Ain't Nobody Left These Days…
By Flex Liushu Babycyberdragon
AN: I'm assuming that you all have a base knowledge of Gundam Wing (yes Englishchick, you do qualify) but don't worry if you don't. I'm sorry in advance for the… tendencies… of Heero and I don't know if he's the type of guy to do that, but I know he's the kind to do what he ends up doing (not being cryptic or anything…). I'd like you all to know that Duo is my favourite character and I'm not picking on him at all. Not in the slightest! I feel nothing but the pain I inflicted on him! (Gomen nasai, chibi Duo-chan!)
The song I used (if I haven't outlined it already) is "These Days" by John Bon Jovi. Oh yeah, and thanks for all the input Rabbit! (BAKAYARO! CHIBI-RELENA! Bring it on little Japanese learning freak!) And Brooklyn Winner for the advance proof-read! (GLOMP FEST! Evil laughter as we chase Kin and the Gundam Pilots around and around our e-mails!) Umm, anyway… long author-note over! R+R please! ^_^
*-_-*
I hated the person who used the phrase "redundant soldiers". But nothing was truer at that point. I stalked down the high street angrily, ignoring the large drops of rain that pounded the top of my head and ran in small rivers down my face and down my braid, which was tucked into my jacket, and on down my back. As I passed an electronics place I saw something on one of the T.Vs that caught my attention.
Relena Peacecraft, a burning light for the opinions and hopes of the Peacecraft family, was assassinated a week ago. The reason for the assassination is not yet clear, authorities fear an extremist group may have simply gotten lucky. The reason for the press being kept from the information for so long is not yet clear. A spokesman for the Romafeller foundation, of which Ms. Peacecraft was in a dominant position, had this to say: "This attack was unprovoked and vicious. We within the Romafeller Foundation intend to put all our resources into capturing the killer. We will not stand by and let the brightest flame in the Earth's history be snuffed out as it was without justice being served." Stay tuned to this station for updates in this story. When we get the news, you get the news! In other stories…
I frowned inwards at myself disapprovingly. This is your entire fault! Why couldn't you have done something about it? And I had to admit, that was the truth. And I wasn't trying to invoke sympathy.
What a load of tripe! The Romafeller Foundation? Capturing Relena's killer? Ha! I wish they wouldn't make me laugh about something like this. They forced her into that position, Queen of the World y'know. Pretty powerful, right? Nope. She was basically a figurehead for their plans.
There's another guy in there now, running the show. Duke something-or-other. See? He's not even important enough for me to remember his name. This guy basically rules the world, and used Relena as a screen to hide behind. And now she was dead.
The guy's a fake ruler. That's all I can say. He's trying to make a fake peace for the Earth and the colonies. Peace is great, sure. But is fake peace any kind of replacement for the real thing?
Then again… I shook my head and continued walking, stepping aside the large puddles that had collected beneath me. I blinked a drop out of my eye. But then again… was what I was fighting for relevant anymore? We were supposed to fight for the colonies… they didn't want us around. We tried helping both sides, and look what happened there. Not exactly a helpful solution. I tore my mind away from the thought and kept walking.
*I was walking around, just a face in the crowd, trying to keep myself out of the rain
*Saw a vagabond king wear a Styrofoam crown, wondered if I might end up the same
*There's a man out on the corner, singing old songs about change
*Everybody's got their cross to bare, these days
There weren't many people on the street at this point. Once darkness fell, you'd be lucky to find three other people in a whole half an hour. So I didn't hear the footfalls at first, I was so accustomed to the steady rain.
The worried, faltering, panicked footsteps were almost on top of me by the time I heard them. "Duo!" I smiled grimly to myself. Get any closer to me and I'll give you something to worry about. I wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone, I was doing way too much thinking. And anyone around here who knew my name was a bad thing. But then… I knew the voice from somewhere.
"Duo?"
"Huh?" I looked back at Hilde. Her eyes shone with near-hidden tears. I could see why. How long had it been? Her eyes searched my face, probing for hidden emotions. Let them search. I had plenty.
*She came looking for some shelter with a suitcase full of dreams
*To a motel room on the boulevard, I guess she's trying to be James Dean
*She's seen all the disciples and all the "wanna be's"
*No one wants to be themselves these days
*Still there's nothing to hold on to but these days
"Duo?" I wished she would stop saying that. Yes, my name, isn't it amazing?
"Where've you been?" Her voice faltered. I frowned at her.
"Why's it such a big deal?"
She grabbed at my sleeve desperately. "You haven't heard?"
I pulled my arm away from her slowly. I watched as the rain ran down her fringe and into her eyes, but wondered at how she didn't blink. Not once. Like she was lost to the world. "Maybe. What is it?"
"Duo…" she began. It was like words couldn't lift her emotions. She tried again. "Duo, Heero's dead."
My brow furrowed and I frowned slightly at actually hearing the words spoken. But then again I'd already known that for several days now.
*These days – the stars ain't out of reach
*These days – there ain't a ladder on the streets
*These days – are fast, nothing lasts in this graceless age
*There ain't nobody left but us these days
"Duo?"
"Yeah?" I managed to keep my feelings out of my voice – barely.
"What is it? What's wrong with you? Don't you care?"
I shook my head sadly. Then I looked back at her. The way she held herself suggested she was suddenly on her guard for something unexpected. "Of course I care, I just…" My throat constricted painfully as I tried to force the words out. "I just…"
"You just what?"
I shook my head and turned away from her. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me!" She paused. "Duo, I've seen both sides of this fight. The messengers from God and the ones who only pretend. Remember? I've seen both arguments. Whatever's wrong had better not have anything to do with any sort of guilt trip. You hear me?"
I opened my mouth to speak, twice, thrice. She didn't understand, couldn't understand. She'd only blame me the same way as I blamed myself.
Duo cowered against the floor, the same as everyone else, as the two Gundams shot overhead closely followed by another mobile suit. Duo stood straight again and craned his neck to watch as Sandrock and Wing made a tight curve in the sky, practically throwing an entire block into darkness. He saw that this wasn't any kind of dangerous situation, the Taurus was white, a symbol of the Cinq Kingdom. Noin most likely. Duo grinned at the thought of seeing Quatre and Heero again. It had been a while. Duo just didn't realise the massive extent of the conflict that was going on inside the cockpits.
"Heero! Don't! How's this going to help Relena?"
Heero kept his steely, blue-eyed gaze straight ahead.
"She wouldn't want you to do this!" called Quatre desperately.
"This isn't about what Relena would have wanted," replied Heero's monotone voice. "This is about completing the mission. One less target to worry about."
"With one less pilot to help!"
"I'm not important."
"How can you say that?"
Quatre frantically tried to keep Heero talking. He didn't have to do this, Heero knew he didn't have to. It wasn't necessary, they could manage without. But Heero was determined to end it right there.
Duo looked up, a concerned frown crossing over his young features. What was Heero doing up there? He looked like he was in a kamikaze dive toward a mobile suit base half a mile away. It had been disused, at least since Duo had arrived. What was the big deal? Suddenly, sickeningly, he realised…
"Heero! What will it take to get you to listen to me?"
"Stop trying, Quatre. It's not working."
"But it has to work! It can't not work!"
Heero was silent. His target was drawing nearer and he needed a clear head as he greeted death. Quatre's words continued to pierce through the quiet… although Quatre wasn't speaking anymore.
Quatre reluctantly realised that it wasn't his place, although he could feel a massive guilt weighing on his heart. But if Heero wanted to bow out right then, Quatre wasn't going to try to stand in his way.
Nearer, nearer, nearer…
"Heero!" Screamed Duo as he ran, uselessly, after the suits. This couldn't be happening. Not now… Not to Heero…
Nearer, nearer, nearer…
Suddenly, guilt landed on Heero's heart so furiously that it made him gasp out loud. Who…? What…?
"Heero!" Yelled Duo, having finally come to a stop and regarding the suits with a ferocious and accusing glare, "What right do you have to take your own life! What about the people you're gonna leave behind, huh?" But, even as he shouted, Duo still knew his words would be in vain. No one would hear them…
Suddenly, Heero realised the extent of what he was doing, as though someone had yelled out and told him. He didn't want this, this was not the answer he had hoped for. This was not his time to bow out. He slammed the hatch release and as it opened, it was sucked away into the wind, completely wrenched off its hinges with a sickening crack. He took a deep breath and jumped out of the death train.
"Heero?" Quatre watched in amazement as the hatch flew back and the small shape leapt out. He didn't have a parachute!
Quatre directed his next sentence to Noin, who was flying the white Taurus which was struggling to keep pace with him.
"Miss Noin! I going after him!"
"Quatre! You're crazy!"
"Noin, I've got to try!"
Quatre followed Heero's example and leapt out of the cockpit. But Heero was heavier, and was falling faster. But Quatre refused to give up, narrowing himself to provide as little wind resistance as possible. He still wasn't fast enough! Heero turned over, and stared straight up at Quatre. Nobody should look like that. Heero, the Heero Quatre really knew was inside, was already dead before it had hit the ground.
He was never going to catch up with him, Duo knew this instinctively as he watched the two fall through the air. "Pull the chute," he whispered, "pull it. Please let them have chutes."
Quatre outstretched his fingers in a vain attempt to grab Heero, who was at least several hundred feet below him and several feet to his right. Quatre just refused to give up. But when Heero hit the ground, instinct made Quatre pull the chute. A huge jerk wrenched at his shoulders. He'd been going too fast! He wasn't going to make it…
He knew as he hit the ground that that was wrong. He was going to make it. Otherwise what had Heero died for?
*Jimmy shoes busted both his legs, trying to learn to fly
*From a second storey window, he just jumped and closed his eyes
*His momma said he was crazy – he said "Momma, I've got to try
*Don't you know that all my heroes died
*And I guess I'd rather die than fade away"
"Duo?"
I looked back at Hilde with a mixed expression. I'd stood there and watched Heero die, because of something fuelled by Relena's death. It wasn't belief or suicide. It was something in-between the two. A little thing called love. Whoever invented love ought to be shot.
Hilde continued to speak. "Quatre's out of the fight too. Broken both his legs." She paused, looking to see if I'd caught onto the implications of it. I'd caught them a while ago, when it had first happened. So there were no fresh signs of understanding. "He can't pilot his Gundam anymore."
"Obviously," I cut in sourly.
"Well, don't take it out on me. I'm just telling you…"
I nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."
"You don't sound bothered that two of your closest friends are out of the fight." Her voice was heavy with sarcasm.
But she just didn't get it.
Duo ran and ran the distance so fast that his head was pounding and felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton wool by the time he reached the place where both pilots had landed. He reached Heero first. The sight that lay unceremoniously before him was sickening to say the least. Just from the blank look in the half-open eyes, Duo could tell his friend was dead. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, desperate to be released. But he held them in.
A groan sounded behind him, and guided him to Quatre. The youth was in better shape than Heero at least, the parachute had saved the boy's life.
"Man," whispered Duo, kneeling beside his friend. "Man, this shouldn't have to happen to anyone. Ever. Quatre?"
A slight blue slit peered back at him. "Heero?"
Duo bit his lip nervously. He shook his head. "No," he mouthed gently. "No Heero."
*These days – the stars ain't out of reach
*But these days – there ain't a ladder on the streets
*These days are fast, nothing lasts – it's a graceless age
*Even innocence has caught the midnight train
*And there ain't nobody left but us these days
What I would have given for a ladder or something… just so I could have been close by. On hand if I was needed. Just to get up there. What had I done? I'd stood by and done nothing. You're probably wondering what I could have done? Don't. Everyone asks me that.
"Hilde, I saw them go down."
I don't know where the words came from. I don't even know where I expected them to go afterwards. I knew she'd heard by the expression on her face.
"Oh, Duo…"
"But," I continued hastily, "I didn't do anything to help. I stood by and let Heero die. I let Quatre have a reason to take himself out of the fight. If I'd been up there with them, I could've done something."
"Like what?"
I shrugged broadly. "I dunno, something, anything. Changed the outcome." I paused. "I let two great people sacrifice themselves and we're no nearer a solution than before. Romafeller still has its strangle hold on the world, which the world has bowed to by the way, and nobody's noticed in the slightest the sacrifice they both made." I shook my head sharply. "I just wish my world would stop spinning round and round like this, it's driving me insane. What did they do to deserve that?"
"Duo, they were soldiers, both of them." Hilde put a firm hand on my shoulder. "They knew something like this could happen."
"But I couldn't stop it. I've taken so many lives before, and I couldn't even save the lives of two of my closest friends. What kind of person does that make me? Huh?"
"Geez, Quatre. Don't you dare die on me."
"No," mumbled Quatre weakly. "No, I won't."
"Good. And you'd better remember that you told me that. Otherwise I'm gonna… Get angry, I guess…"
Duo looked up as the white Taurus intruded on their conversation. Noin leapt out as fast as she was able and ran over to Quatre. She briefly looked in Duo's direction, but kept her attention on the one who needed it. Duo stepped back to give her some space.
"Miss Noin…"
"No Quatre, don't you dare. You did more than enough."
"But… I… I didn't…" Quatre's words failed him as he proceeded to pass out.
Noin looked up at Duo. "Where's Heero?"
"Didn't make it." Duo fixed his gaze firmly on the floor underfoot. He scuffed the ground with a shoe.
"Duo, look at me."
Reluctantly, Duo met her gaze. "There's nothing you or Quatre could have done for him. Or Relena."
Duo frowned. "Relena?"
"She…" Noin looked up at the sound of sirens. She forgot her train of thought and said, "You have to leave here Duo."
"No way! I can't just leave them here like this."
"I'll take care of it. We can't afford to let people link them with you. Do you understand me Duo? You can still fight!"
"I'm not gonna leave them…"
"Would they want you to get dragged into this? Would Heero want his actions to condemn you as well as Quatre? Go! Hurry!"
Duo took several deep breaths as he took in the situation he was in. Noin glared at him fiercely, for once not avoiding getting on the teenager's bad side. Finally Duo said slowly, "Make sure he gets out of this alive." He indicated Quatre with a nod of his head.
Noin simply nodded once. When she looked up, Shinigami was gone…
*I know Rome's still burning
*Though the times have changed
*This world keeps turning round and round and round and round, these days
Hilde was looking at me worriedly, almost as though she could see my thoughts as I thought them. I looked skywards. It was still raining. Just like my mood.
She sighed. "Well, Trowa and Wufei are looking for you."
I shook my head. "No."
"What?"
"There's no way I'm speaking to them. I don't trust myself."
She looked confused. "But, Duo… Why?"
"They're just gonna blame me for what happened. I didn't do anything about it." I shut my eyes tight, trying to hide from the truth. "It's all my fault."
An angry expression washed over her face. "Duo Maxwell! What could you have possibly done that would have changed what happened?"
"I could have been there when they needed me. Not just then, ever since we met."
"That's a downright lie!"
"Hilde, there's nobody left to blame. Can't you see that?"
"There was nobody to blame in the first place – least of all yourself!"
"Okay Hilde, for a second imagine you were me. How would you be feeling?"
"Imagine we did switch positions then, how would you want to make me feel?"
That made me pause. But I shrugged it off. If God wanted me to imagine that way, he would have put me in that position. But things were like they were. I made to walk away.
"Where're you going?"
I turned to look back at her and attempted a smile. "Somewhere where I can think in private." Then I turned back to the street and kept walking. There was no restraining hand, or any words of protest. Somehow I missed them. That's what I'd been expecting.
But I didn't deserve that kind of compassion.
Not after this.
*These days – the stars ain't out of reach
*But these days – there ain't a ladder on the streets
*These days are fast, love don't last – it's a graceless age
*Even innocence has caught the midnight train
Duo pulled the cap down closer as he walked into the hospital complex. The building was absolutely huge, but Duo had been steeling himself for hours. He wasn't about to balk now. He was directed at the main desk to where his friend was and mounted the steps.
He stood in front of the door and looked through the glass panel cautiously. He absently took his cap off and scratched his head with a finger, before putting the cap on again. He pushed the door open quietly.
Quatre was lying on his back, his large eyes closed. Duo stood in the doorway for a few seconds. Quatre looked like he was sleeping. And Duo figured he'd been through enough without being denied a little sleep. He took a step back.
"Duo?" Quatre looked up at his friend, smiling weakly.
"Hey Quatre…" Duo paused uncomfortably. "Thought you were sleeping."
"Thought you were thinking about leaving."
"Well no, I was just… gonna come back later. When you were awake." Duo took a loose hold on his braid. Almost like it was a teddy. Duo suddenly realised this and dropped it hastily.
Quatre smiled and looked down slightly. Then he met Duo's gaze. "Talk to me then. I'm not contagious."
Duo laughed nervously, trying to hide his sudden realisation of how he was treating his friend, and stepped fully into the room. He pulled a horribly orange, plastic, chair up and sat in it. He twiddled his thumbs for a few seconds. "What happened up there anyway?"
Quatre's eyes glazed over. He screwed them up as he furiously attempted not to cry. Finally he gained control of himself. "Heero just went for it. I couldn't stop him. He said it was for the good of the mission but I…"
"Relena?"
Quatre looked up, surprised. "You heard?"
Duo shrugged. "Noin started to say something about it, but we got cut off. What happened?"
"She was assassinated."
Duo laughed. That was his usual reaction to bad news. "By Heero?" He asked, trying to make a joke out of it. The look on Quatre's face told him that it hadn't come off that way.
"Sorry." He paused. "How ya doing yourself then?"
Quatre sighed. "I'm good, I guess. But I won't be piloting for a while – if ever. I'm going home at the first opportunity."
"How come?"
"Both my legs are broken. Not good really."
"Geez Quatre. I'm sorry. I don't know what…"
Quatre shook his head slowly. "Duo, don't. I was doing what I thought was right. I'd rather this than feeling that guilt all my life."
"What can I do?"
"Keep fighting. That's all I want you to do. Keep doing what you've done all the time until now." A smile flickered over his depressed face. "Just keep me and Heero in mind when you do. He didn't want to die like that, I know it."
I shook my head. This couldn't be the end. We still had things to protect. But after that I'd had a hard time telling myself that. But I'd already promised myself that Shinigami, me, I wasn't going to die. I'd already done that. What if Heero had told himself that too? Despite everything, he may have said just that – he wasn't going to die in this fight.
My thoughts drifted to Trowa and Wufei. Where were they now? Hilde must know, she'd known they were looking for me. I couldn't face them. Wufei and I, especially, hadn't always seen eye-to-eye about things. I'd always been a bit of a lazy guy while he did nothing but work at what he was doing, keep going hard towards his target. I'd wasted time, where there was really no time to waste. And how many times had people told me I was wasting time? Too many to count, believe me.
We'd all had a dream. We'd fought hard for it, but in the end it didn't seem we'd worked hard enough. And, from what I could see, I was the only one who hadn't given a hundred percent. Let's face it, us five had been to the stars and back! How many people today can say that? And now we were only three… And I wanted nothing to do with it in case I got Trowa and Wufei killed too.
That just left two.
I just cared too much about them…
*These days – the stars ain't out of reach
*But these days – there ain't a ladder on the streets
*These days are fast, nothing lasts
*There ain't no time to waste
*There ain't nobody left to take the blame
*There ain't nobody left but us these days
I turned into a discrete alley and leaned heavily against the wall. I took three deep breaths, and then decided to take several – dozen – more. What was I gonna do? I felt several tears work their way down my face. Although nobody else would have known what they were. The rain was still being unforgiving. Still treating me like the germ I considered myself to be.
What about Trowa and Wufei? How would I be able to face them after what I'd let Quatre and Heero do? The rain continued thrashing down, as though I was so insignificant that it didn't even realise I was there – which I might well have been. They had every right to blame me, which was why I wasn't going to try and find them. I don't think I would have been able to cope with their blame as well as my own.
"Duo?"
I turned sharply at the voice, subconsciously wiping a sleeve across my eyes. It couldn't be… No way! Even I wasn't that unlucky. But it was…
I looked to each of them in turn. "Trowa? Wufei?"
Trowa looked at me with a gaze so grief-ridden that it made me flinch. Wufei was just hollow. Emotionless.
But they both held a flicker of something else.
Hope. For our friendship and the completion of the mission. We were all that was left. And let's face it, there ain't nobody else but us these days.
I smiled.
It was good to see them.
And if we were what was left… well, we'd just have to hope we could pull this thing off. Together.
*Ain't nobody left but us these days