Unforgettable.
He would never forget the moment he set eyes on her. She was captivating in each and every way. But, he knew in his heart that the ship was always going to be her first priority, and that she would never be his until she knew that the ship was home. He also knew that when the ship did get home, he would be tried and imprisoned. After all, Starfleet helped to kill the rest of the Maquis, so he was the highest ranking (as far as ranks existed in the organisation) one left. He would almost certainly be made an example of. Thus, he held no hope for Kathryn ever to be his. She would forever be on a pedestal, and never in his arms. He hoped that when he came to explain this in his personal log that evening that it would make sense, and not feel so much like a betrayal as it did right now.
He didn't love Kellin as he did Kathryn, but this woman was also beautiful, even if it was in a very different way. She too was very clever, but knew about different things to that which Kathryn knew. So, although a very different woman, she was no less, a woman, and she was throwing herself at him. He was only human after all, and he needed, if only for a short time, to be told that he was needed, that he was... dare he hope? Loved. This was something that Kathryn could not give him, it was her weakness, as far as he was concerned.
His relationship with Kathryn was an uncertain one, and had been subjected to many setbacks. Whether the Borg, Hirogen, Q, take your pick, they had come through and had remained friends. There had once been a point where he thought that he might be more to Kathryn than just a friend, on a planet, where they had been stranded, and thought they would never be able to leave. But she had still not given up hope on leaving, she simply would not accept not being able to conquer this problem. He thought that she had gone insane, but she had been right not to loose faith, they had indeed been rescued. After this incident things were tense between them. He had to revert to calling her Captain again, rather than Kathryn, and once, when he made a mistake and called her Kathryn in a briefing, he thought she would march him straight down to the Brig! Instead, she just "defined" some more "parameters". Those are words he hopes never to hear again.
Chakotay realised then and there that if he could not be by Kathryn's side, even as just a friend or subordinate, then his life would be finished. He could not live a life that lonely, without the woman he loved, even if she could not return that love. She was after all his best friend too.
Kathryn looked across at the empty chair beside her, and sighed. She was careful not to make it obvious though, she did not want the crew seeing her so vulnerable. She missed her best friend already, and knew that at this very moment he was with her. Kellin. She seemed like a lovely woman, but also a mysterious one. She could not understand how Chakotay could ignore the danger of the situation. He was so innocent as far as love was concerned, and she did want him to have to deal with the pain of a broken heart. She knew about that. Her heart could nom longer be pieced back together, it was irreparably damaged, after everything she had been through. The last brake had been the worst though. The slow loss of Chakotay. She wanted to be able to give him the love and reassurance he needed, she wanted to be his lover, but she could not. Her first responsibility was to the crew of voyager. She had to get them home. The only problem was, she came closer everyday to telling Chakotay of her love for him. Someday soon she would lose the battle inside and tell him, but maybe not soon enough if Kellin got her claws in.
He would never forget the moment he set eyes on her. She was captivating in each and every way. But, he knew in his heart that the ship was always going to be her first priority, and that she would never be his until she knew that the ship was home. He also knew that when the ship did get home, he would be tried and imprisoned. After all, Starfleet helped to kill the rest of the Maquis, so he was the highest ranking (as far as ranks existed in the organisation) one left. He would almost certainly be made an example of. Thus, he held no hope for Kathryn ever to be his. She would forever be on a pedestal, and never in his arms. He hoped that when he came to explain this in his personal log that evening that it would make sense, and not feel so much like a betrayal as it did right now.
He didn't love Kellin as he did Kathryn, but this woman was also beautiful, even if it was in a very different way. She too was very clever, but knew about different things to that which Kathryn knew. So, although a very different woman, she was no less, a woman, and she was throwing herself at him. He was only human after all, and he needed, if only for a short time, to be told that he was needed, that he was... dare he hope? Loved. This was something that Kathryn could not give him, it was her weakness, as far as he was concerned.
His relationship with Kathryn was an uncertain one, and had been subjected to many setbacks. Whether the Borg, Hirogen, Q, take your pick, they had come through and had remained friends. There had once been a point where he thought that he might be more to Kathryn than just a friend, on a planet, where they had been stranded, and thought they would never be able to leave. But she had still not given up hope on leaving, she simply would not accept not being able to conquer this problem. He thought that she had gone insane, but she had been right not to loose faith, they had indeed been rescued. After this incident things were tense between them. He had to revert to calling her Captain again, rather than Kathryn, and once, when he made a mistake and called her Kathryn in a briefing, he thought she would march him straight down to the Brig! Instead, she just "defined" some more "parameters". Those are words he hopes never to hear again.
Chakotay realised then and there that if he could not be by Kathryn's side, even as just a friend or subordinate, then his life would be finished. He could not live a life that lonely, without the woman he loved, even if she could not return that love. She was after all his best friend too.
Kathryn looked across at the empty chair beside her, and sighed. She was careful not to make it obvious though, she did not want the crew seeing her so vulnerable. She missed her best friend already, and knew that at this very moment he was with her. Kellin. She seemed like a lovely woman, but also a mysterious one. She could not understand how Chakotay could ignore the danger of the situation. He was so innocent as far as love was concerned, and she did want him to have to deal with the pain of a broken heart. She knew about that. Her heart could nom longer be pieced back together, it was irreparably damaged, after everything she had been through. The last brake had been the worst though. The slow loss of Chakotay. She wanted to be able to give him the love and reassurance he needed, she wanted to be his lover, but she could not. Her first responsibility was to the crew of voyager. She had to get them home. The only problem was, she came closer everyday to telling Chakotay of her love for him. Someday soon she would lose the battle inside and tell him, but maybe not soon enough if Kellin got her claws in.