A MONKEES BRIDE
By St. Mathew
11/25/99-5/28/00
(G)
Cast:
Peter Tork/Farm Boy(Hero)
Valleri Cartwright(Heroine)
Prince Ronnie Farnsworth(Bad Guy)
Mike Nesmith (converted bad guy)
Micky Dolenz (converted bad guy)
Davy Jones (converted bad guy)
Count Renoldo(Bad assistant)
Miracle Mike (Mike Nesmith)
Phyllis (Miracle Mike's wife, in real life, too!)
Laboratory Slave (Micky Dolenz)
Guards (Various buff dudes)
Scene 1: Blackscreen:
Narrator: A long, long time ago in a galaxy...er..I mean, land far away, there lived a beautiful young girl named Valleri. She lived on a big farm out in the middle of nowhere, and her favorite pastime was riding horses.
CUT TO: Wide open spaces of grass; Valleri rides along on her silky, brown horse.
Narrator: She also loved to torture the farmboy that worked around there.
Valleri is walking her horse into the stable, where "Farmboy" is fixing a saddle holder.
Valleri: Farmboy?
He look's up, and we see that Farmboy is actually Davy Jones.
Valleri: Polish my horse's saddle, I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
Davy:(nodding) As you wish.
Valleri turn's on her heel, flipping her hair back as she walk's away.
Narrator: "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
Davy look's straight at the camera.
Davy:(pouting) Why can't I say something else for a change?
Nar: Because it's in the script, now keep going.
Davy mumbles something as he walk's off SR (Stage Right) to change for the next scene.
Scene 2: Davy is outside chopping wood; Valleri walks up with two buckets.
Valleri: Farmboy, fill these bucket's with water.
Davy looks up at her, not answering.
Valleri: Please?
Davy:(almost a whisper; nodding) As you wish.
Nar: It was that day that Valleri realized that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was "I love you".
Valleri stared at him a moment before leaving SL (Stage Left). Davy stares after her, then pick's up his axe.
Davy:(grumbling) I still think this would have been a good time to give me a more interresting line.....
Nar: Oh, would you be quiet!
Davy scowl's and walk's away SR.
Scene 3: Blackscreen:
Nar: Do to a certain number of irritating event's, the part of Farmboy will be played by Peter Tork, and Davy get's to be a stand in.
Davy's voice: Hey!
Nar: You had it comin', pal! Anyway, on with the story.....
Scene 4: Peter walk's into the small house from outside, his arm's loaded with firewood. Valleri is sweeping the floor, and she sees him come in, and when he start's toward's the door, she panic's.
Valleri: Farmboy?!
Peter stop's and turns to her; Valleri searches for an excuse, then she sees a pitcher hanging on a hook.
Valleri:(pointing) Fetch me that pitcher?
Nar: Of course, she could have easily reached the pitcher herself, but this way was more interresting because this was the day that she realized she truly loved him back.
Peter walks over and reaches for the pitcher, then hands it to her.
Valleri:(smiling) Thank you.
Peter smiles with his usual dimpled smile.
Peter: You're welcome, Valleri!
Just then, Davy enters in 60's jeans and t-shirt, arm's crossed.
Davy:(irritated) Oh, sure! As soon as I get removed, he say's something else!
Nar: Get outta the shot!
Scene 5: Blackscreen:
Nar: A couple of week's went by, and Valleri and Peter fell deeply in love. But Peter wanted to be able to provide for Valleri anything she ever needed, so they could live happily. So he decided to go to America and get a well paying job, then he'd send for her.
Five day's after he left, Valleri got a letter saying that his ship had been attacked by the Dread Pirate Babbitt, who never took captives alive, especially those who didn't pay their rent on time.
Peter's voice: Hey, it's not my fault! talk to Mike, he's the leader.
Un-identified voice: Yeah, you're just the dummy!
Peter's voice:(crying) I am not!
Nar: Enough! Anyway, like I was saying, Farmboy died, and Valleri spent the next five years in denial.
Valleri's voice: I'll never love again.
Scene 6: Million's on villigers are gathered in the townsquare.
Nar: Five years later, everyone was gethering in the townsquare to hear of Prince Ronnie Farnsworth's newfound bride-to-be.
A fanfare is heard and everything fall's quiet. Prince Ronnie Farnsworth step's out onto the balcony to address the people.
Ronnie:(clears throat) Hi! I'm the prince, as you may already know. In about a month or so is our country's 500th anniversary. On that night, I'm going to marry a lady who was once like you guy's. You wanna meet her?
Crowd:(as one) YES!
Ronnie: Good, because I was going to introduce her to you anyway. And now I present: Princess Valleri!
Another fanfare is heard, but quickly dies under a bombardment of fruit's and vegitables. Just then, Valleri walk's out onto the platform in a beautiful dress, and look's out over the crowd with sorrow-filled eye's.
Nar: Of course, none of this was Valleri's choice. Ronnie had the right as prince to choose whoever he wanted to be his wife, and she just happened to be in the right place (town) at the wrong time (when he was passing through). Dispite his reasureance that she would grow to love him, the only thing she liked to do now was ride her horse.
Scene 7: Valleri is riding through the wood's and spot's some lonely men just standing around, so she rides up to them.
Valleri: What the dickens are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?
There are three men: One tall, lengthy one with wavy black hair and a wool, green hat, a slightly shorter one with frizzy, curly hair, a really short one with straight brown hair, and some old fart with hardly any hair at all!
Mike(tall one with wool, green hat): We're lost.
Old Man: Is there a town or something near here?
Valleri: Are you out of your birds?! There isn't a single rest stop for miles!
Old Man:(grinning evilly) Then no one will hear you scream.
Valleri look's puzzled.
Valleri: Scream? Now why would I do that?
The four men look at each other, puzzled. This is not going the way they'd planned.
Micky(curly haired one): Well.....We're....kidnapping you....right guy's?
The other's nod, throwing in various "yeah"s and "Uh huh"s.
Davy(short one):(trying to sound tough, but failing) Come on, now. Don't make us hurt you.....
Valleri: HA! I'd like to see you try!
Davy looks at his friend's for backup. They all shrug, giving none. Davy sigh's frustratingly.
Davy:(aproaching her) Alright, you asked for it....
At this, Valleri jump's off her horse and strikes a Kung Fu position! Davy stops, but one swift kick in the face from Valleri and he's out like a light! Davy sit's up and faces the camera.
Davy: You would give me the charactor that get's beat up by a girl, do you just not like me or something?!
Nar: You wouldn't play the charactor I gave you!
Old Man: Can we just get on with this?
Nar: Fine, fine. So, anyway, they took the princess captive and-
Valleri: What!?! Are you serious!?! I just knocked the guy out for cryin' out loud!
Remembering this, Davy goes back into his unconcious position.
Nar: That's the way the story goes! If you didn't get kidnapped, then there wouldn't be any point in telling the story, would there?
Valleri:(sighes) Fine.
Nar: Ok, continue on.
Old Man: Alright, let's get'er on the boat and get the heck outta here.
Micky walk's up to help Valleri off her horse, but she pulls away.
Valleri:(snapping) I can do it myself!
Micky: If you say so.
Valleri get's off and follow's Micky, Mike, and the Old Man off SL. After a moment of silence, Davy sit's up, realizing that everyone is gone.
Davy: Hey! Wait for me!
He jumps to his feet and run's after them.
Scene 8: Mike, Micky, Davy, the Old Man, and Valleri are sitting around on a pirate ship, doing nothing.
Nar: And so, Valleri was kidnapped by a group of ruthless, amature pirates. The leader of the group, the Old Man, was planning on taking her to the country across the sea, which just happened to be an enemy of Prince Farnsworth's. He planned on killing her and leaving her there. That way, when she was found, the country would be blamed for it, and a war would start. Needless to say, that was exactly what he wanted, and that was exactly why Prince Farnsworth hired him to do it. He wanted to start a war and defeat the other country so that he could be known as the great, strong, and powerful Prince Farnsworth! Of course, the other three pirates knew nothing about this, they were just glad to have a steady job and who they thought was a good leader.
Man, next time you guy's can just have something written on the screen so I don't have to explain all this. Where's my water bottle?
Old Man: We should rest now. We'll need our strength when climbing the cliff's of Idiocy.
Micky: Um....Old guy?
Old Man: What?
Micky: You don't think anybody's following us, do you?
Old Man: No, why?
Micky: Well, I was just kinda lookin' around, when I saw that boat over there......
The old man goes over to where Micky is and looks. Half of the TITANIC can be seen bobbing helplessly in the water in the distance.
(Musical Score: My Heart Will Go On)
Old Man: Oh, I'm sure they wont give us any trouble.
Micky: Not that boat, THAT boat!
He points in the other direction and the Old Man sees a small ship.
Old Man: Probably just some fishers or somethin'.
Mike: Hey, wait!
Valleri is about to jump off the side of the boat, but Mike grabbes her and pull's her back in.
Nar: What are you doing? She's supposed to jump in this scene!
Mike: But those are eal infested waters, man!
Nar: Fine, let's just skip to the next scene.
Scene 9: Mike, Micky, Davy, Valleri, and the Old Man stand atop a very high cliff, where a rope dangles over the edge.
Nar: Once getting to the top of the cliff's of Idiocy, our group discovers that the small ship had been following them after all, and now the owner of the ship was climbing up the rope, hot on their trail. So the Old Man decides to have Micky stay behind and "Dispose of him".
Micky:(whining) But I don't wanna kill anybody.
Old Man: Trust me, it's for the best.
The Old Man, Mike, Davy, and Valleri make a hasty exit, leaving Micky to deal with the follower. He looks over the edge of the cliff, and sees that the man in getting closer. He starts to panic and paces back and fourth in the dirt, wringing his hand's.
Micky: Oh, man! What am I gonna do? I can't kill some innocent guy! But if I don't, then he'll kill me, that wont be good....
Micky continues to ramble like this for some time. Then he hears a noise and turns to see the man just starting to climb over the edge of the cliff. He is wearing black jeans, a black, short-sleeved t-shirt, and a black mask over his eye's, covered in the back by his blond hair. Micky runs to help him.
Micky: Here, lemme help.
Micky help's him up, and he gains his balance.
Man:(grinning) Thank you!
Micky: Yeah, sure.....(pause)......Um, are you sure you want to do this?
Man: Do what?
Micky: Ya know, fight and everything. I mean, I, for one, don't know why we should. Having no idea what's going on anyway, I see no reason to try and kill each other. Ya dig?
Man: Yeah, that sound's good to me. I accidently dropped my sword on the way up anyway.
Micky: Great! Listen, I have to use the John, so I'm gonna high tail it. I'm not on again for the next couple of scene's anyway.
Man: Ok, see ya later, Mick.
Micky exits SL. The man then turn's to the camera, lifting his mask, and we see that it's Peter(duh)!
Peter: Do I hafta wear this thing? It itches like crazy!
Nar: Peter! No one's supposed to know who you are yet!!
Un-identified voice: Like we couldn't already tell!
Nar: Shut up.
Peter:(on the verge of tears) I-I'm sorry......I mean, I didn't know......
Nar: It's ok, Peter. You only have to keep it on until you have to take it off.
Peter:(not confused at all; smiles) Oh, ok!
He walks off SR.
Different voice: Was that supposed to make sense?
Nar: No, Matt. I was putting it in logic that only Peter would understand.
Matt's voice: Oooohhhhh........
Scene 10: Peter is walking along the grassy hill's with his hand's in his pockets, humming merrily to himself.
Nar: So he continued on his way, hoping to find the rest of the group soon.
Suddenly, a Tarzan yell is heard, only with a slight British accent to it (if that's even possible) and Davy swing's past the camera on a makeshift (fake) vine. Then he swing's by again, and this time he let's go and lands in front of Peter.
Davy:(smiling) Hello!
Peter:(smiling) Hi! Hey, I thought you got cut out?
Davy: Oh, no. I wasn't cut out, they just changed my part.
Peter: Oh, am I supposed to fight you now?
Davy: I guess so, it's in the script.
Peter: Gosh, I hate to fight.
Davy: Yeah, me too.........You wanna just skip it?
Nar: But--
Peter: Yeah, let's do that.
Davy: Ok, I'm not on again for a while so I'm gonna go find Micky and see if we can't dig up somethin' t'do in the meantime.
Peter: All right, bye.
Davy exit's SL; Peter continues walking.
Scene 11: Peter is now walking among large stones and boulders.
Peter:(talking to himself) This place sure doesn't look too safe. Anybody could be hiding right behind one of these rocks.
Peter waves his arm's in gesture toward the rocks.
Mike:(coming out from behind a rock) Gosh darn it, Peter, you blew the secret! I'm supposed to jump out and scare you.
Peter: Gee, I'm sorry, Mike. (pause) Well, let's look at the bright side. Since I blew the scene, let's just skip the fight and--
Nar: Oh, no you don't!
Peter and Mike both look at the camera.
Peter: What?
Nar: You skipped the last two fight's! I'm not let'n you weasel your way outta this one, too!
Peter:(whining) Aw, c'mon! I don't wanna fight!
Mike: Yeah, he's still got the last guy to beat, ya know.
Nar: But that's supposed to be a battle of witt's.
Un-identified voice: Yeah, something he ain't got!
Peter's eye's fill with tears and he bites his lower lip to keep from crying.
Mike: Shut up!
Nar: Yeah, get outta here!
Mike put's an arm around Peter's shoulders.
Mike: It's ok, buddy. They don't know what they're talkin' about. You're a smart guy, and you know it.
Peter: *sniff* Really?
Mike: Yeah, really.
Peter: Well, ok. If you say so, Mike.
Mike: I do say so.
Nar: You know what, Peter? You can just skip this scene, ok? It doesn't matter that much. Beside's, there's still the prince to beat.
Peter: *sniff* Are you sure?
Nar: Yeah, don't worry about it, let's do the next scene.
Peter: *sniff* Ok.
Scene 12: Blackscreen:
Nar: Peter later met up with the Old Man, and in a nutshell, beat him at his own game.
Peter's voice: I thought you were gonna have me act out the part?
Old Man's voice: Yeah, and what happen's to me!?
Nar: You die.
Old Man's voice: What!?!
Nar: Didn't you read the script?
Old Man's voice: No.
Nar: Well, you should have.
Peter's voice: But I don't want to kill anybody.
Nar: It's ok, Peter. He was asking for it.
Old Man's voice: I was?
Peter's voice: He was?
Nar: Yep. And beside's, you didn't really kill him, it's all just fake for the benefit of the audience.
Peter's voice: Oh, but that still doesn't make it right.
The Narrator smack's his/her forehead, groaning. (you're not supposed to know wether it's a girl or a boy yet).
Nar: Anyway, now Peter had finnaly reached princess Valleri, only she doesn't know it's Peter yet, so she just think's she's been kidnapped again by another pirate.
Scene 13: Peter and Valleri run across the set and stop SC (Stage Center).
Valleri: I know who you are. The fact that you're a jerk tell's it all. You're the Dread Pirate Babbitt, admit it!
Peter:(smiling) Ok. (he strikes a tough, handsome position; hands on hips) I am the Dread Pirate Babbitt!
Valleri lift's her nose and turns away from him.
Peter:(whining) Why are you so mean to me?
Valleri: Because you killed my boyfriend.
Peter: Oh....well......That would do it, I guess......(pause; he looks up) I did?
Matt's voice from offstage: He did?
Valleri: Yes, and by doing so, you ruined my life! I hate you!
Peter suddenly point's behind her, and she turn's to see Ronnie and his men in the distance.
Peter: Hey, look. It's your jerk fiance.
Valleri:(low to herself) Dang.....
Peter: I thought you wanted to be rescued?
Valleri: I do, but not by him. I'd rather die then go back with him.
Valleri turns to Peter, as if just then remembering her current situation.
Valleri: And you can die too for all I care!
She pushes him and, losing his balance, he roll's down the hill.
Peter:(yelling with difficulty) As you wish!
Valleri's eye's go wide.
Valleri: Oh, my dear Peter! What have I done!!
She tries to run after him, but stumbles and end's up rolling down the hill much like he did.
By St. Mathew
11/25/99-5/28/00
(G)
Cast:
Peter Tork/Farm Boy(Hero)
Valleri Cartwright(Heroine)
Prince Ronnie Farnsworth(Bad Guy)
Mike Nesmith (converted bad guy)
Micky Dolenz (converted bad guy)
Davy Jones (converted bad guy)
Count Renoldo(Bad assistant)
Miracle Mike (Mike Nesmith)
Phyllis (Miracle Mike's wife, in real life, too!)
Laboratory Slave (Micky Dolenz)
Guards (Various buff dudes)
Scene 1: Blackscreen:
Narrator: A long, long time ago in a galaxy...er..I mean, land far away, there lived a beautiful young girl named Valleri. She lived on a big farm out in the middle of nowhere, and her favorite pastime was riding horses.
CUT TO: Wide open spaces of grass; Valleri rides along on her silky, brown horse.
Narrator: She also loved to torture the farmboy that worked around there.
Valleri is walking her horse into the stable, where "Farmboy" is fixing a saddle holder.
Valleri: Farmboy?
He look's up, and we see that Farmboy is actually Davy Jones.
Valleri: Polish my horse's saddle, I want to see my face shining in it by morning.
Davy:(nodding) As you wish.
Valleri turn's on her heel, flipping her hair back as she walk's away.
Narrator: "As you wish" was all he ever said to her.
Davy look's straight at the camera.
Davy:(pouting) Why can't I say something else for a change?
Nar: Because it's in the script, now keep going.
Davy mumbles something as he walk's off SR (Stage Right) to change for the next scene.
Scene 2: Davy is outside chopping wood; Valleri walks up with two buckets.
Valleri: Farmboy, fill these bucket's with water.
Davy looks up at her, not answering.
Valleri: Please?
Davy:(almost a whisper; nodding) As you wish.
Nar: It was that day that Valleri realized that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was "I love you".
Valleri stared at him a moment before leaving SL (Stage Left). Davy stares after her, then pick's up his axe.
Davy:(grumbling) I still think this would have been a good time to give me a more interresting line.....
Nar: Oh, would you be quiet!
Davy scowl's and walk's away SR.
Scene 3: Blackscreen:
Nar: Do to a certain number of irritating event's, the part of Farmboy will be played by Peter Tork, and Davy get's to be a stand in.
Davy's voice: Hey!
Nar: You had it comin', pal! Anyway, on with the story.....
Scene 4: Peter walk's into the small house from outside, his arm's loaded with firewood. Valleri is sweeping the floor, and she sees him come in, and when he start's toward's the door, she panic's.
Valleri: Farmboy?!
Peter stop's and turns to her; Valleri searches for an excuse, then she sees a pitcher hanging on a hook.
Valleri:(pointing) Fetch me that pitcher?
Nar: Of course, she could have easily reached the pitcher herself, but this way was more interresting because this was the day that she realized she truly loved him back.
Peter walks over and reaches for the pitcher, then hands it to her.
Valleri:(smiling) Thank you.
Peter smiles with his usual dimpled smile.
Peter: You're welcome, Valleri!
Just then, Davy enters in 60's jeans and t-shirt, arm's crossed.
Davy:(irritated) Oh, sure! As soon as I get removed, he say's something else!
Nar: Get outta the shot!
Scene 5: Blackscreen:
Nar: A couple of week's went by, and Valleri and Peter fell deeply in love. But Peter wanted to be able to provide for Valleri anything she ever needed, so they could live happily. So he decided to go to America and get a well paying job, then he'd send for her.
Five day's after he left, Valleri got a letter saying that his ship had been attacked by the Dread Pirate Babbitt, who never took captives alive, especially those who didn't pay their rent on time.
Peter's voice: Hey, it's not my fault! talk to Mike, he's the leader.
Un-identified voice: Yeah, you're just the dummy!
Peter's voice:(crying) I am not!
Nar: Enough! Anyway, like I was saying, Farmboy died, and Valleri spent the next five years in denial.
Valleri's voice: I'll never love again.
Scene 6: Million's on villigers are gathered in the townsquare.
Nar: Five years later, everyone was gethering in the townsquare to hear of Prince Ronnie Farnsworth's newfound bride-to-be.
A fanfare is heard and everything fall's quiet. Prince Ronnie Farnsworth step's out onto the balcony to address the people.
Ronnie:(clears throat) Hi! I'm the prince, as you may already know. In about a month or so is our country's 500th anniversary. On that night, I'm going to marry a lady who was once like you guy's. You wanna meet her?
Crowd:(as one) YES!
Ronnie: Good, because I was going to introduce her to you anyway. And now I present: Princess Valleri!
Another fanfare is heard, but quickly dies under a bombardment of fruit's and vegitables. Just then, Valleri walk's out onto the platform in a beautiful dress, and look's out over the crowd with sorrow-filled eye's.
Nar: Of course, none of this was Valleri's choice. Ronnie had the right as prince to choose whoever he wanted to be his wife, and she just happened to be in the right place (town) at the wrong time (when he was passing through). Dispite his reasureance that she would grow to love him, the only thing she liked to do now was ride her horse.
Scene 7: Valleri is riding through the wood's and spot's some lonely men just standing around, so she rides up to them.
Valleri: What the dickens are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?
There are three men: One tall, lengthy one with wavy black hair and a wool, green hat, a slightly shorter one with frizzy, curly hair, a really short one with straight brown hair, and some old fart with hardly any hair at all!
Mike(tall one with wool, green hat): We're lost.
Old Man: Is there a town or something near here?
Valleri: Are you out of your birds?! There isn't a single rest stop for miles!
Old Man:(grinning evilly) Then no one will hear you scream.
Valleri look's puzzled.
Valleri: Scream? Now why would I do that?
The four men look at each other, puzzled. This is not going the way they'd planned.
Micky(curly haired one): Well.....We're....kidnapping you....right guy's?
The other's nod, throwing in various "yeah"s and "Uh huh"s.
Davy(short one):(trying to sound tough, but failing) Come on, now. Don't make us hurt you.....
Valleri: HA! I'd like to see you try!
Davy looks at his friend's for backup. They all shrug, giving none. Davy sigh's frustratingly.
Davy:(aproaching her) Alright, you asked for it....
At this, Valleri jump's off her horse and strikes a Kung Fu position! Davy stops, but one swift kick in the face from Valleri and he's out like a light! Davy sit's up and faces the camera.
Davy: You would give me the charactor that get's beat up by a girl, do you just not like me or something?!
Nar: You wouldn't play the charactor I gave you!
Old Man: Can we just get on with this?
Nar: Fine, fine. So, anyway, they took the princess captive and-
Valleri: What!?! Are you serious!?! I just knocked the guy out for cryin' out loud!
Remembering this, Davy goes back into his unconcious position.
Nar: That's the way the story goes! If you didn't get kidnapped, then there wouldn't be any point in telling the story, would there?
Valleri:(sighes) Fine.
Nar: Ok, continue on.
Old Man: Alright, let's get'er on the boat and get the heck outta here.
Micky walk's up to help Valleri off her horse, but she pulls away.
Valleri:(snapping) I can do it myself!
Micky: If you say so.
Valleri get's off and follow's Micky, Mike, and the Old Man off SL. After a moment of silence, Davy sit's up, realizing that everyone is gone.
Davy: Hey! Wait for me!
He jumps to his feet and run's after them.
Scene 8: Mike, Micky, Davy, the Old Man, and Valleri are sitting around on a pirate ship, doing nothing.
Nar: And so, Valleri was kidnapped by a group of ruthless, amature pirates. The leader of the group, the Old Man, was planning on taking her to the country across the sea, which just happened to be an enemy of Prince Farnsworth's. He planned on killing her and leaving her there. That way, when she was found, the country would be blamed for it, and a war would start. Needless to say, that was exactly what he wanted, and that was exactly why Prince Farnsworth hired him to do it. He wanted to start a war and defeat the other country so that he could be known as the great, strong, and powerful Prince Farnsworth! Of course, the other three pirates knew nothing about this, they were just glad to have a steady job and who they thought was a good leader.
Man, next time you guy's can just have something written on the screen so I don't have to explain all this. Where's my water bottle?
Old Man: We should rest now. We'll need our strength when climbing the cliff's of Idiocy.
Micky: Um....Old guy?
Old Man: What?
Micky: You don't think anybody's following us, do you?
Old Man: No, why?
Micky: Well, I was just kinda lookin' around, when I saw that boat over there......
The old man goes over to where Micky is and looks. Half of the TITANIC can be seen bobbing helplessly in the water in the distance.
(Musical Score: My Heart Will Go On)
Old Man: Oh, I'm sure they wont give us any trouble.
Micky: Not that boat, THAT boat!
He points in the other direction and the Old Man sees a small ship.
Old Man: Probably just some fishers or somethin'.
Mike: Hey, wait!
Valleri is about to jump off the side of the boat, but Mike grabbes her and pull's her back in.
Nar: What are you doing? She's supposed to jump in this scene!
Mike: But those are eal infested waters, man!
Nar: Fine, let's just skip to the next scene.
Scene 9: Mike, Micky, Davy, Valleri, and the Old Man stand atop a very high cliff, where a rope dangles over the edge.
Nar: Once getting to the top of the cliff's of Idiocy, our group discovers that the small ship had been following them after all, and now the owner of the ship was climbing up the rope, hot on their trail. So the Old Man decides to have Micky stay behind and "Dispose of him".
Micky:(whining) But I don't wanna kill anybody.
Old Man: Trust me, it's for the best.
The Old Man, Mike, Davy, and Valleri make a hasty exit, leaving Micky to deal with the follower. He looks over the edge of the cliff, and sees that the man in getting closer. He starts to panic and paces back and fourth in the dirt, wringing his hand's.
Micky: Oh, man! What am I gonna do? I can't kill some innocent guy! But if I don't, then he'll kill me, that wont be good....
Micky continues to ramble like this for some time. Then he hears a noise and turns to see the man just starting to climb over the edge of the cliff. He is wearing black jeans, a black, short-sleeved t-shirt, and a black mask over his eye's, covered in the back by his blond hair. Micky runs to help him.
Micky: Here, lemme help.
Micky help's him up, and he gains his balance.
Man:(grinning) Thank you!
Micky: Yeah, sure.....(pause)......Um, are you sure you want to do this?
Man: Do what?
Micky: Ya know, fight and everything. I mean, I, for one, don't know why we should. Having no idea what's going on anyway, I see no reason to try and kill each other. Ya dig?
Man: Yeah, that sound's good to me. I accidently dropped my sword on the way up anyway.
Micky: Great! Listen, I have to use the John, so I'm gonna high tail it. I'm not on again for the next couple of scene's anyway.
Man: Ok, see ya later, Mick.
Micky exits SL. The man then turn's to the camera, lifting his mask, and we see that it's Peter(duh)!
Peter: Do I hafta wear this thing? It itches like crazy!
Nar: Peter! No one's supposed to know who you are yet!!
Un-identified voice: Like we couldn't already tell!
Nar: Shut up.
Peter:(on the verge of tears) I-I'm sorry......I mean, I didn't know......
Nar: It's ok, Peter. You only have to keep it on until you have to take it off.
Peter:(not confused at all; smiles) Oh, ok!
He walks off SR.
Different voice: Was that supposed to make sense?
Nar: No, Matt. I was putting it in logic that only Peter would understand.
Matt's voice: Oooohhhhh........
Scene 10: Peter is walking along the grassy hill's with his hand's in his pockets, humming merrily to himself.
Nar: So he continued on his way, hoping to find the rest of the group soon.
Suddenly, a Tarzan yell is heard, only with a slight British accent to it (if that's even possible) and Davy swing's past the camera on a makeshift (fake) vine. Then he swing's by again, and this time he let's go and lands in front of Peter.
Davy:(smiling) Hello!
Peter:(smiling) Hi! Hey, I thought you got cut out?
Davy: Oh, no. I wasn't cut out, they just changed my part.
Peter: Oh, am I supposed to fight you now?
Davy: I guess so, it's in the script.
Peter: Gosh, I hate to fight.
Davy: Yeah, me too.........You wanna just skip it?
Nar: But--
Peter: Yeah, let's do that.
Davy: Ok, I'm not on again for a while so I'm gonna go find Micky and see if we can't dig up somethin' t'do in the meantime.
Peter: All right, bye.
Davy exit's SL; Peter continues walking.
Scene 11: Peter is now walking among large stones and boulders.
Peter:(talking to himself) This place sure doesn't look too safe. Anybody could be hiding right behind one of these rocks.
Peter waves his arm's in gesture toward the rocks.
Mike:(coming out from behind a rock) Gosh darn it, Peter, you blew the secret! I'm supposed to jump out and scare you.
Peter: Gee, I'm sorry, Mike. (pause) Well, let's look at the bright side. Since I blew the scene, let's just skip the fight and--
Nar: Oh, no you don't!
Peter and Mike both look at the camera.
Peter: What?
Nar: You skipped the last two fight's! I'm not let'n you weasel your way outta this one, too!
Peter:(whining) Aw, c'mon! I don't wanna fight!
Mike: Yeah, he's still got the last guy to beat, ya know.
Nar: But that's supposed to be a battle of witt's.
Un-identified voice: Yeah, something he ain't got!
Peter's eye's fill with tears and he bites his lower lip to keep from crying.
Mike: Shut up!
Nar: Yeah, get outta here!
Mike put's an arm around Peter's shoulders.
Mike: It's ok, buddy. They don't know what they're talkin' about. You're a smart guy, and you know it.
Peter: *sniff* Really?
Mike: Yeah, really.
Peter: Well, ok. If you say so, Mike.
Mike: I do say so.
Nar: You know what, Peter? You can just skip this scene, ok? It doesn't matter that much. Beside's, there's still the prince to beat.
Peter: *sniff* Are you sure?
Nar: Yeah, don't worry about it, let's do the next scene.
Peter: *sniff* Ok.
Scene 12: Blackscreen:
Nar: Peter later met up with the Old Man, and in a nutshell, beat him at his own game.
Peter's voice: I thought you were gonna have me act out the part?
Old Man's voice: Yeah, and what happen's to me!?
Nar: You die.
Old Man's voice: What!?!
Nar: Didn't you read the script?
Old Man's voice: No.
Nar: Well, you should have.
Peter's voice: But I don't want to kill anybody.
Nar: It's ok, Peter. He was asking for it.
Old Man's voice: I was?
Peter's voice: He was?
Nar: Yep. And beside's, you didn't really kill him, it's all just fake for the benefit of the audience.
Peter's voice: Oh, but that still doesn't make it right.
The Narrator smack's his/her forehead, groaning. (you're not supposed to know wether it's a girl or a boy yet).
Nar: Anyway, now Peter had finnaly reached princess Valleri, only she doesn't know it's Peter yet, so she just think's she's been kidnapped again by another pirate.
Scene 13: Peter and Valleri run across the set and stop SC (Stage Center).
Valleri: I know who you are. The fact that you're a jerk tell's it all. You're the Dread Pirate Babbitt, admit it!
Peter:(smiling) Ok. (he strikes a tough, handsome position; hands on hips) I am the Dread Pirate Babbitt!
Valleri lift's her nose and turns away from him.
Peter:(whining) Why are you so mean to me?
Valleri: Because you killed my boyfriend.
Peter: Oh....well......That would do it, I guess......(pause; he looks up) I did?
Matt's voice from offstage: He did?
Valleri: Yes, and by doing so, you ruined my life! I hate you!
Peter suddenly point's behind her, and she turn's to see Ronnie and his men in the distance.
Peter: Hey, look. It's your jerk fiance.
Valleri:(low to herself) Dang.....
Peter: I thought you wanted to be rescued?
Valleri: I do, but not by him. I'd rather die then go back with him.
Valleri turns to Peter, as if just then remembering her current situation.
Valleri: And you can die too for all I care!
She pushes him and, losing his balance, he roll's down the hill.
Peter:(yelling with difficulty) As you wish!
Valleri's eye's go wide.
Valleri: Oh, my dear Peter! What have I done!!
She tries to run after him, but stumbles and end's up rolling down the hill much like he did.