Rating: So far, PG-13... a couple of bad words thrown in, you know what a potty-mouth I have!
Feedback: Please, please, please write me... I hate to beg, but this is what it's come down to. I'm seriously getting almost no feedback! Please drop me a line at pilar@chickmail.com. Thanks!
A tattoo burned for everything
I've ever wanted and lost.
I had a long list of names that I kept in my back pocket,
but I've cut it down to one and your name's at the top.
Won't you share a common disaster?
Share with me a common disaster?
Ohhhh... a common disaster.
Going to find me someone to share
a common disaster.
Run away with me from a life so cramped and dull.
Not worry too much about the happy-ever-after.
Just keep the Caddy moving
'til we're well beyond that hill.
As Pacey's face inched closer to hers, both of their minds closed to unconscious protestations. So what if it might not be the best idea either of them had had, so what? She closed her eyes and awaited the pressure of his lips against hers.
It wasn't an especially passionate kiss, more like they were testing the waters, checking out the scene. Her lips were soft and welcoming, he brought his closer, watching as her eyes closed to him as they neared. When they touched, he could feel his heart skip a beat and his breath catch in his throat.
As they parted, she opened her eyes slowly and brought them up to meet his, her mouth curling into a small smile. He brought his hand to her face and ran the backs of his fingers along her cheekbones, smiling into her eyes. She looked over his shoulder at the clock on the wall.
"We should get out of here before my mom decides to come back for lunch," she said in a low voice. She didn't want to put a break in the moment that they had just shared.
"Okay. Where do you want to go? I'm getting kinda hungry... should we grab something and take it somewhere?"
"Yeah... good idea." She stood and he watched as she walked into the kitchen, joining her there moments later when he figured he could get up without risking embarrassment. "What are you into? I've got some leftover chicken and stuff, we could make a couple of sandwiches?"
"Sounds fine to me." He smiled at her again, the tension between them had returned. It wasn't necessarily a negative tension really, simply an unassuredness that they were both feeling for their own reasons. He wanted to explain things to her, feeling that he should be completely open about everything that was going through his mind. It seemed like the best way for them to start this, whatever this was. She seemed very uneasy about him at times, and he could sense something within her saying Take it slow.... He joined her at the counter and helped her assemble their lunch, pressing his leg against her.
"Where do you want to go, Pacey?" She turned her whole body to face him when she spoke, looking boldly at him, hoping to catch him off guard as he had her so many times in the past hours. She didn't like to feel that she didn't have the upper hand in any situation, even though she knew that it only seemed that way for seconds. Controlling the turn of events soothed her, made her into the person that she so often seemed to be. She wanted him to kiss her again. She tilted her neck back to look into his face, easily a foot above hers.
"I don't know... the beach? The park? Something like that?" Pacey cocked his head to one side, looking down at her. The look in her eyes as she stared at him, a jar of mayonnaise in one hand, stirred something inside of him that he had not felt since before his relationship with Tamara had ended. He lifted Abby by the waist and propped her on the edge of the sink, her face just about level with his. She laughed slightly as his lips closed on hers for the second time.
She wasn't nervous when she felt him kiss her waiting lips. She had orchestrated the moment, knowing how to move him towards her. She snaked her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to him, feeling his tongue mingle with hers and his hands press against the small of her back. Their passion for each other heightened by the second, she was aware of the spread of heat between her legs as he pressed himself against her, his lips journeying over her chin and down her neck.
"We really should go... really..." She finally said, breathlessly. He helped her down, his hands still on her waist, the fire still burning in his luscious, green eyes.
"You're right. How about the trail out behind the Junior High?" he said, regaining his composure and attempting to wrap their sandwiches and place them into a paper bag.
"Sure...," she said questioningly. "I don't think I know it, you'll have to lead the way."
"I think that I can do that," he grinned devilishly at her.
Abby took Pacey's outstretched hand as they walked from her house and to the street, stopping to hide his bike in the bushes by the side of her house. They had gotten a couple of blocks away when he pulled her between two houses and they started towards the woods.
"This kind of reminds me of summer camp," she said looking around her at the lush, green trees. The weathered walking trail stretched before them, leading seemingly nowhere, deep into the forest. Bugs of all sizes flew around them and the tall shrubs licked at their legs as they walked.
"Dawson and Joey and I used to ride our bikes through here when we were little kids playing 21 Jump Street. They always used to make me be Penhall, the chunky cop... It sucked. I wanted to be Johnny Depp. Damn... how much easier was it when we were, like 9 years old? No cares in the world beyond running around and getting filthy. No worries at all."
"Yeah... even a few years ago, before high school. When did being young get so complicated?"
"I don't know, but I'm beginning to think that it really doesn't have to be." He reached around her, snapping a flower off of a low branch and putting his arm around her shoulder, handing it to her. The sun shone through the leaves of the trees, casting moving kaleidoscope patterns on the path as they walked along.
Soon they came to a bright, grassy clearing in the trees. Pacey led her to a large stump and they leaned against it, the overgrown ivy scratching at their bare legs. Abby turned her face to the sky and looked around her.
"This is very pretty, Pacey. What other tricks do you and Capeside have up your sleeves?" she said, slapping another mosquito away from her arm.
"You'd be surprised by the secrets this little town keeps."
"Yeah, like the one about you and Miss Jacobs, that didn't seem to be a kept secret for too long..." His face fell and Abby felt immediately remorseful for putting her foot in her mouth, yet again. She cringed. "Pacey, I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm doing sometimes. Damn. Please forget that I even said that... Let me start over. You said I'd be surprised by the secrets this town keeps, well... you'll just have to tell me all about them, then."
"It's okay. I'll forgive you, but just this once." He said, forcing a small smile. "Abby, I'd like to think that we could be as normal around each other as possible. Neither one of us are that used to people being good to us for no reason, so I know it's a different situation that both of us need to get used to. Let's try not to just spout things that might hurt the other one's feeling just as a matter of keeping up walls. I like you."
"I like you too, Pacey,", she said, tipping her eyes upward to look into his. His stomach growled and she couldn't suppress her giggles, glad that another horrible moment between them had passed them by. She began unpacking their lunches and they ate, their conversation lively and flirtatious. Things were still bothering her though, and she knew that was the reason she kept saying things to keep an amount of distance between them.
"Pacey--I know that this is none of my business, but I have to ask... What's going to happen between you and Andie?" She had been mulling this question over and over in her mind for hours, finally mustering up the courage to seek an answer. The mood between them intensified as the words exited her lips.
"Nothing." His eyes turned dark as he turned his attention to his lap. "I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. I admit, it's not the the ideal situation and there hasn't really been any resolve between the two of us yet. I thought that I really had it bad for her, but this has been coming for a while now and even though it's not going to be easy being around her for a while, it is really over. Completely over."
"But do you still love her?"
"I don't know that I ever have loved her, Abby... I'm starting to think that maybe I was just so desperate to be in a normal relationship that I just grabbed onto her and lost myself in what I thought would make me happy. But I haven't been happy, and I'm really tired of always getting the short end of the stick, you know?" "I guess... look, I'm sorry to have brought all of this up, I keep on managing to ruin it every time we're having a nice time."
"Abby, I'm still having a nice time, really. I think it's important that we're open about everything, especially since it's not like we know each other very well. You don't seem the type of woman who goes into things blindly." He put a hand on her face, fingers resting on her temple. He ran them along the side of her cheek and traced her lips. "I would like to get to know you better, Abby. It's nice finding out that you're not who I thought you were."
"Me too, Pacey." Her heart was pounding in her chest, she thought for sure that he could hear it.
Pacey scooted down, lying in the grass and pulling her down to him. She put her head on his chest and felt his arm encircle her shoulders. If this day could go on forever, the two of them carved into each other relaxing in the sun, insects swirling around them; she could feel confident and serene--but the day would end at some point and Abby couldn't help but fear the worst. It was her nature to feel that way, she hoped that she was wrong.
Every time that she began to feel unsure, he would do something else that would make her mind twist 180 degrees. Just as her feelings of doom were setting in, he began running his fingers along her ribcage. She turned onto her stomach and looked him in the eyes, an evil grin creeping over his lips as he dug his fingers into her sides, tickling her.
Abby squirmed to get away from him but he brought his other arm around her, holding her tightly in place with his strong arms. Finally, shrieking, she broke from his grasp.
"You bastard! Leave me alone!" She laughed, running away from him quickly. He was much faster than her and had her back in his clutches within seconds, still harassing her with tickles.
"Stop! Stop! I give!!! Uncle!!!"
"Oh, you give in, do you? No chance!" His hands were all over her waist and he had her giggling uncontrollably She collapsed against him, panting, and they sunk together to the ground.
His lips found hers and they began to kiss, her body relaxing into his as she felt his warm breath on her mouth and tasted his soft tongue searching between her lips. There was something incredibly right when they got together this time. All of their earlier trepidation wasting away to nothing, every kiss better than the last.
Pacey couldn't fight his longings any further. His hands moved along her body, up her legs and around her waist. His hormones urged him on but he knew that he had to keep them in check, and keep their relationship innocent until they were both ready. To move too fast would be a betrayal to both of them. They made out like crazy, suspending time.
Abby lay on her back next to Pacey, they stared into the sky watching the full, white clouds pass them by slowly.
"Have you ever tried cloud busting?" she said, turning her face to his.
"Cloud busting?"
"Yeah... you concentrate on one cloud, for as long as you possibly can, staring at it and willing it to break apart and go away."
"There's no way you can do that. You can't make clouds disappear like magic."
She turned her face back to the sky and pointed up to a fat cloud hanging above them. "Oh ye of little faith... stare at that one and really believe, you have to really think hard and imagine it disappearing. OK?"
"This is so not going to work," he laughed.
"Come on... what if the children didn't believe in Tinkerbell... you have to believe."
"Fine... I'll try. This cloud, you say?"
"Yes... that cloud. Concentrate on making it disappear." She reached over and took his hand in hers and they lay side by side on the soft grass, their eyes fixed on the blue and white sky. About six minutes passed and the cloud had dissipated.
She rolled onto her side, still holding his hand. "See? We did it."
He put a hand around around her neck, pulling her towards him. "You are amazing."
Pacey brought his bike in to the carport and pulled his keys from his knapsack, opening his front door and entering his house. As usual, all was quiet in the Witter home and he assumed that he was alone. He began to walk up the stairs to his bedroom, when his father stepped out of his office, a stern look on his face.
"Pacey? Care to explain something to me?"
"Yeah, Pop?" Pacey could tell that his father was angry, but then again, when had his father not been angry at him. He searched his mind for something that he could have done to get on his bad side once again. Maybe left out the milk after breakfast? Didn't cap the toothpaste?
"I'd like you to listen to something and then explain to me what we have heard. Do you think that your limited brain capacity can handle those simple instructions?" He shoved Pacey into a chair facing his desk, pressing the button on the answering machine.
Beep. "Pacey? Are you there? Where the hell are you? You weren't in school today and I swear that I saw you take off with Abby Morgan, but I didn't see you get on her broom. So I have to think I'm wrong. Are you there? Pacey? Well... I'm going to assume that you're sick and stayed home and are in bed. Call me later, when you get this... I want to tell you something about Andie."
Pacey sat looking into his father's boiling eyes, his face was getting redder by the second.
"Sir? Uh..."
"Pacey. Don't even attempt to lie to me. If you lie, I will slap you so hard you'll starve to death before you stop rolling."
"Sir, I know that there's never an excuse for skipping school, but, well... I broke up with my girlfriend yesterday, and I didn't really want to deal with it this morning, so I cut class. I'm very sorry and it will never happen again."
"Don't try to bullshit a bullshitter, you little pissant. You're grounded. I don't want to hear anything about you not going to school ever again. In fact, I don't want to see you doing anything other than going to school and coming home and studying. Do you understand me?"
Pacey's eyes remained glued to the floor in front of him.
"Yes, sir."
"Look at me when I'm talking to you, you piece of shit. Do you understand me?" Chief Witter's face was hard as stone. Pacey brought his eyes up to meet his father's, wanting nothing more than to get this over with and get out of this room. Meeting his eyes, his father's face changed and Pacey thought for a minute that he might take a swing at him.
"Yes, sir. I understand."
"Get the hell out of my face, you disgust me."
Pacey rose and began walking out of the room, passing his mother in the hallway. She stopped him, putting a hand on his cheek.
"It'll be alright, darling. He'll get over this soon enough. You really shouldn't be cutting school, though," she whispered.
"Sorry, Ma." He watched as she entered the room he had just left.
"John..."
"Now what the hell do you want?"
"I just..."
"What are we going to do with that kid? The little bastard..." Pacey turned and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him softly. He didn't need to hear his father's ruminations on how crappy a son he was. He flopped onto his bed and picked up the phone.
It was picked up on the third ring.
"Hi Mrs. Leery, it's Pacey. Is Dawson there?" "Yes, sweetie. Hold on a second. Dawson? Pacey's on the phone for you."
"Hey Pace--"
"What the hell were you thinking Dawson? You know I've only got one phone. My father just about blew a fucking gasket."
"What did I do?"
"Dawson. Get a clue, okay. You left a message on my machine saying I wasn't in school. Did you think for a second that I might be cutting? Duh!" Pacey was infuriated that Dawson could be so dense. It was amazing, to him, how someone so smart, could be so socially inept at times.
"Man... I guess I wasn't thinking about it."
"What else is new, Dawson. What did you want to tell me, anyway?"
"Oh! I saw Andie this morning and she was looking for you. She told me that you broke up with her yesterday? What were you thinking, man? The woman is perfect. I thought the two of you were really going to go the distance."
"Yeah well, our relationship was really one-sided Dawson. I wasn't very happy with her. So I decided to break it off now, before we got any closer. It's for the best, really." Pacey sighed deeply into the phone, his mind was not on Andie at all.
"Are you okay, I mean... well, you know. Are you really cool with this?"
"I'm fine, Dawson. Really. Was Andie alright? You said that you wanted to tell me something about her."
"Yeah... I guess she was alright... She didn't look very good, she came over and asked me where you were and I said that I thought I saw you take off this morning with Abby and she freaked. She was talking so fast I could hardly understand her, said that you'd broke up with her and that you weren't home all night last night and she said she called you a bunch of times and that you weren't answering her calls. Then she tore into the bathroom. She was definitely upset. I think she might have been crying."
"Shit. Yeah... I figured she'd be really worked today. That's why I didn't want to come to school. I got just about there and decided against it. I think she needs some time and space to get over it."
"Speaking of which... did you take off with Abby? Please tell me I was seeing things, please. That girl is evil incarnate."
A fire rose inside of him, but he quelled it silently. "She's not evil, Dawson."
"So you were with her... what's that about? Spill, Witter."
"There's nothing to spill. Look, I gotta go... I'll see you tomorrow." He hung up the phone without giving Dawson a chance to argue. Just another thing that he would have to deal with tomorrow.
Rolling onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling, losing himself in reverie. The vision of her laughing as they collapsed to the grass together playing over in his head. He smiled as he thought of her full, pink lips and the way that her hand felt in his as they walked. Right now, he could easily spend every waking moment with her and each one would be a surprise. They had been out of each other's presence for less than an hour and he already missed her.
When the phone rang, he looked at it with disdain, knowing that Andie was on the other end. He turned away from it, hoping that it would just stop on its own, wishing that she could go a night without calling him. It was selfish, but he had nothing to say to her yet. There was just nothing left that wouldn't hurt her feelings more than he already had, and he never set out to hurt her. Eventually, he would have to speak to her, but right now, he only wanted to concentrate on positive relationships rather than the negative.
"Pacey?", his mother called from outside his door.
"Yeah, Ma?"
"Your girlfriend, Andie, is on the phone," she said through the door.
"Mom, please tell her that I'm at work or at Dawson's or something... please." He turned back towards the ceiling, willing the situation to pass without incident.
"Pacey. I don't want to lie to her for you. This is the third time that she's called today, and I don't know how many times yesterday, don't you think--"
"Please," he interrupted, "I really don't want to talk right now. Tell her the truth, tell her that I'm grounded."
"Alright... alright. Dinner will be ready in a half hour, so come downstairs soon, okay?"
"Thanks, Ma," he sighed deeply. Narrowly missed... Andie was entirely too dramatic for him, everything always had to be an issue. Not a day had gone by during their relationship, that didn't include some sort of trauma. In their conversation, Dawson said that she had spazzed when he mentioned spotting him and Abby. Abby... he needed to talk to her, they needed to figure out what they were going to do about each other in the wake of Andie's crises. Andie, still creating drama in his life, even though he'd already cut her loose.
Dialing Jen Lindley's number, he tried to come up with a viable excuse for wanting to get in touch with Abby.
"Hello?"
"Hey Jen, this is Pacey. How're ya doin'?" He tried to sound light and airy, normal.
"I'm good, thanks. To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Actually... well, I wasn't feeling well this morning so I took the day off, but I need to get my history homework done and I lent my book to Abby, I was wondering if you could give me her number?" There Pacey, now was that so hard?
"Heh, sure Pacey. Hold on a second, let me get it for you..." She returned within seconds, "Here you go, got a pen?"
"Yeah." He heard a bizarre tone in her voice and wondered paranoically if she was getting ideas.
"It's 555-9436."
"Thanks, Jen. I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school."
"I hope you're feeling better, and Pacey?" Uh oh Jen was pretty perceptive most of the time, but then again, Pacey was probably getting nervous for nothing.
"Uh huh?"
"You know, if you need anyone to talk to about Andie, or anything else, you know I'm here. I'm a pretty good listener and I think you'll find I can give a relatively unbiased opinion."
"Dawson tell you?"
"I bumped into her today, so she told me. But look, I'm around... if you need me, really."
"Thanks Jen, I appreciate it."
"No worries, anytime. Say hello to Abby for me, she wasn't in school today either."
"Alright. Later."
"Goodnight, Pacey," she said hanging up the phone. He stared at the dead receiver for a moment. What the hell was that about?
P> Abby sat in the T.V. room with her mother. They had eaten dinner on the couch together, watching some stupid game show that her mom was into. They were not filled with conversation, so Abby knew that her mother hadn't noticed when she'd arrived with Pacey and they had kissed again, leaning against the side of her house. He retrieved his bike from its hiding spot and she'd watched as he rode off, his jacket flapping in the wind.
Now she felt the spot where they had sat for so many hours, remembering his warmth and the way his hands had felt on her. For the first time, a man had made her feel good about herself, not like he wanted to get her into bed, but that he wanted her. She was staring blankly into the television screen when the she heard the telephone.
"Hello?" Her mother answered on the second ring.
"Um... hello, Ms. Morgan. May I speak to Abby, please," he said extremely politely.
"Yes, who may I say is calling?"
"Pacey Witter, Ma'am."
"Hold on a moment, Pacey." She held out the receiver to Abby, mouthing So polite...
Abby's eyes lit up when she heard his name. There was no concealing her surprise and delight at his call, her hand shot out to take the phone from her mother.
"Hey...," she said walking slowly out of the room.
"Hey yourself... how're you doin'?"
"I'm good, long time no speak to... I met the sweetest guy and I think he likes me," she whispered flirtatiously.
"Hmmmm, really now? Anyone I should be horrendously jealous of? Do I have to kick his ass?"
"You might..." She wished that he could see her smiling at him through the phone line.
"So, I got caught."
"You're kidding me! How?"
"Dawson. He left a message on our machine."
"Pacey, I know he's your friend, but oh my god..."
"Don't even say it. I realize that he's not exactly the swiftest sometimes, but he's the best friend I've had my whole life. Although this... pretty stupid." She could almost see his green eyes rolling. "So now I'm grounded."
"I'm sorry... that blows." Selfishly, she wondered how little time they were going to have to spend together. She heard the line click. "Is that your other line? I could hold on?"
"Ignore it, it's probably Andie again, and I'm still in the avoidance stage."
"Oh..." Abby cringed at the sound of her name. She had a string feeling that little miss perfect was soon to become the bane of her existance.
"Abby, I know that this is going to sound lame, but do you think that we can keep this, us, kinda low-profile for a while? I don't want Andie getting the wrong idea, y'know?"
"The wrong idea? You know, maybe I'm the one who's gotten the wrong idea." She clenched her teeth and felt her nostrils flare. See what happens, Abby? See? They are all the same.
"Abby--that's not what I meant. Stop it. I just don't want anyone thinking that I dumped her for another woman. I don't want her feelings hurt any more than they already have been. She's got it tough enough, Abby."
"I'm sure. Well... I'm sure we'll figure out something." Here she was, wanting to run through the streets telling everyone that she met that they had gotten together, and he was thinking about her. All said, Abby was a bit disappointed. She didn't think that they'd immediately be a couple or anything, but the idea of sneaking around wasn't sitting well either.
"I'm sorry, Abby. I don't really want it to be like this either..."
"I know..." He'd done it again, just when she was getting bitter and angry and starting to believe the voice inside her that told her to be wary, he said something to make her feel the opposite.
"Well look, I'll see you before school tomorrow, okay? I have a feeling I'll be getting a police escort for the next few days."
"Okay, I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night... sweet dreams, Abby."
"G'nite..." She hung up the phone feeling confused but somehow content that they would be able to get through this impasse, together.
To be continued...