Sonic The Detective
Written By Chris McRae
Narrated By Sonic
Station Square, my hometown. It's an OK place to live, but under its nice exterior lies a city full of crime, hate, prejudice, and murder.
It was a normal day for me and my asssociate, Miles Prower, or as he likes to be called, "Tails". I was very busy at the moment when there was a knock at my door.
"Sonic, stop playing Shenmue, someone is at the door," my associate said to me.
"Well, open it you fool!" I told him. He opened it, and there stood a pink broad; she called herself Amy. "Beat it toots, I got better things to do." Tears poured out her eyes like those soda machines they have at the burger shop. Man, I could really go for a burger right about now...
...AHEM! I threw her a tissue. "So, what's the prob?" I asked.
"My Chao, Jewel, is gone," she explained.
This got me mad. I run a dectective agency; I solve murders; I don't find missing pets. But something about this dame made me feel sorry for her. "Ok toots, I'll help ya find your Chao, if you do something for me."
"Anything, name it!" the broad said.
"Give daddy a kiss," I told her. Just then, I felt her fist make contact with my face. Not what I wanted, but man, could she punch. So, we headed off to her place for some clues.
"Can I come?" my partner Tails asked. I figured he'd be running my detective agency someday, so i let him tag along, and see how a master solves a crime.
I arrived at her place; man was it swanky. It had a 3-disc CD player, a Dreamcast with a slew of games, and one of those "Big Mouth Billy Bass" things. I pressed the button and listened to the plastic fish talk when my associate interuppted me. He said something like "Let's get on with the case" or something, so I did just that. I had a strange suspicion about the broad. So, I attmepted to frisk her, to see if she was carrying any weapons, when I felt her foot make contact with my jaw. It hurt. Bad. Worse than the time Eggman shot me with that laser of his, or when I tripped while running down a building and landed back first. Well, anyway, I started searching for clues. I had a feeling the batch of cookies she had just made may have contained some poison, so i quickly ate them. Luckily, they were poison free. And good too. Just then, a piece of paper got stuck to my sneaker. I quickly pulled it off, and threw it in the proper wastebaskey, when that pink broad pulled it out of the trash. She read it, and just becuase it said something about "I stole your Chao and I am in the old warehouse on 5th and Main" she thought it was some big clue. Man, broads know nothing about solving a kidnapping.
But, to please her, I decided to look around the old warehouse...but first, I needed a snack. Solving crimes is a tough job ya know.
I sat down and was just about to sink my teeth into a chili dog, when she started yammering at me, saying "ARE YOU AN IDIOT!?! WHOEVER STOLE MY CHAO IS AT THE OLD WAREHOUSE RIGHT NOW! WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR!?!"
Man, broads sure can be demanding. So, I had no choice. I stuck the chili dog in my coat pocket for future eating, and headed off to the old warehouse. Just then, we were attacked by some gangsters. I was knocked unconscious! ....And had a delightful dream invovling me and Amy....
Er, anyway, when I woke up, I was tied to a chair with Tails and the broad. There stood Eggman, holding the broad's Chao. He laughed evilly. I shouted "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH AMY'S CHAO!?!"
He said back, "Dinner."
That's when I called him the fattest piece of pig crap I ever seen, which pissed him off, so he stuck the Chao in his oven and ate it right in front of us. The broad started crying, so being the nice guy I am, I tried to cheer her up, by telling her he'll probably have some leftovers left for her. Then, for some odd reason, she managed to pull the ropes off, then lunged at me! "You selfish bastard!" She was muttering complete nonsense. I knew she had to be behind this. She probably set me up! And it's always the cute ones too. I quickly spin-dashed free from my ropes, And gave her what-for. I slapped some cuffs on her and told her I'd be happy to go on a date with her when her sentence is over, and she started cursing for some reason. I dropped her off at the police station, but Eggman got away. Oh well, another case solved by
Sonic The Detective!
Written By Chris McRae
Narrated By Sonic
Station Square, my hometown. It's an OK place to live, but under its nice exterior lies a city full of crime, hate, prejudice, and murder.
It was a normal day for me and my asssociate, Miles Prower, or as he likes to be called, "Tails". I was very busy at the moment when there was a knock at my door.
"Sonic, stop playing Shenmue, someone is at the door," my associate said to me.
"Well, open it you fool!" I told him. He opened it, and there stood a pink broad; she called herself Amy. "Beat it toots, I got better things to do." Tears poured out her eyes like those soda machines they have at the burger shop. Man, I could really go for a burger right about now...
...AHEM! I threw her a tissue. "So, what's the prob?" I asked.
"My Chao, Jewel, is gone," she explained.
This got me mad. I run a dectective agency; I solve murders; I don't find missing pets. But something about this dame made me feel sorry for her. "Ok toots, I'll help ya find your Chao, if you do something for me."
"Anything, name it!" the broad said.
"Give daddy a kiss," I told her. Just then, I felt her fist make contact with my face. Not what I wanted, but man, could she punch. So, we headed off to her place for some clues.
"Can I come?" my partner Tails asked. I figured he'd be running my detective agency someday, so i let him tag along, and see how a master solves a crime.
I arrived at her place; man was it swanky. It had a 3-disc CD player, a Dreamcast with a slew of games, and one of those "Big Mouth Billy Bass" things. I pressed the button and listened to the plastic fish talk when my associate interuppted me. He said something like "Let's get on with the case" or something, so I did just that. I had a strange suspicion about the broad. So, I attmepted to frisk her, to see if she was carrying any weapons, when I felt her foot make contact with my jaw. It hurt. Bad. Worse than the time Eggman shot me with that laser of his, or when I tripped while running down a building and landed back first. Well, anyway, I started searching for clues. I had a feeling the batch of cookies she had just made may have contained some poison, so i quickly ate them. Luckily, they were poison free. And good too. Just then, a piece of paper got stuck to my sneaker. I quickly pulled it off, and threw it in the proper wastebaskey, when that pink broad pulled it out of the trash. She read it, and just becuase it said something about "I stole your Chao and I am in the old warehouse on 5th and Main" she thought it was some big clue. Man, broads know nothing about solving a kidnapping.
But, to please her, I decided to look around the old warehouse...but first, I needed a snack. Solving crimes is a tough job ya know.
I sat down and was just about to sink my teeth into a chili dog, when she started yammering at me, saying "ARE YOU AN IDIOT!?! WHOEVER STOLE MY CHAO IS AT THE OLD WAREHOUSE RIGHT NOW! WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR!?!"
Man, broads sure can be demanding. So, I had no choice. I stuck the chili dog in my coat pocket for future eating, and headed off to the old warehouse. Just then, we were attacked by some gangsters. I was knocked unconscious! ....And had a delightful dream invovling me and Amy....
Er, anyway, when I woke up, I was tied to a chair with Tails and the broad. There stood Eggman, holding the broad's Chao. He laughed evilly. I shouted "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH AMY'S CHAO!?!"
He said back, "Dinner."
That's when I called him the fattest piece of pig crap I ever seen, which pissed him off, so he stuck the Chao in his oven and ate it right in front of us. The broad started crying, so being the nice guy I am, I tried to cheer her up, by telling her he'll probably have some leftovers left for her. Then, for some odd reason, she managed to pull the ropes off, then lunged at me! "You selfish bastard!" She was muttering complete nonsense. I knew she had to be behind this. She probably set me up! And it's always the cute ones too. I quickly spin-dashed free from my ropes, And gave her what-for. I slapped some cuffs on her and told her I'd be happy to go on a date with her when her sentence is over, and she started cursing for some reason. I dropped her off at the police station, but Eggman got away. Oh well, another case solved by
Sonic The Detective!