The past minutes had passed to quickly to register

Authors note: A word of thanks to Depeche Mode for borrowing the lyrics for 'Enjoy the Silence' for this story. It would mean a lot if you told me what you thought of it. Thanks a lot!

Enjoy the Silence

~phoenixstar

~~~

The past minutes had passed too quickly to register. The pounding of weary feet on busy walkways, the fierce screaming and pushing, the panic and fear; these sounds and emotions were all that remained of the short memories of their escape. Perhaps it was for the better that they could not remember, for one would think it would absolve their grief a little. Now, huddled inside a small suit were two bodies, both sitting stunned.

The view from the small window of the suit was a painful reminder of things too recent to understand. Debris floated about the empty void of space. It drifted aimlessly, stealing away all the evidence of a tragedy so great that it was destined to plague the memory of all. Human destruction had always been present, but the scale on which it occurred now was sick. It seemed perverse that a species would ever inflict such a fate upon its own members, but denial would serve no purpose.

She sat sobbing into her hands, body racked with raw emotion, shaking and convulsing violently. Tears were the only things that she could express her grief and sorrow with, but even this salty wet proof of the pain seemed mediocre. Words and coherent thoughts were beyond her in this moment, and so her body, in all its power was left to express the overflow of emotion as best it knew how.

He on the other hand, would seem disturbingly still was it not his nature. His very stature and expressions betrayed nothing of the turmoil with which his mind reeled. For him too the sense of loss was overwhelming, yet his body and mind, being so used to not needing emotions, was so unsure of how to deal with the flooding of them at this moment. So he sat perfectly still, eyes glued with a hazy pensiveness to a point which only he could see.

After a time, short to some, immeasurable to the pair locked away inside this drifting suit, her sobs subsided and she looked up. For the first time since she had seen the explosion, she saw and registered where she was and what had happened. The pain threatened to overtake her again, but she held it off with a shaky determination. Looking to her companion, she tried to speak, but her words came out, as no more than the most delicate of whispers that they would have been lost had the silence not been so deep. Her voice was uneven, breaking with suspended tears.

"Heero?"

Words like violence

Break the silence

Come crashing

Into my little world

Painful to me

Pierce right through me

Can't you understand?

Oh my little girl

Perhaps he was answering out of reflex or perhaps he had not the will nor want to answer her completely. He grunted meekly, not his usual, calm, indifferent reply, but an unsure, troubled grunt. He didn't turn to look at her. Perhaps he felt pressured by her, and the last of his self-preserving thoughts told him to not expose himself in this moment. He had told others to act on their emotions, and he had too a great number of times, but acting on ones' emotions and openly expressing them were two different things. Perhaps he was not ready for the latter, but whatever the reason his gaze was steady on some corner of space, so dark and lost, like they were in the moment.

She sighed into her hands, quietly understanding him, in a way that only she could. Taking this as the extent of a reply she could expect she continued. When she spoke her voice gave every indication of what was running through her heart and mind, yet she had a great deal of patience and so, with every word, her voice grew stronger.

"Do you think anyone else made it off alive?"

His back straightened at the question, like the hairs on a cat would stand up in anger, yet he was not angered but confused and at a loss for an answer. As much as he felt the need to comfort and find a perfect solution, this was beyond his reach. Almost all hope at this point was false and they both knew it. The answer and proof lay before them. The scattered remains of the place that was the hope to so many. The place where they worked, relaxed, played, loved, and grew. The pieces of metal, floating in a surreal and graceful way off into space was all that was left of their world. It was all that was left of them. It was only the purity and innocence of her nature that drove her to ask. She had to hope, for there was not other way.

Still studying his invisible point in space he replied, not sounding sure of his words, but trying not to douse any hopeful thoughts that she held.

"I should have to think there was… I would hate to think there wasn't."

She nodded in silent acceptance of what his careful words meant. She hugged her knees to herself tighter and rested her head on them, eyes blankly joining Heero's.

All I ever wanted

All I ever needed is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

Silence once again prevailed leaving each to a moment of thought. Relena sat perfectly still, face unknowingly mimicking that of her companion. The colony was gone, and no matter how she tried to deny it, the experience was all too real to forget. Oh, how she wanted to turn back and help the people make it to the ships in time, to try and talk them out of setting the bomb, to prevent them from terrorising a civilian area. Who would have thought after fighting for peace and tasting its sweetness that someone would start more fighting, and resort to blowing a whole colony, a whole world, right out of the sky. She had seen war. She was no stranger to it. As much as she might wish, life as a politician revolved around war and the memory of it. Those who fought, even now, constantly surrounded her. But never had she thought that they would do this. With one simple decision, one flick of a switch. Never would she have imagined that in one breath, with no more than five minutes warning, a being could so easily extinguish the lives of so many others.

She fought so fervently for total and absolute a state of peace that at this moment of desperation she was prepared to step up and fight all those who stood in the way. It was not her way, but emotions are such grand things. So unpredictable, so untamed and yet, beautiful in a savage way. What raw unharnessed power they must posses to make a devoted servant of peace feel the need to fight those who fight against it, to change a faithful pacifist into a weary rebel, hungry for revenge.

Vows are spoken

To be broken

Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless and forgettable

While Relena was stolen away into her own head, busy sorting through her emotions and thoughts, Heero was plagued by something of a similar yet distinctly different nature. Grief. They were both saddened and each sharply felt the impact of loss of life on such a grand scale as this, but he felt responsible. He had fought, and he had no wish to deny it nor with his fame could he. But now he was thinking about it from a soldier's point of view. He had fought for what he thought was right, for what he thought served the greater good.

Now it seemed different. Did they blow up the colony because they thought it was right? Did they kill so many for the greater good? Did they believe in their cause as adamantly as he had in his? If they did believe that in such an absolute way, he was no better than these terrorists. He had been just as blind and cruel, and intentionally or no, he was a murder of people and hope. He was the betrayer of the future.

Perhaps at this moment, in a way he had been denied all his life, he felt. He felt in a way so deeply that it crossed his mind that someone could die of feeling too much. It was feeling so strong that even his will and determination of iron could not dissuade his heart. And consciously or no, he decided to truly live by his emotions and he resolved to change and fight for that which he had unknowingly destroyed before. He would stand up for peace, through all its glories and struggles. He would fight for what he always had on a new battleground, the one without bloodshed and actions, but one of words and purity.

~~~

Silence stayed between them, but it was not stressed or uncomfortable to either. They just sat, side by side in the cramped cockpit, shoulders pressed roughly against each other, passing the time as each milled though endless swirls of thoughts.

Hours had passed and the air had become sticky and warm. The air was stale and heavy and breathing was becoming increasingly labouring. Their bodies were weary, both physically and emotionally. Relena leaned towards Heero, her body not having the strength or will to support itself. He in turn, without giving it second thought or questioning his actions, put his arm around her drawing her close. She lay like that, her head lying on his chest, listing to soothing beat of his heart and feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. He kept his am around her, unconsciously drawing her a little closer with each laboured breath, taking comfort in her being so close. He would never admit it to her, just as she never needed to hear it. They just lay together gazing out at the black void which so willingly swallowed life.

All I ever wanted

All I ever need is here in my arms

Words are very unnecessary

They can only do harm

They no longer measured time. They no longer cared whether or not they were rescued. They lay together peacefully, untroubled by anything other than their own thoughts. How ironic that the loss of so much, which could change two people so greatly, would succeed in bringing them closer together. They shared the understanding and that was enough to last them forever.

They watched the point on the horizon, invisible to all but them in that moment. They understood everything and yet nothing, but they saw the place of hope, in themselves and in each other.