Author: sKiTzO sHy VioLeT
Summary: Just something I'd been thinking about for a long time
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Spoilers: This fic takes place pre "Dead Alive"
~*~
Whatever it is, it isn't paper, so that rules a letter out. It's a little bulky, but not much. I feel it and realize the reason the envelope is a little bit bigger than a music cassette is because it *is* a music cassette. So while it's not written down I know the purpose of it is to tell me something.
Leave it to Mulder to do something like that. Mulder's very unconventional. He's definitely the type of person that'd give you a tape rather than a letter. That's just the type of person he is. Why do what everyone else would do when you can do something different?
I open the envelope and take the cassette out. It's black with a label that says simply "To Dana".
Dana. He called me Dana. Which, of course, only fuels my sorrow even more. If he doesn't survive....
I shake my head and snap out of it. Of course he'll survive. He's Mulder. He's strong. Of course, when you lose your entire family you have to be strong. That's just how things are.
I stand and make my way over to my stereo, wondering what's on the tape. Maybe he recorded himself talking to me.
I pop the tape in and realize I was wrong. In an instant my apartment is flooded with the sound of a guitar. Then two. It's beautiful the way they play together, complimenting the notes played by each other. Like me and Mulder I guess. I close my eyes and the strong voice of a man joins the instruments.
I never had no one that I could count on
I've been let down so many times
And I was tired of hurtin',
So tired of searchin'
Til you walked into my life
Ant it was a feelin' I've never known
And for the first time I didn't feel alone
Tears flood down my cheeks as I listen to the words. Are these lyrics meant for me? Oh God, I hope so. The words are perfect for us. Absolutely perfect.
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
And oh, we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Every time I look at you
I donut know where Id be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
I can't believe the words I'm hearing. They convey everything he's ever meant to me. Everything I've ever thought about when I thought about him.
You stand by me and you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy,
You're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble when we touch
And oh, the look in your eyes
When we make love
Oh God, Mulder. You have to live. You have to. Don't leave me. We've made love so many times without actually having sex. Every time we look at each other, every time we talk. Every time you put your hand at the small of my back to guide me. We make love all the time.
I don't think the tears would stop if I wanted them to, but I need to cry. If Mulder doesn't survive I'll die as well. I can't live without him. I just can't.
He repeats the chorus twice more, but I'm not listening anymore. I'm curled up on the couch, my cheeks wet and salty. Mulder's in terrible shape. Doctor's don't know if he'll make it. I don't know what I'm going to do...
He loves me. And I love him.
I'm crying out to the heavens now. Anybody who will listen. Please, dear God, no. I love him. I love him.
I *love* him.