Disclaimer: I do not own anything IaHB related. Also, I am just a fan of Sarah McLaughlin and do not own any songs or lyrics of hers that I may mention here.
Just a suggestion: you might want to listen to the Sarah McLaughlin song, "Sweet Surrender" while reading this. I think the live version of the song is better if you can listen to that.
Please don't forget to review!
Caitie did not open her eyes right away. Her eyelids seemed so heavy as if they could not or would not open at all on that day. She could hear the incessant beeping sound coming from somewhere near her head, but she tried very hard to ignore it.
Caitie rolled over on her stomach and threw her pillow over her head. She snuggled down into her blankets, stretching her bare toes to touch the very end of her bed. Shut up, she thought darkly.
And yet, the beeping would not stop.
"Ugh," Caitie muttered as she pulled the pillow off her head. Ever so slowly, she opened one eye and turned her head to send a dirty look to her alarm clock. It sat on her nightstand right next to her bed, singing happily into her ear.
Caitie groaned and opened her other eye. She raised a hand to her head to try to clear the grogginess that seemed to sit there. Wait, she thought suddenly, her hand freezing in place on her forehead. Had her alarm said.....
She looked back at her alarm and almost screamed. She was going to be late! "Oh man," she thought, jumping out of bed and running out of her room for the shower. All grogginess was suddenly gone.
...........................................
Caitie rushed out of the house, barely acknowledging her mother's good-bye from the doorway. She was so late! She had thought about calling Jamie and asking him to pick her up on his bike, since her house was on his way. But, she realized after looking at the clock again, that he had probably already left for school himself. Her mother had been nice enough to give her the keys to her car so that Caitie would not have to run all the way to school. With any luck, Caitie would get to school right before the late bell rang. Hopefully, she would not get another detention.
Caitie hopped in the driver's seat of the car and shut her door. She reached behind her to grab the seatbelt, pull it across her front and fasten it in the buckle at her side. Then she forced her self to breathe. Calm down, she thought. You'll make it.
She pushed the key into the ignition and started the car. The engine turned over easily and Caitie backed the small car down her driveway and out into the street. She waved to her mom, who still stood in the doorway, and then Caitie put the car in gear and was off down the road towards school.
As she drove down the road, Caitie turned on the car radio, hoping music would put her into a better mood than the day seemed to promise so far. She flipped through the channels, noticing how most channels seemed to play way too many commercials in the morning.
She flipped to the next channel and smiled as her favorite song drifted through the car speakers. Perfect, Caitie thought and she smiled. After all, Sarah McLaughlin was one of her favorite singers.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
Caitie's thoughts wandered slowly. She thought back to the night before and how she had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Well, at least, most of the night after she had had that dream. The dream. Caitie almost rolled her eyes in disgust. She had always been really interested in dreams because they were supposed to tell the person their most inner thoughts and desires. But, Caitie wasn't sure if she believed that anymore. The dream she had had last night seemed to have been just a fluke of some sort. She and Jamie alone in the darkened school. And then they had kissed...
After all, it wasn't like she really wanted to kiss Jamie or anything like that. And why would she and Jamie find themselves in a darkened school like that anyway?
"Yeah, like that will ever happen," she muttered to herself and then laughed nervously. It was all so silly. None of it was going to happen, because she didn't want it to happen. They were friends and that was enough.
Sure, her mind seemed to scream at her all of the sudden. When are you going to get rid of that stupid argument? When are you going to realize that it is just a lie?
Okay, so maybe she did want it to happen, but she knew it wouldn't. Jamie would never look at her as anything more than just a friend, of that she was sure. And because of this, she had never tried to take the first step towards changing their relationship into something more. It just wasn't supposed to be that way. She was supposed to be the friend and that was all.
Hence, the dream meant nothing. There was no secret meaning behind it. There was nothing at all except perhaps Caitie's imagination running a bit wild.
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
And yet......And yet, it had seemed so real. Caitie remembered waking up the night before right after the dream and looking around to see where Jamie was. She had sworn then that she could still feel the pressure of his lips against hers. But, that was crazy, wasn't it? It had only been a dream.
And she had spent the rest of the night telling herself just that. It was only a dream and nothing more. But, if it was only a dream, why was it bothering her so much? Why had it stopped her from going back to sleep the night before? And now, why had it drifted casually back into her thoughts as she drove to school?
She couldn't seem to forget it.
And as Caitie pulled into the parking lot of the school, all she could think about was how sweet Jamie's kiss had been the night before.
...............................................
You take me in
No questions asked
Jamie stood at his locker, conversing with his friends. He glanced down at Caitie's locker, but she was nowhere to be found. He wondered vaguely where she was. Usually, she got there right before he did. And after putting her coat in her locker, she usually would stroll down to his and stand talking to him until the bell rang for homeroom. So, where was she now?
He shook his head, trying to clear the worry from his mind. She was probably fine. In fact, she was probably with Val somewhere talking about whatever girls talked about. Nothing big. No need to worry.
He smiled as his mind wandered back to the dream he had had the night before. It had confused him at first. Kissing Caitie? But, Jamie had to admit that the prospect was not a bad one. He had thought about it before, but had never tried to do anything about it because he wasn't sure that Caitie would be interested in him as more than a friend.
But, the dream had been a beautiful one all the same. It had given him such a sweet glimpse into what could be. And he had liked it! But, he knew that he would probably not share his dream with Caitie, even though she was all into the interpreting dreams stuff. No, this one would have to just stay his little secret. No one would ever get it out of him. No one.
Jamie glanced down the hall again towards Caitie's locker. This time, though, she was there.
Yeah, he thought as he stepped away from his group of friends and started down the hallway towards her. Too bad my dream wasn't real.
...................................................................
Jamie sat in his English class, bored out of his mind. He slouched in his chair, waiting anxiously for the class to be over with. Really, why did classes have to be so long, anyway?
Caitie sat a few desks ahead of him, bent over the work on her desk. He watched as she pushed her long brown hair over her should. Stubbornly, it fell back to cover her face when she leaned over her paper again. Jamie smiled. He loved to watch her. Sometimes, when she was talking to him, he would simply stare at her face as if trying to memorize it. It didn't matter that he never knew what she was talking about. All that mattered was the fact that he could see every detail of her face in his mind.
"Are you an angel?.......Am I already that gone?........I only hope that I don't disappoint you," he whispered and then he frowned. Where had that come from, he wondered.
He didn't have time to ponder it, though, because the bell rang and he had to get to his next class.
..........................................
"So, there is this girl who wants to try out for the cheerleading squad," Val started as she had Caitie walked down the hallway. It didn't even occur to Val that Caitie had started zoning as soon as Val had mentioned the words, 'cheerleading squad'.
"She's a sophomore and she's not sure that she is good enough to make the team. She's so afraid that that everyone will laugh at her at the tryouts. She said that she's not even sure she wants to 'go down that road'. Whatever that means."
Caitie jerked her head in Val's direction. What had Val just said? Something about afraid to go down that road? Caitie looked away quickly before Val noticed her surprise.
Didn't Jamie say something like that in her dream?
"The path I fear to tread," Caitie whispered.
"Yeah, that's it," Val said, nodding her head. "She's afraid to even try."
Caitie blocked out Val's voice again as her mind fell into a fury. Jamie's words echoed over and over in her mind. She tried to forget them, but they refused to be forgotten.
The path I fear to tread.
The path I fear to tread.
What did it mean, Caitie wondered. She did not kid herself anymore into believing that the dream had meant nothing. She had tried all day to forget it, but still it crept into her mind. And now Val had said something rather close to what had been spoken in Caitie's dream. It was some sort of weird sign, Caitie thought as they traveled down the hall.
The path I fear to tread.
The path I fear to tread.
But, that had not been all that Jamie had said, she thought. What had he said?
"Into this night I wander. It's morning that I dread. Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread," Caitie whispered too quietly for Val to hear.
Hmmm, she thought. He is wandering into night, into dreams. Perhaps he dreads morning because the dream is over? But, then that would make the path he fears to tread.........making the dream come true. Making it real.
But, what if...., Caitie added in her mind. What if he was talking about her, instead of to her?
Oh my gosh, Caitie thought quickly. Everything made sense now. The whole dream made sense. It was her dream. And she was the one who dreaded morning because then the dream was gone, only a memory. And having had such a dream taken away from her only reminded her that it was not real. That it was not really going to happen.
The path I fear to tread, she thought, her eyes wide. It's not Jamie who fears something. It's me.
Caitie had finally realized that what she feared was taking her friendship with Jamie a step further. She feared his rejection. And wouldn't it change their friendship if he found out that she had feelings for him? That's what she feared. She didn't want to lose Jamie.
"So, I told the girl that she has to at least try, even if she thinks that it won't work out. I mean, you know, she won't make the team or something," Val continued.
They were passing by Jamie's locker just then. He was there, his back to the two girls as he pulled his bag out of his locker. As they passed, it was almost as if he had sensed them behind him. He turned and made eye contact with Caitie, who watched him as she walked by. Jamie smiled and Caitie looked away quickly and tried to focus on what Val was saying.
"I asked her, does she really want to go through life wondering what would have happened if only she had tried or does she want to just try and see what happens? What's better: the 'what if' or the knowing? I mean, even if things could go bad, like she didn't make the team or whatever, she should still try, shouldn't she?" Val turned to Caitie for her opinion.
Caitie hated it when Val had a point.
Caitie stared at her friend for a minute. Val had just unwittingly solved Caitie's dilemma. Of course I should try, she thought.
"I hate it when you have a point," she mumbled to her friend and then turned around and walked back towards Jamie's locker.
...........................................
Jamie had been a little surprised that Caitie had not smiled or called to him when she had been walking down the hallway with Val just a few seconds ago. But, then he just figured she was just in one of her moods. He wondered if he had made her mad somehow. Girls, Jamie thought. I'll never understand them.
What happened next would make him believe this forever.
.........................................
Jamie shut his locker and turned around just as Caitie reached him. He smiled at her, glad to see that she was at least going to talk to him. Maybe he wasn't in trouble after all.
Caitie didn't stop a couple of feet away from Jamie. She kept going. She laid her right hand on his should and pushed. Jamie fell back into the lockers behind him. His back hit the lockers with a smack that succeeded in grabbing the attention of many people around them.
"What the-," he started to ask and then lost his voice as Caitie came closer to him, resting her own body against his.
Jamie's eyes went wide with surprise and he wondered if he was perhaps dreaming again. Her face came closer to his, stopping when her mouth was only a mere inch away from his own.
"And I don't understand.....by the touch of your hand.......I would be the one to fall," She whispered to him.
Jamie swallowed hard and watched as Caitie closed her eyes and leaned forward so that their lips touched. So close. So close.
Sweet Surrender
Is all that I have to give.
Oh wow, Jamie thought as he lost his fingers in Caitie's hair. This is so much better than the dream. He kissed her, relishing in the fact that he had been wrong about what she had wanted from him. She obviously wanted him to be more than just a friend to her. And that is so very cool with me, he thought.
Caitie's heart pounded against her ribs and sang all at once. This was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Val had been right, she knew. You have to try, even if you think it won't work out. Because, Caitie thought as she kissed Jamie again, you never know what will happen if you try.
Caitie pulled away first and smiled up at Jamie. His eyes seemed dazed as if he hadn't known what had hit him.
"You know," he started, smiling back, "I dreamed about you last night."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he answered, wrapping his arm around her and stepping away from his locker.
Caitie laughed as she saw Val standing in the middle of the hall staring at the newly formed couple. Her mouth was open as if she had just seen a ghost.
"Tell me about your dream and then I will tell you about mine," Caitie replied to Jamie as they walked down the hallway together.
The End
I hope you guys liked that fic! Please don't forget to review. Thanks lots.
Just a suggestion: you might want to listen to the Sarah McLaughlin song, "Sweet Surrender" while reading this. I think the live version of the song is better if you can listen to that.
Please don't forget to review!
Caitie did not open her eyes right away. Her eyelids seemed so heavy as if they could not or would not open at all on that day. She could hear the incessant beeping sound coming from somewhere near her head, but she tried very hard to ignore it.
Caitie rolled over on her stomach and threw her pillow over her head. She snuggled down into her blankets, stretching her bare toes to touch the very end of her bed. Shut up, she thought darkly.
And yet, the beeping would not stop.
"Ugh," Caitie muttered as she pulled the pillow off her head. Ever so slowly, she opened one eye and turned her head to send a dirty look to her alarm clock. It sat on her nightstand right next to her bed, singing happily into her ear.
Caitie groaned and opened her other eye. She raised a hand to her head to try to clear the grogginess that seemed to sit there. Wait, she thought suddenly, her hand freezing in place on her forehead. Had her alarm said.....
She looked back at her alarm and almost screamed. She was going to be late! "Oh man," she thought, jumping out of bed and running out of her room for the shower. All grogginess was suddenly gone.
...........................................
Caitie rushed out of the house, barely acknowledging her mother's good-bye from the doorway. She was so late! She had thought about calling Jamie and asking him to pick her up on his bike, since her house was on his way. But, she realized after looking at the clock again, that he had probably already left for school himself. Her mother had been nice enough to give her the keys to her car so that Caitie would not have to run all the way to school. With any luck, Caitie would get to school right before the late bell rang. Hopefully, she would not get another detention.
Caitie hopped in the driver's seat of the car and shut her door. She reached behind her to grab the seatbelt, pull it across her front and fasten it in the buckle at her side. Then she forced her self to breathe. Calm down, she thought. You'll make it.
She pushed the key into the ignition and started the car. The engine turned over easily and Caitie backed the small car down her driveway and out into the street. She waved to her mom, who still stood in the doorway, and then Caitie put the car in gear and was off down the road towards school.
As she drove down the road, Caitie turned on the car radio, hoping music would put her into a better mood than the day seemed to promise so far. She flipped through the channels, noticing how most channels seemed to play way too many commercials in the morning.
She flipped to the next channel and smiled as her favorite song drifted through the car speakers. Perfect, Caitie thought and she smiled. After all, Sarah McLaughlin was one of her favorite singers.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
Caitie's thoughts wandered slowly. She thought back to the night before and how she had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Well, at least, most of the night after she had had that dream. The dream. Caitie almost rolled her eyes in disgust. She had always been really interested in dreams because they were supposed to tell the person their most inner thoughts and desires. But, Caitie wasn't sure if she believed that anymore. The dream she had had last night seemed to have been just a fluke of some sort. She and Jamie alone in the darkened school. And then they had kissed...
After all, it wasn't like she really wanted to kiss Jamie or anything like that. And why would she and Jamie find themselves in a darkened school like that anyway?
"Yeah, like that will ever happen," she muttered to herself and then laughed nervously. It was all so silly. None of it was going to happen, because she didn't want it to happen. They were friends and that was enough.
Sure, her mind seemed to scream at her all of the sudden. When are you going to get rid of that stupid argument? When are you going to realize that it is just a lie?
Okay, so maybe she did want it to happen, but she knew it wouldn't. Jamie would never look at her as anything more than just a friend, of that she was sure. And because of this, she had never tried to take the first step towards changing their relationship into something more. It just wasn't supposed to be that way. She was supposed to be the friend and that was all.
Hence, the dream meant nothing. There was no secret meaning behind it. There was nothing at all except perhaps Caitie's imagination running a bit wild.
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
And yet......And yet, it had seemed so real. Caitie remembered waking up the night before right after the dream and looking around to see where Jamie was. She had sworn then that she could still feel the pressure of his lips against hers. But, that was crazy, wasn't it? It had only been a dream.
And she had spent the rest of the night telling herself just that. It was only a dream and nothing more. But, if it was only a dream, why was it bothering her so much? Why had it stopped her from going back to sleep the night before? And now, why had it drifted casually back into her thoughts as she drove to school?
She couldn't seem to forget it.
And as Caitie pulled into the parking lot of the school, all she could think about was how sweet Jamie's kiss had been the night before.
...............................................
You take me in
No questions asked
Jamie stood at his locker, conversing with his friends. He glanced down at Caitie's locker, but she was nowhere to be found. He wondered vaguely where she was. Usually, she got there right before he did. And after putting her coat in her locker, she usually would stroll down to his and stand talking to him until the bell rang for homeroom. So, where was she now?
He shook his head, trying to clear the worry from his mind. She was probably fine. In fact, she was probably with Val somewhere talking about whatever girls talked about. Nothing big. No need to worry.
He smiled as his mind wandered back to the dream he had had the night before. It had confused him at first. Kissing Caitie? But, Jamie had to admit that the prospect was not a bad one. He had thought about it before, but had never tried to do anything about it because he wasn't sure that Caitie would be interested in him as more than a friend.
But, the dream had been a beautiful one all the same. It had given him such a sweet glimpse into what could be. And he had liked it! But, he knew that he would probably not share his dream with Caitie, even though she was all into the interpreting dreams stuff. No, this one would have to just stay his little secret. No one would ever get it out of him. No one.
Jamie glanced down the hall again towards Caitie's locker. This time, though, she was there.
Yeah, he thought as he stepped away from his group of friends and started down the hallway towards her. Too bad my dream wasn't real.
...................................................................
Jamie sat in his English class, bored out of his mind. He slouched in his chair, waiting anxiously for the class to be over with. Really, why did classes have to be so long, anyway?
Caitie sat a few desks ahead of him, bent over the work on her desk. He watched as she pushed her long brown hair over her should. Stubbornly, it fell back to cover her face when she leaned over her paper again. Jamie smiled. He loved to watch her. Sometimes, when she was talking to him, he would simply stare at her face as if trying to memorize it. It didn't matter that he never knew what she was talking about. All that mattered was the fact that he could see every detail of her face in his mind.
"Are you an angel?.......Am I already that gone?........I only hope that I don't disappoint you," he whispered and then he frowned. Where had that come from, he wondered.
He didn't have time to ponder it, though, because the bell rang and he had to get to his next class.
..........................................
"So, there is this girl who wants to try out for the cheerleading squad," Val started as she had Caitie walked down the hallway. It didn't even occur to Val that Caitie had started zoning as soon as Val had mentioned the words, 'cheerleading squad'.
"She's a sophomore and she's not sure that she is good enough to make the team. She's so afraid that that everyone will laugh at her at the tryouts. She said that she's not even sure she wants to 'go down that road'. Whatever that means."
Caitie jerked her head in Val's direction. What had Val just said? Something about afraid to go down that road? Caitie looked away quickly before Val noticed her surprise.
Didn't Jamie say something like that in her dream?
"The path I fear to tread," Caitie whispered.
"Yeah, that's it," Val said, nodding her head. "She's afraid to even try."
Caitie blocked out Val's voice again as her mind fell into a fury. Jamie's words echoed over and over in her mind. She tried to forget them, but they refused to be forgotten.
The path I fear to tread.
The path I fear to tread.
What did it mean, Caitie wondered. She did not kid herself anymore into believing that the dream had meant nothing. She had tried all day to forget it, but still it crept into her mind. And now Val had said something rather close to what had been spoken in Caitie's dream. It was some sort of weird sign, Caitie thought as they traveled down the hall.
The path I fear to tread.
The path I fear to tread.
But, that had not been all that Jamie had said, she thought. What had he said?
"Into this night I wander. It's morning that I dread. Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread," Caitie whispered too quietly for Val to hear.
Hmmm, she thought. He is wandering into night, into dreams. Perhaps he dreads morning because the dream is over? But, then that would make the path he fears to tread.........making the dream come true. Making it real.
But, what if...., Caitie added in her mind. What if he was talking about her, instead of to her?
Oh my gosh, Caitie thought quickly. Everything made sense now. The whole dream made sense. It was her dream. And she was the one who dreaded morning because then the dream was gone, only a memory. And having had such a dream taken away from her only reminded her that it was not real. That it was not really going to happen.
The path I fear to tread, she thought, her eyes wide. It's not Jamie who fears something. It's me.
Caitie had finally realized that what she feared was taking her friendship with Jamie a step further. She feared his rejection. And wouldn't it change their friendship if he found out that she had feelings for him? That's what she feared. She didn't want to lose Jamie.
"So, I told the girl that she has to at least try, even if she thinks that it won't work out. I mean, you know, she won't make the team or something," Val continued.
They were passing by Jamie's locker just then. He was there, his back to the two girls as he pulled his bag out of his locker. As they passed, it was almost as if he had sensed them behind him. He turned and made eye contact with Caitie, who watched him as she walked by. Jamie smiled and Caitie looked away quickly and tried to focus on what Val was saying.
"I asked her, does she really want to go through life wondering what would have happened if only she had tried or does she want to just try and see what happens? What's better: the 'what if' or the knowing? I mean, even if things could go bad, like she didn't make the team or whatever, she should still try, shouldn't she?" Val turned to Caitie for her opinion.
Caitie hated it when Val had a point.
Caitie stared at her friend for a minute. Val had just unwittingly solved Caitie's dilemma. Of course I should try, she thought.
"I hate it when you have a point," she mumbled to her friend and then turned around and walked back towards Jamie's locker.
...........................................
Jamie had been a little surprised that Caitie had not smiled or called to him when she had been walking down the hallway with Val just a few seconds ago. But, then he just figured she was just in one of her moods. He wondered if he had made her mad somehow. Girls, Jamie thought. I'll never understand them.
What happened next would make him believe this forever.
.........................................
Jamie shut his locker and turned around just as Caitie reached him. He smiled at her, glad to see that she was at least going to talk to him. Maybe he wasn't in trouble after all.
Caitie didn't stop a couple of feet away from Jamie. She kept going. She laid her right hand on his should and pushed. Jamie fell back into the lockers behind him. His back hit the lockers with a smack that succeeded in grabbing the attention of many people around them.
"What the-," he started to ask and then lost his voice as Caitie came closer to him, resting her own body against his.
Jamie's eyes went wide with surprise and he wondered if he was perhaps dreaming again. Her face came closer to his, stopping when her mouth was only a mere inch away from his own.
"And I don't understand.....by the touch of your hand.......I would be the one to fall," She whispered to him.
Jamie swallowed hard and watched as Caitie closed her eyes and leaned forward so that their lips touched. So close. So close.
Sweet Surrender
Is all that I have to give.
Oh wow, Jamie thought as he lost his fingers in Caitie's hair. This is so much better than the dream. He kissed her, relishing in the fact that he had been wrong about what she had wanted from him. She obviously wanted him to be more than just a friend to her. And that is so very cool with me, he thought.
Caitie's heart pounded against her ribs and sang all at once. This was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Val had been right, she knew. You have to try, even if you think it won't work out. Because, Caitie thought as she kissed Jamie again, you never know what will happen if you try.
Caitie pulled away first and smiled up at Jamie. His eyes seemed dazed as if he hadn't known what had hit him.
"You know," he started, smiling back, "I dreamed about you last night."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he answered, wrapping his arm around her and stepping away from his locker.
Caitie laughed as she saw Val standing in the middle of the hall staring at the newly formed couple. Her mouth was open as if she had just seen a ghost.
"Tell me about your dream and then I will tell you about mine," Caitie replied to Jamie as they walked down the hallway together.
The End
I hope you guys liked that fic! Please don't forget to review. Thanks lots.