Disclaimer : All characters mentioned in this story belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I'm using them without permission. Please don't sue me.
Continuity: This takes place not long after the Ranma gets weak/Dragon
of Heaven story arc. (Ranma 1/2 Graphic Novel Vols. 11 & 12.)
Is That All I Am?
by Corina "Mako" Borsuk
I've got my strength back. I should be happy. I was at first. That first week after Happosai's Moxibustion technique was reversed was amazing. I think all I did was pulverize everything and anything in my path. I know Ucchan, Akane, and everybody else thought I was just showing off. And, I guess I was, but I didn't do it for the reasons they think. I wasn't trying to show off. I was proving to them and myself that Ranma Saotome was back.
After all, what am I but a super-strong martial artist who is cursed with being a girl part of the time? That's it. That's all I am. And, the girl thing was an accident. It isn't something I want. But, when it's gone -- someday it will be, I swear -- all I'll have is my strength.
Everything I have is because of that. I only have Shampoo's love because I beat her in combat. It's only because of my strength that the old lady bothers to teach me anything. It's only because of my strength that the old pervert gets on my case. If I hadn't been able to beat Ryoga all those years back, he wouldn't be my enemy or my friend. I think, sometimes, that people are only my friend because they're either afraid of or impressed by my strength. What does that say about me, huh? What does it say that I have nothing if I'm not strong?
If I wasn't strong, I wouldn't be engaged to Akane. Mr. Tendo wouldn't need me to take over the dojo if it wasn't for my strength. Akane's a good martial artist, not as good as me, but good enough to take over the dojo. If I wasn't so strong, she'd be the best choice.
And, Akane? She doesn't need me, couldn't possibly want me if I lose my strength for good. She as much as proved that on the day I got my strength back. I remember everything about that moment. I remember the hope I felt when she told me, "You don't have to leave. You don't have to be strong. You have so many other qualities." I should have stopped there, been happy with that. But no, I had to ask her to tell me what they were. I had to be stupid enough to hope that she could find something good and worthwhile about me when I couldn't.
"You just don't have to be strong, okay?!" she said. That's it, and it hurt. It was like she'd sucker punched me in the gut.
I retaliated in the only way I knew how, with angry words. "Would it have killed you to come up with one!?" It was an accusation against her for not finding something else besides my martial arts abilities to love and against me for not having anything else, not being anything else.
She risked her life so I could get my strength back. Was it because she loved me or because that's the only thing about me to love? I know she doesn't need me. She's smarter than me and popular, too. Heck, before I scared them off, she had more guys after her than I ever had girls after me. The only things I could ever offer her were my protection and a challenge. Without my strength, I can't offer either.
I hear the door slide open behind me, and I sense Akane's presence. I can't let her see me like this. That's the one lesson I really learned from Pop. A real man never let's on that he's hurting. A real man never shows weakness. So, I keep my back to her as she speaks.
"Ranma, dinner's ready."
"Be there in a minute," I mumble. I need some time to get myself back together.
"Are you feeling okay? You're usually the first one at the table when dinner's ready."
"I'm fine, so just go."
"Well, excuse me for worrying!" I hear the tone of her voice shift from concern to anger. I know it's my fault. It usually is, and this time I don't care. I'm angry, too.
"Nobody asked you to worry! Besides, nobody cares what a tomboy like you thinks!"
"Fine then, it's not like I care about you anyway!" I hear her shout as she stomps away. No, there's no reason to care about me. I'm nothing. I'll never be anything but a martial artist. That's all I am. I used to think that was enough, until I met you, Akane. Now I know it'll never be enough.
The End