disclaimer: i WISH i owned them all, but i dont. and i have no money
so dont bother sueing anyway
The scene begins with Cloud and Tifa alone in the Highwind. Everyone
has just left to go find their purpose or whatever it was Cloud was
on about in his touching speech.
As soon as the last person has gone Cloud leaps over to Tifa and starts to
rip off her clothes. Tifa whacks him over the head and steps away
Tifa: Cloud! What, did you just get out of prison or something?
Cloud: O Tifa, please...please succumb to your desires...
Tifa: No Cloud, for the last time I will not have anal sex with you!
*Cloud pouts and walks away, leans over to pick up a tub of hair gel off
the floor.
Cloud: What on Earth?! Who the Hell has been using my hair gel! I swear,
if Yuffie and Vincent are using it for lubricant again, I'll...!
Tifa: lubricant? Hmmmmm, you know, Cloud, I HAVE been getting rather
curious about your little fantasy...
Cloud: My little Fantasy? You know I've thought about it for six
nights, so tonight would make it Anal Fantasy Seven...heheheh, geddit?
*However Tifa is too busy eyeing the hair gel in Cloud's hand, and runs
to push him to the floor....
***
Some days later the crew are back and everyone is happy, though Tifa is
feeling a little sore. They are about to embark on the journey to the
Northern Crater.
Cid: Let's blow this joint! Everyone loaded and ready?
Cloud: Heh, I'm ALWAYS loaded and ready!
Tifa turns red and looks away
Barrett: Geez, you jes fulla hormones, aintcha?
Vincent:...................
Cloud: Ask Tifa! So Barrett, how'd everything go in Midgar?
Barrett:........why you askin', foo'?!
Cloud: Simple conversation starter. But i see you're a little tempestuous
right now...so I'll ask someone else...
*As Cloud looks around the room he notices everyone trying to avoid his
gaze
Cloud: Alright, what is it? Do i have shit all over me again? I already
told ya's about my little compulsive fingerpainting problem,
can we leave it alone yet?
Vincent:....................
Tifa: Cloud, there's nothing on your face...
*Cloud continues to be ignored by everyone except Tifa who can't stop
looking at the brand-new tub of hair gel in his hands.
Cloud: What? *tries a direct approach: So, Yuffie, what'd you get up
to on your little holiday?
Yuffie: That is not your concern, sir...I mean, none of your damn
business, you spikey headed mental patient!
*Cloud shrugs and walks over to Nanaki: Where were YOU last night, hmmmm?
Nanaki: I... at....ummm, what was the question?
Cid: *snort* you dumb freak! He asked where you were!
*Cloud spins on Cid as evil murder mystery music plays in the background
Tifa: Stop calling him that, Cid! He's not a freak!
Cid: Then what is he? A dog? A cat? The mangy nitwits' tail is on fire
24 hours a day and he doesn't even notice! That's means he's either
stupid or a freak. I prefer freak.
*Cloud rolls his eyes: Look, if you all don't tell me where you've been
I will chop the genitals of every male in this room (Cid, Barrett, Cait
Sith and Nanaki all cover themselves with their hands by instinct.
Vincent just stands there. Yuffie goes to cover herself but realises she
isn't a guy and sighs with relief), and send you girls to Don Corneo!
Yuffie: Please sir, be so kind as to refrain from mentioning that ghastly
name...I uhhhh, I mean, For Gawd's sake Cloud shut the hell up before I
bash you!
Cloud: Then tell me what's going on!
Everyone: ....................
Cloud: I'll dock your pay
Cait Sith: Everyone's getting paid? What the HEll?
Vincent:..................
Cloud: I'll take your materia
Everyone: .......................
Cloud: No more Playstation.........
Everyone:...............
Vincent:..................
Cloud: I'll cut off the beer supply. You'll all have to face Sephiroth
sober!
Cid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's it, I cant' take it anymore! Money,
materia, video games, hell, even my wrinkly impotent little baby sized
dick is one thing Cloud, but there ain't no way you're taking away my
beer! I'll tell! I'll tell!
Everyone else but Cloud and Tifa: Yeah, we'll tell! Just don't harm
the beer!
Cloud, all smug: Fine. Barrett, you start.
Barrett: awright....it all happened in Kalm when i went ta see Marlene...
***
so dont bother sueing anyway
The scene begins with Cloud and Tifa alone in the Highwind. Everyone
has just left to go find their purpose or whatever it was Cloud was
on about in his touching speech.
As soon as the last person has gone Cloud leaps over to Tifa and starts to
rip off her clothes. Tifa whacks him over the head and steps away
Tifa: Cloud! What, did you just get out of prison or something?
Cloud: O Tifa, please...please succumb to your desires...
Tifa: No Cloud, for the last time I will not have anal sex with you!
*Cloud pouts and walks away, leans over to pick up a tub of hair gel off
the floor.
Cloud: What on Earth?! Who the Hell has been using my hair gel! I swear,
if Yuffie and Vincent are using it for lubricant again, I'll...!
Tifa: lubricant? Hmmmmm, you know, Cloud, I HAVE been getting rather
curious about your little fantasy...
Cloud: My little Fantasy? You know I've thought about it for six
nights, so tonight would make it Anal Fantasy Seven...heheheh, geddit?
*However Tifa is too busy eyeing the hair gel in Cloud's hand, and runs
to push him to the floor....
***
Some days later the crew are back and everyone is happy, though Tifa is
feeling a little sore. They are about to embark on the journey to the
Northern Crater.
Cid: Let's blow this joint! Everyone loaded and ready?
Cloud: Heh, I'm ALWAYS loaded and ready!
Tifa turns red and looks away
Barrett: Geez, you jes fulla hormones, aintcha?
Vincent:...................
Cloud: Ask Tifa! So Barrett, how'd everything go in Midgar?
Barrett:........why you askin', foo'?!
Cloud: Simple conversation starter. But i see you're a little tempestuous
right now...so I'll ask someone else...
*As Cloud looks around the room he notices everyone trying to avoid his
gaze
Cloud: Alright, what is it? Do i have shit all over me again? I already
told ya's about my little compulsive fingerpainting problem,
can we leave it alone yet?
Vincent:....................
Tifa: Cloud, there's nothing on your face...
*Cloud continues to be ignored by everyone except Tifa who can't stop
looking at the brand-new tub of hair gel in his hands.
Cloud: What? *tries a direct approach: So, Yuffie, what'd you get up
to on your little holiday?
Yuffie: That is not your concern, sir...I mean, none of your damn
business, you spikey headed mental patient!
*Cloud shrugs and walks over to Nanaki: Where were YOU last night, hmmmm?
Nanaki: I... at....ummm, what was the question?
Cid: *snort* you dumb freak! He asked where you were!
*Cloud spins on Cid as evil murder mystery music plays in the background
Tifa: Stop calling him that, Cid! He's not a freak!
Cid: Then what is he? A dog? A cat? The mangy nitwits' tail is on fire
24 hours a day and he doesn't even notice! That's means he's either
stupid or a freak. I prefer freak.
*Cloud rolls his eyes: Look, if you all don't tell me where you've been
I will chop the genitals of every male in this room (Cid, Barrett, Cait
Sith and Nanaki all cover themselves with their hands by instinct.
Vincent just stands there. Yuffie goes to cover herself but realises she
isn't a guy and sighs with relief), and send you girls to Don Corneo!
Yuffie: Please sir, be so kind as to refrain from mentioning that ghastly
name...I uhhhh, I mean, For Gawd's sake Cloud shut the hell up before I
bash you!
Cloud: Then tell me what's going on!
Everyone: ....................
Cloud: I'll dock your pay
Cait Sith: Everyone's getting paid? What the HEll?
Vincent:..................
Cloud: I'll take your materia
Everyone: .......................
Cloud: No more Playstation.........
Everyone:...............
Vincent:..................
Cloud: I'll cut off the beer supply. You'll all have to face Sephiroth
sober!
Cid: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! That's it, I cant' take it anymore! Money,
materia, video games, hell, even my wrinkly impotent little baby sized
dick is one thing Cloud, but there ain't no way you're taking away my
beer! I'll tell! I'll tell!
Everyone else but Cloud and Tifa: Yeah, we'll tell! Just don't harm
the beer!
Cloud, all smug: Fine. Barrett, you start.
Barrett: awright....it all happened in Kalm when i went ta see Marlene...
***