the Master Sword in her belly.
"It's over", Zelda says. "It's fin--"
"NO! Don't say that!" Link shouts and puts his hand over Zelda's mouth. "Don't you remember what happened
the last time you said that? Ganon got back and nearly killed me! Do you want that to happen again? I didn't
think so! Now let's just bury this witch where no one can see her!"
And so they bury her in Kakariko Graveyard. They sell the movie rights to Steven Spielberg and get very rich
and all is well...
Or is it?
Back in the Lost Woods, we see the Lens of Truth still lying on the ground. Suddenly a shadow comes over it
and a green hand gets down to pick it up. The camera rotates so that we see - another witch! Who looks just
like Koume!
"Hmm..." it starts. "This looks interesting. I should probably keep it a secret from my sister Koume. After all, she
*IS* the good twin and I'm the evil one!"She laughs. "Ha! Ha! I am invincible!"
Suddenly she looks down towards her crotch with her newfound Lens of Truth.
"Holy smokes! I can see my underwear in this! Oh God, I need to change..."
Back in Kakariko Graveyard, Link suddenly gets the feeling he lost something.
"Hm. It sounds like I forgot something out there in the woods. What could it be?"
"Your brain? Oh I forgot, you didn't bring it!" says Mario.
"Damn it! Would you just shut up? Anyway... oh no! Dear Lord! I forgot my birthday gift! I wonder who has it
now... Well, I'm glad Koume didn't get it. Imagine what would happen if an evil witch would lay her hands on it,
my dearest... Yessssssss, the world would come to an end, my dearest...."
THE END