Ending Denial
by Laura Kamida
Rated R for Yaoi, Themes, and Nudity
by Laura Kamida
Rated R for Yaoi, Themes, and Nudity
"G'morning, Sora," he said blearily, slinging his legs over the side of the bed. "What're you doing here so early?" He looked over at the clock, running a hand through his mass of hair. Almost noon.
"So early!?" she echoed reproachfully, gently tapping him on the head with the box that she was holding. "Taichi, have you forgotten that today is our one year anniversary!? And that the others will be here infive hours for our party? And Yamato will be here to pick you up in 15 minutes!?" She put her hands on her hips, and he was faintly reminded of his mother scolding him so many times over the years. "Your mother let me in," she added as an afterthought. "Lucky she did!"
He crawled back under the covers, pulling them over his face.
The next thing the seventeen-year-old boy felt was weight on top of him as Sora sat on his stomach, teasingly tugging at the covers he held up over his face. "Taichi..." she whispered huskily. "I'll give you something to get up for," she said, her lips forming into a mischievous grin.
Taichi slowly inched the covers down, one eyebrow arched incredulously. Sora jumped off the bed and sauntered out of the room, leaving Taichi by himself with a plethora of thoughts racing through his head. He noticed the box, sitting beside him on the bed. He eyed it for a moment, and finally picked it up, reading the card.
To my dearest Taichi,
So you'll never be late to another one of our dates again. I love you so much.
Always, Sora.
He slowly unwrapped the box, with uneasiness (he felt guilty thinking of it as dread) rising up in his stomach as he finally revealed a gorgeous gold watch. He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the jewelry and finally sliding it onto his wrist and latching it.
Suddenly, he heard a knocking on the front door and he jumped out of bed. Pulling a pair of jeans up over his boxers and throwing on the first t-shirt in sight, he bolted out of his bedroom, yanking on a pair of sneakers as he ran.
"Lovely, Taichi," he heard a familiar voice chiding him. The blonde bishounen's eyes were narrowed playfully as the bed-headed boy approached, stumbling. "What kind of a fashion statement are we going for today?"
Taichi's eyebrows lowered in aggravation. "C'mon, Yama," he said, adjusting his sloppy attire.
Sora grinned and waved as the two young men left the Yagami apartment. Taichi looked back, forcing his mouth into a convincing smile as he turned his back on Sora.
"I love you!" she shouted to him. He lifted his hand in a wave.
~*~
"Well, what do you want to get her?" Yamato asked helpfully, looking at the store windows as he and Taichi passed them.
"I don't know," Taichi said distractedly, watching the ground rather intently as the pair walked.
"It's your one year anniversary," Yamato said softly. "That day was special to you... wasn't it?"
Taichi's heart skipped a beat, and his breath caught in his throat. "It was," he replied without feeling. It had been a special day... albeit confusing. The recent years in Taichi's life had thrown him, his newfound emotions, desires, and fears baffling him. Sora had been a refuge in those times, a warm embrace, a comforting word... a girl. A girl who loved him unconditionally.
But Taichi still felt horribly empty inside.
"Maybe I'll just get her a necklace or something..." he muttered.
Yamato stopped in his tracks, and as Taichi realized it, he turned around to face the other boy. "Taichi," he demanded, "tell me what's wrong with you."
"It's nothing, really. I'm fine." Taichi's eyes drifted back to the stores windows as he commenced his search again, his feet once again meandering into his familiar rhythm.
Yamato fell in behind him, mumbling under his breath.
"What was that?" Taichi said, spinning around.
Yamato halted directly in front of the boy, his azure eyes burning into him. "I said," he growled through gritted teeth, "if you're going to be this cheerful all day I'm going to have to punch you in the jaw."
~*~
Taichi sat, continuing to stare distantly at the wall. He snuck a look at his watch, only to see that the party would probably go on for another couple of hours. The teen wondered why no one mentioned it... His discomfort was most likely palatable in the air.
Earlier, Yamato had attempted to talk some sense into him, but it just wasn't happening. Taichi did admire him, though, for his courage, the attempts for him to convince Taichi of his love for Sora... when Taichi knew it wasn't what Yamato wanted.
There had been a look of worry in Yamato's eyes as he watched Taichi's erratic behavior. The two had been friends for so long - not that it mattered. Taichi's detachment from reality was obvious enough for even a stranger to see. It genuinely worried the blonde though, it was evident on his features. Taichi stole a glance over at Yamato, and even then, his eyes were attentively fixed on Taichi. Taichi writhed under the watchful blue eyes of the other male.
He could faintly hear Sora in the background, talking, laughing, giggling among all the others that had been invited to the huge party she and Mrs. Yagami had planned. All of the Digidestined had shown up, Taichi noted as he looked around, smiling weakly. He saw Daisuke making desperate attempts to charm his little sister while Yamato's little brother, Takeru, sat in his shy, quiet way, gleaning all of her affections away from the goggled boy. Iori and Koushiro were engaged in a lively conversation, complete with hand gestures likened to conducting an orchestra. Miyako was standing shyly next to Ken, her cheeks reddened by the very presence of the silent, dark young man. However, Ken seemed disinterested, instead conversing with the oldest Digidestined, Jyou.
Ken almost looks and acts like a cross between Jyou and Yamato, Taichi silently mused, trying to keep his mind busy. He has intelligence, and of course the dark hair like Jyou... But the feeling he gives off... The silence... The air of distance and seclusion, and those eyes... Finally, he could no longer hold it off, and his eyes landed once again on the tall, slender Yamato. He had seemed to be off in a different world himself, but he noticed Taichi looking at him and his face slowly turned, his piercing blue eyes meeting with Taichi's.
The brown-haired teen felt his breath leave him, but his gaze was torn away by Sora's high voice calling everyone to attention. Hikari jumped up, taking her place next to her mother and her brother's girlfriend, much to the chagrin of Motomiya and Takashi. Daisuke stared Takeru down for a moment before "hmpf"-ing and turning away. Takeru shrugged and turned his gentle, ocean-colored eyes to bashfully contemplate Hikari.
"A year ago, this day," Sora announced proudly, "Taichi confessed to me what I had known all along: that we were meant for each other." She looked at Taichi lovingly, and Taichi squirmed uneasily under her totally devoted expression.
A year ago, that day... he had denied everything.
~~FLASHBACK... ONE YEAR AGO~~
His stomach had been churning for almost three weeks now. There was something inside of him, something that demanded to be released. He felt uneasy around everyone now, as if he were damaged goods, he had something to hide.
It was around everyone, but especially Yamato.
Yamato, his best friend, the one who had been there through all the tribulation of a pre-adolescence spent trapped far away from their homes. The one who had been part of most of the tribulation, really. Through everything they had experienced in the Digital World, they had grown and matured together... Sometimes not really agreeing, sometimes even lashing out at each other, but a mutual respect and a silent understanding for each other always being shared.
However, every time Taichi's eyes met Yamato's now, he felt time freeze for a moment, before he was forced to look away. He felt electrified, and yet subdued, imagined he was flying, and yet dying, constantly flooded with conflicting emotions.
That particular day, it seemed the two men had drastically switched places and attitudes. Taichi sat stiffly on a chair with his feet firmly planted on the ground, his face rigid, yet calm. Sprawled out on the couch in the Yagami apartment, relaxing as the two boys watched television together, was the other, Yamato.
Taichi's eyes slowly glided over to Yamato. The blonde boy had a quiet, blissful smile on his face, his hair laying softly on his forehead and neck, fully convincing the brunette teen that he was comfortable enough to let down his defenses and become vulnerable in his presence.
Yamato had a knack for sensing things, for he glanced at Taichi, grinning crookedly. "Something wrong, Taichi?"
Taichi gulped and sputtered, "O-of course not, Yama..."
Yamato wrinkled his eyebrows in concern as he sat up to look at his friend. "Taichi..." he said, trying to search for something to say. "It's perfectly natural to have problems, but it's unhealthy for you to keep them bottled up inside." His eyes lowered. "Trust me..." he added forlornly.
There was a moment of almost silence between the two, the only sound being the soft noise from the television. Taichi, struggling to find words, any words, to say to Yamato, sat, his mouth gaping open. Yamato carefully reached over and turned the television off. The confused, dumbstruck boy was even more unnerved by the sudden soundlessness.
The color drained from Taichi's face as Yamato's hands made their way to his shoulders. "Taichi..." he confided in a soothing murmur. "Has there ever been someone that you were so in love with... but were so afraid of at the same time?"
Taichi gasped for air and jerked away from the blonde's grasp. Standing, he looked around frantically, trying to find anything to see besides the speechless expression on Yamato's face. "Excuse me!" he called feverishly, darting out of the front room, and out of the apartment.
He had not run far out of his apartment building, and the athletic teen was barely breaking a sweat, but his oxygen seemed to be drastically reduced. Not watching, he ran into another person, who squeaked in distress as she fell to the ground.
He absent-mindedly reached for the girl's hands to help her up. "Taichi!?" a familiar feminine voice uttered, puzzled by his peculiar behavior.
"Sora! Hi!" he exclaimed, almost relieved as myriad thoughts flew through his head.
"Glad to see me, I presume?" she joked, her head quirking to the side in the most flirtatious way she could muster.
"Very," he mumbled, fiercely grabbing her shoulders and pulling her into a passionate kiss.
She whimpered in protest at first, her eyes widening and her face coloring, but then melted into his embrace, relaxing under his frenzied grasp.
"Oh, Taichi...!" she finally gasped breathlessly as they pulled away from each other. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to do that!"
Taichi's heart thumped wildly, a strong beat. He could hear it in his head, like a drum, as guilt surged through his mind. ... Denial, lies... Using an innocent person? She loved him. She was a girl. It was enough.
Sora... Yamato...
What have I done!?
~~END OF FLASH BACK...~~
For the rest of the night, Taichi felt like he was only going through the motions. As gifts were given to the happy couple, he smiled and remembered to thank the guests politely. He ate the tofu and the three bean salad and the vegetable cake that his health food-loving mother had made for them, still smiling. Always smiling.
At the end of the night, the other Digidestined started to pour out of the apartment, one by one, with curfews and early practices tomorrow and homework ("But Jyou! It's Friday!") that they each had.
Finally, Yamato turned to leave. "Hey, man," Taichi said quietly. "Thanks for your gift."
Yamato smiled, warm yet reserved at the same time. "No problem, Taichi. For you, anything."
Taichi felt a shiver as the glare of Yamato's alluring blue eyes left his face. Yamato went to the door, and in a moment, was gone.
The brunette boy lifted his can of soda to take the last drink out of it, when he felt the fingernail of Sora's index finger trace its way from his lower back to his side, tickling him. "Be at my house in twenty minutes," she whispered seductively in his ear. "My parents won't be home all weekend."
Taichi choked on the beverage, then looked at Sora in total shock. She grinned at him naughtily, then strolled out of the Yagami apartment.
"I love you," she said, closing the door, and Taichi bobbed his head in what could be considered a nod.
"My God..." he mumbled to himself. "Has this gone too far?"
~*~
Taichi slowly pushed the door to the Takenouchi house open, walking inside wearily. He looked around, a mysterious scented perfume hanging in the air, and a mystifying aura being projected by the darkness, broken only by lit candles placed all around the front room. He could see at his feet several rose petals, which slowly thinned out into a trail. He looked up to see the string of rose petals leading him to the master bedroom.
The teen gulped and hesitantly followed the path of petals. He slowly inched the door open to the master bedroom, and saw what he was deathly afraid would be there.
His girlfriend of one year was laying in her parents' bed, with only rose petals laying all over her body, staring at him with sultry eyes, beckoning him to come with her expression.
"Oh, God, Sora!" he uttered instinctively, before he could catch himself. Her face fell at the tone in his voice, and she struggled to quickly cover herself. She grabbed the sheet of the bed and pulled it around herself, her eyes swelling with tears.
He quickly raced to the bed, kneeling on it in front of her. "Oh, Sora," he said, trying to comfort her futilely, embracing her with all the love he could gather, though it was more of a brotherly love. "Why, Sora?"
"Because... Because I love you!" she wailed, sobbing into his shoulder. "I thought this would be what you wanted, Taichi... I thought you loved me!"
He held her at arms' length, and finally yelled, "Oh, God, why can't I love you!?" He broke off into tears himself. "I tried, really I did, I tried to love you, Sora... I tried to give you what you deserve in a boyfriend... But I just... can't love you." He pulled away, and bolted out the door, leaving the auburn-haired girl weeping in the bed.
~*~
Yamato was thrown awake by the banging on his door. He slowly walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes as he looked outside at the midnight sky. "Taichi?" he half-exclaimed, half-mumbled as the door swung open.
"Sora and I," Taichi said breathlessly, "... It's over, Yamato."
Yamato's eyes widened. "But... Why!? What happened?"
Taichi's eyes darted from point to point as the taller boy stared him down. "I - I just, I - " he stammered helplessly. "I'm in love with someone else, that's all."
As his eyes met with Yamato's again, the blonde's expression was that of anger. "Taichi, I thought you had matured, I thought you were smart enough now to know what you..." he drifted off slowly as the wild-haired Taichi looked up at him with a quiet, secretive sadness that he was so used to only seeing in a mirror. "Wait..." he finally commanded himself softly, his head slightly turning to the side, regarding Taichi suspiciously from the corner of his eye.
"I'm through with hiding it, denying it... It had me scared out of my mind for so long..."
Yamato watched him attentively as he struggled for his thoughts to come together.
"Yama... It's you. It's always been you," Taichi finally confessed.
Taichi stood, feeling vulnerability even greater than when he stood before the most powerful evil Digimon, feeling courage and fear rush through him at the same instant, and an eternity passed before Yamato finally made the only motion he could force himself to make. He nodded.
Taichi's heart sank for a moment, but only for a moment. Just as he thought he had made a mistake, that he had misjudged everything he had thought about Yamato, that he had confessed his most volatile emotions - the other boy stepped out from the doorway and took Taichi's face in his hands.
In an instant, he could feel Yamato's soft lips pressed against his, and a fire of ecstacy surged though him. With his awareness heightened, he could feel the other boy's hands make their way to his neck, fingertips tenderly gliding their way across his skin. All of the fears that he had felt about his susceptible state were melting away as he exhaled deeply, completely relaxing in Yamato's hold on him.
He sighed softly as they pulled away from each other. His lips lazily curled into a delighted smile. "Yama..." he murmured, enraptured. "I love you..."
"You're a lucky guy, Yamato..." a voice said softly, obviously in distress. Taichi spun around from the affectionate moment to see Sora standing on the street in front of the Ishida home. Her eyes were reddened dramatically, and her hands were clasped together so tightly that her knuckles were white. "He never told me once that he loved me," she continued, her voice thick with sorrow.
"Sora... What are you doing here? How did you know?" Taichi felt his heart beating wildly, as if it had wings. Guilt and desire were each taking their part in his mind, his love for Yamato fighting with his the burning hatred of himself for using and discarding Sora while he got his mind together.
"I followed you all the way here..." He started to take a step toward her, and she quickly noted the expression on his face. "Don't feel bad for me, please... At least it's not... Nevermind. Goodbye, Yamato... Goodbye, Taichi." Before he could stop her, she started to run, and Yamato grabbed his hand to stop and silence him.
"Shh... I think it's just better if you let her be by herself," he said soothingly. "I think she knew... I bet she knew before we even knew... Back in the Digital World, sometimes I would catch her staring at us... That was even before I realized exactly what I was feeling."
"Then why!?" Taichi moaned. "I never wanted to hurt her, not at all. If she knew... why did she - ?"
"Because," Yamato interrupted gently. "She loved you, Taichi... She may have been mistaken, but I believe she thought she had enough love for the both of you... And you made her happy, even if it was just for a short while."
Taichi didn't seem satisfied, his guilt still held him, kept him frozen. Yamato stepped closer to him, slowly putting his willowy arms around the other boy. Taichi fought back tears, but they came anyway, roaming down his face slowly as he felt Yamato pull him close, his breath hitting Taichi's forehead ever-so-gently. They stood for a moment in each other's fond embrace.
Finally, Taichi pulled away again to look at the sparkling blue eyes of Yamato. He studied every feature on his breathtaking face, from the perfect golden hair to the soft lips that he kissed again. "I'm sorry..." he timidly whispered into Yamato's ear.
"For what?" Yamato questioned, confusion evident in his voice.
"I'm sorry I was ashamed of how I felt, I'm sorry I was scared... That I ran away and denied everything... You must think that I'm ashamed of you... But I'm not, I swear to you, I'm not!" His brown eyes were flashing wildly, the tears and fervor held within each adding their own intensity to the pools of Taichi's soul.
"I was afraid too, Taichi, you have to remember that. Did you think it was easy for me to admit to myself that I was going against what everyone else said, that I was... a freak in their eyes?"
Taichi pressed his face into Yamato's shoulder. "We have to stop this," he said firmly, his voice muffled. "I don't want anyone else to have to feel this way about who they love."
Yamato smiled quietly... That was Taichi. Always on a mission. Always fighting. So consumed by his feelings, a radiance inside his soul that shined through when he spoke, inspiring Yamato more than the dark-haired boy could ever fathom.
There was a moment of silence, as not even the wind dared to breeze through and disturb the tranquility of the moment.
"I know," Yamato finally replied, trying to give solace to the distraught boy. "But all that matters is that we're ending denial... one person at a time."