Warming the Heart
A Ranma ½ Fanfiction
**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Ranma ½ or it's characters, so don't sue me. You wouldn't get anything... I have no money! ^_~**
**C&C is very welcome! I always want feedback, even if it's just dropping a line and saying, 'Hey, I read your fic.' Email me at saezuru@hotmail.com. Thanks for reading!**
Ryoga shivered and pulled his bedroll closer around him, nudging the logs of the fire with his foot. The flames had long since died down, and Ryoga hadn't wanted to leave the relative warmth of his shelter in order to find more wood. He shut his eyes and felt another shudder pass through his frame.
Dammit . . . he thought sluggishly, his mind not quite working right. Where the hell am I? It's so . . . so cold . . . He opened his eyes again, seeing everything strangely distorted through the ice crystals forming on his eyelashes. He thought he heard a noise behind him, and glanced to the side apathetically. Seeing nothing, Ryoga tightened his grip on his bedroll and tried to will some warmth into his limbs. Ever since he'd set up camp the previous night, the snow had been coming down so hard that he couldn't have risked trying to continue moving even if he had had any idea of where he was going. The snow had stopped a few hours ago, but Ryoga was too cold to try to break camp and keep going.
Again, he heard a faint noise, like a footfall, from behind him. He gathered his energy, and stood up, staggering slightly to one side as he did so. He struggled to focus on where he had thought the sound had come from, and listened harder. "Someone there?" he called hoarsely.
No sooner had the words left his lips, then the bushes parted and out staggered a bedraggled form, ill-equipped for the cold weather. The figure, shorter than Ryoga and very thin, swayed slightly and then began to fall. Ryoga had enough presence of mind to step forward and catch the person before they hit the ground. The bedroll he had been clutching to him fell to the ground as he did so, but he didn't notice the cold because of the jolt of surprise that ran through him; for the face that belonged to the figure, with her usually bright eyes closed and ice-encrusted and her body strangely light in his arms, was that of Ukyo Kuonji.
Automatically, Ryoga reached down and picked up the bedroll, and then hurriedly carried it and Ukyo over to his tent, which was covered in snow. He dug a small path to the tent flap, and entered. Laying down the bedroll, he gently set the unconscious Ukyo on it, and stared at her for a moment. She was wearing her usual chef's outfit, which looked horribly inadequate for the weather. Her face was pale, and her usually rosy lips were a strange purplish blue color. He touched her arm, and then drew his fingers back in surprise-- her skin was cold to the touch. His mind skipped forward a few beats. Instead of wondering why Ukyo was wandering around in the snow, he began to set about warming her. He emptied out his pack, taking out several sets of his extra clothes, and piled them over her like blankets. It didn't seem to help-- she was shivering in her sleep, her teeth making a soft chattering that was easily audible in the blanketed silence. He picked up one of her hands, and began to rub and chafe at the skin, hoping to spark some life back into her. After a while, it seemed to help and he moved over to her other hand. A time passed, and her arms and legs were a good deal warmer than they had been before Ryoga had begun work on them, and she had stopped shivering. And, for his exertion, Ryoga was actually feeling a bit warmer than he had been as well. He rocked back on his heels, and stared at her in confusion. Why? Why is Ukyo out here in the freezing cold like this? And without so much as a jacket . . .
Her eyelids fluttered. Ryoga leaned forward a bit, looking at her with concern writ plain across his features. After another few moments, she opened her eyes, blinking as she tried to focus. "What the . . . where . . ." she murmured, and then started to sit up.
Ryoga put a hand on her shoulder, holding her down. "Hey, stop it. I spent ages trying to warm you up, so take it easy. Okay?"
Ukyo blinked again, this time staring at him with a blank expression on her face. "Ryoga? What are you doing here?"
Ryoga raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that supposed to be my line? What are you doing, wandering around in the middle of winter like this?"
Ukyo sat up, despite Ryoga's attempts to keep her down. She stared at her lap, the blank expression still in place. "I . . . Ryoga, this is--" She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, and then said softly, "Ranma-- he-- R-R-Ranma g-got married." She paused, seeing his face, and then added, "To A-Akane."
Ryoga shook his head, her words going in one ear and out the other. "No . . . that can't be right. A few days ago I was in Nerima, and nothing had changed. They still beat up on each other all the time. You're hallucinating, Ukyo. Relax."
Ukyo frowned, and then said louder, "I'm not! He's-- He's married now! He--" here she paused, her eyes clouding strangely. "He and Akane disappeared yesterday, and when they came back this morning, they-- they were married. They said they had to do it while they could, without telling any of us, not even their families. They said we'd try to interfere."
Ryoga swallowed, the information still not quite soaking in. "But-- what does that have to do with you being out here?"
Ukyo looked back down at her lap, her eyes flat and emotionless. "He-- when he told me what happened, I lost it. I thought that at least I was his friend, if not his fiancé. He should have told me-- I want to be there for him, even if I can't be his wife! I couldn't help it-- I snapped, and yelled at him. He yelled back, and told me-- told me that I never really tried to understand him. That I was just in love with the idea of being in love-- not with him. That if I really loved him, I would just let it go. I wouldn't let him know, but it-- it hurt, Ryoga. It really did. Something came over me, I don't know what. I had to get out of there, so I did. And then this snow storm hit, and I got disoriented and couldn't find my way back to the restaurant. And then I don't really remember anymore, except for being so cold." She shivered unconsciously, and then closed her eyes. "It's still better than being back there," she said softly, her voice wobbling dangerously.
Ryoga opened his mouth, but the words weren't there. He tried again. "I-- I'm sorry--" he said, still trying to assimilate the fact that he had really lost Akane to Ranma. Maybe it really was just a misunderstanding, and when he got back it would all be the same . . . "You can stay here for a while, if you want," he offered, trying to sound cheerful. "Well, I guess you don't have a choice, really. I'm kind of trapped here. But you're welcome, if you want."
Ukyo didn't reply, she was staring at her hands, which were tightly clenched in her lap.
Ryoga winced. What did he say wrong? "Really, you can stay! I won't mind! I can probably find enough wood to get the fire going again, and I've got some food--"
To Ryoga's complete and utter astonishment, Ukyo burst into tears. He'd never seen her do that before. She'd always been the strong one-- seeing Ukyo cry was like . . . it was like seeing the sun go out, or watching the oceans dry up. "U-Ukyo! Stop-- don't cry! What's wrong? What'd I say? I didn't mean it, honest!"
Ukyo shook her head, emitting a sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh. "I'm sorry--" she managed to choke out, wiping her arm across her eyes. "I'm really sorry. It's just-- even though this is hard for you too, losing Akane, you're still being so-- so nice!" And a few more tears rolled down her cheeks, leaving salty trails along her skin.
Ryoga winced. "Er . . . sorry . . ." He still didn't quite understand what was going on.
Ukyo began to laugh, even while the tears were still leaking from her eyes. "No! No, it's not you! It's just that . . . what Ranma said hurt so much that just knowing someone still understands what it's like--"
Ryoga clenched his hands into fists, something slamming into his mind with the force of a freight train. "Ranma! It's all his fault! Dammit, I'll make him pay for this! I'll make him pay for sending you out into the cold, I'll make him pay for Akane--"
"Ryoga!" Ukyo put an icy cold hand on his arm, looking startled. "It's alright! It's not his fault-- please, calm down!"
Ryoga closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to relax. "Sorry. He's just always so . . ."
Ukyo smiled faintly. "I know how you feel." She glanced around. "So you're stuck here, huh?"
Ryoga winced again, and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. This blizzard caught me by surprise. But with two people, camping will be a lot easier." He smiled at her, showing his fangs.
Ukyo felt a strange heat rising to her cheeks, although it did nothing to dispel the icy coldness in her limbs. Those fangs were awfully cute . . . She shook herself and nodded brightly. "Of course!" Despite her confident tone, she began to shiver, and couldn't make herself stop. It was just so cold . . .
Ryoga pulled the bedroll up, and draped it around Ukyo's shoulders, biting his upper lip slightly. "We need to get warm . . . you stay here, and I'll go try to find some firewood. There should be some branches that have been broken off by the weight of the snow." And before Ukyo could stop him, he ducked out of the tent flap and disappeared into the dusk. Ukyo pulled the blanket tighter around her, and began to wait.
When Ryoga returned, the results were less than encouraging. He'd only managed to find a few branches, and only because he'd stumbled in the drifts and landed on the sharp wood. However, he and Ukyo dutifully built up the coals again, adding the extra wood.
As they huddled around the meager fire that evening, a strange but companionable silence fell. No one felt inclined to break it, so they just sat there and watched the pitifully inadequate fire crackle and sizzle with the moisture of the snowy branches. After a few long moments, Ryoga asked quietly, "Did they-- did they really get married?"
Ukyo nodded slightly, not taking her eyes off of the flames. "Yeah." Her voice was flat, unemotional. She had borrowed one of Ryoga's shirts, because her own garments were short sleeved and she had nothing to protect her bare arms.
Ryoga closed his eyes. It didn't hurt as much as he would have thought. The dull ache in his chest had been there so many times before, that it wasn't anything new to have his heart broken yet again. His head bowed a little, and he shut his eyes tighter.
Ukyo glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, and spoke up. "Hey, Ryoga. You alright?"
Ryoga didn't respond; he was too lost in his own thoughts to notice her. He'd been cast away so often, by those he loved most. Akane had never seen him as more than a weird guy that hung around, or as a dear pet as far as his curse was concerned. He'd never had anything remotely like a friend, especially not since Ranma had betrayed him like this. Even when he had thought he'd found someone who loved him, it turned out that Akari had only admired his cursed form. There wasn't anyone who liked him, just for being himself. There was no one he could really talk to, and no one who understood how lonely he always was. No one who could ever understand-- He felt a familiar energy building up as his thoughts spiraled downwards, and clenched his jaw as he tied to hold it back. But it was no use, this news was just too much. He was going to have to release it all--
"Ryoga!!"
His eyes flew open. Ukyo was shaking him roughly, gazing at him with real fear in her eyes. "U-U-Ukyo . . ."
Ukyo sank down onto her knees in front of him, still looking rather frightened. "You wouldn't answer me! You were just sitting there with your eyes closed, shivering, and you weren't warming up when I tried to rub your hands together, and you looked like you were about to fall over, and--"
Ryoga cut off her tumble of words by turning bright red, and stammering, "I-I'm alright! It's fine, there's nothing wrong." Ukyo's face was very close to his, and he had only just realized that she was still gripping him by the shoulders as she had been when she was shaking him. He felt his despair and energy draining away, the urge to release it in a ki-blast dying as well. Fortunately, Ukyo didn't seem to notice his blustering, and bit her lip in concern.
"Your lips are blue," she said, sounding almost accusing.
"So are yours!" he said, feeling strangely defensive. For some reason, he didn't want to seem weak in front of Ukyo.
Ukyo winced, shivering a little. Softly, her voice rich with concern, she asked, "Ryoga, are you going to be alright? What was wrong with you a few minutes ago?"
Ryoga glanced down at the snow, and hesitated. How much could he tell Ukyo? She'd probably think she was stupid and weak for feeling his loneliness so deeply. "Nothing," he replied eventually. "I was just thinking."
Ukyo sighed and turned back to the fire, which was obviously on its last legs. "I guess I can understand that."
No, you can't, Ryoga thought bitterly. No one can. Aloud, he said simply, "Yeah."
Ukyo rested her head on her knees, her expression bleak. Another silence befell the small, snowy clearing, the usual nighttime sounds gone and muffled by the thick blanket of snow. Even the trees, usually rustling in the wind, were still and silent under their loads of snow and ice. When she spoke, Ukyo's voice was muffled by her arm, making her sound strangely young and vulnerable. "I don't know what I'm going to do now."
Ryoga didn't reply, but turned his head to look at her. Ukyo continued, her voice wavering. "I've always depended on Ranchan to keep me going. When I was little, it was the challenge of trying to keep him from stealing our okonomiyaki. When I was growing up, it was the promise of revenge-- and until yesterday, it was the hope that one day I'd be married to him. But now-- now I don't have anyone."
Ryoga still didn't respond. He felt as if he interrupted her, she would stop talking, and for some reason Ryoga didn't want her to stop.
Ukyo shivered again, squeezing herself into a tighter ball. "I don't think I realized how lonely it was in that restaurant, hoping each day that Ranchan would come to visit me. I even wished he would just walk by, so I could see a flash of a black pigtail and a red Chinese shirt."
Ryoga looked up, giving her a puzzled look. This was a completely new side of Ukyo-- he'd had no idea that she'd felt that way.
"And now . . ." Ukyo laughed shortly. "Now, I've got nowhere to go. Nothing to live for anymore. There's nothing keeping me going." She raised her eyes to meet Ryoga's gaze. "Surely you, of all people, have had that feeling before."
Ryoga nodded, and said in a rough voice, "Yeah. Sometimes I ran out of things to blame my misery on and began blaming it on myself. I found myself hating everything to do with me, and knowing that there was no reason to stay alive." He rubbed at his arms with his hands to warm them, trying not to shiver in front of Ukyo.
Ukyo flashed him a wan smile. "Melodramatic," she said shortly.
Ryoga raised an eyebrow, Ukyo's smile echoed on his own lips. "Pathetic," he replied.
Ukyo laughed, a real one and not the strange bitter bark he had heard from her earlier. "I guess we're more alike than even we knew, eh Ryoga?"
Ryoga started to respond, and then halted suddenly, her words sinking into his mind like a branding iron. We're more alike than we knew . . . If anyone could understand what he felt, Ukyo would. After all, hadn't she spent her entire life without earning the love of the one she adored? Ryoga had only had a year or so when he couldn't have Akane-- but Ukyo had been rejected her whole life, from when she was just a tiny child. "Ukyo . . ." he said, tentatively.
Ukyo's candid gaze warmed slightly. "Yes?"
"You're right, Ukyo. We were both sort of hovering on the edge of that couple. I never even saw it before. And you, you've had it so much worse--" He started to say more, but a sudden fit of shivering stopped him, his teeth chattering.
Ukyo frowned, her own body shuddering with the cold. Glancing at the fire, she noticed that only a few coals remained of their hard efforts to keep it going. She glanced towards the tent, and then back towards Ryoga. "You know, we need to conserve heat. We should go to bed."
Ryoga shrugged, getting his body under control enough to speak. "I'm not tired. I d-d-don't think I c-c-could s-sleep now if I t-t-tried." His teeth were still chattering, causing his words to come out in stammered sections.
Ukyo shook her head, grinning slightly. "No, you idiot. I meant that we should get inside the tent, so we can use the blankets and keep warm."
Ryoga nodded sheepishly and moved over towards the tend, followed closely by Ukyo. Then he paused, remembering that his tent really had room for only one person. And he only had one bedroll and blanket. "Er . . ." he said, hesitantly. "You can have the bedroll if you want, and--"
"What, and you'll sleep on the freezing cold ground?" Ukyo's eyes flashed momentarily. "I don't think so. You're my ticket to survival, you big oaf, so I'm not going to let you freeze to death just because you think I'm a delicate little girl!"
"But--" attempted Ryoga.
"No buts about it!" she said firmly, all but shoving him into the tent. "Although I may be a woman, I am not made of glass. If we spread out the bedroll, I think there will be enough room for the two of us."
A flush began to rise to Ryoga's cheeks as he stumbled inside the tent. "B-But I-- you-- there's only one--"
Ukyo sighed, trying to look casual although Ryoga could notice the faint blush on her face even with the dim lighting. "Look, it's really cold. And it's going to get a lot colder during the night. If we don't get under the blanket soon, I don't know how well we're going to make it through tonight."
Ryoga swallowed nervously, and nodded. "Y-Yeah," he said, and set about spreading out the bedroll and blanket.
Ukyo lay down first, shivering beneath the cold fabric. As Ryoga let the tent flap fall, darkness enveloped the tent so that she heard, rather than saw, Ryoga get beneath the blanket beside her. And she could hear his teeth chattering. She closed her eyes, and then rolled over. "Ryoga," she said softly, nervously. "This isn't helping the way I thought."
Ryoga nodded, grimly, as he hear Ukyo roll over to face him. "Nope," he agreed. "Not at all. If anything, I'm colder now."
Ukyo took a deep breath. "So we need to conserve body heat."
Ryoga hesitated. "Conserve . . ." Then the implication of her words hit him, and he sat up hurriedly. "What? No-- you're, I mean, it'd be like-- but that won't--"
Ukyo sat up as well, interrupting him. "Ryoga, if you want me to die, why'd you make me feel better earlier? Why'd you make me feel like living again? Because both of us are going to catch something bad if we're this cold the whole night, if we don't just freeze to death first."
That brought Ryoga up short. He didn't want Ukyo to die; not that he really thought they would die, but he didn't want her to get sick either. Not now that he'd realized what a good companion she was. "Ukyo, that's not what I meant--"
"I know." Ukyo lay back down, with a dull thump as she hit the bedroll. "But it's getting colder as we speak, and I already can't feel my hands or feet." She bit her lip. "I don't think I've ever been so cold--" On the last word, her voice cracked a little, as if she were a young girl.
Ryoga's mind was made up in that instant. "Y-You're right, Ukyo. Conserve body heat." His voice wasn't terribly steady. He lay back down, hesitantly.
Ukyo paused for a moment, and with a rush of movement, curled up directly beside Ryoga. She felt his arms tentatively go around her, and in those few seconds she already began to feel warmer. "That's--" she paused to clear her throat, and felt Ryoga tense. "That's a lot better," she murmured. Now that she was warmer, she began to feel the exhaustion that the day's events had brought her.
Ryoga relaxed slightly and nodded, Ukyo's soft hair tickling his face. "Yeah. It is." And to his surprise, he was speaking the truth-- a delightfully warm feeling was spreading through his body. Without realizing it, his arms tightened around Ukyo's shoulders.
Ukyo yawned once, and then her breathing settled down into the slow, regular patterns of a deep sleeper. Ryoga, however, was still wide awake and nervously watching Ukyo sleep. He had a vague fear that at any moment, he'd wake up and realize that he was still all alone in the wilderness, and that the whole day had been a vivid dream. But many moments passed, and he didn't wake up. He raised one of his hands to Ukyo's cheek, gently brushing aside the curtain of hair obscuring her face. She stirred, and he tensed, hoping he hadn't woken her up. She mumbled something in her sleep, and one of her arms slide around his neck. Ryoga didn't move. He waited there, for a good five minutes, relaxing only when he saw that Ukyo was still fast asleep. He smiled softly, and pressed her closer to him. Perhaps . . . perhaps, just this once, I'll let the dream overcome me if it wants. Even if I wake up to find this is all a dream, I don't think this warmth could leave me anytime soon.
His eyelids, already heavy with exhaustion, drooped downwards, and he let himself drift off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When Ukyo awoke, it took her a moment to remember where she was, and why she was so warm. Then she felt someone stir right next to her, and felt a pair of arms tighten around her. Snow . . . a campfire . . . Ryoga . . . She opened her eyes and found herself looking directly into Ryoga's sleeping face. His eyes were closed, his lashes looking even longer than usual with the shadows made by the sunlight coming in through the gap in the tent flap, and his lips were slightly parted, the tips of his tiny fangs showing.
A strange feeling came over Ukyo then, and without realizing what she was doing, her face began to move closer . . . her eyes closed . . . her own lips were parted . . .
Ryoga made a soft little snore, and rolled onto his back. Ukyo broke away from him with her own surprised gasp, and then sat up, guiltily. What had she been about to do? Was she really going to . . . to kiss Ryoga? For a moment, the idea seemed utterly ridiculous. Ryoga was just a friend. A true, loyal, understanding, comfortable friend . . . Ukyo felt a strange constriction deep in her chest, and glanced back out of the corners of her eyes, her troubled gaze falling upon Ryoga, who was muttering something and stirring about as he woke up slowly. The sight of him, with his tousled hair and closed eyes, made Ukyo rethink what she had just established-- maybe it had taken something like this to realize just how good a friend she had. If only she could know how Ryoga felt . . .
Ryoga sat up, groggily, and peered at Ukyo. "Wha . . .?" he asked blearily, obviously trying to focus.
Ukyo resurfaced from her thoughts and hid a smile. Apparently Ryoga wasn't a morning person. But then, neither was she, really. "Rise and shine, sugar. It's another gorgeous day."
Ryoga rubbed at his eyes, and looked around. "Oh . . . oh!" He suddenly flushed, apparently remembering what had taken place the previous night.
Ukyo grinned. "Sleep well?"
Ryoga nodded, wordlessly.
Ukyo glanced towards the closed tent flap, and then reached out to open it. When she did, bright sunlight streamed into the tent, causing both people to wince and take a moment to adjust their eyesight. When Ukyo could see again, she looked outside and gasped. The snow had frozen during the night, and everything was covered with a thin, translucent layer of ice. The trees sparkled like diamonds, and the entire forest was transformed into a sort of white crystal fairy land.
Ryoga seemed just as speechless as she was, as he stepped past her and onto the icy snow banks. Ukyo joined him, letting the sun wash over her skin and fill her with the same sort of warmth she had felt last night.
Wordlessly, they set about striking camp and packing things up. They made a sort of makeshift backpack for Ukyo, out of the tent fabric, so that they could split the load evenly between them. To be sure, Ryoga kicked some snow over the remains of their campfire, and then climbed on top of a snowdrift so he could overlook the valley on the other side.
He heard the faint crunching of the snow beneath Ukyo's footsteps as she climbed up beside him, and said with a sigh, "So . . . which way towards Nerima?"
"To be honest," Ukyo responded, " I don't really know. And to be candid, I don't care. I'd rather not be there right now."
Ryoga smiled faintly. "Yeah. I know the feeling. And there's no way we're getting back without your directions anyway-- I'd get us lost in an instant."
Ukyo shot him a sideways glance, a smile lighting up her features. "I wouldn't really mind getting lost, at this point."
Ryoga's wan smile broadened into a full grin, and he nodded. "You know something? For the first time in my life, I don't think I'd mind either." Before she had time to protest, he took up Ukyo's hand and pulled her down the slope after him, listening to her laughter and feeling a lot warmer than he'd felt in a long, long time.