Disclaimer: The X-Men, Excalibur, and all related characters are the property
of Marvel Comics. They are used here without permission, and for entertainment
purposes only.
"Insomnia" (1/4)
"Kurt? You never came to bed. Have you been out here on the balcony all night?"
Amanda Sefton pulled her pink terry cloth robe tightly about her as she stepped
out onto the balcony of her Central Park South apartment, hoping to coax Kurt
Wagner in from the pouring rain. Her oldest friend and the abiding love of her
life, the X-Man known as Nightcrawler remained crouched on the railing, neither
moving nor responding to her presence.
"Come on in, darling. We'll get you into some dry clothes. I'll put on a pot
of coffee."
Finally, he turned his head to look back at her, his pupil-less eyes seeming to
glow with some inner fire. Amanda exhaled in relief when he hopped down from
his perch and followed her inside.
"Guten Morgen, Liebchen. And how are we this fine and beautiful day?"
His words chilled her. She had never heard that tone of voice from him before.
The gentle and mannered voice that had whispered endearments so many times in
the past was now laced with a bitter, hard edge.
Without looking at him, she started to spoon coffee into the filter. "I have
to work -- an overseas flight. I'll be gone a week. I'll get someone to sub
for me, Kurt, if you'd rather I stay."
"That won't be necessary." She heard him walk to the liquor cabinet and open
the brandy decanter. A moment later, she heard the gurgling of brandy being
poured into a snifter.
Amanda wrinkled her nose at the strong, sweet aroma of the alcohol. Turning to face him, she said, "Isn't it a little early for that?"
"For you, perhaps. For me, it's just what the doctor ordered." He threw his
head back and downed the entire snifter.
"Kurt, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?! What isn't wrong, Amanda?" He looked at her with sardonic
amazement. "When I first joined the X-Men, we were mutants - outcasts from
human society - but our hearts were light! Every day was an adventure. We
were the proponents of Professor Xavier's dream, peaceful co-existence between
mutants and humans. The X-Men made a difference in the world."
He shook his head disgustedly. "Now the dream is dead. The joy, the romance,
the adventure... it's all gone."
"Why, Kurt? What changed?"
"You wouldn't understand!" He stormed back outside.
Amanda followed him back into the cold rain. "How can I understand if you
won't talk to me?" she pleaded. "Kurt, I love you. Please, let me help."
"All the things that had meaning for me, all the things that gave my life
purpose, are dead!" He stared up into the stormy sky. "I don't know who I am
anymore, Amanda, or even why I am!"
He turned to face her, body tense with anger. "There, my darling," -- he spat
out the word as if it were an insult -- "now you know! Help me with that!"
Amanda stood in shocked silence, the rain stinging her face. Tentatively, she
reached out to him and gently clasped his hands in hers. "Kurt..."
He pulled away. "I don't know what's real anymore - when a potion or a power
or a being can change my mind, my body, even my concept of reality itself!" He
glared at her suspiciously. "You're a sorceress, Amanda. Do I truly love you,
or did you use some spell to make me?"
Amanda couldn't move or speak.
"Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Kurt stalked towards
her. "You did, didn't you? You did! You hexed me! YOU FILTHY LITTLE SLUT!
You seduced me and hexed me to be your little plaything!"
Kurt cocked a fist back as if to strike Amanda. She flinched and closed her
eyes, bracing for the impact. Tears mingled with the raindrops flowing down
her face.
"What's this, my darling? Fearful of your lover?" he laughed mockingly as he
caressed her cheek with the other hand. "You should be!"
She opened her eyes in time to see the approaching blow. The dull crunch of
bones seemed deafeningly loud to Amanda as Kurt punched his fist straight into
her chest. She didn't feel the impact so much as the warmth that spread across
her chest and abdomen. Rich, warm blood turned her robe a glistening red.
Amanda reeled as her lover's features twisted into a distorted demonic visage.
His fangs bared in a malevolent grin, Kurt pulled her close and whispered into
her ear, "Tell me, Liebling... have I stolen your heart?"
He shoved her roughly to the floor and dropped a bloody mass of flesh at her
feet. It was her heart, still beating faintly in a pool of rainwater, pumping
her blood across the slick balcony floor.
"WORTHLESS BITCH!" he hissed as he moved in for the final blow.
Amanda jerked awake, entangled in soaking sheets, gasping for breath. She
struggled to sit up, her whole body shuddering violently in the aftermath of
her nightmare.
'It's only a dream! Only a dream!' She repeated the words over and over in
her head like a mantra. Gradually, her heartbeat slowed, her breathing
steadied, and her sense of dread faded. 'Only a dream.'
"But it's true," she murmured angrily, clenching her fists in the clammy
bedclothes.
Despite its frightening distortions, most of her dream had actually happened.
After all their years together, after all they had been through as a couple,
Kurt had actually accused her of using sorcery to make him love her. Had his
spiteful words cut so deep that her subconscious mind made him into that
nightmarish monster?
Amanda kicked off the sweat-soaked sheets and got out of bed. Back and forth,
she paced the room, trying to calm down. Finally, she sank to the carpet in
lotus position and began a meditation exercise. Usually her attempts to
meditate were doomed by her impatience, but this time she had all night to get
it right. Sleep was now out of the question.
Amanda hadn't slept well in days. The nightmares began the day she arrived at
Dr. Moira MacTaggart's mutant research center on Muir Island. In addition to
housing the world's foremost genetic research facility, the island was the
current base of operations for Excalibur, the mutant superhero team dubbed "the
European X-Men" by the popular media. Amanda had come to Muir to help
Excalibur at the request of the team's leader: her former lover, Kurt.
Everyone had done their best to make Amanda feel welcome, but the bleak
Scottish isle haunted her. Simply being there dredged up so many memories that
she wished to keep buried.
Only a week earlier, she had been back home in New York, trying to return her
life to some semblance of normalcy. She had gone back to work as a flight
attendant and moved back in with her old roommate Elizabeth. She had even seen
a therapist, though she would never admit that to another soul. Amanda was
starting to feel human again. She enjoyed returning to a life where the
biggest crises she faced were flight delays and the occasional rude passenger.
Then Amanda came home from work to find the message on her answering machine.
"Amanda... It's Kurt." His voice sounded strained, hesitant. "Mein Gott, it's
been so long. I... I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear
from, and you have every reason to just erase this message right now, but I...
we... Excalibur needs your help." His next words were almost pleading. "We need your talents, 'Anyfriend'. Please. Contact me on Muir Island and I'll
explain." He paused. "I... I look forward to seeing you again." For a long
moment, there was silence, then he said softly, "I hope you're well, Amanda."
"End of messages," a computerized voice announced. The answering machine
clicked and whirred, then fell silent.
"Oh God. Not him, not now," she whimpered as she sank into an overstuffed easy
chair. She suddenly felt so weary.
It seemed like ages since she had last seen Kurt, but on reflection Amanda
realized it had only been a little over a year. Ever since then, she had been
vainly trying to forget their painful break-up and get on with her life.
Actually hearing his voice again rubbed the pain raw. The last words he had
spoken to her were rife with accusation and bitter resentment. On the message,
his voice sounded desperate and tired. Evidently it had not been a good year
for him either.
Her first impulse was to dismiss the message. 'No. Excalibur will just have
to find someone else. I can't do this. Not now. I just can't!'
Amanda changed her clothes and started warm-up stretches for her daily run. As
she started for the door, her gaze fell on the white plastic box with its
blinking red light. She exhaled a rueful sigh.
"Anyfriend..."
Amanda picked up a framed photograph from the oak table and wiped a thin layer
of dust away with her hand. Three children smiled from the worn, faded
photograph. A petite blonde girl with green eyes clutched a rag doll and
smiled shyly. A lanky boy with dark hair and warm brown eyes grinned mischievously. An impish blue elf of a boy beamed, the corners of his golden
pupil-less eyes crinkled in laughter. Herself, her brother, and Kurt as
childhood friends.
Amanda removed the back of the frame. On the back of the photograph, written
in a childish scrawl, were the words, "Jimaine, Stefan und Kurt. Immer
'Irgendfreunde'!" Always 'anyfriends'.
"Any time, any place, anywhere," Amanda murmured, "that's what we promised, no
matter what."
She replaced the back of the frame and set it on the table next to the
answering machine. The red message indicator light still blinked. Amanda
arched her index finger to hit the white "delete" button. Her finger hovered
over the button.
"No matter what," she whispered.
She hit the blue "play" button and listened to Kurt's message again before
deleting it.
It only took half an hour for Amanda to pack and make the necessary
arrangements. She called her supervisor at work to arrange for some emergency
time-off, then jotted a quick note to Betsy.
While she did a quick visual scan of the apartment to make sure she had
everything, Amanda uttered an ancient Romany blessing for safe travel. Then
she slung her bag over one shoulder, took a deep breath, and began the
incantations of the teleportation spell that would bring her to Muir Island.
As the spell took effect, Amanda felt the familiar vibrations of magic singing
along her nerve endings. The room glowed with bright orbs of green and gold
light. Amanda closed her eyes.
When she opened them a moment later, she was standing at the edge of a rocky
cliff. The skies above were black with storm clouds, and the sea churned
violently below her. The icy wind whipped her hair and stung her face. Amanda
took a step back from her precarious perch and turned around. One hundred
meters ahead stood the cold concrete and steel buildings that housed the Muir
Island Mutant Research Center.
"There it is. No turning back now," she whispered as her heartbeat began to
race.
of Marvel Comics. They are used here without permission, and for entertainment
purposes only.
"Insomnia" (1/4)
"Kurt? You never came to bed. Have you been out here on the balcony all night?"
Amanda Sefton pulled her pink terry cloth robe tightly about her as she stepped
out onto the balcony of her Central Park South apartment, hoping to coax Kurt
Wagner in from the pouring rain. Her oldest friend and the abiding love of her
life, the X-Man known as Nightcrawler remained crouched on the railing, neither
moving nor responding to her presence.
"Come on in, darling. We'll get you into some dry clothes. I'll put on a pot
of coffee."
Finally, he turned his head to look back at her, his pupil-less eyes seeming to
glow with some inner fire. Amanda exhaled in relief when he hopped down from
his perch and followed her inside.
"Guten Morgen, Liebchen. And how are we this fine and beautiful day?"
His words chilled her. She had never heard that tone of voice from him before.
The gentle and mannered voice that had whispered endearments so many times in
the past was now laced with a bitter, hard edge.
Without looking at him, she started to spoon coffee into the filter. "I have
to work -- an overseas flight. I'll be gone a week. I'll get someone to sub
for me, Kurt, if you'd rather I stay."
"That won't be necessary." She heard him walk to the liquor cabinet and open
the brandy decanter. A moment later, she heard the gurgling of brandy being
poured into a snifter.
Amanda wrinkled her nose at the strong, sweet aroma of the alcohol. Turning to face him, she said, "Isn't it a little early for that?"
"For you, perhaps. For me, it's just what the doctor ordered." He threw his
head back and downed the entire snifter.
"Kurt, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?! What isn't wrong, Amanda?" He looked at her with sardonic
amazement. "When I first joined the X-Men, we were mutants - outcasts from
human society - but our hearts were light! Every day was an adventure. We
were the proponents of Professor Xavier's dream, peaceful co-existence between
mutants and humans. The X-Men made a difference in the world."
He shook his head disgustedly. "Now the dream is dead. The joy, the romance,
the adventure... it's all gone."
"Why, Kurt? What changed?"
"You wouldn't understand!" He stormed back outside.
Amanda followed him back into the cold rain. "How can I understand if you
won't talk to me?" she pleaded. "Kurt, I love you. Please, let me help."
"All the things that had meaning for me, all the things that gave my life
purpose, are dead!" He stared up into the stormy sky. "I don't know who I am
anymore, Amanda, or even why I am!"
He turned to face her, body tense with anger. "There, my darling," -- he spat
out the word as if it were an insult -- "now you know! Help me with that!"
Amanda stood in shocked silence, the rain stinging her face. Tentatively, she
reached out to him and gently clasped his hands in hers. "Kurt..."
He pulled away. "I don't know what's real anymore - when a potion or a power
or a being can change my mind, my body, even my concept of reality itself!" He
glared at her suspiciously. "You're a sorceress, Amanda. Do I truly love you,
or did you use some spell to make me?"
Amanda couldn't move or speak.
"Well? Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Kurt stalked towards
her. "You did, didn't you? You did! You hexed me! YOU FILTHY LITTLE SLUT!
You seduced me and hexed me to be your little plaything!"
Kurt cocked a fist back as if to strike Amanda. She flinched and closed her
eyes, bracing for the impact. Tears mingled with the raindrops flowing down
her face.
"What's this, my darling? Fearful of your lover?" he laughed mockingly as he
caressed her cheek with the other hand. "You should be!"
She opened her eyes in time to see the approaching blow. The dull crunch of
bones seemed deafeningly loud to Amanda as Kurt punched his fist straight into
her chest. She didn't feel the impact so much as the warmth that spread across
her chest and abdomen. Rich, warm blood turned her robe a glistening red.
Amanda reeled as her lover's features twisted into a distorted demonic visage.
His fangs bared in a malevolent grin, Kurt pulled her close and whispered into
her ear, "Tell me, Liebling... have I stolen your heart?"
He shoved her roughly to the floor and dropped a bloody mass of flesh at her
feet. It was her heart, still beating faintly in a pool of rainwater, pumping
her blood across the slick balcony floor.
"WORTHLESS BITCH!" he hissed as he moved in for the final blow.
Amanda jerked awake, entangled in soaking sheets, gasping for breath. She
struggled to sit up, her whole body shuddering violently in the aftermath of
her nightmare.
'It's only a dream! Only a dream!' She repeated the words over and over in
her head like a mantra. Gradually, her heartbeat slowed, her breathing
steadied, and her sense of dread faded. 'Only a dream.'
"But it's true," she murmured angrily, clenching her fists in the clammy
bedclothes.
Despite its frightening distortions, most of her dream had actually happened.
After all their years together, after all they had been through as a couple,
Kurt had actually accused her of using sorcery to make him love her. Had his
spiteful words cut so deep that her subconscious mind made him into that
nightmarish monster?
Amanda kicked off the sweat-soaked sheets and got out of bed. Back and forth,
she paced the room, trying to calm down. Finally, she sank to the carpet in
lotus position and began a meditation exercise. Usually her attempts to
meditate were doomed by her impatience, but this time she had all night to get
it right. Sleep was now out of the question.
Amanda hadn't slept well in days. The nightmares began the day she arrived at
Dr. Moira MacTaggart's mutant research center on Muir Island. In addition to
housing the world's foremost genetic research facility, the island was the
current base of operations for Excalibur, the mutant superhero team dubbed "the
European X-Men" by the popular media. Amanda had come to Muir to help
Excalibur at the request of the team's leader: her former lover, Kurt.
Everyone had done their best to make Amanda feel welcome, but the bleak
Scottish isle haunted her. Simply being there dredged up so many memories that
she wished to keep buried.
Only a week earlier, she had been back home in New York, trying to return her
life to some semblance of normalcy. She had gone back to work as a flight
attendant and moved back in with her old roommate Elizabeth. She had even seen
a therapist, though she would never admit that to another soul. Amanda was
starting to feel human again. She enjoyed returning to a life where the
biggest crises she faced were flight delays and the occasional rude passenger.
Then Amanda came home from work to find the message on her answering machine.
"Amanda... It's Kurt." His voice sounded strained, hesitant. "Mein Gott, it's
been so long. I... I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear
from, and you have every reason to just erase this message right now, but I...
we... Excalibur needs your help." His next words were almost pleading. "We need your talents, 'Anyfriend'. Please. Contact me on Muir Island and I'll
explain." He paused. "I... I look forward to seeing you again." For a long
moment, there was silence, then he said softly, "I hope you're well, Amanda."
"End of messages," a computerized voice announced. The answering machine
clicked and whirred, then fell silent.
"Oh God. Not him, not now," she whimpered as she sank into an overstuffed easy
chair. She suddenly felt so weary.
It seemed like ages since she had last seen Kurt, but on reflection Amanda
realized it had only been a little over a year. Ever since then, she had been
vainly trying to forget their painful break-up and get on with her life.
Actually hearing his voice again rubbed the pain raw. The last words he had
spoken to her were rife with accusation and bitter resentment. On the message,
his voice sounded desperate and tired. Evidently it had not been a good year
for him either.
Her first impulse was to dismiss the message. 'No. Excalibur will just have
to find someone else. I can't do this. Not now. I just can't!'
Amanda changed her clothes and started warm-up stretches for her daily run. As
she started for the door, her gaze fell on the white plastic box with its
blinking red light. She exhaled a rueful sigh.
"Anyfriend..."
Amanda picked up a framed photograph from the oak table and wiped a thin layer
of dust away with her hand. Three children smiled from the worn, faded
photograph. A petite blonde girl with green eyes clutched a rag doll and
smiled shyly. A lanky boy with dark hair and warm brown eyes grinned mischievously. An impish blue elf of a boy beamed, the corners of his golden
pupil-less eyes crinkled in laughter. Herself, her brother, and Kurt as
childhood friends.
Amanda removed the back of the frame. On the back of the photograph, written
in a childish scrawl, were the words, "Jimaine, Stefan und Kurt. Immer
'Irgendfreunde'!" Always 'anyfriends'.
"Any time, any place, anywhere," Amanda murmured, "that's what we promised, no
matter what."
She replaced the back of the frame and set it on the table next to the
answering machine. The red message indicator light still blinked. Amanda
arched her index finger to hit the white "delete" button. Her finger hovered
over the button.
"No matter what," she whispered.
She hit the blue "play" button and listened to Kurt's message again before
deleting it.
It only took half an hour for Amanda to pack and make the necessary
arrangements. She called her supervisor at work to arrange for some emergency
time-off, then jotted a quick note to Betsy.
While she did a quick visual scan of the apartment to make sure she had
everything, Amanda uttered an ancient Romany blessing for safe travel. Then
she slung her bag over one shoulder, took a deep breath, and began the
incantations of the teleportation spell that would bring her to Muir Island.
As the spell took effect, Amanda felt the familiar vibrations of magic singing
along her nerve endings. The room glowed with bright orbs of green and gold
light. Amanda closed her eyes.
When she opened them a moment later, she was standing at the edge of a rocky
cliff. The skies above were black with storm clouds, and the sea churned
violently below her. The icy wind whipped her hair and stung her face. Amanda
took a step back from her precarious perch and turned around. One hundred
meters ahead stood the cold concrete and steel buildings that housed the Muir
Island Mutant Research Center.
"There it is. No turning back now," she whispered as her heartbeat began to
race.