Gundam Wing
Internal Struggle
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, so don't sue me, I'm just a little middle school student with no money, so you wouldn't be getting much anyway. =)
Author's note: The reason why everything Duo says in the beginning is in ' ' because he's not actually talking it but thinking it, but I made his conscience speak normally " " so you wouldn't get to confused. Although I've probably already completely confused you, so just read and then comment.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo Maxwell sat motionless in his Gundam DeathScythe Hell, barely able to breathe and incapable of moving. He felt his Gundam creek and begin to cave in unto its self. There had been too many to fight, way too many and now they'd shoot his Gundam and him into a pile of dust. He felt the heavy metal debris push down on him, and the cockpit slowly becoming smaller engulfing its self pilot and all.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo pleaded to the G-d he believed did not exist. He prayed that Solo was still watching over him, and he hoped that Sister Helen was praying for him up in heaven. He tried to build up the strength inside himself to move, but he couldn't. It hurt to much, everything hurt. He felt his broken ribs stabbing themselves into his body, he felt the tinkling sensation of blood streaming down his left leg. His braid was matted down in crimson liquid and twisted within in the collapsing cockpit.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, hearing only the dying battle sounds and the fast rhythm of his heart. A sudden wave of pain surged through his body as if the reaper himself had come to consume him. The fighting outside had seized, he knew they had won. The other Gundams had arrived to end the fight, but still it was almost to late...to save Duo.
'I don't wanna die!! Please G-d Damit! Let me see the end of this stupid war!'
He heard the Gundam Pilots jump from their Gundams and onto the ground. He heard them call his name, he wanted to answer, he wanted to yell out, but he couldn't. All he could do was close his eyes, grind his teeth and try to live. The pain is his chest had become almost unbearable, like hell's flames were burning within, He could no longer feel his legs and his arms were beginning to go numb. Duo heard the cockpit door brake off as if someone had forcefully gained entrance. he heard them crawl into the compounded cockpit. Duo opened his eyes a little, but it was still dark, he couldn't see. He blinked again, nothing. Then he felt himself drift...into oblivion...in death?...in to hell?...in to heaven?...into his own unconscious world of horror.
Duo fell deeper into his own mind, falling, tearing away from reality. His void of guilt and terror consumed him, for in his mind he was the reaper. He was the murder of thousands of soldiers, no matter what side they were on, they were still only human. They were fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, comrades...they had families. They had birthdays, they had lovers and rivals, and they all once had a life.
Duo stood in the middle of his own guilt. Guilt and feelings that had been suppressed until it was to much for his own mind to handle. He was in the fire pit of his own making. It'd been built brick by brick, year by year, life by life, death by death, guilt by guilt...regret by regret. If only he could've walked away from being a Gundam Pilot. If only he'd given it to someone else, but did he have a choice in the first place? Was this the only path before him? The only thing suited for his talents? To slaughter?
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Duo fell to his knees, banging his fists against his mind's red floor. Red with blood of those who died by his hands. He dug his head between his knees and clasped his hands over his head. He no longer felt the physical pain he knew his body was going through, but the mental agony to him was worse.
'It's not my fault! Duo cried out to the endless horizon, I had to fight or die!'
"Die?" echoed something from within the void. "Isn't that what's happening to you now?" The speaker stepped out of no where dressed in a black suit as if in mourning. He circled around the crouching Duo flipping his blond bangs out of his prussian blue eyes.
'Your not Quatre! Duo yelled to the imposter, This is a dream!'
The dark Quatre stopped circling and flashed in front of Duo holding his chin tightly to make sure he had his attention. "A dream? No a nightmare, or perhaps purgatory!" Duo yanked his chin free of the dark Quatre's grasp and shot up to a stance.
'What do you want?'
"For you to admit you're a murder, for you to shrivel into a weeping pile of flesh consumed by guilt, for you to let go of your embrace on life and die!" Dark Quatre's eyes burned into Duo's heart and soul.
'I told you, it wasn't my fault! I had to fight or die!'
"But you're dying right now!" said dark Quatre, "No need to fight. So if this was the inevitable end why kill to live in the first place."
'Your twisting my words!'
"Am I?" Dark Quatre said with mocking laughter.
'Who the hell are you?' Duo demanded.
"Don't you know me?" Dark Quatre said as if he was a buddy, "I'm you. The Great Destroyer!"
'No! I wont believe it I can't believe it. Nooooooooooooo!'
Duo grabbed the side of his head and fell backwards only to find himself standing up in the middle of a circus ring with a half masked clown.
'Trowa?'
"No, still you. The Great Destroyer." Dark Trowa said as he jumped into the air doing his famous flip and landing on the tight rope. "You know life is like a tight rope, you never know which way your going to fall until it's to late." Dark Trowa jumped down in front of Duo.
'Then I could still live?'
Dark Trowa didn't answer as he did a back flip and they were suddenly standing in a warehouse with two Gundams. The Great Destroyer had again changed to take the form of a boy with brown hair, a Forrest green tank top and blue spandex shorts.
'Stop taking the faces of my friends! That won't get to me!'
"Oh it won't." Dark Heero said then punched Duo square in the stomach sending him flying back. When Duo opened his eyes he found himself lying on a mat inside a Chinese temple with the tip of a sword hanging above his forehead.
'Stop changing! Wu man wouldn't waste his energy on me!'
"So, I only use the images of your friends to get your attention since you've ignored me for so long." Dark Wufei lifted the sword allowing Duo to get up.
'Wufei would never allow me to call him Wu or Wu man, how can I be broken by a being who can't even play personalities straight.'
The Great Destroyer stepped closer to Duo to the point where they were eye to eye. "You want me to get a personality straight?!" The temple suddenly turned black and then vanished leaving the empty universe he'd began with. The Great Destroyer no where in sight. Duo looked high and low but all that was there was endless darkness.
'Where are you!? '
"You say I can't brake you 'cause I can't play my parts realistically." Duo heard his own voice echo through out the void. "Then I'm gonna play the role of someone I know deeply, I know their secrets, their guilt, their grief, their strife, their denials. Oh gee, I think I'm taken about...me!" A figure stepped out from behind making Duo jump. He twirled around to find himself standing there.
It was the same Duo outwardly, the black clothes, rolled up sleeves, minister collar, braid and all. But inwardly?
'Your not me!'
"On the contrary, who else could I be? Humans make their own dreams, whether by their imagination or unconscious, so you see. You made ME!" The Dark Duo stood over the real one like a shadow. Yet they were both real, both were Duo, different sides, but both Duo.
'You can't be me! I would never have created a monster like you! The Great Destroyer is not the reaper of death! The Great Destroyer is the protector of those who can not fight, those who are innocent and those whom are necessary to make peace. I am the Great Destroyer! You are nothing! I made you as you said...I know unmake you.'
A suddenly bright light came out of the darkness taking the Dark Duo. The real Duo, the true Dark Destroyer embraced the light and it warmed him soothed his aching soul. Duo closed his eyes feeling the heat of joy wrap around his body.
'Maybe there is a G-d that cares.' Duo said as the dark void of his mind and the light began to dissipate and familiar voices could be heard.
Duo blinked his eyes slowly trying to get use to the bright hospital lights. He focused on the four figures around his bed.
"Hey guys." Duo groaned hoarsely.
Quatre, the real one, turned to his friend, "You're awake, that means you'll be okay."
"Okay," Duo rasped, "I feel like I was hit by a truck."
"Actually worse, " said Heero who stood in the doorway, "you were stuck in your caving cockpit."
"Is DeathScythe Hell alright?"
"With some work It'll be running." Heero answered.
"Good," Duo still felt tiered, "now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to sleep."
"Oh, sure no problem." Quatre said as he an the others left Duo to be lone with himself and only himself.
Duo closed his eyes to find no empty void, but only dancing colors in his non-existent vision. Duo smiled and then thought of the soldiers that'd all died.
'Rest in peace. And I'm sorry, you all fought bravely.'
Internal Struggle
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, so don't sue me, I'm just a little middle school student with no money, so you wouldn't be getting much anyway. =)
Author's note: The reason why everything Duo says in the beginning is in ' ' because he's not actually talking it but thinking it, but I made his conscience speak normally " " so you wouldn't get to confused. Although I've probably already completely confused you, so just read and then comment.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo Maxwell sat motionless in his Gundam DeathScythe Hell, barely able to breathe and incapable of moving. He felt his Gundam creek and begin to cave in unto its self. There had been too many to fight, way too many and now they'd shoot his Gundam and him into a pile of dust. He felt the heavy metal debris push down on him, and the cockpit slowly becoming smaller engulfing its self pilot and all.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo pleaded to the G-d he believed did not exist. He prayed that Solo was still watching over him, and he hoped that Sister Helen was praying for him up in heaven. He tried to build up the strength inside himself to move, but he couldn't. It hurt to much, everything hurt. He felt his broken ribs stabbing themselves into his body, he felt the tinkling sensation of blood streaming down his left leg. His braid was matted down in crimson liquid and twisted within in the collapsing cockpit.
'I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die.'
Duo closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, hearing only the dying battle sounds and the fast rhythm of his heart. A sudden wave of pain surged through his body as if the reaper himself had come to consume him. The fighting outside had seized, he knew they had won. The other Gundams had arrived to end the fight, but still it was almost to late...to save Duo.
'I don't wanna die!! Please G-d Damit! Let me see the end of this stupid war!'
He heard the Gundam Pilots jump from their Gundams and onto the ground. He heard them call his name, he wanted to answer, he wanted to yell out, but he couldn't. All he could do was close his eyes, grind his teeth and try to live. The pain is his chest had become almost unbearable, like hell's flames were burning within, He could no longer feel his legs and his arms were beginning to go numb. Duo heard the cockpit door brake off as if someone had forcefully gained entrance. he heard them crawl into the compounded cockpit. Duo opened his eyes a little, but it was still dark, he couldn't see. He blinked again, nothing. Then he felt himself drift...into oblivion...in death?...in to hell?...in to heaven?...into his own unconscious world of horror.
Duo fell deeper into his own mind, falling, tearing away from reality. His void of guilt and terror consumed him, for in his mind he was the reaper. He was the murder of thousands of soldiers, no matter what side they were on, they were still only human. They were fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, nephews, nieces, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, comrades...they had families. They had birthdays, they had lovers and rivals, and they all once had a life.
Duo stood in the middle of his own guilt. Guilt and feelings that had been suppressed until it was to much for his own mind to handle. He was in the fire pit of his own making. It'd been built brick by brick, year by year, life by life, death by death, guilt by guilt...regret by regret. If only he could've walked away from being a Gundam Pilot. If only he'd given it to someone else, but did he have a choice in the first place? Was this the only path before him? The only thing suited for his talents? To slaughter?
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Duo fell to his knees, banging his fists against his mind's red floor. Red with blood of those who died by his hands. He dug his head between his knees and clasped his hands over his head. He no longer felt the physical pain he knew his body was going through, but the mental agony to him was worse.
'It's not my fault! Duo cried out to the endless horizon, I had to fight or die!'
"Die?" echoed something from within the void. "Isn't that what's happening to you now?" The speaker stepped out of no where dressed in a black suit as if in mourning. He circled around the crouching Duo flipping his blond bangs out of his prussian blue eyes.
'Your not Quatre! Duo yelled to the imposter, This is a dream!'
The dark Quatre stopped circling and flashed in front of Duo holding his chin tightly to make sure he had his attention. "A dream? No a nightmare, or perhaps purgatory!" Duo yanked his chin free of the dark Quatre's grasp and shot up to a stance.
'What do you want?'
"For you to admit you're a murder, for you to shrivel into a weeping pile of flesh consumed by guilt, for you to let go of your embrace on life and die!" Dark Quatre's eyes burned into Duo's heart and soul.
'I told you, it wasn't my fault! I had to fight or die!'
"But you're dying right now!" said dark Quatre, "No need to fight. So if this was the inevitable end why kill to live in the first place."
'Your twisting my words!'
"Am I?" Dark Quatre said with mocking laughter.
'Who the hell are you?' Duo demanded.
"Don't you know me?" Dark Quatre said as if he was a buddy, "I'm you. The Great Destroyer!"
'No! I wont believe it I can't believe it. Nooooooooooooo!'
Duo grabbed the side of his head and fell backwards only to find himself standing up in the middle of a circus ring with a half masked clown.
'Trowa?'
"No, still you. The Great Destroyer." Dark Trowa said as he jumped into the air doing his famous flip and landing on the tight rope. "You know life is like a tight rope, you never know which way your going to fall until it's to late." Dark Trowa jumped down in front of Duo.
'Then I could still live?'
Dark Trowa didn't answer as he did a back flip and they were suddenly standing in a warehouse with two Gundams. The Great Destroyer had again changed to take the form of a boy with brown hair, a Forrest green tank top and blue spandex shorts.
'Stop taking the faces of my friends! That won't get to me!'
"Oh it won't." Dark Heero said then punched Duo square in the stomach sending him flying back. When Duo opened his eyes he found himself lying on a mat inside a Chinese temple with the tip of a sword hanging above his forehead.
'Stop changing! Wu man wouldn't waste his energy on me!'
"So, I only use the images of your friends to get your attention since you've ignored me for so long." Dark Wufei lifted the sword allowing Duo to get up.
'Wufei would never allow me to call him Wu or Wu man, how can I be broken by a being who can't even play personalities straight.'
The Great Destroyer stepped closer to Duo to the point where they were eye to eye. "You want me to get a personality straight?!" The temple suddenly turned black and then vanished leaving the empty universe he'd began with. The Great Destroyer no where in sight. Duo looked high and low but all that was there was endless darkness.
'Where are you!? '
"You say I can't brake you 'cause I can't play my parts realistically." Duo heard his own voice echo through out the void. "Then I'm gonna play the role of someone I know deeply, I know their secrets, their guilt, their grief, their strife, their denials. Oh gee, I think I'm taken about...me!" A figure stepped out from behind making Duo jump. He twirled around to find himself standing there.
It was the same Duo outwardly, the black clothes, rolled up sleeves, minister collar, braid and all. But inwardly?
'Your not me!'
"On the contrary, who else could I be? Humans make their own dreams, whether by their imagination or unconscious, so you see. You made ME!" The Dark Duo stood over the real one like a shadow. Yet they were both real, both were Duo, different sides, but both Duo.
'You can't be me! I would never have created a monster like you! The Great Destroyer is not the reaper of death! The Great Destroyer is the protector of those who can not fight, those who are innocent and those whom are necessary to make peace. I am the Great Destroyer! You are nothing! I made you as you said...I know unmake you.'
A suddenly bright light came out of the darkness taking the Dark Duo. The real Duo, the true Dark Destroyer embraced the light and it warmed him soothed his aching soul. Duo closed his eyes feeling the heat of joy wrap around his body.
'Maybe there is a G-d that cares.' Duo said as the dark void of his mind and the light began to dissipate and familiar voices could be heard.
Duo blinked his eyes slowly trying to get use to the bright hospital lights. He focused on the four figures around his bed.
"Hey guys." Duo groaned hoarsely.
Quatre, the real one, turned to his friend, "You're awake, that means you'll be okay."
"Okay," Duo rasped, "I feel like I was hit by a truck."
"Actually worse, " said Heero who stood in the doorway, "you were stuck in your caving cockpit."
"Is DeathScythe Hell alright?"
"With some work It'll be running." Heero answered.
"Good," Duo still felt tiered, "now if you'll excuse me I'm going back to sleep."
"Oh, sure no problem." Quatre said as he an the others left Duo to be lone with himself and only himself.
Duo closed his eyes to find no empty void, but only dancing colors in his non-existent vision. Duo smiled and then thought of the soldiers that'd all died.
'Rest in peace. And I'm sorry, you all fought bravely.'