EIDOLON
by Avalon (avalon99@telusplanet.net)
http://members.dencity.com/avalon_online
J/C, PG-13, 7/7
EIDOLON VII
Chakotay opened his eyes reluctantly. He hurt. All over. Pain shot through his shoulder like fire and the effects of his concussion were making themselves known in no uncertain terms. Nonetheless, he pulled himself into a sitting position and hastily turned to the woman beside him. With a hand that trembled slightly, he checked for a pulse, brushing her throat where several bruises were already forming -- bruises that matched the span of his fingers. The remorse that swept over him far outweighed the pain in his shoulder. He had done this to her...
At his touch, she stirred and groaned. Remorse turned to relief
within him. "Kathryn?"
Her eyes flickered open. "Chakotay?"
"Yes."
Janeway stared at him blankly for a moment, then stiffened as memory assailed her. The cave, the guardian...Eidolon... that awful moment when the alien had brushed her aside, slamming her into some dark corner of her mind. She shuddered, then took a deep breath. There was no trace of him in her mind...just the bitter echoes of something she would rather forget. She forced herself to relax. It was over. For a moment she allowed herself the luxury of staring into a pair of brown eyes that did not contain an unknown entity. Just...Chakotay. And a rather worn-looking Chakotay at the moment. She gave him a tiny smile.
"Is that really you?"
"Yes. Although I might ask you the same..."
Her smile faded. "Eidolon...is gone." Astonishment rippled through her as she realized that the overwhelming agony was gone as if it had never been, leaving only more mundane aches and pains from various parts of her body. She drew another deep breath, revelling in the ability to fill her lungs with oxygen. "And I seem to be cured. I guess the guardian had enough power after all." She glanced over her shoulder at the now-buried cave entrance. "What happened?"
Chakotay spoke wearily. "I think the computer self-destructed. Either that, or there wasn't enough power left to sustain its energy fields."
Janeway swallowed, a shadow crossing her face. "So what happened to Eidolon?"
"I don't know what the guardian did." Chakotay shook his head. "But he's gone."
"Like a bad dream. Or a nightmare." she muttered to herself, then turned away from the cave.
"Are you all right?" Chakotay's voice was laced with worry.
Janeway thought about it for a moment, then replied with a note of surprise: "Yes. I am. Are you?"
There were shadows in his eyes that hadn't been there before, she noticed. The few fleeting moments when Eidolon had been lodged in her mind had been enough to give her nightmares for weeks, she decided. So what must it be like for him? "Chakotay?" she asked softly.
He didn't pretend to misunderstand her, but met her gaze evenly. "I won't say it was...easy...having someone sift through my thoughts and memories...but I'll survive."
Compassion filled her. "Sometimes surviving isn't enough. If you want to...talk about it..."
A pained smile pulled at his lips. "Maybe later, Captain. Right now, we have more mundane concerns." He turned to look at their surroundings, wincing a little as he moved his shoulder.
Janeway's gaze sharpened as it fell on his injuries. "Your shoulder..." she said in sudden dismay. Her eyes met his, then dropped to the bruise forming on his jaw and the cuts over his left eye.
Without warning, Chakotay smiled, suddenly very pleased to be alive and in control of his body, despite its condition. The shadows in his eyes vanished. "Remind me never to make you angry, Captain," he continued. "Or to be prepared to duck, if I do."
She caught his mood and smiled back. "I will." The smile turned to a grimace as she stretched out a hand and eased herself on to one knee. It didn't hurt quite as much as she had expected. The headache that was pulsing through her temples increased in magnitude but she found she could ignore it if she moved carefully and tried not to blink. Or breathe. Chakotay lent her his right arm, and together they climbed to their feet. For a moment they stood clutching each other's arms, swaying slightly. Janeway looked up at her First Officer and a breath of laughter escaped her. "You look like hell, Commander."
"So do you, Captain."
"Flatterer." She stepped back, released him, and glanced around, shading her eyes. The orange sun had sank lower in the sky and no birds sailed through the empty sky. Janeway stood motionless for a moment, taking stock.
"Now what?" Chakotay asked. "Do we head back to the shuttle?"
She cast him a quick glance, her eyes going once more to the wound on his shoulder. "I don't think either of us is in any condition to repeat that hike, do you?" She turned aside and muttered to herself. "And the only way I'm crossing that ravine again is unconscious."
Chakotay heard her, but said nothing, a small smile crossing his face. Instead, hesitantly, he put a hand on her shoulder. She did not pull away. For a moment they stood facing the sinking sun as shadows lengthened across the rust-coloured ground.
* * *
Janeway had been adamant about not trusting the rock bridge over the ravine again, so instead they had gone deeper into the gorge, seeking water. After a walk that left them both breathless and reeling with exhaustion, they had found a small stream. Chakotay bent his efforts toward building a fire while Janeway struggled to rip a piece of material from the sleeve of her uniform. Finally, after a tug-of-war with the stubborn fabric that ended in success and more sore muscles, she turned to her First Officer.
"Take your shirt off."
"I think I need some more hair."
They both spoke at once, then paused. "Er...what?" Chakotay asked.
"I have to see to that wound. Take your shirt off. What did you say?"
He glanced at the wood he had gathered. "I said I think I need some more hair to get this started."
"What would you do if I were bald?" she asked, half-smiling.
"Freeze?"
Janeway's smile vanished as she watched him futilely rubbing two sticks together. "That can't be helping your shoulder," she said at last.
"No. But it beats freezing." He was right. There was a distinct chill in the air as the orange sun sank lower over the horizon. Janeway sighed.
"Here. Let me do that. You take your shirt off."
He paused then handed the sticks over. "Aye aye, Captain."
Janeway bent down awkwardly and took up where he had left off. After a moment she spoke. "Chakotay..."
"Yes?"
"When we get back to Voyager, I suggest we both take a basic survival course on the holodeck."
"Good idea." His voice was muffled as he dragged the Starfleet shirt over his head.
She ignored him, all her concentration focused on the tinder. After several moments, a small plume of smoke rose from the pile of dry twigs. It was working. Some more hasty rubbing, and a small but growing fire blazed before them. She added more twigs.
The fire was a cheerful beacon in the twilight when she at last looked up...and froze. Chakotay had removed his shirt and stood before her, the firelight reflecting on his chest. Her mouth suddenly went dry and her heart-rate suddenly soared. It was the sight of the phaser wound on his shoulder that was sending her emotions into a tailspin, she told herself. Honestly. Janeway swallowed deeply then stood, wincing a little at the pain in her ribs. Dragging her gaze away from his chest...his large, muscular chest...she reached for the piece of material, soaking it in the stream.
"Sit down."
He obeyed. Janeway took a deep breath, then bent over his injury, steadfastly ignoring the fact that her First Officer was sitting half-naked before her. She did not meet his gaze.
* * *
By the time Janeway had washed the wound and bound it as well as she could with yet another piece of fabric from her uniform, stars were beginning to twinkle in the cloudless sky. The twin moons hung low near the horizon and the temperature had dropped rapidly. Janeway shivered, then sat back.
"There. That's the best I can do. How does that feel?"
Chakotay flexed his arm experimentally, then gave her a half-smile. "Not bad."
"Good, because I don't have much uniform left to sacrifice."
He gave her an enigmatic look, then tested his arm again. "Nice field dressing. Are you sure you were never with the Maquis?"
"Do you think they would have taken me?" she asked whimsically.
"In a second. We always needed good pilots and people with basic medical skills."
She laughed out loud. "Pilots? You did see what I did to the shuttle, didn't you?"
"Yes. I was impressed."
"I crashed it."
"You also made it do things it was never designed to do. I haven't seen flying like that in a long time...if ever." There was an unmistakable flash of admiration in his eyes.
Suddenly uncomfortable, Janeway looked away. "I was... inspired. Here." She handed him his shirt then looked away. "Put that back on before you freeze."
He reached for it. As he did, his fingers brushed hers, and she shivered again. "Cold?" he asked as he struggled awkwardly to pull the shirt over his naked chest. Janeway steadfastly stared on a distant boulder.
"Um. No. I'm quite warm actually." Then she could have bitten her tongue. That did not come out the way she intended. She cast him a sideways glance and, for a moment, their eyes met and locked. She couldn't look away, couldn't blink...
"Kathryn."
'Oh no. Here it comes. Don't say anything, please,' she thought desperately at him. Hastily she scrambled to her feet, wincing inwardly as she put more weight on her injured leg than she should have. "I think the fire needs a little more wood..." She limped a pace away.
A hand on her arm stopped her, and she reluctantly looked back at him. "Kathryn," he said again, "I'm...sorry."
Janeway blinked. "About what?"
"About what happened. What Eidolon...what I did to you... I should..."
"You did nothing," she interrupted. "You are not responsible for anything that happened."
"I feel responsible."
Janeway closed her eyes for a moment, blotting out the pain on his face. But he continued remorselessly.
"I swore I would never hurt you and..."
She couldn't let him do this. Couldn't let him blame himself. Unconsciously, she twisted her arm in his grasp, her fingers sliding up to take his. She opened her eyes and met his gaze unflinchingly.
"Listen to me, Chakotay. What Eidolon did...and said... was not
your fault. It was no one's fault but Eidolon's. Stop blaming
yourself."
"I should have been able to stop him."
"You did stop him." Her voice strengthened. "You stopped him from killing me by the ravine and you bought me time in the cavern. And you stopped him from...letting me kill you. I...I haven't thanked you for that..."
"Kathryn..."
"No. Let me finish. I...have things to apologize for..."
"Whatever you did was self-defence..."
"It was..."
aneway broke off, and they stared at each other for a long moment. A faint smile formed on her lips. "Tell you what," she said with mock seriousness, "I'll forgive you for hitting me and trying to strangle me, if you forgive me for hitting you with a rock, and shooting you. We'll blame everything else on Eidolon and the crash. Deal?"
Chakotay paused for a long moment, staring intently into her eyes, then he too smiled. "Deal." He tightened his grip on her hand, then reluctantly released her. She moved away slightly and sank down by the fire. Chakotay remained where he was.
"I suppose it's not every First Officer who gets to deck his Captain on the bridge of a starship," he said lightly.
She cast him a warm look. "And Captains very seldom get to shoot their First Officers. I think there's some sort of regulation against it..."
He smiled and painfully levered himself up to move around the fire. He bent to toss another piece of wood into the flames then sat down beside her.
"Still," Janeway continued, "I think early on some of the crew were
taking bets as to how long it would take before we tried to kill each other."
Chakotay glanced at her. "Either that or how long it would be
before we...Um." He broke off and looked away.
"Before we...?" She stopped abruptly, feeling her cheeks suddenly flame hotter than the fire.
"Er...before we got home.," he said lamely. A long moment passed then he looked at her again. "Kathryn?"
"Yes?" It came out as a muffled squeak. Silently she cursed her voice and her flaming cheeks.
"How did you know it wasn't me?"
"Excuse me?" Surprise made her turn to him.
"On Voyager. How did you know it was Eidolon, and not me?"
"I'm...not sure." She frowned, trying to put her thoughts into some coherent order. "I...I've gotten to know you...better...over the last two years. You've been the best First Officer I could have asked for...and a good friend." She glanced away, then steadfastly returned her gaze, meeting his eyes. "You asked me how I knew it was Eidolon. I didn't. I just knew it wasn't you."
Chakotay looked at her for a long moment. "Thank you," he said softly. She smiled crookedly at him, then turned away to gaze pensively into the fire. A companionable silence fell between them.
* * *
Janeway was cold, and growing colder by the minute. Even the fire couldn't dispel the coolness of the desert night and she shivered surreptitiously. Chakotay glanced at her.
"Cold?" he asked again.
"A little."
He paused then edged closer to her, moving somewhat stiffly. After a moment's hesitation he placed his right arm around her shoulders. Janeway stiffened for a moment, then relaxed, leaning into his warmth. Neither of them spoke for a long while. The only sounds were the crackling of the flames and the faint murmur of the wind.
Finally Janeway broke the silence. "Who were the Shay'anari, do you think?"
"I'm not sure. They had to be a very advanced race. They built the guardian, exiled Eidolon to space..."
Janeway sighed and unconsciously leaned closer into his side. His grip tightened around her shoulders. "Eidolon. I wonder why he came here. Surely he must have known what would happen if he defied his exile..."
"I think...that he just wanted to go home."
Janeway looked up at her First Officer in surprise. He didn't meet her eyes, staring broodingly instead into the flames. At last he continued. "I couldn't read his thoughts and memories like he could mine, but there was a sensation -- a feeling -- of loneliness...and a desire to rejoin his people." His eyes met hers. "I think he was willing to risk anything...to go home again."
"Then he was right after all." Janeway spoke softly, almost to herself. Chakotay raised an eyebrow questioningly. "It seems we had more in common than I thought."
* * *
The away team from Voyager moved hurriedly over the rocky ground in the early dawn light. Tuvok lengthened his pace as the others struggled to keep up, phasers drawn. They rounded a corner together...and came to a sudden halt.
Janeway and Chakotay were asleep near the cooling ashes of their fire. Her head rested on his chest, one hand just below his communicator pin, while his right arm trailed loosely along her shoulders. Both looked dishevelled and exhausted. Paris and Kim exchanged a quick glance.
Tuvok stepped forward, his phaser ready. "Captain."
Janeway and Chakotay both jumped, coming suddenly awake. His arm tightened instinctively around her as she stared blankly up at her rescuers.
"Captain, move away from him."
She blinked, then memory returned in a rush. "No Tuvok." Her voice was hoarse and she coughed once. "It's okay. It's Commander Chakotay."
"Are you speaking under duress, Captain?"
Duress? No. Stress, exhaustion, and pain, maybe, but not duress. "No," she said aloud. "Commander Chakotay was...under the control of an alien force, but that alien is gone. Destroyed." She cast Tuvok an assertive look. "Put those away." She nodded toward their weapons.
The Vulcan stared at them impassively for a moment, then slowly lowered
the weapon. Paris and Kim followed suit.
Suddenly Janeway realized that she was still locked in a close
embrace with Chakotay. Hastily she pulled back...and almost fell
over. Every muscle had stiffened up during the night, and the pain
was almost as bad as it had been from the Gwari's poison. Almost.
Wincing, she brushed her hair back from her eyes as Chakotay removed his
arm from her shoulders. She glanced at him. He looked worse
than she felt -- if such a thing were possible. For a moment they
shared a private look then she was reaching a hand up to Tuvok, who pulled
her to her feet.
"Are you all right, Captain?"
Janeway suppressed a yelp as her leg protested at the sudden increase in weight and the pain in her ribs reached new heights. She bit back a retort. 'Careful Kathryn,' she thought, 'don't whimper in front of the Ensign.' She managed a smile for them. "Yes. I am now."
Beside her, Chakotay climbed to his feet, unaided. There was a brief moment of tension, then the Vulcan turned to him.
"Welcome back, Commander Chakotay."
"Thank you. It's good to be back."
Tuvok turned to Janeway. "The ship is in orbit. We can beam you both straight to sickbay."
She nodded. "How did you find us so quickly? I thought the repairs to Voyager would take much longer."
"The crew worked around the clock to repair the damage. Lieutenant Torres and her team never left Engineering."
For a moment Janeway felt an absurd desire to cry. Or to throw her arms around the Vulcan and hug him. As both would have made him equally uncomfortable, she refrained from either, contenting herself with a grateful smile.
Chakotay interrupted. "How much damage did the ship sustain?"
Tuvok glanced at him. "The damage was significant." He returned his attention to Janeway. "Captain. May I suggest we discuss this on Voyager? You and Commander Chakotay obviously require immediate medical attention."
Janeway bit back the rest of her questions and nodded. She glanced at Chakotay then moved into formation with the others as Tuvok reached for his communicator. "Yes," she said quietly, "We have a lot to talk about."
As the others moved to flank them, Janeway's eyes slid sideways to meet Chakotay's, which did not waver from hers. For a single heartbeat, they held each other's gaze, then, at the last moment, acting on some impulse she could not identify, the Captain reached out and took his hand, holding tightly to it. Together they disappeared into an electronic mist.
THE END OF "EIDOLON"
TO BE CONTINUED IN "SURVIVAL INSTINCT"