The Dangerous Game
(aka The Dance)
Buffy could feel his eyes on her. They bored heated holes into her back. She refused to turn around and acknowledge it. Instead, she focused on the music and the swaying of her own body.
Spike was in love with her. Or he thought he was. He didn't have a soul so therefore he wasn't capable of loving anyone. At least that's what she repeatedly told herself. Sometimes, she wasn't sure she believed it.
She wasn't really dancing with anyone. Some guys danced closer hoping for a chance but when they looked in her eyes…they saw that she wasn't really dancing with them. Her body was moving in time with theirs but her mind was elsewhere. That was always her problem. Her body was where it should be but her mind and soul were always in another place. That was the reason Riley had left. He claimed he could never really hold her. The guys at the Bronze realized the same thing and moved on to other pastures.
So intent was she on her own movements that she almost forgot (slayer instinct would never truly let her forget) that Spike was staring at her from across the Bronze, and she turned around and locked eyes with the vampire. His cold blue eyes held her and she couldn't quite look away. Other times she could but tonight….was different. She stopped dancing and stared back at him as intensely as he stared at her. He held a beer in one hand and a cigarette dangled from his fingertips in the other. He black coat helped him blend into the shadows just a touch so that you almost couldn't see the outline of his lean body. His very pale face and white-blonde hair made him stand out in the dark.
He took her deer-in-headlights stance as an invitation. He pushed his body away from the wall he had been leaning against and started towards her. He dropped his cigarette into someone's drink as he passed them. The beer also disappeared. He effortlessly slid through the hot, sweaty bodies of the dancers surrounding her.
She watched him come. Part of her knew she should turn away and disappear into the crowd but part of her had been expecting this, had been wanting this, had been needing this. Spike stopped inches from her and raised his hand so that it touched her bare shoulder. She shivered involuntarily. His touch was so cold. For a second she thought of her mother's body, it had been cold when she found it. The iciness of his touch scared her slightly but it excited her at the same time.
I feel your fingers
Cold on my shoulder
Your chilling touch
As it runs down my spine
He never spoke. He slid his arms around her and she went into his embrace without hesitation. She kept her head tiled back so she could see his eyes. Those cold blue eyes held her eyes so strongly. She couldn't look away. No matter how badly her Slayer instinct screamed at her.
Watching your eyes as they invade my soul
Forbidden pleasures
I'm afraid to make mine
This was not right! This was completely wrong. She knew that! But her body cried for it. Her body wanted to be touched by his. To be completely with him. He had said it first: there was something between them. It wasn't nice, it wasn't pretty. But it held them both completely.
At the touch of your hand
At the sound of your voice
At the moment your eyes meet mine
I am out of my mind
I am out of control
Full of feelings I can't define
Spike watched her. He loved watching her. She was all power and strength. She moved with such fluidity, with such confidence. To sound clichéd, she was poetry in motion. Normally, she would have left long before now, when he held her in his arms, but tonight she let him come to her. Now his eyes searched hers looking for some sort of surrender, that she was his. But he couldn't find it.
He wished he could read her mind. If he could, he'd find that her thoughts mirrored his: this thing between them was so not of the good.
It's a sin with no name
Like a hand in a flame
And our senses proclaim
It's a dangerous game
Spike was a vampire. He should not be in love with a Slayer. Her mission in life was to kill him and his kind. But he did love her. He'd like to say with his all of his soul but he didn't have one. But he loved her with everything he had in his undead body. He would give her anything she asked. All he wanted was something he could take home with him. Like this dance. This would keep him sustained for such a long time. Something that would last a long while, something to keep him company while he slept.
A darker dream
That has no ending
That's so unreal
You believe that it's true
Spike wasn't stupid. He knew this wouldn't last. Someday she would come for him. Right now, the chip in his head prevented her from calling him out. She couldn't kill something that couldn't at least try to defend itself. But someday the chip wouldn't be there or it wouldn't be an excuse anymore. She may try to kill him just so she wouldn't have to face the issues between them. But someday they would fight and only one of them would walk away.
A dance of death
Out of a mystery tale
He never let his gaze wander from her eyes. He was afraid this moment would be over soon. This one perfect moment that she let herself go. He pulled her even closer, trying to memorize the feel of her firm body, the smell of her hair, the absolute euphoria of having her warmth this close to him.
Something flickered in her eyes. It looked like pain. Did he hurt her? No. A little squeeze wouldn't cause that bruised look. She was too strong for that. Then it occurred to him. He was cold. He was undead and his body temperature only went up after he fed on warm blood. He hadn't fed in a few hours so his body was a little chilly. Was she thinking of Angel? The thought caused anger to course through him. But the look was still in her eyes…..then he knew. She wasn't thinking about Angel, she was thinking about her mother. She had found her mother's dead body in the living room. That body had been cold to the touch and the feel of his body reminded her of her dead mother.
The frightened princess
Doesn't know what to do
Will the ghosts go away?
The event of finding her mother's hours-dead body would haunt her for the rest of her short life. That particular ghost would never leave her, would never be far from her thoughts. He felt sorry for her. It was something she could not forget and even if she could, she wouldn't.
Will she will them to stay
Either way, there's no way to win
Spike wondered if she even wanted the memory to leave her. He knew she held the deaths of Jenny Calendar and Kendra the Vampire Slayer close to her heart. There were probably other deaths on her conscience. The Slayer always seemed to think she could save everyone. She was only one person but she thought she could save every person on the planet. Noble, but futile. But if she forgot those people…she'd never forgive herself for that either. She'd punish herself no matter what.
She would probably punish herself later for this dance with her mortal enemy.
Buffy was still surprised at herself for allowing herself this dance. Her body wouldn't let her move, except to dance in his arms. Her mind was telling her to run, to fight, to do something. Her body wouldn't budge. She was fighting a losing battle. She was torn in two. Stupid, traitorous body.
All I know is, I'm lost
And I'm counting the cost
My emotions are in a spin
I don't know who's to blame
This was all his fault. He's the one wouldn't leave her alone after she told him to get the hell out of her town. If he had only stayed away from her, her body wouldn't be betraying her this way. Stupid, hateful, traitorous body!
It's a crime & a shame
But it's true, all the same
It's a dangerous game
Buffy and Spike continued to look into each other's eyes and held each other close. They never spoke once during the entire time they were dancing. They both knew how wrong and nasty this thing between them was. It was probably going to destroy them both. But for now….
No one speaks
Not one word
But what words are in our eyes
Silence speaks
Loud and clear
All the words we don't want to hear
It's a fine line between hate and love. Loathing and desire. Disgust and heat. The Slayer and the vampire were standing on that line. They had been standing on that line since the moment they met. Teetering one way or the other, neither being on the same side of the line at the same time. But now, tonight, they were both leaning in a direction that was going to be the destruction of both of them.
At the touch of your hand
At the sound of your voice
At the moment your eyes meet mine
I am losing my mind
I am losing control
Fighting feelings I can't define
Buffy closed her eyes slowly, finally breaking the contact.
It's a sin with no name
Spike started to leaned forward.
No remorse and no shame
Fire, fury, and flame
Buffy cursed herself one more time for not leaving that very instant.
Cuz the devil's to blame
Spike touched his cold lips to Buffy's very warm ones.
And the angel's proclaim
Buffy sighed softly as she gave into the kiss.
It's a dangerous game