A/N: Hello all! This is just a little something because I just HAD to put something up, influence of this small voice in my head, no doubt. I think it's funny, at least.
Most Charming Smile? SIRIUS!
"Gilderoy darling, could you move just over to the left a little bit? That's better, now stay still - perfect!" Rita took out a new sheet of parchment, not taking her eye off of him.
"Rita, you've already took more than enough to satisfy Witch Weekly..." he whined, managing to keep the entire set of teeth visible at the same time.
"You better be grateful that you're winning again. Much of it was on my insistence and prodding and poking. They were actually considering that horrid Sirius Black, I have doubts about that one. Think I should do a bit of digging, again?"
He frowned. "I wish you would break that habit... Just keep writing how absolutely drop dead charming I am and I be happy..."
"You know I can't keep this up for long- the judges are starting to think I'm a little biased. You know, with the engagement and all..." She waved a scarlet talon tipped finger with an immensely gaudy ring, nearly unwearable with the amount of diamonds heaped on it.
"Darling, isn't being caught twice by the Granger girl enough for you? I don't need a beetle wife for the wedding in July. That would be absolutely horrible for my public approval rate... Maybe twenty percent, I say. All those simpering creatures would be disgusted that I decided on an insect to marry, even though it's a very attractive insect..."
Rita flushed. "You flatter me. Ready for lunch? I have the perfect piece to go along with it." She adjusted her overly small robes, the damn thing had been riding up her waist again and gave Gilderoy a big smile. She scuttled off to the bathroom, her lipstick needed touching up and a few discreet tears of happiness had smudged her mascara- he was so charming! She sighed and dabbed at her eyes. The wedding seemed eons away, no doubt it would attract a nice amount of media attention, just what she loved. Gildie had let her get that imported heirloom lace, too. That complete darling...
Unknown to her, a large amount of females were protesting in front of the headquarters of Witch Weekly.
"WE WANT SIRIUS! WE WANT SIRIUS!" They were chanting, holding up pictures of Sirius Black's face. A few were setting fire to Gilderoy Lockhart's picture, some using a muggle "computer" had cruelly distorted his features and were distributing fliers to bewildered shoppers.
Cho Chang was one of them. Her hair back, she wiped the sweat from her face and gave a happy thumbs up to Parvati, concentrating on sending up a large picture of their candidate into the air.
Some extremists were taking books written by Gilderoy and burning the picture on the cover, so the Gilderoys were suffering from third degree burns. Cackling with glee, they replaced the books back into the store front windows, watching puzzled expressions.
They had been doing this ever since Lockhart had regained his memory, due to a new medical breakthrough. Rita Skeeter, of course, made a series of articles praising him highly for all of his work and became his publicity manager. Not long before, they had announced their engagment and were spotted at The Snidget giggling and sharing a few bottles of wine.
At first, he had been a hot commodity. Then the fame wore off and he began to scheme on how to get it back. First, there was the attack on the judges for the contest, a mysterious someone had tried to put the Imperious Curse on them. But the attacker obviously had poor magical skills, he ended up giving them all roses in their hair that shrieked nursery rhymes.
Next, someone had set a Lethifold (go read Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) on Sirius Black, a big contender. Luckily, he had warded it off with a well performed Patronus and his approval rating skyrocketed. His clothing line was already making amazing profits and Malkin's had been put out of business.
And people were having their suspicions...
"Strawberry, please," Gilderoy said, putting 5 sickles on the counter. "And lots of chopped walnuts."
They took there spot at a table at the window. Later, they would regret this decision.
"Look! There they are!" cried a female voice from outside. "The blonde prat with the strawberry ice cream and chopped walnuts! GET HIM!"
Rita looked up in alarm. "Who is that girl?" she glanced suspiciously at him.
He shrugged. "Probaly one of my crazed fans," he chuckled. "Did I tell you about the girl who followed me to Borneo wear--"
However, Rita never found out about the crazed fan that followed him to Borneo. They were stopped by a barrage of shredded paper, rocks, leaves and many flavors of ice cream, none of them strawberry with lots of chopped walnuts, much to his dismay.
"Look! They're throwing me presents! This lovely rock! I must add it to my rock collection!" He was holding up a piece of broken granite. "And this lovely lime sherbet! My second favorite flavor!" he cried estactically.
"Gildie, I don't think--" A large rock hit him on the head and he sunk to the floor.
"GILDIE!" Rita shrieked. There was a large amount of outright snickering. "Oh no! Your public approval poll! Oh no!"
She kissed him on the cheek, which left a large print of cheap lipstick. Tears running down her face, she shook her fist at the mob and wiped her eyes.
"Oh no..." she moaned, looking at the black smudges on her fingers. "The mascara!"
Reporters were gathering and pictures were being taken, the next morning people would have laughing fits at the picture of Rita Skeeter with racoon eyes weeping at the crowd, next to her fallen fiance.
Sirius supporters were all wearing masks of triumph, many Siriuses floating in the air, all of them wearing the electric blue robes from his clothing line with, "I Luv Sirius" stenciled on all of them.
***
Sirius Black picked up the Daily Prophet glancing at the cover.
"Damn," he spit his coffee out. "What?"
"Rita Skeeter and Fiance Disgraced in Ice Cream Parlor Fiasco" read the headline. Under it was a very shameful picture. Rita, looking like a complete hag, weeping and a shock of blond hair at the bottom of the picture.
He started reading.
Diagon Alley- Yesterday, a mob gathered at the ice cream parlor, throwing all sorts of objects at the infamous Gilderoy Lockhart. Many were females, protesting his win over Sirius Black as Most Charming Smile of the Year. A riot broke out and several arrests were made, no serious injuries reported.
"That blond excuse for a wizard better think before winning again!" cried on vialant Sirius supporter.
Much of Lockhart's success after his downfall is credited to Rita Skeeter, his current fiance. Many report that she is a "biased git" and should "get a life".
Sirius Black is the creator of a successful clothing line.
He gaped. He left the coffee on the table to go visit Harry. "Apparatus" he muttered.
Harry was wearing army fatigues and reading the newspaper. The front page.
"Sirius!" he cried, giving him a manly pat on the back. "Did you see this?"
"I have 'Sirius supporters'?" he asked.
"Yeah, you're one of the most wanted wizards alive. You didn't know that?" Harry glanced sideways at him.
"Oh my god," Sirius fainted.
--finis--
*giggle* Well, it was fun to write...
Most Charming Smile? SIRIUS!
"Gilderoy darling, could you move just over to the left a little bit? That's better, now stay still - perfect!" Rita took out a new sheet of parchment, not taking her eye off of him.
"Rita, you've already took more than enough to satisfy Witch Weekly..." he whined, managing to keep the entire set of teeth visible at the same time.
"You better be grateful that you're winning again. Much of it was on my insistence and prodding and poking. They were actually considering that horrid Sirius Black, I have doubts about that one. Think I should do a bit of digging, again?"
He frowned. "I wish you would break that habit... Just keep writing how absolutely drop dead charming I am and I be happy..."
"You know I can't keep this up for long- the judges are starting to think I'm a little biased. You know, with the engagement and all..." She waved a scarlet talon tipped finger with an immensely gaudy ring, nearly unwearable with the amount of diamonds heaped on it.
"Darling, isn't being caught twice by the Granger girl enough for you? I don't need a beetle wife for the wedding in July. That would be absolutely horrible for my public approval rate... Maybe twenty percent, I say. All those simpering creatures would be disgusted that I decided on an insect to marry, even though it's a very attractive insect..."
Rita flushed. "You flatter me. Ready for lunch? I have the perfect piece to go along with it." She adjusted her overly small robes, the damn thing had been riding up her waist again and gave Gilderoy a big smile. She scuttled off to the bathroom, her lipstick needed touching up and a few discreet tears of happiness had smudged her mascara- he was so charming! She sighed and dabbed at her eyes. The wedding seemed eons away, no doubt it would attract a nice amount of media attention, just what she loved. Gildie had let her get that imported heirloom lace, too. That complete darling...
Unknown to her, a large amount of females were protesting in front of the headquarters of Witch Weekly.
"WE WANT SIRIUS! WE WANT SIRIUS!" They were chanting, holding up pictures of Sirius Black's face. A few were setting fire to Gilderoy Lockhart's picture, some using a muggle "computer" had cruelly distorted his features and were distributing fliers to bewildered shoppers.
Cho Chang was one of them. Her hair back, she wiped the sweat from her face and gave a happy thumbs up to Parvati, concentrating on sending up a large picture of their candidate into the air.
Some extremists were taking books written by Gilderoy and burning the picture on the cover, so the Gilderoys were suffering from third degree burns. Cackling with glee, they replaced the books back into the store front windows, watching puzzled expressions.
They had been doing this ever since Lockhart had regained his memory, due to a new medical breakthrough. Rita Skeeter, of course, made a series of articles praising him highly for all of his work and became his publicity manager. Not long before, they had announced their engagment and were spotted at The Snidget giggling and sharing a few bottles of wine.
At first, he had been a hot commodity. Then the fame wore off and he began to scheme on how to get it back. First, there was the attack on the judges for the contest, a mysterious someone had tried to put the Imperious Curse on them. But the attacker obviously had poor magical skills, he ended up giving them all roses in their hair that shrieked nursery rhymes.
Next, someone had set a Lethifold (go read Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them) on Sirius Black, a big contender. Luckily, he had warded it off with a well performed Patronus and his approval rating skyrocketed. His clothing line was already making amazing profits and Malkin's had been put out of business.
And people were having their suspicions...
"Strawberry, please," Gilderoy said, putting 5 sickles on the counter. "And lots of chopped walnuts."
They took there spot at a table at the window. Later, they would regret this decision.
"Look! There they are!" cried a female voice from outside. "The blonde prat with the strawberry ice cream and chopped walnuts! GET HIM!"
Rita looked up in alarm. "Who is that girl?" she glanced suspiciously at him.
He shrugged. "Probaly one of my crazed fans," he chuckled. "Did I tell you about the girl who followed me to Borneo wear--"
However, Rita never found out about the crazed fan that followed him to Borneo. They were stopped by a barrage of shredded paper, rocks, leaves and many flavors of ice cream, none of them strawberry with lots of chopped walnuts, much to his dismay.
"Look! They're throwing me presents! This lovely rock! I must add it to my rock collection!" He was holding up a piece of broken granite. "And this lovely lime sherbet! My second favorite flavor!" he cried estactically.
"Gildie, I don't think--" A large rock hit him on the head and he sunk to the floor.
"GILDIE!" Rita shrieked. There was a large amount of outright snickering. "Oh no! Your public approval poll! Oh no!"
She kissed him on the cheek, which left a large print of cheap lipstick. Tears running down her face, she shook her fist at the mob and wiped her eyes.
"Oh no..." she moaned, looking at the black smudges on her fingers. "The mascara!"
Reporters were gathering and pictures were being taken, the next morning people would have laughing fits at the picture of Rita Skeeter with racoon eyes weeping at the crowd, next to her fallen fiance.
Sirius supporters were all wearing masks of triumph, many Siriuses floating in the air, all of them wearing the electric blue robes from his clothing line with, "I Luv Sirius" stenciled on all of them.
***
Sirius Black picked up the Daily Prophet glancing at the cover.
"Damn," he spit his coffee out. "What?"
"Rita Skeeter and Fiance Disgraced in Ice Cream Parlor Fiasco" read the headline. Under it was a very shameful picture. Rita, looking like a complete hag, weeping and a shock of blond hair at the bottom of the picture.
He started reading.
Diagon Alley- Yesterday, a mob gathered at the ice cream parlor, throwing all sorts of objects at the infamous Gilderoy Lockhart. Many were females, protesting his win over Sirius Black as Most Charming Smile of the Year. A riot broke out and several arrests were made, no serious injuries reported.
"That blond excuse for a wizard better think before winning again!" cried on vialant Sirius supporter.
Much of Lockhart's success after his downfall is credited to Rita Skeeter, his current fiance. Many report that she is a "biased git" and should "get a life".
Sirius Black is the creator of a successful clothing line.
He gaped. He left the coffee on the table to go visit Harry. "Apparatus" he muttered.
Harry was wearing army fatigues and reading the newspaper. The front page.
"Sirius!" he cried, giving him a manly pat on the back. "Did you see this?"
"I have 'Sirius supporters'?" he asked.
"Yeah, you're one of the most wanted wizards alive. You didn't know that?" Harry glanced sideways at him.
"Oh my god," Sirius fainted.
--finis--
*giggle* Well, it was fun to write...