The Quest for the Remote!
Disclaimer : I don't own Pokémon, the Fox channel, or anything else I might use in this fic. They belong to rich bastards, of which I am not one, therefore, don't sue me please! Or else I'll make you watch hours of the Sailor Moon dub! Mwahaha! Gomen dubbies, don't flame me!
A.N. – I started writing this fic like two years ago. I was inspired by my cousin, who was so graciously watching Jerry Springer very loudly (she must be deaf) in the room next to where I was so desperately trying to sleep (It was like 8 in the morning; why does that show come on every hour in the day?) Anyways, if I get good reviews, I may be tempted to continue this! Also, I used the dub names because, as I said, I wrote this around two years ago so I had not yet been disillusioned, and I'm just too lazy to change it!
Prologue
As the late morning sun filtered in through my tattered curtains, I awoke to the incredibly aggravating sound of a legion of ignorant rednecks chanting "Jerry! Jerry!" Groaning, I buried my head into my pillow to muffle the maddening cacophony and to return to the blissful slumber from which I had so been rudely disunited. As I was on the verge of slipping into glorious unconsciousness, a shrill voice ejected a rather long string of expletives that was screened by an even shriller beeping. Muttering my own interjections, I shuddered as the host of the asinine program gave a preview of the next show, which was quaintly entitled "Hermaphrodite Strippers Confront Their Cheating Midget Partners," and wondered what sort of drooling, slack-jawed idiot would watch such mind rot.
"James!" I screeched, gritting my teeth. "Turn that damn TV off! I'm trying to get my beauty sleep!"
"But Jessie…" came his feeble reply.
My eyes snapped open. "Damn it boy, don't make me go over there…"
Upon receiving the same response, I flew out of bed and stomped into the den. "Don't make me get my mallet…" I growled, my eyes flaming with repressed rage.
"But Jessie! I can't find the remote!" he whimpered, cowering in fear.
"You baka! You're sitting two inches from the TV, you lazy sloth!"
"But…"
"Get up off your butt and change it!" I commanded while sneaking a peek at the aforementioned eye-pleasing piece of ass. Oops!
Sighing, James punched the buttons on the cussed TV, to no avail. The annoying twang of white trash still emanated from the damnable device.
"It won't work!" he wailed, jets of tears springing from his eyes.
"Stop it! I'm getting wet!" I yelled, gesturing to my now semi-transparent nightdress that clung to me in a way that nightdresses should never cling to women who happen to be in the viewing range of any male creature. As anticipated, my gesturing was rather redundant, as James had already taken note of my lack of proper bodily concealment and had proceeded to gape wide-eyed and slack-jawed at my womanly figure. Drool and a slight moan escaped his enraptured lips as stepped closer to him, offering him a much better of my exposed unmentionable areas. I also gave him quite a magnificent view of a whole myriad of stars and a few chirping birds as my mallet came down upon his thick skull. His eyes, which, previously, had been preoccupied with ogling at my admittedly terrific body, now rolled back into his head.
"Dammit James! We don't have time revel in my perfection! We have to move on to more important things!"
I hoped the author, who out of her great amusement, had spent an absurd number of sentences describing this one scene, would move on. Apparently, she did not agree. James began to cry once again. "You hit me!"
"Quiet James, we have more important things-"
"Wahh! Like the remote that's lost!"
"Exactly!"
"WAHH!"
"Ah! There there Jamesy poo!" I cooed, hugging him, which immediately brought a smile to his still quivering lips. "I know how to cheer you up," I continued as I flew to my feet, ripping off my nightgown. James' eyes nearly popped out of its sockets, and I feared I had given the poor boy a coronary as I stood before him wearing nothing but my…
Team Rocket uniform!
"James, you and I have a mission. We will travel to the four corners of the Earth if we must, we will cross deserts-"
"Desserts? YUM!!! Let's go!"
"DESERTS! Don't interrupt! Now where was I? Oh yeah, we will climb mountains, swim across oceans (or use our Magikarp piece of crap, it's as much work either way,) step over small hills and holes, stomp on anthills, kick small dogs (Note: the author has nothing against ants or small dogs, in fact she is rather fond of them, but apparently Jessie has some issues she needs to work through,) buy some new outfits, some shoes, maybe a few pairs of earrings-"
"Jess! I get the picture! We should prepare a picnic basket, missions make me hungry. James no well work without num-num…"
"Then it's settled! We shall presently embark on a quest for our remote so we won't have to keep watching the Evil Fox Channel. (check your local listings to find the channel in your area.)