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I hid my love in thin disguise
I tried to leave, how could I stay?
What if my heart gave me away?
I always thought I'd be prepared
But love just caught me unaware
You said the words and I believed
I fell so hard, I fell so deep
Love can't hide, though it tries
Hearts catch fire, so has mine
Here's My Heart
So true love triumphs once again
It always makes it in the end
And if you let the heart run free
It will return faithfully
Love can't hide, though it tries
Hearts catch fire, all the time
Helpless love walks the line
Hearts catch fire, the hour is fine
Here's My Heart
Love can't hide, though it tries
Hearts catch fire, all the time
Helpless love walks the line
Hearts catch fire, so has mine
Here's My Heart
"Ugh..." Pacey let out a long groan as he awoke, the skin of his arms and legs tight and itchy. He rolled over and turned on the light beside his bed. The clock read 4:15am, far to early to be this awake or this uncomfortable.
A horrible rash covered half his body, red and bumpy and itchier than all get out. Poison Ivy. Poison Ivy covering every available inch of skin that hadn't been protected by clothing the day before. It was as if he had rolled around in ti deliberately.
"Damn it! This is just perfect, brilliant!" he muttered angrily to himself. His skin was enflamed and he was more than a little bit annoyed, but a thought passed through his head and he had to laugh. Abby would most certainly have a similar case, and if he had to suffer through this torment, he was pleased that he wouldn't have to go it alone. He went to the bathroom for some Calamine, stripped off his night clothes and went back to bed.
"Mo-om! Mommy!!!" Abby yelled down to her mother in a whiny tone. Within seconds, she opened the door and walked into Abby's room. Abby stood in front of her mirror, a horrified expression on her face. She wore a pink, sleeveless baby doll nightgown, her exposed skin broken out in a terrible rash.
"Oh my god! Abby!" she came closer to her, looking at her daughter's blistery arms "Is that Poison Ivy? Oh... honey.... I'll go get some Calamine and Benedryl and we'll take care of the itch." Abby's hand mindlessly reached down to her knee, but her mother slapped it away. "Don't scratch!"
"Mom..." Abby was her mother's baby, she would do just about anything to make her daughter happy.
"It'll be fine, sweetie... I promise. At least it's not on your face. And don't scratch, or you'll spread it."
She turned back to her reflection and scowled at it, her brows furrowed.
Her mother returned carrying ointment and pills and a glass of water, it took Abby a moment to notice that she was wearing rubber gloves, so she wouldn't catch it herself.
"Come here, darling, I'll put this on you. Does it itch very badly?" She looked at her daughter sympathetically and Abby nodded her head in the affirmative. "Take these, they might make you a little bit sleepy though."
Abby held out her hand and received the pills, taking them with a huge gulp of water. She looked sadly at her mother, jutting out her lower lip.
"I look heinous. What am I going to do?"
Her mother opened her closet after snapping off the rubber gloves, tossing them into the trash can. She went through Abby's ridiculous amount of clothes piece by piece.
"How about one of your long skirts, that cover your legs, but I'm afraid that with this Indian Summer heat, your arms are a lost cause. They're not all that terrible though, as long as you remember to try not scratch. You'll just make it look and feel worse. Now go wash up, and use the anti-bacterial soap. I'll drive you to school, since you're running late, alright?"
Abby felt more like throwing a temper tantrum than anything else. As much as she hated to admit it, her appearance was terribly important to her. Looking fantastic and dressing a bit over the top gave her bitchiness a bit of balance, something else to hide behind.
Chief Witter's squad car drove up to Capeside High and Pacey exited silently, scanning the crowd of students. He could see Andie across the quad talking with Jack and Joey, her back to him, thankfully. He still had no idea how he wanted to handle her. He knew that he was in complete avoidance, but it was better than having to face the music. Brakes squealed behind him and he turned around to see Abby getting out of her mother's car, she looked miserable and very annoyed. Yet incredibly hot, he thought to himself. He bent down and kissed her quickly on the cheek when she approached.
"Public displays of affection? I thought that we were "laying low"," she snapped at him.
"Come on, Abby," he smiled at her, "You know as well as I do that the jig is up the minute someone notices our matching skin ailments."
She was still pouting, but she had to laugh anyway. She hadn't even thought that he would be affected as well, and they did look pretty funny together. He hadn't even bothered to cover it up, wearing shorts and a short-sleeved button down shirt, his limbs looking raw and bumpy and shiny from Calamine gel. They stood staring at each other and listened as the first bell rang, summoning them to class.
Pacey hung back, noticing Andie turn and look over the crowd. Searching for him, no doubt. He knew that it had still only been a couple of days, but he just wanted the whole thing over and done with. Even if it was him who wasn't facing the problem. Finally, she looked at her watch and raced into the building. Thank God she's Miss Punctual.
The crowd thinned out and Pacey took the opportunity to whisk Abby off of her feet and into his arms, kissing her passionately. When he returned her to the ground, she looked incredibly surprised, pleasantly.
"What was that for?" she asked, smirking at him.
"I figured I might not have another chance at that today, so I took the moment when it availed itself. Besides, I really couldn't help myself. You got a problem with that, woman?" He was so sexy when he played cute, she couldn't help but be charmed by him. He made her feel so... different.
"Not at all... but it's such a tease. I'm going to see you in the halls and in class, but I'm still going to miss you."
They were walking into the school, lagging behind everyone else, just seconds before the final bell would ring and they'd be late for class. He stopped her then, turning to her slowly and bending down. His lips brushed softly against her cheek en route to her ear.
"That might possibly be the nicest, sweetest, and sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me," he whispered, his hand caressing the side of her neck. He stole another quick kiss. Abby felt her entire face blush and the bell rang.
"Later?" He looked at her, his green eyes on fire.
"Later."
Pacey felt her eyes on him as he ran through the hall and into his classroom.
"Pacey? Are you still talking to me, or are you just too completely livid over my incredible ineptitude?" Dawson stood next to Pacey's locker, a pleading look on his face.
Pacey took a very deep breath and exhaled dramatically, crinkling his nose and rolling his eyes at his friend.
"Apologize more," he said, deadpan.
"What?" Dawson's mouth hung about an inch from the floor.
Pacey's face creeped slowly into a wide grin, he was really just too happy to be mad at anything right now. Not even Dawson for getting him busted and grounded.
"Eh... I'll get over it, you know I can't stay mad at you for long."
"How long are you grounded for?" Dawson asked, wincing.
"He didn't say... you know how that bastard operates, he'll milk this for as long as he can stand seeing me around the house. I give it two or three weeks, tops."
"I'm sorry, man... By the way, have you seen Andie yet? She's been searching for you non-stop."
"Hope. I've been avoiding her like the plague. I'm gonna have to talk to her eventually though... just hoping to put it off as long as possible."
Dawson's eyes fell on Pacey's forearm, which he'd been absently scratching. "Whoa! What happened to you?"
"Poison Ivy. Nice, huh?"
"How'd you manage that?" he said, laughing while surveying the damage.
"How about a little sympathy, D. You've no concept how much this itches. I swear, I've used half a bottle of this junk and I'm still ready to pull off all of my skin."
Pacey pulled the bottle of Calamine out of his knapsack, squirting some out into his hand and slathering it on his arms. Looking past his friends shoulder, his eyes locked onto Abby exiting a classroom a few feet away. She turned and their eyes met for a split second, Pacey gave her a small smile. When Dawson tried to follow his gaze, he averted his eyes quickly. She looked at him uncomfortably and walked past them to her locker.
"You still haven't told me where you picked it up, Pace." Pacey said nothing, his mind obviously elsewhere. "Uh.. hello... Pacey?" Dawson waved his hand in front of Pacey's face.
He came to, feigning a smile at Dawson and pretending he'd heard the question. Inappropriately, he nodded his head, hoping that a yes would suffice. Dawson turned and looked in the direction that Pacey had been staring, expecting to see Andie coming in for the kill. He didn't.
"You in there?"
"Oh? Yeah... sorry, I was just thinking about... uh... something."
"What's up with you today? You're in such a daze. If I didn't know better, I'd be under the assumption that there was a woman involved. You have that same look on your face as you did in the video store when--" Dawson cut himself off mid-sentence, his eyes falling on Abby Morgan digging through her locker, an identical bottle of anti-itch ointment in her hand. It was Pacey's turn to follow his friend's eyes. Catching hers, he winked.
"Oh my god! Pacey Witter, you dog! Andie's grave isn't even cold yet and you're putting it to Abby? What's going on between you and... her? Dawson's last word came out tinged with more disdain and incredulousness than he'd probably intended, Pacey shot his head around, glaring.
"Dawson." he didn't feel like he should have to explain himself to anyone, generally preferring to keep his personal life exactly that. It was complicated, even he didn't really know how to put into words what had brought him to this point. Saved by the bell, Pacey grabbed his history book and took off for class.
"I'll talk to you about this later, alright Dawson?" he said, sauntering backwards towards Abby and the class that they shared.
That you will... that you will." Dawson stood, shaking his head in disbelief, watching as Pacey sort of caught up with Abby, tipping his head at her indicating the direction of their classroom.
She sat three rows behind him, her eyes focused on the back of his neck, the area where his hairline softly tapered off and met the the collar of his dark blue shirt. There was nothing that their instructor could say that could break her concentration. His voice droned through the classroom and she pretended to take notes, the pen sitting motionless on the notebook that sat before her.
"Nice rash, Abby. What's up? Pacey Witter give you some sort of sexual disease?" came the taunting voice of Julia Hall; a nobody, innocuous blonde who sat next to her. Abby wrinkled her nose at her and gave her the finger. He was right, with identical cases of Poison Ivy and mysterious absences, everyone's immediate assumption was that they'd spent the previous day rolling around in a patch of it together. And they weren't too far from the truth.
"Miss Morgan, can you tell us which American president opened up relations with Communist China?"
"Um...," she hadn't heard anything beyond her name, and even if she had, the answer wouldn't have come. Homework had been ignored the night before, set aside when she found that she couldn't fix her mind on anything other than Pacey. Her eyes widened as the teacher stared at her impatiently and she opened her mouth to speak. Pacey turned to her and she read his lips.
"Uh... President Nixon, sir?"
"Thank you, Miss Morgan"
"No. Thank you." The polite comment was really directed at Pacey, he winked at her and she bit her lower lip. The bell rang, cutting the teacher off in the midst of his next question, and the students began bustling out of the classroom on their way to lunch.
Abby shoved her notebook into her bag and began to follow suit, passing him as he remained in his seat. She didn't get very far, feeling a weight on her book bag as he pulled her slowly back to him, reeling her in like a caught fish.
"Where do you think you're going, Miss Morgan?"
"Locker. Cafeteria. Lunch." Snidely, she stood over him, her lips pursed holding back a smile.
"Oh, I see... playing hard to get. Your game is quite transparent to me, if you must know." His smoky, green eyes pierced into her, making her weak in the knees.
"Pacey, let me go eat lunch in peace, please. I'm hungry and tired and I want to take a brush to my legs. So please, just leave me be. Alright?" Confusion brought out intolerance, and she hadn't any idea what Pacey was trying to do to her. Where she had started out being sardonic simply to be cute, and in his words, to play hard to get; she found that she was genuinely irked. His attitude towards her in the hall had bothered her, and as much as she'd tried to let it go, she couldn't. He unconsciously made a face and slumped further into his chair.
They were alone in the classroom. Their instructor, paying little to no attention to them, had left and closed the door behind him. Abby turned towards it hesitantly, making her way out and secretly hoping that he would stop her again. When her hand reached for the doorknob, he shot out of his chair and called out her name. She looked back at him.
"What, Pacey?" Her voice was laden with annoyance.
"Can we talk about this, whatever this is?"
"Are you sure that you want to have this conversation now?" The ball was in her court and she didn't know precisely what she was feeling or how to verbalize what it was that ran through her. It made her hands sweat and heart pound in her ribcage, and at the same time, made her blood boil and her head throb. She sat down at a desk near the door; ready to speak, but having nothing to say.
"Abby, what's up with us? I don't get where your attitude is coming from right now." He looked genuinely hurt and concerned, the flirtatious demeanor from moments before dissipated as quickly as it had appeared. It was this hot and cold thing that he could turn on and off like a faucet, that bothered her most.
"I don't know, Pacey. I just get this feeling that this isn't the way things are supposed to be, you know? Yesterday, well... it was great, better than great. I had such a fantastic time with you and you made me feel so," she paused, thinking about how they'd spent the day together without considering complications. "But now... there's too much stuff going on and I don't like it. I know that I'm just rebound anyway, a convenient distraction."
"Jesus Abby, you can't really believe that. I don't think of you as a distraction." He reached out to touch her, but she pulled away.
"You say that now, but watch. I saw the way that you acted with Dawson before class, and I don't like the way that that made me feel. I don't think that I can deal with you pretending that there's nothing between us when you're with your friends. I'm better than that. I won't be your Saturday night special, I deserve more."
Pacey closed in on her, kneeling down so he could look into her eyes. He knew that he'd been an idiot in the hall, and he wanted to be able to redeem himself somehow, if it was even possible. He also was starting to find this exchange exhausting. Are all women this demanding? he thought to himself, stifling a small smile.
You're right, Abby. You do deserve better than that, I don't know what to say for myself except that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you feel bad." He sat on the floor at her feet, leaning against the leg of the desk behind him. Y'know Abby, I'm the worst authority on relationships, everyone that I've been involved in up to now has been a complete disaster. So cut me a break, alright?"
The slightly angry tone of his voice, coupled with how obviously he was trying to smooth things out between them, gave her a weird sense of hope.
"Up to now?" she said, tilting her head coyly.
"Yeah... well... unless you don't even want to make a go of this, then I'm on strike three..." He placed his upturned palm on her knee, looking from her to it until she finally put her hand in his. He leaned in to kiss her as the door opened.
His lips had barely touched hers when they heard his name spoken softly from the doorway. Andie stood there, one hand clutching the knob, the other covering her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes. Pacey receded from Abby slowly, weighing all of his options carefully and leaning back against the desk. His face turned white as a ghost.
"You callous, selfish, fucking bastard." Andie said each word slowly and deliberately while Pacey sat staring at her, saying nothing. There was absolutely nothing left to say. He felt awful. She turned away from them and ran from the room. Abby and he remained uncomfortably silent as they listened to her pounding footsteps decrescendo as she got further away from them.
His mind swam in a mixture of regret and relief. Although he would have preferred that this go a bit differently, Andie really didn't need to see he and Abby together so soon; he was strangely relieved that everything was now out in the open.
"I'm sorry, Pacey," Abby finally said.
"Why are you sorry? Abby, it was her bad timing, not ours. You should almost be happy, everything that I've been trying to avoid has just collided into us like a Mac truck."
He hadn't intended for his voice to be laced with such vitriol, and he quickly apologized.
"Pace, you know what? You're right. selfishly, I'm glad that we can forget about sneaking around and all of that crap, but I didn't want this to play out this way. I don't care about Andie, but I know that you didn't want her to be hurt by us, and she is. And I'm sorry about that. If I wasn't, that would be too screwed up, even for me."
Abby slid down to the floor, turning and sitting between his legs, her back to his chest; she wanted to be close to him. He rested his chin on her shoulder and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"I'm sorry, Abby," he said, bringing his arms around her. "This sucks."
"Yeah, well... maybe it's better to go through all the tough stuff now, at the beginning rather than later." She tilted her head back and looked up at him. "What's that saying? Whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger."
Pacey smiled sweetly at her, sliding his hand up her chest and lifting her face to his. He kissed her, his tongue lightly licking at her lips.
"I like your thinking, Miss Morgan," he said into her mouth as she deepened their kiss.
To be continued...
Let me know what you think by writing to me at pilar@chickmail.com. Thanks for reading!