I Need You Tonight
Disclaimer- I do not own the characters of buffy or the song. The song is "I need you tonight" by BSB. They suck, but their lyrics work. ; ) SO DON'T SUE ME!!!
It was 3:30 in the morning. She had long since stopped trying to sleep. At first she had listened to her sister's crying in the other room, wondering if it would be best to go comfort her or leave her be. Then Buffy heard Dawn's final sigh and silence. It pained her to know her little sister had cried herself to sleep. She was glad Dawn was getting her rest at least, but now she had nothing to tear her mind away from the thoughts she feared would haunt her forever.
"How can so much happen in one day?!" she thought silently to herself in frustration and remorse. As much as she tried to tell herself that the days happenings were not her fault, the thoughts just kept creeping back to her."If I had only gotten home sooner, I could have saved her! Why, oh why, did I have to take up so much time coming home!?" She punched her fist on the pillow in front of her as hard as she could, but unfortunately for her, her strongest equals that of 10 men. THe pillow ripped and feathers flew all around her like the snow which, living in California, she had never seen. She threw her hands to her face and shed the tears she held back before. She did not remember the last time she cried like she was now. But then, she remembered. It was when her parents had first gotten divorced, and she had seen her dad for the last time. She had only been six. Quickly, she shoved the memory away. That had been then, and this was now. If she wandered now through the tragic memories of her past, Buffy was sure her heart would burst.
She tried to clear her mind of everything, to just, stop thinking all together for a little while. "One minute of real peace, is that so much to ask for?" She thought to her self. She tried to think of something other then her mother's... accident. She wondered at the fact that she still couldn't form the words, or even think them. "The words Death and Mom just don't belong in the same sentence." She decided conclusively. She sighed as her mind examined every inch of that day.
"I am sure she felt very little pain..." She recalled the Doctor telling her, but as much as she wished it would, that did not make it all better. She remembered when she was younger, probobly about six or seven, and had trpped on the sidewalk cutting her knee. Through teary eyes she remembered showing her motehr where it hurt. All her mom had to do was kiss it and she felt better. "God," she thought silently, "if only things were that simple now."
When she had thought about every second of that day, her mind wandered over the past week. "I love you, Buffy." She remembered the words and the shock that came with them well. Quite a different shock then the one with her mother, she mused. Yes, a very different one. A vey confusing one. She felt a pang in her sore heart at the thought of him. She remembered so well that pain-filled look on his sweet bad boy face right before she slammed the door on it. "For good," she had thought. But now, all that was different. Back then she hd the strength to fight off the strange new feeling she had been developing for him. Now it took hold of what was left of her heart and melted the broken pieces. She had known he could never change not fully, anyway. Not without a soul. She had resolved to break him, shove him as hard as she could so he would stop the feeling grabbing at both their hearts. Yet, it seemed the crueler she was to him the more her wanted her-- and the more she wanted him.
Quickly and quietly she got out of bed and dressed. Silent as possible she got out of the house and ran in the direction she knew would lead her to him. She knew it could never last, and that eventually she would end up hurt, and him, most likey in another town. But, that no longer mattered to her. "Nothing matters anymore." She thought, to her self, even though she knew it wasn't true. All she wanted at that moment was to be with him, the one who had been for the past year and a half somewhere between friend and mortal enemy. The relationship between them had to be the strangest one she had ever had. She still didn't know what to define him as, but frankly, she didn't care. All she cared about was getting to him. She ran up to his door, finally, there. That was when she had second thoughts and hesitated. She was just about to turn adn leave when he opened the door. For a second they just stared at each other, surprised. "Spike..." She gasped out. It took hima few minutes to take in the fact she was there, and then how she looked. The circles under her eyes showed how tired she was, and it was easy to see that she had been crying. Her hair was messy and she had feathers sticking on bits of her clothes and hair. It was also the first time he had seen her without makeup.
"What the hell happened to you?" he asked very bluntly. Angry at him for being so cruel after all that had happened and after all the courage that it had taken for her to get over there, she let him have it. She had needed someone to blame for everything that had been happening to her, and he was the unfortunate victim. "How , How dare you! How dare you act like such a moron after all i went through and actually thought...actually thought you would some how ease my pain of all that's been going on! How dare you go around claiming feelings for me you know nothing about and, and making me feel the way I do! You, William," she practically spat out, Saying you can change when we both know you can't and-- and for going around with your pathetic little 'I'm good now!' act and--"
"Hey!" He growled at her, trying to look mockingly offended, even though her words did touch a sore spot. To himself, he thought "I meant every word I said!"
"--And," she continued, "for your so fake blond hair--"
"Hey!" he tried agian, thinking "geez, can't a guy get a word in?!"
"And because everything is your fault, every little thing that happens to me. You probably don't even know why I'm so upset, do you?" She glared at him menacingly.
"PMS?" he guessed.
Buffy screamed in frustration. "My mother is dead!" Then she gasped, at the realization of her last sentence.He stared at her in open-mouthed shock as she burst out sobbing. He hesistated For a moment, and then drew her to him. "It...It will be alright...Don't worry, it's okay...shh..."She felt akward at first, against him. But soon she snuggled up close and put her arms around him. She felt strangely safe, at last. She couldn't help but smile when he whispered to her "You are turning me into a bloody softy, you know that?" Music floated down to their ears from a nearby club.
Open up your heart to me
And say what's on your mind, oh yes
I know that we have been through so much pain
But I still need you in my life this time, and
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you tonight
She began to calm down, and he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Buffy, I...I'm sorry about Joyce. I didn't know..." Buffy nodded, she couldn't bring herself to say anything. He hesitated for a moment, and then leaned down and kissed her. They both knew that from that moment on, everything was going to be different.
I figured out what to say to you
But sometimes the words they, they come out so
wrong, oh yes they do
And I know in time that you will understand
That what we have is so right this time, and
I need you tonight
I need you right now
I know deep within my heart
It doesn't matter if it's wrong or right
I really need you tonight