Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the idea for this fanfic, which is not intended for profit.
Notes: I decided to edit and add to this slightly, as well as take out all of the other song lyrics, except for the one at the beginning, the one in the middle, and the one at the end. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I do intend to eventually write a sequel. First, however, I will write a second chapter to this which will be in Ash's POV. I'm sorry I've been taking so long on all of my fanfics, but I have had writer's block, as well as not enough time.
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Reflections:
Chapter One ~ Wishful Thinking
~ It started out just like any summer,
Days, it felt a lifetime long
That's when we found each other,
And we found ourselves as well ~
It all began that one summer years ago, one that would unknowingly change my life. I had simply been minding my own business, fishing in a nearby lake, when my line was suddenly caught on something huge. I had been so excited; it had to be a rare water pokémon, that or a gigantic boot. To my surprise – and dismay at the time might I add – it was a young boy, not much younger than I was. In his arms he desperately held onto a small, injured Pikachu, both were drenched and seemed frantic. I remember yelling at him for his incompetence, and for him to bring the poor thing to a Pokémon Center. Before I could say anything more, the stranger had stolen my bike and rode off, a huge flock of Spearow close on his trail.
I had blindly chased after him, loosing sight of him and my bike very easily. After wandering around lost in the forest, I saw a huge flash of bright light from nearby. When I finally reached the spot it had come from, all I had found was the charred remains of my brand new bike. I had been furious, who did that jerk think he was stealing and destroying my brand new bicycle? It had cost me most of the money I had been saving up, but there was no way I was going to go back to my sisters in Cerulean. Instead I picked up the bike and stormed off in the direction of where he had gone, determined to make him pay for it.
He had been surprised when I caught up to him in Viridian, especially when I angrily slapped him across the face. I began to rant, fully intending to give him a piece of my mind, when I noticed the look of worry and fear in his eyes. His pokémon, the Pikachu I had seen with him, was in critical condition. I guess you could say I have a soft spot for cute things, I instantly felt sympathetic and concerned for his pokémon and decided now wasn't the time to yell at him. In that short time I could see that he really wasn't such a jerk after all… well at least not all of the time.
Luckily his Pikachu pulled through, and after an encounter with a strange trio of "bad guys" named Team Rocket – who we would soon encounter many more times – it was back to its regular health. I'm still not sure exactly why I stayed with the boy, Ash, it turned out his name was, on that day. I wasn't following him, I just happened to be going in the same direction he was… for many years. Okay, now even I'll admit that was a pathetic attempt to cover it up. Maybe it was because I had no where else to go and I was lonely and wanted a friend, or maybe I was looking for an adventure and he looked like a sure way to find plenty. All I know is that there was just something about Ash that made me want to join him on his journeys. Unlike Pikachu, he wasn't exactly too thrilled about that in the beginning.
Soon we met the Pewter City gym leader, Brock. He seemed very nice and knowledgeable about pokémon and breeding, not to mention a fantastic cook. He was a very interesting person; one moment he could be serious, rational and mature, then the next moment I would have to drag him off for losing control and making a fool of himself. Brock and I were often left together when Ash ran off battling or playing the role of the brave and righteous hero, or who knows what else. I'll never know why Brock wanted to join our little group. Perhaps he saw the same friendly, energetic aura that seemed to surround Ash everywhere he went that I had seen, the same chance of fun and adventure. Whatever the reason was, from that day Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and I were what you would call inseparable.
At one point in our travels after Ash had completed the Indigo competition, Brock chased his hormones – not like that is news – and his dream of pokémon breeding, deciding to stay with Professor Ivy at her lab. Ash and I were alone for about a total of one day before we met Tracey, who basically invited himself to come along with us. He was a talented pokémon watcher who was very enthusiastic about meeting his idol Professor Oak – maybe a little too enthusiastic if you ask me – Personally, I wasn't too surprised when he stayed in Pallet Town with Oak when he met him. I also must say although there had been some great times with Tracey, it was better with him gone and Brock back. It wasn't like I disliked the guy or anything, it was just that I had known Brock for longer and had missed him.
I wasn't too fond of Ash when we first met and journeyed together; he was arrogant, childish, stubborn and very dense. I can't even count the number of times he got on my nerves, or how many times we got into fights, usually over the littlest thing. Ash simply drove me crazy as he was always jumping headfirst into foolish or even dangerous situations, dragging Brock and I with him. In the beginning I really was still angry about the destroyed bike, but that eventually wasn't very important at all. Once and awhile I would remind him of my bike, just to bug him. I didn't really care anymore; there was no longer any use for it now that I traveled on foot everywhere with them.
~ He drives me crazy,
He drives me out of my mind
Why do I worry about him, why do I care?
I don't know why I let if faze me,
But he drives me crazy ~
Despite all our disagreements, Ash and I definitely grew close. He was soon my best friend, and I his next to Pikachu. Brock of course was just as close to us, but we both considered him more as the brother we never had. Soon I found myself noticing things I had overlooked before, like the way he truly did care more about the safety of others than his own, or how admiringly determined and brave he could be. Although he took quite a long time to mature, I realized Ash really was a good pokémon trainer with the potential to become one of the best. I can't give you an exact date of when I began to have feelings for him, I'm not even sure myself. As years passed we were never away from each other's side, a strong bond continuing to form between us.
For awhile I simply tried to ignore the flutter of my heart every time he complimented me or when we touched. Tried to ignore the rush of jealously any time another girl came near to him. Ash wasn't the only stubborn one; it's hard to say which one of us was more thickheaded, I even remember Brock and Pikachu having a bet over it once. I would never admit the way I felt about him to anyone, not even myself. I had tried to convince myself that it wasn't possible I could ever fall for Ash in that way. Everyone used to say we were in denial, in fact there were countless people who teased us and our relationship at one point or another – or several times if you counted Brock – It seemed everyone saw it except for the two of us, was I really that obvious?
I had known the day was coming, we couldn't all stay together forever. Ash's journeys ended, or should I say all of our journeys ended. We had looked at each other, tears in our eyes – or sand as they claimed – not wanting to wake up the next morning to no longer see each other lying around the long dead campfire. All the fun, trouble, laughter, adventures, suffering and close calls; everything, had brought us all closer together, making it harder to let go. We had hugged, shook hands, anything to stall the moment where we had to say goodbye. I had unintentionally held onto Ash longer than I had with the other two; he did the same.
He had held my gaze for a few moments, something visible in his eyes that I didn't quite comprehend. He had whispered goodbye to me, his voice soft and emotional. I had known at that exact moment that it was my perfect opportunity, my chance to confess the only secret I had kept from him… Instead I didn't say a word, didn't attempt to stop him from leaving my life. I guess I couldn't find the right things to say, afraid that he would reject me and break my heart and our friendship would be ruined.
With that the three of us parted ways and parted lives…
I still keep in touch with Brock, we usually exchange letters or phone calls every month. He went back to Pewter City for awhile, then moved to Saffron where he joined Suzie in what soon became a very successful breeding center. About a year or so later, the two got married and still live together happily. It is weird to try and picture Brock settling down with his eyes and drool for only one woman.
As for me, I returned home and took back my position of the Cerulean gym leader, occasionally performing in one of my sister's water ballets. I could no longer be truly happy though, not with out the friends I had been with since as long as I can remember. Especially not with out the one person who had always been there for me through thick and thin, just like I had been for him. Neither Brock nor I have heard from Ash since he earned and accepted a high position in the Elite Four. I know it isn't his fault that he is so busy, but it hurts that he has never once found time to write or call. Do we suddenly not matter to him anymore? Even though I know it's just my mind being irrational, I occasionally wonder if Ash was happy to be rid of us, because Brock and I were holding him back from achieving his goal. I often find myself missing him so fiercely sometimes, longing to hear Ash's laugh or even his annoying boasting would do.
I suppose there is no use pretending anymore: somewhere along the years despite how hard I may have tried not to, I fell in love with Ash Ketchum.
So now as I sit here today holding back familiar bitter tears, I can't help but silently curse at myself. Why had I always give up my chance to tell him and to find out how he felt? Things could have been so different: maybe I would be the one he loved, I the one engaged to him instead of Duplica. Maybe I wouldn't have to lay awake at night feeling empty and angry. Maybe I would be living a happier and fuller life.
I suppose I just have to try and forget about my feelings for him. There is no use crying over mistakes I've made in the past. After all, even if I had said anything that day, the chance of something happening between us was only wishful thinking… wasn't it?
~ I always have,
Even when I didn't show,
I always will
You know I just wanna tell you,
Just how much you mean to me
Always have, always will ~
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I will write the second chapter, Unspoken Doubts, as soon as possible. It will be Ash's reflections, written in his point of view this time. After that, I will write a sequel where Misty is invited to attend Ash and Duplica's wedding. It may or may not turn into an AAMR, please help me decide by giving your opinion in a review.
Arigatou!
~ Lillica
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