2/2001-
Anniversary
S. Hempel (AKA Lyme BloodTalon)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Farscape. A bunch of really creative people do. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while.
All of my fiction is available at http://www.crosswinds.net/~lyme/ in the section titled 'Farscape Dren'.
RATING: PG
CATEGORY: Uhm, drama, I guess.
SPOILERS: Everything up through DMD
SUMMARY: Zhaan reflects on the events of the cycle following the events in DMD.
ARCHIVING: If you have something of mine already, take it. If not, email and ask.
FEEDBACK: lymebt@airmail.net
NOTE: Muses are funny things. Mine made me write this out, longhand, over the course of four days. Anniversaries are funny things, too. In fact, this fic was partially the result of my second anniversary of being admitted to the booby hatch. As a result, it is quite dark.
~~~
Today marks one cycle since Aeryn Sun and John Crichton died. One cycle since our family began to disintegrate. It has not been an easy cycle for us.
Stark and I are the only remaining members of Moya's crew – except for Pilot, of course. Though my heart still occasionally aches for Delvia, I know my place is here. I was entrusted by the Builders to care for Moya, and I will not let them down. Goddess knows that I have misdeeds in my past to pay for, and I will not add another to the list.
The others have all left monens ago. We never really realized how Crichton was the binding that held us together, not until he was gone from us. I remember now how many times he had stopped us all when we were at each others' throats, nearly three cycles ago. That was back before the Uncharted Territories had corrupted his innocence and turned him into a harder, bitter man. Without him, we began to drift apart.
Crais had left a few short arns after Aeryn's funeral. He had contacted us, leaving a short message: Moya was healing. His assistance was no longer needed, and he had no other reason to stay.
A few microts later, Talyn initiated starburst – ignoring Moya's pleas for him to stay. For the past cycle, we have not seen Crais nor Talyn. Occasionally, we would inquire after him on commerce planets, but there had been no sign of a Peacekeeper with a strange Leviathan ship. I hope that wherever they may be, Crais is not mistreating Talyn.
Now I think that if Talyn had been with us when the Peacekeepers arrived, we may have been able to detect their presence before Crichton was beyond saving. But perhaps nothing would have prevented what was to happen.
It had been arns before we realized that something was wrong. We had left Crichton alone in the hands of the Diagnosan, as he had requested, and returned to Moya. When neither the Diagnosan or his assistant had contacted us, we had all returned to the planet. The devastation we found was horrifying.
Cryopods had been overturned, disturbed, and broken open. One of the worst defiled cryopods had been Aeryn's – the glass had been shattered, and D'Argo's Qualta blade and Rygel's royal seal had been stolen. However, Aeryn's body was the worse – it had been mutilated beyond recognition.
Crichton had suffered more. When we found him, he was on death's door – beyond redemption. We soon determined that Scorpius had been responsible for the destruction – for the chip had been removed, and it was nowhere to be found. Crichton was still strapped to an operating table, the grey matter of his brain exposed to the open air. His arms were raw and bloody – an obvious testament to how hard he had struggled to free himself. He was unconscious when we arrived, and he never awoke again.
I am not sure what exactly killed John. An infection may have invaded his brain. He had not died of blood loss – there was far too little of it present. But I believe, now and even then, that he had simply given up hope and lost the will to live.
I do not believe that any of us had realized – until that moment – how much John had been relying on Aeryn. In the monens between the tragedy on the Royal Planet and Aeryn's death, we had all known that the two had been getting closer. Most of us had been quietly happy for them – after so much strife, John and Aeryn were no longer fighting their feelings.
I believe that removing Aeryn had caused John to die. His guilt and grief I cannot begin to imagine. Even now, I pray for his spirit – that it has found peace in the afterlife that eluded him while he lived.
All of the others – D'Argo, Chiana, Rygel, Stark and Jothee – waited while I attempted to save him. But there was nothing to be done – in two arns, he passed silently away.
We had not held a funeral on that planet for him, not like we had done for Aeryn. Through an almost unspoken consensus, we agreed to take both of their bodies back with us to Moya. The icy wasteland was no place to leave the bodies of our friends. Instead, we agreed that we would find a suitable planet – one that was beautiful and green – for Aeryn and John's bodies to rest.
Before we could break orbit, another ship approached. It was then that we learned that Rygel had arranged for transport from Grunchlk. Although we never saw Grunchlk again, he had kept his promise. The others were furious with Rygel's defection. I admit that I was as well. D'Argo accused him of being a coward. But now, I believe that Rygel was just dealing with his grief in a different way. Occasionally, we hear from Rygel. He has recently been attempting to raise a force to reclaim his throne.
We had traveled for weekans before finding a suitable planet for their graves. The ceremony we performed was simple and short. All of us were drained emotionally, and it showed. The second funeral was what finally ended any pretense of family. After that, we were strangers to one another.
Chiana and Jothee were the next to leave. She had been having trouble with D'Argo for some time – Chiana had occasionally spoken to me about it. Since Jothee had come aboard, D'Argo had become short in temper. The reunion with his son had not gone well – Jothee still harbored some bitterness because of his unfortunate life.
However, when they left, it was unexpected. One night, they simply slipped away in a transport pod – headed, most likely to the nearest commerce planet. Later, while searching Chiana's quarters, we found a note. It explained how she couldn't bear living on a ship with so many old memories. She missed John. She felt that her relationship with D'Argo was doomed – and she couldn't settle into the quiet farmer's life that he wanted. And then, there was her brother, Nerri. He'd never been far from her thoughts, not since she had discovered that he was still alive. And Chiana wanted to find her brother and help his cause.
Jothee left no notes for his father. His quarters had simply been cleared of his meager belongings.
D'Argo insisted, of course, that we search for them. And we did, for nearly a monen. D'Argo, Stark, and I searched every planet within range of a transport pod, but we never found them. It became evident that we would only find them if they wanted to be found – and they didn't. Chiana had spent cycles living off her wits on the streets, and Jothee had learned how to depend on only himself.
The loss of his son and Chiana left D'Argo a broken man. He spent much of his remaining time on Moya wandering her great corridors. Only a few monens ago, not quite half a cycle, he also left us.
The decision came suddenly, while we were replenishing our supplies on another commerce planet. We encountered a group of Ilonic soldiers who were on their way to battle. We learned that the war with the Scorvians had been intensifying – and the Ilonics were not doing well. Only Stark and I returned from that planet. D'Argo had accepted their offer to join them, and had left for the front.
And now this great Leviathan is nearly empty. Stark has been a great source of strength and comfort over the past cycle. We have spent much of our time in healing the wounds that Moya sustained when I was forced to burn her. Still, we have a long journey ahead of us. Moya has only recently regained the ability to starburst – and then, it is never for great distances.
We travel now mostly unscathed. Scorpius no longer has cause to pursue us – neither do the Scarrans or the Nebari. Our lives have become quiet and routine.
I have since returned to the Seek, and am slowly approaching the eleventh level. Stark has helped me to keep my center on the days when I feel it slip. He has been busy himself – even two cycles after being liberated from the Peacekeepers and the Aurora Chair, he still suffers from its effects. I believe that it has scarred him deeper than he has ever shown.
And now it is a cycle later. I cannot help but mourn the loss of friends who had become family. Sometimes, I look to the future with fear. What will we do now? There are so many unanswered questions for us, and there are no easy answers in sight.
One cycle.
I love and miss you all, my friends. I hope that you may find happiness, in this life and in what may come after.
END.