Untitled line Challenge
For failure to come up with a better title
The challenge was to somehow incorporate these lines:
You cant die now! The kangaroo is only half boiled!
Why is there a penguin in the kitchen?
Is that a lampshade on your head?
Notes: Humor, relenabashing, relentless bad humor and jokes. Youve been warned.
In a cross-universe of somesorts the 5 g-boys spent their lives battling the forces of evil (those that were currently evil of course) and living normal lives as civilians. Don't ask how, it's a mystery even to me.
Each boy kept his own distinct personality in this world and each held a profession. Two to be exact, the first being assassin, mechanic, clown, volunteer worker, and martial arts teacher- each belonging to 01, 02, 03, 04, 05 in that order. The second profession, if it could be called one, was following orders known as "missions" devised by old men, if they could be called men, who say in groaning chairs all day coming up with mission after mission.
And tonight's mission was to go trick or treating.
"Oi Heero, why is there a penguin in the kitchen?" Duo shouted sweeping into the kitchen.
"Oi Heero, why is there a baka in the kitchen?" The penguin said.
Duo looked at the penguin. "Nani? Heero is this another costume? First it's a monkey who is really Trowa, now what? A penguin?"
Heero stared at the penguin. "I gave this costume to Wufei."
"Wufei eh?" Duo grinned mischievously. "The great martial arts teacher in a penguin suit? Never thought I'd live long enough"
"Go to hell Duo." Wufei said angrily.
"Oh I am." Duo replied dancing out of the kitchen, the twinkle in his eyes not yet gone.
"Which costume did you give Duo?" Wufei asked. He knew it was either the least embarrassing or most provocative of the bunch of costumes. Heero had been in charge of who wears what on this mission which made Wufei very resentful. Heero had chosen to give Wufei the penguin without a second thought.
"The bat." Heero replied.
"Figures." Wufei grumbled. Nothing could be more embarrassing than going as a penguin.
***
"Trowa!" Quatre whined from inside the bedroom.
Curiously Wufei stopped outside the door. After leaving the kitchen, Wufei had walked down the halls just to encounter screaming coming from Trowa and Quatre's bedroom.
"Why did Heero give me this costume?" Quatre said from inside. "I'm not doing this!"
"It's our mission Quatre! You must!" Trowa insisted.
"I said I like pink but I didn't want to wear so much of it!"
Hm Wufei thought. I wonder what Quatre's costume is "Hey, I'm coming in!" Wufei said promptly opening the door.
A scuffle took place while Wufei slowly opened the door.
Wufei waddled in greeted by a short grunt of sustained laughter, from the monkey. Damn, forgot about this, Wufei thought glancing at his pudgy sides. Nothing can be worse than this. But Wufei was about to be proved wrong.
Wufei surveyed the room; Trowa was a brown monkey with the tail attached to his right arm. The costume covered everything but the face, where the hair covered half of that. Beside Trowa on the bed was a make-up case with much of the red and white gone.
And behind the bed was a lampshade hovering in midair. The lamp beside it was bare, shining brilliantly.
"Quatre, is that a lampshade on your head?" Wufei asked.
The lampshade nodded.
Wufei glanced from Trowa to Quatre. Trowa's face was still contorted in barely suppressed laugher. He can't still be laughing at me, Wufei realized glancing at himself again. I'm not THAT funny.
"Come on Quatre." Wufei coaxed. "Take the lampshade off."
"No. This is the most embarrassing thing in the world!" Retorted the lampshade.
"I'm the most embarrassing thing." Wufei replied. "Nothing ism ore embarrassing than this!"
The lampshade turned down to look through the hole. A flash of pink and Quatre's eyes were gone. A few moments later the lampshade said, "Your costume is good."
Duo entered as a huge bat. He flapped his arms and the cloth between his arms stretched forming wings. "Don't I look like Deathscythe?"
Trowa glanced at Duo. "Still not a god though."
"Whatever." Duo said waving Trowa off when he noticed Quatre or rather- the lampshade. "Whatcha up to Quatre?"
"Nothing" Quatre replied warily. Duo's going to do something, Quatre knew.
"What are you doing all the way over there?" Duo asked sauntering over to the opposite side of the bed. "Oh my" Duo trailed off stopping in his tracks.
Quatre turned the lampshade in the direction of Duo's voice. Tilting it up to see who it was, Quatre stood in fury. "Don't you DARE sneak up on me like that!" Quatre paused, looked around, took off the lampshade and flushed. "Ah I didn't no"
A soft light laughed echoed around the room. All eyes opened wide with shock except Trowa's who was doing the laughing.
"This is definitely weird" Wufei said backing out of the room. Leaning against the back of the hallway wall Wufei closed his eyes. "I did NOT just see or hear that."
The continued soft tinkle made its way into Wufei's ears. "Maybe I did hear Trowa laugh, of course Trowa can laugh (although I've never heard it myself Wufei added) but there's no way I say Quatre wearing that pink dress no way."
Wufei had been standing watching Duo walk around the bed and stop. It is not very often Duo was left speechless and all the times Wufei could remember was because Heero was occupying him- of course this is not total silence either.
It was almost slow motion as it replayed in Wufei's mind. Quatre had turned his face and this time Wufei was certain- Quatre had pink hair.
Before a reaction to this could be made, Quatre stood up exposing himself to Wufei Who almost fainted. Quatre's slim body was covered head to foot with sheer, glimmering material- in the color pink. It sparkled and shimmered drawing attention to every curve. And that's what surprised Wufei the most. Quatre had curves. He was dressed to go as a woman.
"Can't be true." Wufei said again.
"What can't be?" Heero asked coming around the corner of the hall.
"Quatre can't be going as a woman."
Heero examined Quatre from the doorway. "He is."
"With pink?" Wufei asked.
Heero examined Wufei as if wondering what could be wrong with him. "With pink."
A deep sigh let out somewhere within Wufei. He was no longer in the worst costume. "Where are these costumes from? Who would ever wear them?"
"The doctors send them. That's all I know." Heero replied and walked into the room silently, Wufei trailing behind. "Let's go if everyone's ready. We only have several hours to complete the mission and examine the candy."
"I think something's wrong." Trowa said looking at Heero.
"What?" Heero glanced down at himself. The rumpled tanktop was loose on Heero's shoulders, the tight spandex hiding nothing, the large yellow sneakers a direct contrast. "Nothings wrong."
"Aren't you going to be cold?" Duo asked, missing Trowa's intended point.
"No. Now if nothings wrong-"
"Heero! How come you're not dressed up?" Quatre said. "If I have to go like this then you better be dressed up!"
A look of true surprise appeared on Heero's face, one of the rarest moments ever. "I am dressed up!"
"As what?" Wufei asked.
"An assassin, what else?"
Sweatdropping circled the room and all gaped at Heero. "You can't be serious?" Wufei finally said.
"I think its fine." Duo added in.
"Forget about Duo, anything to nothing looks good on Heero in his eyes." Wufei said.
"I prefer nothing," Duo said flashing glances at Heero.
"Save it!" Quatre said being unusually snappy. "Heero STILL isn't in an acceptable costume!"
"What do you suggest I go as?" Heero asked silkily hinting at dangers if Quatre went too far. "I'm going as an assassin."
"But that's your profession Heero. You need to go as something else." Trowa said.
"I've the perfect thing." Quatre rushed (as fast as he could in the tight dress) to the rooms closet. "Ahh here it is." Quatre's pink butt waddled back out of the closet yielding Quatre's pink face and a lit up sign.
That said "I love Relena" on it.
"Now where in the hell did you get that?" Duo asked
"Relena gave it to me to give to Heero several years back. Always thought it might prove useful someday." Quatre responded. "Never gave it to you though." Quatre nodded towards Heero. "Always thought it might provoke you too much."
"Its perfect." Wufei put in.
Heero glanced and started to withdraw his gun to Duo's enjoyment as Heero kept it somewhere in his spandex somewhere.
"I don't think so." Trowa said. "Otherwise we aren't going through with this mission and nothing is worse than failing a mission."
Surprisingly Heero chose the mission.