Body
And the Highwind flies anyways.
by Teg
The house was awfully quiet when Cid awoke that morning. Eerily quiet. No, even worse than that. Frighteningly quiet. This house was never this quiet, not with...1...2...3...8 people living in it. Unless... Cid jolted up. Barret's bed was empty, the sheets all rumpled. Hoorah! thought Cid, they're all gone! Now was his chance to party! He jumped out of bed and looked around. Still no one here. He snuck over to the kitchen, but still no one came out. Cid did a little dance, and ate a poptart. Now what to do? What to do? Hmmm... He didn't have any friends, so he supposed having a party would be kinda pointless. I know! he thought happily, I'll go out on a little joy ride on the Highwind! No one could complain about him going too fast now! Cid ran outside, and over to where the Highwind was parked. It was... empty.
"Where the @#$%^&* is my ship!"
Several of the townspeople came over, to observe Cid, who was cussing profusely and jumping up and down. Several tour groups also came over and one of the guides was saying;
"Observe the Cidius minimus, who is extremely mad because the keepers have taken his toy away. Notice how he jumps up and down and makes the common noises of an angry beast."
"Gooloobalabalooba!" said Cid, and he chased all the screaming people away. Cid was there for a long time screaming and crying, basically throwing a really big hissy fit. Suddenly a pink teddy bear appeared, and he felt really sorry for the poor beast... ahem for Cid. The teddy decided to tell Cid where his ship had gone, even though he had promised he wouldn't.
"Excuse me..." said the teddy bear.
"Boo-hoo, what do you want?" asked Cid.
"I know where your ship went..."
"You do!? Tell me! tell me!"
"Your friends took it."
"Those @#$%^&*! I'll kill them!"
"You shouldn't do that! It's not good and decent!"
"F**K good and decent! They're gonna DIE!"
"Just don't mention my name... OK?"
"What is your name anyways?"
"If I don't tell you, then you can't mention it."
"You're much smarter than you look."
"You too."
"Yeah... Wait a minute!" Cid looked around, but the teddy bear had already gone. How was Cid supposed to find his friends and kill them now? They only took his ONLY AND BEST MODE OF TRANSPORTATION! Cid had to curse and rave again, so he did. When he was done, he looked at his watch. He had missed Passions, but believe it or not, the Highwind was more important. It was getting late, and Cid still didn't know where to start, so he decided to go back to the villa and call the only other person who wanted to kill Cloud and the others more than he did, Sephiroth. He picked up the phone and dialled Sephy's number. It rang for a few moments, and then Sephiroth finally picked up.
"Yello?" said Sephiroth from the other end.
"Hi, it's Cid. Ya know, Cid Highwind."
"Aren't you Cloud's friend?"
"Not at the moment."
"Oh really?"
"HE STOLE THE HIGHWIND!"
"Ah yes, a magnificent machine, if I ever did see one."
"Thanks, but I was wondering if you could help me get it back."
"Hmmm... you did have a hand in thwarting my plans of godhood, but I'll let it slide. Just this once."
"Great!" exclaimed Cid, "meet me at the villa tomorrow at 7 a.m. sharp!"
"I'll be there." said Sephiroth, and he hung up.
"Well, how ruuuuude!" said Cid to himself, "he didn't even say goodbye!"
Cid plunked down in front of the TV and watched an old taped episode of Passions (He had to get his Passions fix for the day somehow ya know.), he smoked some cigarettes and drank some tea, and fell asleep on the couch. When he awoke the next the next morning, all he could see was Sephiroth's face, looking down at him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! God man! You scared the living @#$%^& outta me!" Cid screamed.
"Well, if someone were on time, I wouldn't have scared you."
"It's 7 already?"
"No, it's noon."
"@#$%^&! They're prolly even farther now!" Cid tried to stand up, but he tripped on the blanket that someone had placed over him.
"Who put this @#$%&^ blanket on me!" cried Cid, who had fallen face first on the floor.
"I did, you looked cold." Cid looked at Sephiroth funny. He didn't look gay, but he needed to be prepared for anything.
"What!? I'm not totally cold hearted!" Cid continued to look at him funny, but he untangled himself and stood up.
"Alright, here's what happened; I woke up around noonish yesterday, and no one was home. I decided to go out for a little joyride on the Highwind, but it was gone! When I was done ranting, a pink teddy bear tol' me that my friends had taken off with it, and then he disappeared. I ranted for a little while longer, then I decided to call you, and here we are."
"A pink teddy bear? You don't do drugs or anything do you?"
"NO! I'm totally clean! Well, maybe not physically..."
"Alright, that's enough!" said Sephiroth, 'Just because we're working together at the moment, doesn't mean I have to know every gory little detail of your life!"
"Does that mean you'll help me?"
"Yes. Now take me to where you usually keep the Highwind."
"OK! This way Sephy!"
"Please don't call me that."
"Sure thing Sephy!" Sephiroth sighed as they walked out to the 'garage' as Cid liked to call it, and Sephiroth bent down and started to smell the spot where the Highwind gets parked.
"What... are you doing?" asked Cid, confused.
"Hmmm... it seems they left around 6 a.m. yesterday morning, and headed northeast, toward Midgar." said Sephiroth, standing up and brushing off his robes.
"You could tell all that just from sniffing the ground?"
"Yeah, kinda."
"WOW! Let's go! It's time for them to die!"said Cid and he started to run northeast (well, he thought it was northeast, but actually, he was headed west.), but Sephiroth grabbed him by the scruff.
"You don't think things out before you act, now do you?" said Sephiroth, still holding Cid.
"Lemme go! You said go northeast, so I'm going northeast!"
"You were going west.:"
"Close enough!"
Sephiroth sighed loudly.
"Do you even know how we are going to get to Midgar?"
"Uhhh... We'll walk?"
"You are an idiot. Walk from Costa del Sol?"
"Ummm... yeah?"
Sephiroth sighed again.
"Wait a minute! We can take the cargo ship to Junon and walk from there!" said Cid, who had actually said something useful.
"Elementary my dear Watson!" exclaimed Sephiroth.
"My name ain't Watson! "
"Never Mind. On to the Cargo ship!"
Cid and Sephiroth snuck on the Cargo Ship, and docked at Junon. They walked across the plains and finally reached Midgar. They didn't know where to start, so they went to Wall Market, cause that's where all the gossips hung around.
"Didya see that there big airship that came into Midgar the other day?" said some old man to Sephiroth.
"An airship?!" exclaimed Cid, "Did it happen to have a half naked woman painted on it?"
"Yup, quite a beaut she was. Me an' my pals thought about rescuin' her, but we couldn't get up on the plate..."
But Cid and Sephiroth had already dashed to the wire, to climb up to the plate. They reached the top of the wire, and stood in front of the Shinra HQ. There, parked on top, was the Highwind.
"We've found it Sephy! Now those guys better be prepared to die!"
Sephiroth just continued to walk inside the HQ, cool as a cucumber, and calmly slashed some guards who tried to stop him. Cid wasn't really much of a help at this point, not like he was much of a help any other time, but he was so excited to get his precious airship back, he was acting like a six year old on a sugar high. They took the elevator up, and thanks to a kind secretary, they found out where the others were in the building: the 67th floor. Cid and Sephiroth took the elevator to the 67th floor, Cid talking the entire time about the Highwind, and how Cloud and the others were so gonna get it when they found them, blah, blah, blah. They finally reached the floor, and Cid jumped out, and started asking people where Cloud was. Everyone said he was in Hojo's office, but he couldn't go in there, but remember, Cid doesn't think things out before he acts, so he burst into Hojo's office, with Sephiroth not far behind. Cloud was lying down on one of those lounger chair thingys, and Hojo was behind his desk, listening to Cloud and taking notes.
"... so you see, I've been having this recurring dream, and I've written a book, and I'm reading it, and when I'm done, I look at the cover and it says X E S, and then I wake up. Ya gotta help me doc, cause Cait Sith can't"
"Hmm... I see." said Hojo, and he looked up, "Well, hello Cid, Sephiroth."
"Hey! I know what's wrong wid ya!" said Cid, " Lack of sexual activity, that's what!"
"What?!" said Cloud, "what makes you say that!"
" X E S is sex spelled backwards, you fool." said Sephiroth.
Cloud jumped a little in his seat.
"S-Sephiroth! What are you doing here, I thought you were dead!"
"Me and Sephy come to kick yer ass Cloud, for taking the Highwind without permission!"
"But I needed some serious help!"
"You don't need help! You just need a little action!"
Then Tifa and the others came in.
"Cloud are you done your session..." she started, but then saw Sephiroth and Cid.
"Sephiroth! Cid! What are you doing here?" asked Vincent.
"We've come to kill ya, cause you took the Highwind!"
"Oh Cid! I'm so sorry! It was all my idea!" said Tifa,"we would have asked, but you looked so cute while you were sleeping, and we didn't want to wake you..."
"You... didn't?" Cid melted. He had the most considerate friends of all! Cid apologized, and they all group hugged. They took the Highwind back to Costa del Sol, Cloud went out one night and got some action, then his dreams stopped, Cid had the Highwind back. Everyone was pretty much happy, except for Sephiroth, who was mad that it all ended happy, with no blood, but nobody really cared. Cid had his party, and that's how it was.
THE END
Author's Note: Yeah, that was pretty freaky, and the ending kinda sucked, but oh well. It has it's moments. The X E S thing is from some horror movie I watched, and the pink teddy bear is an inside joke, that no one will really understand (even I don't understand, and it's my inside joke!). I write these things for me anyways really. Please review, I'd like to know what you think, good, bad, or in between, I wanna know! So please use that little box down there. Thank you.
- Teg
