Title: Spellbound 8/8
Author: Hayley
email: Lamb@traverse.com
Summary: Giles' visit to Los Angeles has interesting consequences.
Rating: R-some naughty language, and some nudity. . . .all the good things in life.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. All the toys you see before you have been borrowed from the all mighty Joss.I just take them out and play with them. *yay me* Don't sue.
Feedback: Oh pretty please? Have you hugged your author today?
Distribution: You may put it wherever you desire and I'll be thrilled about it. Just let me know where so I can send all my friends there to check it out.
Spoilers: Most of Angel, and some of Buffy. . . . nothing too specific or earth shattering.
*~*~*~*~*
bi
A Quiet Park Outside of Sunnydale
It had always been a favorite spot of hers. A place she felt most comfortable. A place both orderly and wild. A place that best reflected the gentle spirit of Jenny Calendar.
They'd come here on several picnics, whenever she could drag him out of the library. And for the past three years he'd come here on his own, to reflect, to heal, and to simply be in her presence.
Hands in his pockets, Giles crossed the small foot bridge to the wooded area, and the lone headstone.
"Hello Jenny." Mindful of the flowers he'd planted last spring, Giles seated himself at the foot of her grave. "You must grow very tired of my visits. They're usually filled with enough self-pity to overflow the river. But not today. Today is slightly different."
Giles drew in a deep breath. "The most remarkable thing has happened, and I'm afraid I'm handling it rather poorly. But I can honestly say that I never expected to fall in love again. A forty five year old former highschool librarian who spends a good portion of his time fighting evil on the Hellmouth with 18 and 19 year olds wouldn't probably be considered a most eligable bachelor."
"I can hear you now. Probably scolding me about being old before my time. A self-inflicted fossil. But this is out of my realm of experience. She's a former student Jenny." He closed his eyes and instead of seeing Jenny's face he saw a pair of lovely hazel eyes, and an enormous smile with the power to light up any room.
"Cordelia Chase." He paused. "Now I can definitely hear you laughing. But what can I say for myself other than she's grown into a remarkable woman. A friend. A companion. It all began in a horrible muddle involving the Council and Ethan Rayne. . It's hard to imagine anything good could come from such inauspicious beginnings. But something that's been dormant inside of me since you were killed began to come alive with Cordelia. She's a quixotic mix of parts. Woman-child, tough as nails merciless bitch, and naive, tender lady with great capacity for understanding and compassion. She makes me dizzy."
"She's not repulsed by the life I lead, because we've had similar callings. There's a part of her that lives in the night, same as me. But instead of fearing it, she embraces it, and me."
"And by now you're asking me what I'm doing here while she's in Los Angeles?" Giles snorted softly. "I don't know that I can make her happy. What do I really have to offer a 19 year old girl? A lifetime demons and vampires, and the end of the world? My duty to keep my Slayer alive as long as possible at all costs? And how long is this lifetime I'm offering her?" Giles scrubbed a hand wearily over his face. "I can tell you, I'm feeling a hell of a lot closer to fifty these days than I am to forty."
"If we have a child, and it's almost certain we would, by the time he graduated from highschool Cordelia would be 37 year old woman with a 63 year old husband!"
"Poor self-pitying Fuddy duddy." Appearing on top of the headstone, Jenny winked at Giles. "This was too good to miss, and you know I hate not being able to stick my two cents in!"
"Jenny?"
"Nope. A dream. You're really at home asleep." Jenny answered. "Now you were lamenting something?"
"This is a great deal less cathartic if I have to whine to your face." Giles returned wryly. "It puts me at a disadvantage."
"Okay, just to recap, you're in love with Cordelia Chase?" Jenny waited for his reluctant nod before allowing the giggles to burst forth. "Good. I thought I was going to explode if I had to keep that in."
"Are you through yet?"
"You're in love with Cordelia. Cordelia is in love with you, which goes to show the girl has got marvelous taste. . .and you're here making yourself sick with missing her because you think you're too old and she'll be happier alone?"
"Not alone. With someone her own age."
"Rupert. You live on a Hellmouth. Every night there's something that could end the world. You could very easily die tomorrow, do you truly want to spend whatever time you have without her?"
/b/i
Giles bolted up in bed, and glared at his alarm clock.
hr
Angel Investigations
"Cordelia. . .if you want to talk about anything." Angel remarked from the safety of the doorway to his office as Cordelia pounded on her keyboard viciously.
"Nope. See me?" Cordelia turned in her seat and offered her widest, most insincere grin. "Totally contented happy girl."
"Okay. . . " Angel sighed and returned to his office. Three weeks. Three of the longest weeks of his unlife. Almost as bad as the time he'd spent in hell. Cordelia with a broken heart was unbearable. The more she hurt the perkier she got.
"Actually Angel, you know, if you don't need me, I thought I'd go to Paddy's, grab some dinner." Cordelia squirmed under his intense scrutiny. She wasn't going to fall to pieces, but she didn't like watching Angel watch her.
"Fine. Be careful Cordelia."
"I can walk down the street all by myself Angel. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. And I don't need anyone to tell me to be careful. . ."
"The last time you went to a bar Cordelia you got plastered and had to be dragged home by the scruff of your neck by *SPIKE*, who I might add, would have killed you if it weren't for the chip in his head."
"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU MEN?!?" The fine thread that had been holding Cordelia's patience snapped suddenly. "What is it about me that makes you all want to be my father? I'm not stupid. I wouldn't have gone with Spike if he didn't have that chip in his head."
"And if you hadn't known it would royally piss off Rupert!" Angel accused softly.
"So what? What are you looking for here Angel? Some sort of confession? What do you want me to say?"
"Try the truth Cordelia. They say it will set you free." Folding his arms over his chest, Angel leaned one hip against his desk.
"Oh PUHLEAZE! The truth is gonna set me free? Fine! Here's the truth Angel. I *miss* him. I miss talking to him. I miss teasing him. I miss being teased by him. I miss the way he puts his hand on the small of my back, and leaves it there like he's afraid something will happen to me if he's not touching me. I miss him because no matter what I say he gets it, he doesn't waste time being offended by HOW I say something, he listens to WHAT I'm saying." She stopped herself short. "Angel, I can't do what you do. I'm not wired that way. I can't just sit here and wish for something that won't happen. I can't hope every day just to have something not happen."
"So what's the choice here Cordelia? What do you do next? Cause you can't keep pretending that everything's all right."
"Yes. I can. I can forget it all. I'll forget Sunnydale, and I'll forget Ethan's spell, and I'll forget that I love someone who doesn't love me. I'll just forget him."
"I've been alive for 250 years Cordelia. You have to take my word for it, that doesn't work. It will never work."
"Great! So I can spend the next 50 or 60 years loving him so much that every morning I wake up it's a little bit like dying?" All the fire drained out of her thin, tired frame, and Cordelia leaned forward, dropping her head to rest in the center of Angel's chest. "I love him. I love him and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Well you might try telling *HIM*." Came the proper voice from the doorway.
"Oh God!" Cordelia's eyes flew from Giles' bemused face to Angel's slightly sheepish one. "You knew he was there the whole time!"
Angel merely planted a kiss on Cordelia's forehead before walking towards the door. He paused and hissed lowly. "I've just given you the best gift you'll ever get Rupert, but if you piss it away again I'll do everything in my power to make sure you never get another chance."
When the office door closed behind Angel, Giles stood motionless as Cordelia paced.
"I'm not feeling so well. I think I should go see a doctor." Cordelia looked down at her hands. And she wasn't exactly lying either. Her heart was tripping over itself, and she felt cold all over.
"You're not going anywhere Cordelia. We're going to talk."
"I don't want to talk." Cordelia wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep the chill from seeping any further into her bones. "You can talk. You can tell me how foolish I'm being. Or how stupid it is to think that we have anything in common. Or how it was nice while it lasted, but you're looking for someone else. . .I talked. Now you can talk, and then we can be done."
Giles stepped forward, his fingertips tracing a whisper soft path from her throbbing temple to her cheek. "Oh Luv." He started when Cordelia spun, turning her back to him, but he didn't pull away.
"I can't deal with pity Rupert. Say 'Good-bye' and leave."
Feeling her insecurity through to his heart, and aching with the knowledge that he was the one who had caused it, Giles cupped her bare shoulders, pulling her body against his. "And what if I'm not willing to say 'Good-bye'?"
"Then I'll kick your butt for being a cruel tease and a heartless bastard." Cordelia sniffled slightly.
Giles sighed into her hair. "I can't tell you that I don't have serious reservations about all of this. I do. There are so many factors involved. So much at stake for both of us. I reacted badly, and I'm sorry. But it was only because I never expected to care so deeply."
"Neither did I." Cordelia responded honestly. "You aren't exactly who I was looking for. But you are who I fell in love with, for the first time in my life." She turned in his arms, and smoothed one hand over Giles' cheek.
"And here I am Cordelia, very much in love for the last time in my life." Giles' lips connected with Cordelia's in a kiss filled with both their hearts.
hr
Cordelia's Apartment
"I didn't know that you played the guitar." Giles commented from the doorway, watching Cordelia pick her way through a tune he recognized from the radio.
"I don't really. I used to take piano lessons, and I dated Devon long enough that he showed me how to find my way around a guitar. I've never really learned." Cordelia looked up. "I saw this guitar in a pawnshop on the Boulevard, and I had to have it. Do you play?"
"I haven't in a very long time." Giles crossed the living room and accepted the guitar from Cordelia's hands. "It was one of Ripper's passions."
"Do you have any idea just how WEIRD that is?"
"What?" Giles looked up from the guitar on his lap curiously.
"Talking about 'Ripper' like he's someone else. Most people with Multiple Personalities do that. It's creepy."
"Sorry, but that's how I've always thought of that time in my life. I was a very different person then." He fingered the strings almost lovingly.
"If I ask you very nicely will you let Ripper out to play a song?" Cordelia's lips twitched in a small smile.
"It might be worth it to hear Cordelia Chase ask nicely for something." Giles teased gently tuning the guitar.
"Rupert Giles, would you please allow your rebellious inner-child out long enough to sing me a little song? I promise that I won't hurt his precious little feelings by laughing. I will be a good girl and forever indebted to you."
"Oh well, with an invitation like that how can he refuse? Ripper always did like an appreciative audience."
"Appreciative or not I am *not* throwing my panties at you!"
"More's the pity." He replied drolly. With a final Giles worthy glare at her words, he began to strum a tune. It was one that resonated powerfully with him in regards to Cordelia.
bi
If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.
/b/i
Oh Lord. What was she thinking? Inviting Ripper to come out and play? He was dangerous in more ways than one. The little bit of calm and peace that they'd managed to carve out in the aftermath of Ethan's spell was gone the minute his husky, incredible voice picked up the first note.
Giles never took his eyes from her face, hoping that she was truly hearing him, not just the words, but the message behind them. It was painful exposing his inner self to anyone else. But it was right that that Cordelia see all of him. She'd allowed him into the private places in *her* heart. Now it was only right that he show the same courage.
bi
If a man could be two places at one time,
I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,
Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away
/b/i
When the last note finally faded into nothingness, Cordelia placed her hand on the back of Giles' neck, and pulled him forward for a slow, devoted, thorough kiss. "Thank you. For the song. For trusting me with this. I love every part of who you are."
"The feeling is most definately mutual." Giles whispered against her lips. "My darling."
* FINIS *