Chapter 7: Fate, Fortune, and Friendship
MarshAngel
watsonma@hotmail.com
http://www.crosswinds.net/~marshangel/angelmoon.htm
I don't do disclaimers anymore because 1.) I'm broke 2.) No one would dare sue me 3.) That
would be a waste of energy.
I tried to call her but she didn't pick up the phone. I suspect she deleted my e-mails
without reading them as well. I believe I used every communication option I could find to no
avail.
Usagi didn't want to see me, speak to me or even hear my name. For a change, I could
honestly say this wasn't my fault. All I needed was some time alone with her where I could
explain this situation. What I feared was that the explanation might just scare her at this point.
How could I honestly say that Setsuna and I were just friends? We were having a child
together. Our relationship was strange, even to us.
"Maybe I should try to talk to her," Setsu suggested.
"I doubt she'll want to see you either," I muttered pessimistically, gulping down the
last remnants of scotch in the glass I held.
"It is you she's mad at not me." She amended as I glared at her. "Her anger is misplaced
seeing as how this entire situation is my fault."
"As long as we have that straight." I said sourly.
"You're acting like a drunken brat!" she snapped at me. "Sober up and we'll see what we
can do to fix this problem."
"We?"
"Fine. I'll do it without you, but consider it a favor. You were barely congratulatory
you know."
"I'm sorry Setsu," I apologized sincerely. "I have been an ass."
"I know. Try to me more sociable, you're going to be a father. I know the woman you
love isn't talking to you but doesn't mean you can't take a shower and shave."
"I do not…"
"…love Usagi Tsukino? Right. That explains why you've been trying to reach her for
two days and why you smell like an alcoholic sock and look like a hobo!" she stated
sarcastically.
"I resent that."
"I plan to be a mother Mamoru but not to you. So get off your ass and get yourself
cleaned up. I will do my best to get your dear Usagi to listen to reason but if she ever speaks to
you again you should at least look human if not tempting."
*******************************************************************************************
INTERIM- change to Setsuna's point of view for a short while.
I love my best friend; I really do, so much sometimes that it scares me. I would do anything for him really. He is the one person I truly trust with all my heart and soul. He's always taken care of me. He's been both friend, brother and in a few strange moments, lover.
There are times when our relationship confuses me. Sometimes I become so puzzled as to where he ends and I begin, and it is somewhat unnerving. There used to be times when I was almost more than certain that I was in love with him only to have that feeling distorted and twisted and we would once again be where we'd started, closer than friends but less than lovers.
Lately I sense a shift in our relationship, a shift in the path of our lives really. It's almost mystical sometimes how clearly I see into the distance of this path we're on. These sudden moments of clarity are enough to make me break down and cry. Had I been anyone else I might have been hysterical from what I envisioned.
It scares me so much that sometimes I can feel the blood drain from my face and seemingly freeze in my veins, a painful reaction to this future I imagine. It's not my imagination however, things are changing and sometimes, just a little, I'm glad to be aware of it.
The future I see is a dark one, a lonely one, for me anyway. It's a future without Mamoru. It hurts so much to even think that one day we won't be together the way we have been. But everyday that breaks, I prove myself right and I can almost feel my soul being torn apart by the pain of it all.
I am losing him. The first time I became aware of the possibility I was both scared and angry. I wanted to fight this approaching destiny. I wanted to hang on to what I knew, what I had, but that would have been selfish.
To love Mamoru, the way I do, is to be wiling to give up my own happiness for his. I owe it to him. I refused to let go of all of him however. That is the reason this child grows within me. This child is my personal piece of my best friend, the one part of him I'll never have to let go.
I wasn't entirely clear on what form this destiny would take until I saw Usagi. I recognized the same loneliness in her eyes that I saw in Mamoru's. I wasn't positive until I saw the way he looked at her. I was both miserable and happy in that single moment when suddenly, by means unknown, I was instantly sure that Usagi was his destiny as much as this baby has become mine.
They needed each other and I was determined that they would be together. This is why I was standing outside Usagi's apartment door with hand posed to knock, not quite sure what I'd say when she opened the door.
"Setsuna!" She said, obviously surprised to find me standing before her door. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk, Serena." I said simply.
"Look, Setsuna, I'm really sorry about what happened between me and Mamoru I had no idea you two were…" Her voice trailed off, absolutely filled with remorse that despite the innate humor in the situation made me feel guilty rather than induce a smile.
"It's alright Serena," I began slightly uncomfortable with her highly emotional response. I wouldn't begin to know how to comfort anyone so I got to the point. "Mamoru and I aren't a couple."
"You aren't?" She questioned skeptically and with the expected amount of shock. "But you're…"
"Pregnant with his child?" I finished for her. "That's true but we still aren't a couple. We never have been and we never will be."
"Then?" she asked. It was a simple enough question but it demanded a rather lengthy explanation.
"We're friends, same as we've always been although that really doesn't fully define what we've been to each other. I suppose you could say we're really good friends."
"I'll say," she commented, somewhat under her breath in a manner that made me smile.
"Let's just say Mamoru did me a really big favor. I wanted a baby and he gave me one."
"Just like that? He gave you a baby just like that. That is not normal to just get your friend pregnant just because they asked! Just how close are you two?" She was still skeptical.
"Not close enough to be in love, certainly not the way he loves you." She seemed stunned.
"He loves me?" she seemed shocked as she whispered the question. "But he barely knows me!"
"It's enough, Usagi. Mamoru's never been in love before, but I assure you he loves you."
"But what about you?" she asked.
"What about me?"
"Where do you fit into all this? You're having his baby after all."
"I don't fit in at all." I said sadly. "Mamoru needs you Usagi. I don't know how you feel about him but you need to tell him that yourself."
"How can you say that?" she demanded. You're his best friend! You're having his baby for crying out loud! How can you say you don't fit in? You'll always be a part of his life as the mother of his child."
"And you want to know how do you compete with that?" I asked.
"That's not what I meant," she said almost acidly, insulted that I would even suggest it.
"But that is what you want to know isn't it? It's ok to feel that way Usagi. You want to know if you'll always have to compete with me and my child for his attention." Usagi said nothing. I didn't think she'd admit to that.
"I can't make guarantees on the future Usagi. None of us can. I have no intention of intruding on the relationship between you and Mamoru. I know it doesn't sound like much but it's all I can offer you."
"And what if I don't feel the same way about Mamoru that he does about me?" she asked. I actually felt hurt and angry that she would even say that. I hoped it wasn't true. It certainly wasn't something that I had even momentarily considered.
I was angered that she'd even dare reject the feelings he had for her. If she did she definitely didn't deserve him.
"Then I suppose you'll have to tell him," I replied tersely
MarshAngel
watsonma@hotmail.com
http://www.crosswinds.net/~marshangel/angelmoon.htm
I don't do disclaimers anymore because 1.) I'm broke 2.) No one would dare sue me 3.) That
would be a waste of energy.
I tried to call her but she didn't pick up the phone. I suspect she deleted my e-mails
without reading them as well. I believe I used every communication option I could find to no
avail.
Usagi didn't want to see me, speak to me or even hear my name. For a change, I could
honestly say this wasn't my fault. All I needed was some time alone with her where I could
explain this situation. What I feared was that the explanation might just scare her at this point.
How could I honestly say that Setsuna and I were just friends? We were having a child
together. Our relationship was strange, even to us.
"Maybe I should try to talk to her," Setsu suggested.
"I doubt she'll want to see you either," I muttered pessimistically, gulping down the
last remnants of scotch in the glass I held.
"It is you she's mad at not me." She amended as I glared at her. "Her anger is misplaced
seeing as how this entire situation is my fault."
"As long as we have that straight." I said sourly.
"You're acting like a drunken brat!" she snapped at me. "Sober up and we'll see what we
can do to fix this problem."
"We?"
"Fine. I'll do it without you, but consider it a favor. You were barely congratulatory
you know."
"I'm sorry Setsu," I apologized sincerely. "I have been an ass."
"I know. Try to me more sociable, you're going to be a father. I know the woman you
love isn't talking to you but doesn't mean you can't take a shower and shave."
"I do not…"
"…love Usagi Tsukino? Right. That explains why you've been trying to reach her for
two days and why you smell like an alcoholic sock and look like a hobo!" she stated
sarcastically.
"I resent that."
"I plan to be a mother Mamoru but not to you. So get off your ass and get yourself
cleaned up. I will do my best to get your dear Usagi to listen to reason but if she ever speaks to
you again you should at least look human if not tempting."
*******************************************************************************************
INTERIM- change to Setsuna's point of view for a short while.
I love my best friend; I really do, so much sometimes that it scares me. I would do anything for him really. He is the one person I truly trust with all my heart and soul. He's always taken care of me. He's been both friend, brother and in a few strange moments, lover.
There are times when our relationship confuses me. Sometimes I become so puzzled as to where he ends and I begin, and it is somewhat unnerving. There used to be times when I was almost more than certain that I was in love with him only to have that feeling distorted and twisted and we would once again be where we'd started, closer than friends but less than lovers.
Lately I sense a shift in our relationship, a shift in the path of our lives really. It's almost mystical sometimes how clearly I see into the distance of this path we're on. These sudden moments of clarity are enough to make me break down and cry. Had I been anyone else I might have been hysterical from what I envisioned.
It scares me so much that sometimes I can feel the blood drain from my face and seemingly freeze in my veins, a painful reaction to this future I imagine. It's not my imagination however, things are changing and sometimes, just a little, I'm glad to be aware of it.
The future I see is a dark one, a lonely one, for me anyway. It's a future without Mamoru. It hurts so much to even think that one day we won't be together the way we have been. But everyday that breaks, I prove myself right and I can almost feel my soul being torn apart by the pain of it all.
I am losing him. The first time I became aware of the possibility I was both scared and angry. I wanted to fight this approaching destiny. I wanted to hang on to what I knew, what I had, but that would have been selfish.
To love Mamoru, the way I do, is to be wiling to give up my own happiness for his. I owe it to him. I refused to let go of all of him however. That is the reason this child grows within me. This child is my personal piece of my best friend, the one part of him I'll never have to let go.
I wasn't entirely clear on what form this destiny would take until I saw Usagi. I recognized the same loneliness in her eyes that I saw in Mamoru's. I wasn't positive until I saw the way he looked at her. I was both miserable and happy in that single moment when suddenly, by means unknown, I was instantly sure that Usagi was his destiny as much as this baby has become mine.
They needed each other and I was determined that they would be together. This is why I was standing outside Usagi's apartment door with hand posed to knock, not quite sure what I'd say when she opened the door.
"Setsuna!" She said, obviously surprised to find me standing before her door. "What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk, Serena." I said simply.
"Look, Setsuna, I'm really sorry about what happened between me and Mamoru I had no idea you two were…" Her voice trailed off, absolutely filled with remorse that despite the innate humor in the situation made me feel guilty rather than induce a smile.
"It's alright Serena," I began slightly uncomfortable with her highly emotional response. I wouldn't begin to know how to comfort anyone so I got to the point. "Mamoru and I aren't a couple."
"You aren't?" She questioned skeptically and with the expected amount of shock. "But you're…"
"Pregnant with his child?" I finished for her. "That's true but we still aren't a couple. We never have been and we never will be."
"Then?" she asked. It was a simple enough question but it demanded a rather lengthy explanation.
"We're friends, same as we've always been although that really doesn't fully define what we've been to each other. I suppose you could say we're really good friends."
"I'll say," she commented, somewhat under her breath in a manner that made me smile.
"Let's just say Mamoru did me a really big favor. I wanted a baby and he gave me one."
"Just like that? He gave you a baby just like that. That is not normal to just get your friend pregnant just because they asked! Just how close are you two?" She was still skeptical.
"Not close enough to be in love, certainly not the way he loves you." She seemed stunned.
"He loves me?" she seemed shocked as she whispered the question. "But he barely knows me!"
"It's enough, Usagi. Mamoru's never been in love before, but I assure you he loves you."
"But what about you?" she asked.
"What about me?"
"Where do you fit into all this? You're having his baby after all."
"I don't fit in at all." I said sadly. "Mamoru needs you Usagi. I don't know how you feel about him but you need to tell him that yourself."
"How can you say that?" she demanded. You're his best friend! You're having his baby for crying out loud! How can you say you don't fit in? You'll always be a part of his life as the mother of his child."
"And you want to know how do you compete with that?" I asked.
"That's not what I meant," she said almost acidly, insulted that I would even suggest it.
"But that is what you want to know isn't it? It's ok to feel that way Usagi. You want to know if you'll always have to compete with me and my child for his attention." Usagi said nothing. I didn't think she'd admit to that.
"I can't make guarantees on the future Usagi. None of us can. I have no intention of intruding on the relationship between you and Mamoru. I know it doesn't sound like much but it's all I can offer you."
"And what if I don't feel the same way about Mamoru that he does about me?" she asked. I actually felt hurt and angry that she would even say that. I hoped it wasn't true. It certainly wasn't something that I had even momentarily considered.
I was angered that she'd even dare reject the feelings he had for her. If she did she definitely didn't deserve him.
"Then I suppose you'll have to tell him," I replied tersely