The Trenchcoat Song Lazy Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the following fic.

Author's Note: Tune inspired from the Broadway musical "How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying."

The Trenchcoat Song
by ReiAkari

Sung to the tune of "Paris, Original"

Vash: I slipped out this afternoon and bought some life insurance
and a most exclusive coat from Gay Paris
It's sleek and sheik and magnifique with sex beyond endurance
It's me it's me it's absolutely me
But why?
why not?

This irresistable bright red trenchcoat
I'm wearing tonight
I'm wearing tonight
Especially for Rem

This irresistable bright red trenchcoat
All paid for and mine
I must look divine
Especially for Rem

Suddenly people will see me
and instantly they'll start screaming
And blame it all on my stupid name
Never nowing that this irresistable bright red trenchcoat
So freakishly bright
That I'm wearing tonight
Especially for Rem

This irresistable bright red trenchcoat
I'm wearing tonight *gasp!*

(Enter Wolfwood wearing Vash's trademark outerwear.)

Vash: He's wearing tonight!
And I could spit!

Wolfwood: Some irresponsible coat manufacturer just didn't play fair!
I'm one of a pair! And I could *gasp*

Both: Oh no!

(Enter Legato wearing another red trenchcoat.)

Legato: This irresistable bright red trenchcoat
All slinky with sin
*gasp* Already sunk in and I could die

Wolfwood: And I could kill him

Vash: And I could-

(Enter Tasuki wearing a bright red trenchcoat.)

Tasuki: This irresistable bright red trenchcoat
So sexy and fine
Oh damnit!
(Looking at Vash, Wolfwood and Legato)
Fuck off! Oh fucking shit!

(Enter Carrot from Sorcerer Hunters)

All: Oh no!

(Enter Haruka from Sailor Moon)

All: One more!

(Enter Millie)

Wolfwood: Good Lord!

Tasuki: (to Haruka) You!

Millie: Me?

Tasuki: (points to Haruka) No, her!

Carrot: A she? You sure?

(Various comments and complaints with the occasional peppering of Tasuki's foul language. Enter Yurika from Nadesico followed by the entire cast of Sakura Wars all dressed in Vash's stylish coat)

Yurika: Good evening, everyone!

Everyone: Oh no!!!

All: All the cash I hand out
For something to make me standout
And now we are stuck in a stupid Songfic

Vash: Some laugh
Never knowing that this irresistable bright red trenchcoat
Is a mass produced crime
I'm wearing tonight

Everyone else: For the very last time!