I wrote this fic after reading Walk This World by Juuhachigou and Mirai Bulma at Juuhachigou's Place of Being (that would explain why Mirai Gohan is alive and well, in case you were wondering). If you haven't visited there yet, I highly recommend you do. You won't be disappointed.
Anyway, I don't own DBZ blah blah blah, but I do own Haiya. That's about it, read on and enjoy!
Yesterday
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to
~*FLASHBACK*~
"How dare you go off like that and not tell me where you were going! I thought you had gotten yourself killed, I thought you were rotting away in some gutter on the street! What are you trying to do, give me wrinkles?!"
Gohan calmly sat and watched Haiya carry out her tempertantrum, waiting for the moment when she would cool down so he could explain himself. He knew he had been wrong to leave her all alone for three days without a message, and he had to admit he would be pretty upset too. Man, now I know how mom feels, he thought sheepishly.
Almost hours later, Haiya's breathing returned to normal and her eyes returned to their normal scarlet hues. The sudden change made Gohan realize how much her beauty increased when she was outraged. He'd have to pay more close attention next time she started to yell at him.
"I'm sorry Haiya, I didn't mean to. . ."
"Can't you come up with a better exuse then that?"
"Are you going to let me finish?"
A low growl was his response.
"Thank you. I really didn't mean to leave and not tell you. I had to hide out somewhere after my fight with the androids, so they wouldn't find me . ."
"Oh yes, the androids, how could I forget? It's obviously more important to you to destroy them and throw your life away then being with me."
Gohan lifted his head slowly, and Haiya could've sworn she saw Goku as smiled lightly.
"Yes, it is."
Haiya's mouth dropped to the floor.
"At the moment."
She wanted to scream. She wanted to wipe that callow grin off his face, make him pay for what he'd done to her. Making her sit up all night worrying, making her heart and soul bleed for him. But what did she have to show for it exactly? A few enraged insults? Nothing could do justice for what she was feeling at that moment, for at that moment, she became almost pure fire. I'll never be good enough for him, she feared. I'll never be understanding enough, I'll never be righteous enough, I'll never. . .I'll never. . .
"Auuuuuuhhh!"
She lunged at him, flaying her fists, hoping to hit at least part of her target. Gohan, who didn't seem the least bit surprised, grabbed her wrists and held her down without any effort what-so-ever. In fact he seemed amused by her sudden outburst; his eyes laughed at her where his mouth did not. This only angered her further, to the point where the vein on the left side of her forehead throbbed uncontrolalby.
everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell the truth
from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye and says
would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
"Let go of me," Haiya snarled through her teeth. Don't do it, please don't do it. Can't let him know he's getting to you, don't do it. .
"Not until you calm down," he responded. Haiya grunted and squirmed beneath his weight, obviously unwilling to go down without a fight. Of course, this did nothing to phase Gohan, but still she continued to try and break free, for lack of anything else that she could think of doing to hurt him.
"I hate you. I swear to god, I hate you."
The dam broke. Months of blood-shot eyes from loss of sleep, an empty bed to crawl into, and chewed nails came crashing down on her. With a cry of utter shame, Haiya finally let her tears escape their barriers and stream down her lovely face. Gohan, in the mean time, was taken aback by this sudden turn of emotion, loosening his grip to gawk down at her with bewilderment. Haiya didn't have the will nor the strength to try push him away anymore. . . It didn't matter anymore.
Gohan had never seen Haiya like this before, getting all riled up merely because he left for a few days. He'd certainly never seen her cry, even when the entire Z Senshi was killed, she hadn't shed one tear. So why now? Why now after all that had happened?
"Haiya, I. .," Gohan tried to think of something to say, anything that would break the tension he himself had created purely out of spite. Haiya's sobs had quited down, and she began to sniff and hiccup due to her overloaded tears. She stared up at him with unreadable eyes, her mouth pulled into a straight line. What was she thinking, he wondered? Did she really mean what she said? Did she hate him? He hoped she was reading his mind, he hoped she would find what she was looking for and throw herself into his arms so everything would be alright between them again. He needed everything to be alright between them. It was the only thing left in this entire world that made him want to keep on living, to keep on fighting the androids. He no longer found joy in seeing his mother, as much as he loved her. . .she had filled herself to brim with sorrow, and shattered the spirited woman that she had once been when she was young. Bulma was no better, trying hard to accomplish the impossible with her miracle science, talking about some sort of time machine that allowed them to go back in time and try to rescue everyone before the andriods arrived. Gohan payed no heed to her ramblings, and found himself listening more then talking when they had a conversation. He really hadn't seen much of Trunks; the boy had been keeping himself scarce, for what reason was beyond the older demi- Saiyan.
Haiya was his only sanity in this insane world of destruction and dolor.
i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know
Haiya gasped when Gohan collasped onto her, weeping like a boy in need of a mother's tender love. He clutched her frail body to his musclar one, as if he were afraid to let go. It took Haiya some time to recover before she found herself again, and she instinctively placed one hand on his head, and the other atop his shoulder.
"Gohan-"
"I'm sorry Haiya, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'll make it up to you, I promise, I promise. . ."
His whole body shook so badly, that Haiya herself began to shake from the friction. She ran her slender fingers through his thick black hair and rocked him gently back and forth.
"Shh-shh now, it's ok, I'm here," she soothed, closing her eyes against her regret. She had entered his mind, if only for a breif moment, and found not the big, bad, tough Super Saiyan that he pretended to be, but a scared, lost, and sad little boy that was looking for an answer. An answer to one simple question:
Why?
Why indeed.
Not a word was spoken after that. Neither felt the need to speak. They just lay there on the living room floor, clinging to one another for comfort. And even in Haiya's rage, Gohan found exactly what he needed, and had no intention of letting go anytime soon. Not that Haiya was complaining either, she rather enjoyed be envoloped in Gohan's affectionate embrace, savoring the way his soft flesh felt against hers. After all, it'd been three days since she last saw him. . .
~*END FLASHBACK*~
I can't believe after all this time, I'm still daydreaming about that boy. Haiya heaved a sigh and tightened her hold on her bathrobe. After Goku had died from his heart disease, and the Z senshi were killed - or more like murdered - by the androids, Haiya secretly watched over the boy, keeping a close eye on him through the shadows. She saw him grow up without a father, turn Super Saiyan for the first time, stand by the graves of his loved ones in silent mourning. . .she saw it all without him knowng it. Sometimes, just sometimes, she would creep into his mind, just to check on him, and see that everything was alright. Half the time it was, half the time it wasn't. If Haiya had a nickle for everytime she caught him thinking about suicide, she'd have been a rich woman. 'Course, she was always at his aid when ever he sunk that low, and helped him to stand on both feet again. The older he got, the more agreggated he got, and the more agreggated he got, the more desirable he became to Haiya. It wasn't long before she came to the realization that she was in love with him, but chose to keep that hidden, for her sake and his. She didn't really remember what it was that brought them together, only that he had accidently hinted his interest in her, letting her know his true feelings without making a big production about it.
Actually staying together was the real obstacle.
It was only a few months after they declared their love for one another that Gohan decided to take on the task of fighting the androids all by himself. Haiya had no choice but stand back and watch. . .she was no fighter, and she never would be. It was her Maindo blood that kept her from becoming a true warrior, and for the very first time in her life, she was starting to hate her heritage. She wanted to help Gohan, she wouldn't allow anything to happen to him that even remotely endangered his life. Even though her premonitions had left her (her visions had stopped coming to her the day the Z senshi was killed), and she could no longer predict the future, she knew one simple fact - he could not defeat the androids on his own.
If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the texture of his skin, the arch of his foot, the webbing between his fingers. . . Every little detail was held sacred, securely stored inside her memory. That was all she had left now, and as hard as she tried to make the best of it, it just didn't match up to the real thing. Nothing would.
"Stubborn man," she whispered to herself, resisting the urge to break down,"you wouldn't listen to me or anyone, would you? I told you you would get yourself killed, I told you you would die. . ."
"I guess you were right after all."
That voice. It couldn't be. . .it couldn't be who she thought it was. It just couldn't. Her ears were playing tricks on her again, as they so often did before. Turning to acknowledge the speaker, she nearly collasped as her eyes buldged out of her skull.
There, clad in his usual orange gi, stood Son Gohan, with his arms crossed over his chest and a jubilant smile spread across his lips.
Haiya had all but forgotten how to speak, and all she could think was that this had to be a dream. There was no other explaination. Gohan was dead, she watched him die at the hands of the androids. There was just no way he could be standing there, staring at her the way he used to, with that goofy Son grin.
Her eyes never once dared to leave him as he made his first move. But, instead of running to her immediately, as he had planned on doing, he dropped to the floor and sat indian-style, his arms still wrapped carelessly around his chest.
He waited.
Gohan. His name repeated itself inside her head, driving her to the point where she almost wanted to rip out her hair. She didn't know what to think as he sat down, regaurding her with piety. What do you do when the love of your life suddenly comes back from the dead and appears in your room? Especially only moments after you were day dreaming about them? Haiya struggled to keep her feet planted firmly on the ground, but the overwhelming sense that Gohan was really sitting before her and that she could reach out and touch him made her realize she didn't want to. She felt a wave of euphoria, followed by girlish giddiness she hadn't felt in years.
Very cautiously, Haiya approached the demi-Sayain, who had long since decided to close his eyes and meditate until Haiya came to her senses. Chances were she didn't believe what she was seeing; not that he blamed her, he wouldn't believe it at first either. I'm really here Haiya, he thought, and I intend to keep it that way.
With trembling fingers, Haiya reached out to touch his face. She had prepared herself for disppointment; she had thought her fingers would pass right through him and confirm her doubts. She pulled back sharply when flesh connected with flesh, as if she had been burned. He's real. Oh Enma, he's real. Without further hesitation, Haiya reached out with both hands and gripped his face between her palms. Gohan opened his eyes to look up at her, and nodded assuringly. I'm real.
Stay calm Haiya, don't get too excited. . . Haiya tried to steady herself; she wanted to show Gohan how relaxed she could be. But the wall she had built since the day of his death came tumbling down as she crushed him a lethal embrace that would have killed him, had he not been a Saiyan. Tears of joy stained his gi where her head rested, and her finely manicured nails dug deep into his fair skin. He was real. He was real.
Gohan returned her embrace subtly, hanging his arms loosely around her waist and massaging her back gently. If felt good to have her in his arms again; he missed her terribly. He would not give in to his desires, however, for he knew he needed to be strong for her. If he lost it - lost himself inside her aura too soon - it would ruin the feel of the moment, the tenderness of just being near her again. He was afraid he would hurt her in his frenzy to sastisfy his needs once more. . .he didn't want to be selfish.
Haiya lifted her head to stare at him with pure awe, her salty eyes wide with innocence. She tried to open her mouth to speak to him; she wanted to hear his voice again, his honey-silk voice, but she found the words would not reach her tongue, and so she resorted to communicate with him telepathically.
::How?::
::It's a long story, I'll explain later.::
::Why later?::
::Haiya, it's been nearly fifteen years. . .I think it's safe to say that I missed you. A lot.::
She chuckled under her breath and returned her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing in his natural scent.
::I missed you a lot too.::
::I hadn't noticed.::
Haiya giggled, tightening her hold, if that was at all possible, around his ribcage. Neither had any intention of letting go anytime soon, and no one thought to check on them, seeing as how the situation presented itself. Haiya sighed contently as Gohan's prodding hands began to take on a more pleasurable task, by removing her robe slowly off her shoulders to reveal her bare skin. She responded with fether light kisses apon his neck, causing him to moan in the back of his throat. Haiya grinned.
Oh yes my Gohan; this time, your not going anywhere. . .
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to
Joyful Girl ~ Ani DiFranco
Anyway, I don't own DBZ blah blah blah, but I do own Haiya. That's about it, read on and enjoy!
Yesterday
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to
~*FLASHBACK*~
"How dare you go off like that and not tell me where you were going! I thought you had gotten yourself killed, I thought you were rotting away in some gutter on the street! What are you trying to do, give me wrinkles?!"
Gohan calmly sat and watched Haiya carry out her tempertantrum, waiting for the moment when she would cool down so he could explain himself. He knew he had been wrong to leave her all alone for three days without a message, and he had to admit he would be pretty upset too. Man, now I know how mom feels, he thought sheepishly.
Almost hours later, Haiya's breathing returned to normal and her eyes returned to their normal scarlet hues. The sudden change made Gohan realize how much her beauty increased when she was outraged. He'd have to pay more close attention next time she started to yell at him.
"I'm sorry Haiya, I didn't mean to. . ."
"Can't you come up with a better exuse then that?"
"Are you going to let me finish?"
A low growl was his response.
"Thank you. I really didn't mean to leave and not tell you. I had to hide out somewhere after my fight with the androids, so they wouldn't find me . ."
"Oh yes, the androids, how could I forget? It's obviously more important to you to destroy them and throw your life away then being with me."
Gohan lifted his head slowly, and Haiya could've sworn she saw Goku as smiled lightly.
"Yes, it is."
Haiya's mouth dropped to the floor.
"At the moment."
She wanted to scream. She wanted to wipe that callow grin off his face, make him pay for what he'd done to her. Making her sit up all night worrying, making her heart and soul bleed for him. But what did she have to show for it exactly? A few enraged insults? Nothing could do justice for what she was feeling at that moment, for at that moment, she became almost pure fire. I'll never be good enough for him, she feared. I'll never be understanding enough, I'll never be righteous enough, I'll never. . .I'll never. . .
"Auuuuuuhhh!"
She lunged at him, flaying her fists, hoping to hit at least part of her target. Gohan, who didn't seem the least bit surprised, grabbed her wrists and held her down without any effort what-so-ever. In fact he seemed amused by her sudden outburst; his eyes laughed at her where his mouth did not. This only angered her further, to the point where the vein on the left side of her forehead throbbed uncontrolalby.
everything i do is judged
and they mostly get it wrong but oh well
'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
and the woman who lives there can tell the truth
from the stuff that they say
and she looks me in the eye and says
would you prefer the easy way
no, well o.k. then
don't cry
"Let go of me," Haiya snarled through her teeth. Don't do it, please don't do it. Can't let him know he's getting to you, don't do it. .
"Not until you calm down," he responded. Haiya grunted and squirmed beneath his weight, obviously unwilling to go down without a fight. Of course, this did nothing to phase Gohan, but still she continued to try and break free, for lack of anything else that she could think of doing to hurt him.
"I hate you. I swear to god, I hate you."
The dam broke. Months of blood-shot eyes from loss of sleep, an empty bed to crawl into, and chewed nails came crashing down on her. With a cry of utter shame, Haiya finally let her tears escape their barriers and stream down her lovely face. Gohan, in the mean time, was taken aback by this sudden turn of emotion, loosening his grip to gawk down at her with bewilderment. Haiya didn't have the will nor the strength to try push him away anymore. . . It didn't matter anymore.
Gohan had never seen Haiya like this before, getting all riled up merely because he left for a few days. He'd certainly never seen her cry, even when the entire Z Senshi was killed, she hadn't shed one tear. So why now? Why now after all that had happened?
"Haiya, I. .," Gohan tried to think of something to say, anything that would break the tension he himself had created purely out of spite. Haiya's sobs had quited down, and she began to sniff and hiccup due to her overloaded tears. She stared up at him with unreadable eyes, her mouth pulled into a straight line. What was she thinking, he wondered? Did she really mean what she said? Did she hate him? He hoped she was reading his mind, he hoped she would find what she was looking for and throw herself into his arms so everything would be alright between them again. He needed everything to be alright between them. It was the only thing left in this entire world that made him want to keep on living, to keep on fighting the androids. He no longer found joy in seeing his mother, as much as he loved her. . .she had filled herself to brim with sorrow, and shattered the spirited woman that she had once been when she was young. Bulma was no better, trying hard to accomplish the impossible with her miracle science, talking about some sort of time machine that allowed them to go back in time and try to rescue everyone before the andriods arrived. Gohan payed no heed to her ramblings, and found himself listening more then talking when they had a conversation. He really hadn't seen much of Trunks; the boy had been keeping himself scarce, for what reason was beyond the older demi- Saiyan.
Haiya was his only sanity in this insane world of destruction and dolor.
i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know
Haiya gasped when Gohan collasped onto her, weeping like a boy in need of a mother's tender love. He clutched her frail body to his musclar one, as if he were afraid to let go. It took Haiya some time to recover before she found herself again, and she instinctively placed one hand on his head, and the other atop his shoulder.
"Gohan-"
"I'm sorry Haiya, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'll make it up to you, I promise, I promise. . ."
His whole body shook so badly, that Haiya herself began to shake from the friction. She ran her slender fingers through his thick black hair and rocked him gently back and forth.
"Shh-shh now, it's ok, I'm here," she soothed, closing her eyes against her regret. She had entered his mind, if only for a breif moment, and found not the big, bad, tough Super Saiyan that he pretended to be, but a scared, lost, and sad little boy that was looking for an answer. An answer to one simple question:
Why?
Why indeed.
Not a word was spoken after that. Neither felt the need to speak. They just lay there on the living room floor, clinging to one another for comfort. And even in Haiya's rage, Gohan found exactly what he needed, and had no intention of letting go anytime soon. Not that Haiya was complaining either, she rather enjoyed be envoloped in Gohan's affectionate embrace, savoring the way his soft flesh felt against hers. After all, it'd been three days since she last saw him. . .
~*END FLASHBACK*~
I can't believe after all this time, I'm still daydreaming about that boy. Haiya heaved a sigh and tightened her hold on her bathrobe. After Goku had died from his heart disease, and the Z senshi were killed - or more like murdered - by the androids, Haiya secretly watched over the boy, keeping a close eye on him through the shadows. She saw him grow up without a father, turn Super Saiyan for the first time, stand by the graves of his loved ones in silent mourning. . .she saw it all without him knowng it. Sometimes, just sometimes, she would creep into his mind, just to check on him, and see that everything was alright. Half the time it was, half the time it wasn't. If Haiya had a nickle for everytime she caught him thinking about suicide, she'd have been a rich woman. 'Course, she was always at his aid when ever he sunk that low, and helped him to stand on both feet again. The older he got, the more agreggated he got, and the more agreggated he got, the more desirable he became to Haiya. It wasn't long before she came to the realization that she was in love with him, but chose to keep that hidden, for her sake and his. She didn't really remember what it was that brought them together, only that he had accidently hinted his interest in her, letting her know his true feelings without making a big production about it.
Actually staying together was the real obstacle.
It was only a few months after they declared their love for one another that Gohan decided to take on the task of fighting the androids all by himself. Haiya had no choice but stand back and watch. . .she was no fighter, and she never would be. It was her Maindo blood that kept her from becoming a true warrior, and for the very first time in her life, she was starting to hate her heritage. She wanted to help Gohan, she wouldn't allow anything to happen to him that even remotely endangered his life. Even though her premonitions had left her (her visions had stopped coming to her the day the Z senshi was killed), and she could no longer predict the future, she knew one simple fact - he could not defeat the androids on his own.
If she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the texture of his skin, the arch of his foot, the webbing between his fingers. . . Every little detail was held sacred, securely stored inside her memory. That was all she had left now, and as hard as she tried to make the best of it, it just didn't match up to the real thing. Nothing would.
"Stubborn man," she whispered to herself, resisting the urge to break down,"you wouldn't listen to me or anyone, would you? I told you you would get yourself killed, I told you you would die. . ."
"I guess you were right after all."
That voice. It couldn't be. . .it couldn't be who she thought it was. It just couldn't. Her ears were playing tricks on her again, as they so often did before. Turning to acknowledge the speaker, she nearly collasped as her eyes buldged out of her skull.
There, clad in his usual orange gi, stood Son Gohan, with his arms crossed over his chest and a jubilant smile spread across his lips.
Haiya had all but forgotten how to speak, and all she could think was that this had to be a dream. There was no other explaination. Gohan was dead, she watched him die at the hands of the androids. There was just no way he could be standing there, staring at her the way he used to, with that goofy Son grin.
Her eyes never once dared to leave him as he made his first move. But, instead of running to her immediately, as he had planned on doing, he dropped to the floor and sat indian-style, his arms still wrapped carelessly around his chest.
He waited.
Gohan. His name repeated itself inside her head, driving her to the point where she almost wanted to rip out her hair. She didn't know what to think as he sat down, regaurding her with piety. What do you do when the love of your life suddenly comes back from the dead and appears in your room? Especially only moments after you were day dreaming about them? Haiya struggled to keep her feet planted firmly on the ground, but the overwhelming sense that Gohan was really sitting before her and that she could reach out and touch him made her realize she didn't want to. She felt a wave of euphoria, followed by girlish giddiness she hadn't felt in years.
Very cautiously, Haiya approached the demi-Sayain, who had long since decided to close his eyes and meditate until Haiya came to her senses. Chances were she didn't believe what she was seeing; not that he blamed her, he wouldn't believe it at first either. I'm really here Haiya, he thought, and I intend to keep it that way.
With trembling fingers, Haiya reached out to touch his face. She had prepared herself for disppointment; she had thought her fingers would pass right through him and confirm her doubts. She pulled back sharply when flesh connected with flesh, as if she had been burned. He's real. Oh Enma, he's real. Without further hesitation, Haiya reached out with both hands and gripped his face between her palms. Gohan opened his eyes to look up at her, and nodded assuringly. I'm real.
Stay calm Haiya, don't get too excited. . . Haiya tried to steady herself; she wanted to show Gohan how relaxed she could be. But the wall she had built since the day of his death came tumbling down as she crushed him a lethal embrace that would have killed him, had he not been a Saiyan. Tears of joy stained his gi where her head rested, and her finely manicured nails dug deep into his fair skin. He was real. He was real.
Gohan returned her embrace subtly, hanging his arms loosely around her waist and massaging her back gently. If felt good to have her in his arms again; he missed her terribly. He would not give in to his desires, however, for he knew he needed to be strong for her. If he lost it - lost himself inside her aura too soon - it would ruin the feel of the moment, the tenderness of just being near her again. He was afraid he would hurt her in his frenzy to sastisfy his needs once more. . .he didn't want to be selfish.
Haiya lifted her head to stare at him with pure awe, her salty eyes wide with innocence. She tried to open her mouth to speak to him; she wanted to hear his voice again, his honey-silk voice, but she found the words would not reach her tongue, and so she resorted to communicate with him telepathically.
::How?::
::It's a long story, I'll explain later.::
::Why later?::
::Haiya, it's been nearly fifteen years. . .I think it's safe to say that I missed you. A lot.::
She chuckled under her breath and returned her head to his shoulder, closing her eyes and breathing in his natural scent.
::I missed you a lot too.::
::I hadn't noticed.::
Haiya giggled, tightening her hold, if that was at all possible, around his ribcage. Neither had any intention of letting go anytime soon, and no one thought to check on them, seeing as how the situation presented itself. Haiya sighed contently as Gohan's prodding hands began to take on a more pleasurable task, by removing her robe slowly off her shoulders to reveal her bare skin. She responded with fether light kisses apon his neck, causing him to moan in the back of his throat. Haiya grinned.
Oh yes my Gohan; this time, your not going anywhere. . .
i do it for the joy it brings
because i'm a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
i do it because it's the least i can do
i do it because i learned it from you
and i do it just because i want to
because i want to
Joyful Girl ~ Ani DiFranco