"Insomnia" (3/4)
'Right. Anytime you're ready, Sefton. Sometime this year would be nice.'
Pete fumbled with the gummed tobacco papers, completely engrossed in rolling
the perfect cigarette. It wasn't until he started digging in his pocket for a
lighter that he looked up. Amanda was standing in front of him, arms extended
above her head, pulling her T-shirt clear of her long strawberry blond hair.
Her navy blue sports bra stretched tautly just above Pete's eye level.
The Zippo clattered to the floor and Pete immediately flushed crimson.
"WHOA WHOA WHOA! Sefton! I hardly know you!"
Amanda faced him in her sports bra and sweatpants, arms crossed in annoyance.
"Don't flatter yourself. If I were trying to seduce you, believe me, you'd
know it."
He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "And here I thought you found me dead sexy
and just couldn't wait to express your true feelings!"
"Very funny," she said sarcastically. "No, what I was trying to do was show
you this."
Amanda turned her back to Pete and lifted her hair off her neck. A series of
jagged pink scars slashed across her back, marring the smoothness of her skin.
"Christ! Where on earth did you get those nasty things? Kitty said you were a
stewardess!"
"I am. But sometimes being a friend of the X-Men can be hazardous to your
health," she remarked bitterly.
As she pulled her shirt back over her head, Pete asked, "If you don't mind my
asking, how did it happen?"
Amanda settled back onto the bench across from him. "You ever hear of the
Reavers?"
"Yeah. Cyborg terrorists what used to operate out of Australia. Real bunch of
sickos. Tussled with the X-Men a few times."
"The same. I was here on Muir about six months back when the Reavers decided
to try to take over the island. I was taken for... questioning. Sean rescued
me..."
"Cassidy."
"Yeah. Sean rescued me, but not before I got a few... souvenirs for being
uncooperative."
Pete kicked himself mentally for writing her off as a ditzy stewardess. If
Amanda had survived the Reavers, she was a lot tougher and smarter than he had
given her credit for.
Amanda said nothing for a long moment, then let out an exhausted sigh. "After
the Reavers were defeated, I stayed on Muir for my rehabilitation and to help
with the cleanup. Some really bad things went down." Amanda took a deep
shuddering breath. "It's not really something I like to talk about."
Pete studied her for a moment. "Why do you want to keep those horrors to
yourself? Surely at the very least MacTaggart..."
"No. This is her island, remember. She was here too... she has her own scars.
She has her own problems to deal with."
"What about Wagner or Pryde? Why don't you tell them?"
"Tell them what? That I was nearly killed because the X-Men are my friends?
That the only reason I was on Muir in the first place was because I was looking
for Kurt? What would you tell them?"
Amanda brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The
gesture was familiar to Pete. His sister used to do the same thing when they
were kids, when the monsters in the closet became too scary to bear.
He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Is that why you're here?"
Amanda nodded silently and blinked away tears. "Partly. I thought I could run
away from it, but the scars run deep. I'm so tired of being a victim. I need
to face my demons. Get over my fears."
Pete gently squeezed her shoulder in what he hoped would be a reassuring
gesture.
"It's funny," she continued, "I was doing fine. Sure, maybe I was in denial,
but I had my life in order. I was starting to move on. I was working again.
But even after all this time, I dropped everything and ran to Kurt! God, what
the hell is wrong with me? Am I that pathetically co-dependent?"
"Now, love, you're being pretty hard on yourself," Pete said calmly.
"No, it's true!" she exclaimed. "He pushes me out of his life and ignores me
for more than a year, then out of the blue he calls me and what do I do? I
come running to his side again! HERE, to the place where I've had the worst
days of my entire life!" Her voice grew increasingly loud and strained. "And
for WHAT? Love? Sex? Friendship? A simple apology? NO! A pat on the
shoulder and a 'thank you'. I'm a human being, not a trained dog!" Amanda's
eyes flashed with anger as she clenched her hands into tight fists.
"You're not going to hit me, are you?" Pete inquired, only half-kidding.
Amanda looked down at her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly as she relaxed.
"There's a girl. Now, tell me something, Sefton. Why are you here? I mean,
if Wagner hurt you that badly, then why did you come to bail him out? Me, I
would've let him dangle."
She sighed. "You don't understand. Our relationship goes a lot deeper than
just romance. Kurt and I grew up together. When we were kids, we swore that
we would always be there for each other. Any time, any place, anywhere, no
matter what."
"'No matter what'. That means you overlook the fact that he screwed you over?"
Pete was incredulous.
"It's a special obligation. I don't expect you to understand, Wisdom."
"No, I don't understand. Obviously this 'special obligation' doesn't mean much
to Wagner, because he sure as hell hasn't been there for you!"
"That's not true!"
"Sefton, he tossed you out like rubbish! I think that makes your little
agreement null and void. You don't owe him anything."
Amanda glared at Pete. "You're wrong."
"I'm wrong? You're kidding me! When's the last time you took an objective
look at your relationship with Wagner? It's not exactly healthy, you know!"
"You have no right to judge me!"
"I'm not judging you, love. I'm simply making an observation about you and
Wagner's bizarre relationship."
They stared at each other for a few moments, scowling in silence.
'Right. Anytime you're ready, Sefton. Sometime this year would be nice.'
Pete fumbled with the gummed tobacco papers, completely engrossed in rolling
the perfect cigarette. It wasn't until he started digging in his pocket for a
lighter that he looked up. Amanda was standing in front of him, arms extended
above her head, pulling her T-shirt clear of her long strawberry blond hair.
Her navy blue sports bra stretched tautly just above Pete's eye level.
The Zippo clattered to the floor and Pete immediately flushed crimson.
"WHOA WHOA WHOA! Sefton! I hardly know you!"
Amanda faced him in her sports bra and sweatpants, arms crossed in annoyance.
"Don't flatter yourself. If I were trying to seduce you, believe me, you'd
know it."
He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "And here I thought you found me dead sexy
and just couldn't wait to express your true feelings!"
"Very funny," she said sarcastically. "No, what I was trying to do was show
you this."
Amanda turned her back to Pete and lifted her hair off her neck. A series of
jagged pink scars slashed across her back, marring the smoothness of her skin.
"Christ! Where on earth did you get those nasty things? Kitty said you were a
stewardess!"
"I am. But sometimes being a friend of the X-Men can be hazardous to your
health," she remarked bitterly.
As she pulled her shirt back over her head, Pete asked, "If you don't mind my
asking, how did it happen?"
Amanda settled back onto the bench across from him. "You ever hear of the
Reavers?"
"Yeah. Cyborg terrorists what used to operate out of Australia. Real bunch of
sickos. Tussled with the X-Men a few times."
"The same. I was here on Muir about six months back when the Reavers decided
to try to take over the island. I was taken for... questioning. Sean rescued
me..."
"Cassidy."
"Yeah. Sean rescued me, but not before I got a few... souvenirs for being
uncooperative."
Pete kicked himself mentally for writing her off as a ditzy stewardess. If
Amanda had survived the Reavers, she was a lot tougher and smarter than he had
given her credit for.
Amanda said nothing for a long moment, then let out an exhausted sigh. "After
the Reavers were defeated, I stayed on Muir for my rehabilitation and to help
with the cleanup. Some really bad things went down." Amanda took a deep
shuddering breath. "It's not really something I like to talk about."
Pete studied her for a moment. "Why do you want to keep those horrors to
yourself? Surely at the very least MacTaggart..."
"No. This is her island, remember. She was here too... she has her own scars.
She has her own problems to deal with."
"What about Wagner or Pryde? Why don't you tell them?"
"Tell them what? That I was nearly killed because the X-Men are my friends?
That the only reason I was on Muir in the first place was because I was looking
for Kurt? What would you tell them?"
Amanda brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. The
gesture was familiar to Pete. His sister used to do the same thing when they
were kids, when the monsters in the closet became too scary to bear.
He placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Is that why you're here?"
Amanda nodded silently and blinked away tears. "Partly. I thought I could run
away from it, but the scars run deep. I'm so tired of being a victim. I need
to face my demons. Get over my fears."
Pete gently squeezed her shoulder in what he hoped would be a reassuring
gesture.
"It's funny," she continued, "I was doing fine. Sure, maybe I was in denial,
but I had my life in order. I was starting to move on. I was working again.
But even after all this time, I dropped everything and ran to Kurt! God, what
the hell is wrong with me? Am I that pathetically co-dependent?"
"Now, love, you're being pretty hard on yourself," Pete said calmly.
"No, it's true!" she exclaimed. "He pushes me out of his life and ignores me
for more than a year, then out of the blue he calls me and what do I do? I
come running to his side again! HERE, to the place where I've had the worst
days of my entire life!" Her voice grew increasingly loud and strained. "And
for WHAT? Love? Sex? Friendship? A simple apology? NO! A pat on the
shoulder and a 'thank you'. I'm a human being, not a trained dog!" Amanda's
eyes flashed with anger as she clenched her hands into tight fists.
"You're not going to hit me, are you?" Pete inquired, only half-kidding.
Amanda looked down at her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said sheepishly as she relaxed.
"There's a girl. Now, tell me something, Sefton. Why are you here? I mean,
if Wagner hurt you that badly, then why did you come to bail him out? Me, I
would've let him dangle."
She sighed. "You don't understand. Our relationship goes a lot deeper than
just romance. Kurt and I grew up together. When we were kids, we swore that
we would always be there for each other. Any time, any place, anywhere, no
matter what."
"'No matter what'. That means you overlook the fact that he screwed you over?"
Pete was incredulous.
"It's a special obligation. I don't expect you to understand, Wisdom."
"No, I don't understand. Obviously this 'special obligation' doesn't mean much
to Wagner, because he sure as hell hasn't been there for you!"
"That's not true!"
"Sefton, he tossed you out like rubbish! I think that makes your little
agreement null and void. You don't owe him anything."
Amanda glared at Pete. "You're wrong."
"I'm wrong? You're kidding me! When's the last time you took an objective
look at your relationship with Wagner? It's not exactly healthy, you know!"
"You have no right to judge me!"
"I'm not judging you, love. I'm simply making an observation about you and
Wagner's bizarre relationship."
They stared at each other for a few moments, scowling in silence.