Disclaimer/Author's notes: Well, Pokémon belongs to Nintendo and "A Red, Red Rose" belongs to the descendants of Robert Burns. What else can I say? While this is poking fun at AAML, it's not offensive to people that like the pairing. ^_^() My apologies for the repost, but I'm doing a little spring cleaning on some of my older pieces.
With Apologies to Robert Burns
Ash sighed contentedly, leaning against a tree trunk. He glanced down and smiled fondly at the shining red hair that was currently covering the face of Misty- his new girlfriend- that now lay dozing with her head propped against his stomach. Pikachu was cuddled happily in Misty's lap. She was so pretty…
"Ash?" came the drowsy question.
"Yes?" he asked.
She half-opened one aqua eye. "I'm glad you're my boyfriend."
He smiled at her even wider. "Yeah, so'm I." It had taken all his courage and half of Pikachu's to ask her out, but the results had been worth it. He began to imagine their first date and what it would be like.
"Ash?" she asked again, sounding a little less sleepy.
"Yeah?" A little annoyed, Ash reluctantly stopped the fantasy.
"I love you."
His smile became goofy for a moment. "I love you too."
Both of them laid their heads back for a moment. Ash happily daydreamed about himself and Misty getting married, despite the fact that he was only ten years old and really supposed to hate girls for a while still.
"Ash?"
"Yeah?" How was he supposed to fantasize about her if she kept interrupting?
"I'm bored."
"What?" Ash's eyes shot open. He looked down to see her looking at him through half-lidded eyes.
"Do something romantic."
"Uh, like what?" Ash thought hard, but considering that they were in the middle of the ever-present forest they seemed doomed to spend eternity wandering through, he couldn't really come up with anything other than what they were doing.
Misty dug through her backpack, careful not to disturb Pikachu. "Read me one of these." She tossed a heavy leather-bound book behind her. Ash tried to catch it, but ended up with a slightly flattened face.
Shaking his head, he looked at it. "A book of romantic poetry?" He shrugged and began to page through it. "Hey, they spelled 'love' wrong."
"What is it?" she asked, putting her head back down and smiling happily.
"'O My Luve's Like a Red, Red Rose,'" Ash recited. "By Robert Burns."
"Robert Burns? I haven't read that one, but I love him! Read it," she requested, scrunching her nose up cutely with her eyes still closed. Grinning at the picture she made, Ash obediently began.
"O my Luve's like a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June:
O my Luve's like the melodie
That's sweetly play'd in tune."
He glanced down at her. "They spelled 'melody' wrong too."
Her expression didn't change. "Shut up and read."
"How do I do both at once?" he wondered, but complied anyway.
"As fair art thou, my bonnie lass,
So deep in luve am I: "
Ash paused to grin at her, and a faint blush spread across Misty's cheeks. "You know, I mean every word," he said tenderly. The blush grew and Ash continued.
"And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a' the seas gang dry:"
Misty's eyes shot open. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Ash looked up from the pages. "Huh?"
"You said you meant every word of this, right?" she asked, a dangerous edge in her voice.
"Well, yeah…" Ash scratched his head and had the disconcerting feeling of one who is digging his own grave.
"THEN HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ABOUT THE SEAS?"
Ash sweatdropped as he tried to calm down the screeching girl. "I don't even know what 'gang dry' means."
Misty sat up, looking furious. "It means when all the water dries up! If you loved me you wouldn't want my element gone!" She huffed angrily and crossed her arms. Pikachu was dislodged from its comfortable perch and hissed irritably at the world in general.
"Hey, hey, it's just the poem!" Ash soothed. "You wanted to hear this, didn't ya?"
"I didn't know it meant you'd want to kill my Pokémon!" she growled.
"I don't want to kill your Pokémon!" Ash sighed. "Look, do you want me to finish or not?"
She considered it. "Well, I suppose." She leaned back against his stomach, Pikachu curling back up into a ball of fur.
Ash sighed and tried to find his place.
"Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi' the sun;
I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o' life shall run."
"You're doing it again!"
"Doing what?" Ash was developing a migraine. "I think the guy's saying that he's gonna love this girl until he's dead and all this junk happens. What's wrong with that?"
"The seas aren't ever gonna dry up! They're the strongest, most powerful force in the world! So you shouldn't say such things, even as a metaphor!" Misty sniffed.
"I didn't write this!" Ash yelled, exasperated.
There was silence for a moment.
"Well, you know, water does dry up eventually…" Ash ventured.
"Oh, does it?" Misty purred in a dangerous tone. "Wanna find out?" In one fluid motion she got to her feet and pulled out Staryu's Pokéball.
"Eh heh heh…" Ash sweatdropped and began to back away slowly.
"And what's all this about rocks melting with the sun?" Brock asked suddenly, sticking his head down from the tree (where he had been spying on the two, of course).
Ash jumped. "AH! Brock!" He noticed Brock's hand edging towards his Pokéballs and began to look for an escape route.
"Now look here," Brock began to lecture, releasing Onix. "Rock-type Pokémon are very strong against fire-type, not to mention having some of the highest defense as well as offen –"
Misty cut him off. "Water-type Pokémon have great special stats, plus they're the cutest things ever!" She went starry-eyed for a moment but shook it off quickly and returned to glaring at her "boyfriend." "If you're gonna say bad things about water, then you'd better know what you're talking about. Staryu!" She threw the ball.
Ash looked from the still-lecturing Brock with Onix to the fuming Misty pointing him out to her Staryu. Pikachu, looking disgruntled at being disturbed for a second time, was busily tunneling into Ash's backpack in an attempt to pull out his sleeping bag. Ash was left with only one option, which he promptly took.
Turning away from the group in front of him, Ash ran like a scared Jolteon.
*******************************
Gary Oak was sitting in a fashionable coffee shop, sipping at a cup of tea. Staring out the window, he saw Ash run down the street faster than a Rapidash on pixie sticks. A few moments later, a redheaded girl and a tall, dark-haired boy also passed, waving and shouting something inaudible through the heavy glass. An Onix was slithering along right behind them with a Staryu perched on its head. The Staryu occasionally spritzed a bit of water at the fleeing figure.
"And fare thee weel, my only Luve!
And fare thee weel a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho' it were ten thousand mile," he quoted.
Gary took another sip of his tea and smirked. "Loser," he murmured.
~Owari