INT. KENNEDY HIGH - EMPTY CLASSROOM - DAY
BROOKE and SAM sit on the windowsill, the camera set up. No one else is present. Brooke turns to Sam...
BROOKE
Maybe one of us should go look
for him.
SAM
Be my guest. I just think this is all
a bad, BAD idea.
BROOKE
It's not that bad.
SAM
Oh? Then why is Harrison nowhere
to be found and Nicole so not willing
to do this either?
BROOKE
Well...Nic's been through alot lately.
I mean, how would you feel if --
Brooke stops herself.
SAM
If...? If what, Brooke?
BROOKE
Well...if you had just moved in with a
birth mother you never knew and then
moved out and now...are just kinda lost,
kinda floating around not knowing who
you really are?
SAM
I guess I'd feel pretty crappy.
BROOKE
Right.
SAM
But what about Harrison? What's his excuse?
BROOKE
Well...isn't it obvious?
Sam looks at her in confusion.
BROOKE
HELLO. Who's doing this documentary again?
SAM
That shouldn't make any difference --
BROOKE
Yeah, but you know it does.
(pauses)
I take it you still haven't talked to him.
SAM
No, but I was planning to --
BROOKE
Sam! Come on -- even *he* must know by now that
you're flying solo now.
SAM
After the way he blew me off after English? I don't
think
he even cares.
Lily appears in the doorway.
LILY
Hey guys, how's the taping?
BROOKE
Pretty horrendous. You wouldn't happened to've
seen Harrison anywhere?
Lily's expression drops slightly.
LILY
Actually, I have.
(pauses)
Guys -- I think there's something major going down
with him.
BROOKE
What's wrong?
LILY
Josh and I found him before 3rd period on the lawn
and he was acting like someone -- or something in
him died. I have *never* seen him like this -- there were
major waterworks, and he was trembling and sobbing --
SAM
What?
LILY
And though he was *very* cryptic about
everything, he did say that he's having problems --
girl problems.
BROOKE
Oh my God.
LILY
Yeah.
SAM
Oh...sh...you know, I really shouldn't even be
doing this.
LILY
Don't worry, Sam -- from the little that he did
manage to eke out between sobs, he did
say that it wasn't about you.
SAM
What?
LILY
(shrugs)
I dunno. As I said, he didn't go into specifics.
(pauses)
Look, I gotta meet Carm, but...if he *does*
show up, just be careful. I really think he's
teetering on the edge of Falling Down, o.k.?
SAM
O.k.
LILY
Good luck with the documentary.
BROOKE
Bye Lily. Good luck with Carm.
Lily leaves without fanfare.
Brooke slides off of the windowsill.
BROOKE
Wow. I didn't realize that it's *this* serious
with him. You know, maybe we shouldn't be
doing this thing at all.
SAM
I know, but what are we going to do -- go to
Krupps and tell him that neither of our subjects
are willing to go on record about how they
feel about organ and tissue donation?
BROOKE
I don't think it's the video, per se. I just think
it's been a rough week for both of them. I'm sure
had you talked to him by now you might've been
able to find out what's been going on.
SAM
Me? Why does it have to be me? I mean, if
*Lily* can't get anything out of him, what
makes you think that *I* could?
BROOKE
He's your best friend, Sam --
SAM
*Was* my best friend --
BROOKE
*Is*, Sam. Lily did say that whatever his problems
have to do with him breaking down, they don't have
to do with you.
SAM
Well then WHO? Who is this mystery woman that
Harrison seems so Romeo over?
(pauses, shakes her head)
Oh my...it's you, isn't it.
Brooke scoffs. She becomes nervous nonetheless.
BROOKE
Sam, please. I got over that -- fast. Besides,
you were
there when I opened that window for you.
SAM
(quiet)
Yeah. Unfortunately, I was...but...now that I think
about it, *you* yourself have been pretty secretive
lately.
Sam watches as Brooke nervously looks away and fidgets with the carmera equipment.
SAM
Do...do you know something that I don't know?
BROOKE
("insulted")
Puhlease! --
SAM
Is there something you're not telling me, Brooke?
Just then, NICOLE enters the doorway.
NICOLE
Brookie. Spam.
She walks to the chair in front of the video camera and sits, legs crossed, back straight.
NICOLE
Let's get this over with. The lighting is
pathetic in here, so focus on my good
side, 'kay?
Brooke and Sam look at eachother in surprise.
EXT. KENNEDY HIGH - FRONT STEPS - SAME
HARRISON sits on the steps, his hands folded and elbows resting on his knees as he stares into space. EMORY DICK comes by.
EMORY
(sits, plops bookbag down)
Greetings, my good friend.
HARRISON
(still stares into space)
Mm.
EMORY
I...have noticed that you seem to
be in terrible spirits of late.
HARRISON
Really...didn't think anyone would
notice.
EMORY
Well. I did tell you, lest you've forgotten --
that I would be there for you when the time
came.
HARRISON
I remember, but...what the hell were you
talking about?
EMORY
Well...it seems reasonable to assume from
your melancholy disposition and non-verbal
communication...that the relationship between
you and...Ms. Julian...has come to its inevitable end.
Harrison, wide-eyed, turns to him.
HARRISON
Should I even ask *how* you knew it was
Nicole?
EMORY
Probably not.
(pauses)
You're all the better for it, my friend. To sleep
with the enemy, to put it crudely, would only
serve to get one's buttocks in a permanent sling.
And Ms. Julian-- she of all demon witches -- has
victims so numerous --
HARRISON
She's not like that, Emory. Well, when it
comes to...you know --
EMORY
I see. Well it seems to me like she has
smitten you with the soft, velvet hands of love...
then callously dumped you.
HARRISON
Hey, when you're right, you're right.
(pauses)
And...it wouldn't bother me if I only knew
*why* she did it. It kinda came out of the
blue, you know? Like...one minute everything's
fine and the next...well, the next it's *poof* --
gone. Like it was all a cruel dream or something.
EMORY
And you're hurt.
HARRISON
Yeah.
EMORY
And you're *angry*.
Harrison pauses for a moment.
HARRISON
Yeah -- yeah, I'm damned angry! I'm so angry
that I don't know what the hell to do, especially
with this whole awards crap coming up and that
*stupid* documentary that -- as you can see --
I'm trying my best to avoid. I dunno...it's just
driving me a little insane, that's all.
EMORY
Well...I may have a solution for you. A...method
to indulge your madness.
Emory reaches into his backpack and pulls out a video tape -- he hands it to a puzzled Harrison.
EMORY
Humiliation is the key to retribution...and recovery.
INT. KENNEDY HIGH - EMPTY ROOM - DAY
CARMEN stands at the head of the empty room and looks over the chairs. She can feel the butterflies rumbling in her stomach.
DISSOLVE to CARMEN'S NIGHTMARE of
standing on a stage, a spotlight nearly blinding her. The room is HUGE -- and *full* of people, watching her. She starts to speak...
CARMEN
Um...h...hi...I'muh...huh --
A lone boo starts a rumbling chain of booing and razzing.
CARMEN
(louder, over the boos)
I'm uh...my name is...I'm huh --
FISH LENS ZOOM on a face popping out of the crowd at Carmen -- APRIL TUNA.
TUNA
WE know who you are -- you're Carmen
Ferrara, inept spokesperson for the
Glamazons and an obviously POOR choice
for Homecoming Queen, since it seems
that you can't even utter a coherent sentence in
front of your adoring public!
CARMEN
No, it's not...I'm just a little --
FISH LENS ZOOM on another face -- HARRISON.
HARRISON
Nervous? Hell, you look a little more than
nervous, Carm. You look absolutely
*terrified*!
FISH LENS ZOOM on NICOLE.
NICOLE
Yeah, hi, not to mention that you're a little
underdressed for public speaking, hon.
Carmen looks down and gasps in sheer horror -- she's not wearing anything!
FISH LENS ZOOM on SAM, wide-eyed and horrified.
SAM
Carmen -- you're NAKED.
Carmen panics. The crowd starts to laugh and point at her. Pan over all the students, pointing, laughing -- Carmen begins to feel dizzy.
VOICES
Carmen's friggin' naked!...Yo, lookit
that, man!...Whoa, someone needs
to get her fat ass off the stage!...You
SUCK, Carmen Ferrara!
LILY
(V.O.)
Carmen?
CUT OUT of the nightmare, back to reality.
Carmen's eyes pop open to see LILY standing next to her.
LILY
Are you o.k., Carm? My God, you're
shaking.
CARMEN
I'm not o.k., Lil.
LILY
I take it you're still a little freaked about this
speech thing.
CARMEN
My mind is acting up again, making me feel
humiliated before I even go up there.
LILY
Carmen. It isn't *that* bad.
CARMEN
Easy for you to say. You're used to speaking
in front of a crowd...you do it all the time when
you put yourself out there for your causes.
Me...I've never done this before. It's so different
than being a cheerleader...because at least I'm
part of a team, you know? And I didn't even give
a fancy speech when I won Homecoming Queen.
(pauses)
What am I going to do? I don't even know what
to say about...Nicole.
Lily looks at her for a moment.
LILY
Well, I guess there's only one thing to do.
CARMEN
What's that?
LILY
Go right to the source.
Carmen raises her eyebrows.
INT. KENNEDY HIGH - THE NOVAK - DAY
NICOLE stands at the sink, her arms crossed. MARY CHERRY stands behind the pouf, a large object underneath a black silk cloth on top of it.
NICOLE
I give. What's with the trick, Siegfried?
MARY CHERRY
Silly rabbit, this isn't magic -- it's *science*.
Prepare
to be mesmerized at my stunning display
of knowledge and discovery, for I have
prepared the PERFECT presentation guaranteed
to win me academic nods of approval. Stand back,
now -- I worked really hard on this
thing and I *know* it's gonna git me the
recognition I deserve!
She takes the corner of the cloth in her fingers and rips it off of the thing -- it's a rather phallically shaped "thing" with a hole at its tip. The "rock" formations at its base look like...well...balls. Nicole snickers as Mary Cherry presents it a la Vanna White.
NICOLE
I didn't realize you were such a size queen.
MARY CHERRY
It's a fully functional volcano! And it's edible,
to boot!
I got my inspiration at lunch and tested it just before
ya got here! Watch....
She presses a remote. Nothing happens except for a tiny rumble and a pathetic bubbling at the top.
MARY CHERRY
(frustrated)
Now what in hell's goin' on with this thing?
Nicole steps forward as Mary Cherry continues to press random buttons on her remote. Nicole leans over the project.
NICOLE
Looks like Dante's Peak needs a little Viagra there, hon.
Mary Cherry stomps her heel and whacks the side of it. It starts to rumble for a moment -- all of a sudden, BLAM! It spews "molten lava" across hers and Nicole's faces. Nicole calmly wipes the "lava" from her eye.
NICOLE
Lava isn't WHITE, Mary Cherry.
MARY CHERRY
I know, but ketchup *stains*!
She pouts.
MARY CHERRY
Daggoneit! I KNEW I shoulda just gone with
my backup plan!
She pulls out a flat board with a bunch of rainbow colored round balls stuck together on it.
NICOLE
What the hell is that?
MARY CHERRY
It's my other science project.
NICOLE
Newflash, Malcolm -- we're not in 6th grade
anymore. Styrofoam models of atomic molecules
aren't gonna impress Miss Glass any more than
if you took a --
MARY CHERRY
Aw now now, Jealous Judy -- shows how much YOU
know about science...it's my model of the great
Milky Way. Yeah! What better way to become
a
shining star...than to assemble a Stella-like sculpture
of the stars!
NICOLE
Somehow, Mary Cherry, I don't think the universe
itself is open for artistic interpretation. Wait
-- I got it.
Just then, Lily and Carmen walk in. Carmen's mouth drops open as they both see Mary Cherry and Nicole covered in "lava".
LILY
Wow...I didn't think you were THAT desperate,
Nicole.
NICOLE
Yeah, whatever, wannabes. Shouldn't you be
off playing tongue hockey with Joshie? Hm?
She goes to the mirror and rips some tissues out of the dispenser to clean herself up.
LILY
Actually, we were looking for you.
CARMEN
Huh? Wait, no, we weren't --
LILY
(drags Carmen in)
Carmen is having a little trouble with
her speech and we were wondering --
CARMEN
*We*???
NICOLE
You were wondering if I could help. Mm.
(turns to them)
I got news for ya. No amount of help --
fashion or otherwise -- can save Carmen
from certain humiliation.
LILY
Nicole -- maybe you should re-think your
attitude about this, considering that the
person who *she's* giving the speech about
happens to be *you*. And since you're the
best public speaker in our class and perhaps
the whole school --
NICOLE
O.k. now, flattery will get you nowhere. But
I guess the truth will.
They look over to Mary Cherry, who's now busy stomping her Milky Way to death.
NICOLE
You're not the only ones who need help, so
make it fast. What's the problem?
CARMEN
It's...mostly nerves. I don't wanna get up there
and freeze. I've tried the tricks, you know, like
--
NICOLE
Picturing everyone in the crowd naked? Yeah,
well, that'll only serve to make you cringe more
once you realize that April Tuna and Emory Dick
will also be in that crowd.
(pauses)
What you need to do is think of it as a job, not
an exposition of your flaws -- as numerous as they
are.
LILY
That's not helping --
NICOLE
Yeah, HI -- did I say I was finished?
(pauses)
Now. Remember that your job is to just go up
there, say whatever you have to say, and just
get it over with. Most people who'll be there won't
be thinking of you -- they'll be thinking about
various ways to escape the horrifically boring
ceremony. If you stumble or screw up, no biggie.
Everyone does.
CARMEN
Maybe everybody except for you.
NICOLE
Whatever. Just relax, and you'll be fine.
She glances at Mary Cherry.
NICOLE
Well. I better get Beakman's World outta here
so you hags can get to work. Mary Cherry.
MARY CHERRY
It's hopeless! It's just utterly HOPELESS!
She trails Nicole out of the Novak, leaving the mangled pieces of her science projects behind.
Lily sighs.
CARMEN
Well that didn't help much.
LILY
I think it did -- at least a little. What
Nicole said was right -- the people
attending this thing won't be focusing
on you, Carm. They're more likely to
be thinking, "God, when is this thing
going to end?" or "How can I slip out
of here without anyone noticing?" People
are more self-centered than you think.
CARMEN
Yeah...especially Nicole.
LILY
Well...I got the feeling that even she doesn't
really believe that she's perfect anymore.
INT. KENNEDY HIGH - EMPTY CLASSROOM - DAY
BROOKE checks her watch.
BROOKE
I think we should just call it a day.
SAM
I can't believe he would let us down like
this.
BROOKE
Well, he really hasn't been himself lately.
She starts to disassemble the camera equipment.
BROOKE
Besides, we got some *really* good stuff with
Nicole. It was perfect!
SAM
Yeah, that was surprising. I wonder if it was all
just an act.
BROOKE
I don't think so -- she seemed pretty genuine. Even
you have to admit that.
SAM
I guess.
CALVIN KRUPPS peeks in.
KRUPPS
Ladies -- how's the production going?
BROOKE & SAM
Uh...it's uh --
BROOKE
Fine, it's --
SAM
Harrison's a little hard to get ahold of,
but it's definitely going to be like, totally
Ken Burns material.
KRUPPS
I see...well, if Mr. John is *that* elusive,
perhaps you could approach the project
from a different angle, say, interview those
who know him, his family members, et
cetera, et cetera --
HARRISON nearly crashes into Mr. Krupps -- he's out of breath and all smiles.
HARRISON
No need to, Mr. Krupps -- sorry I'm running
just a little bit late -- Brooke, Sam.
BROOKE
Harrison? We were just --
HARRISON
I'm -- man, I'm so sorry. I meant to get here
sooner, but I was tied up in something -- it
doesn't matter.
(all smiles)
So are we gonna do this or what?
SAM
Um...sure. Yeah, of course.
KRUPPS
Well, if there's no problem here I'll leave you to
your art. If a problem does arise, please don't
hesitate to contact either me or Miss Ross.
Krupps exits and Harrison weaves around the desks towards the chair and sits down.
Brooke and Sam turn to a smiling Harrison.
BROOKE
Are you o.k., Harrison? I mean, we saw
Lily earlier and she said --
HARRISON
I'm fine, Brooke. I was just having one of
those sensitive male moments. Everything's
lookin' up now.
(pauses)
Now...can we get this thing rolling? I can't tell
you how much it'd mean to me to be a part of
this whole donor month thing.
Brooke starts fastening the camera to the tripod again. Harrison turns to Sam.
HARRISON
Oh, and Sammy...I'd like to be more
than just a public service announcement.
I really wanna get involved in this project, so...
you think either of you could use my help?
SAM
Uh...sure.
HARRISON
Great! Great....
Brooke and Sam look at eachother in confusion, smile guardedly, and
prepare the setting.
END OF ACT 2